Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Cassie

Primrose Café was loud today. Chatter was everywhere, dishes clattering and people laughing, and with the unseasonably warm weather, the windows and the door were open to the sound of traffic along one of Port Andrea’s few busy roads, Robertson Avenue. The dense trees and flower beds lining the road did plenty to block the noise, but there was only so much it could, and between that and the smell of caramel and pastry inside the café, it was kind of a sensory overload.

“Ugh, it’s like a zoo in here,” Parker muttered, rubbing her forehead. I had to keep myself from holding her hand. We’d even done that a few times around the apartment lately—I’d just reach out and take her hand and she’d squeeze and keep holding it, and we’d stay sitting on the sofa or something without acknowledging the fact that in our casual fling, we were holding hands and peppering one another with small kisses. We’d even held hands on one of our recordings for the page, our third Q&A recording just yesterday, and I’d slipped my hand into hers just below the camera frame.

“Zoos are way more orderly than this,” I said.

“It’s like a zoo where all the animals broke free and got into that one zookeeper’s secret stash of cocaine.”

“What kind of zookeepers do you know?”

She looked around. “Look, the line’s longer than my list of grievances right now, and that’s saying something. Do me a favor and wait in line while I run to the bathroom.”

“Sure thing, Scruffy,” I laughed, checking to make sure no one was really looking at us before I took her hand for a quick, discreet squeeze. “I’ll just order what I think you’ll like.”

“Just don’t make it a green smoothie again,” she said, slipping off into the crowds towards the restrooms sign. I just stared after where she disappeared for a while, all but swooning while I lined up, and I lost track of time there until I heard someone jingling an armband at me.

“Hey, Cassie,” I heard Athena’s voice say, and I turned to where Parker’s friend Athena stood close by, wearing a suit and striped bowtie, jingling a little Express armband around her wrist. “How’s it going?”

“Hey,” I said, lighting up. “Oh my god. You’re in with the Express crowd. I literally cannot tell you how excited I am.”

She laughed. “Oh, Parker told me all about how much she hates when you use literally. Have you met my girlfriend, Jen?”

She gestured me to the woman with her, a slender and elegant-looking woman with loose curls of dark hair and rich brown eyes, wearing a black wrap dress, and she looked up from her phone to give me a polite smile. “Jennifer Allen. Call me Jennifer. It’s great to meet you,” she said, jingling an armband herself at me. “Athena just about forced this thing onto me, and now straight girls have been talking to us everywhere we go. Has Parker ever told you what a particular irony it is that she’d help organize a movement to make straight girls talk to you everywhere?”

I laughed awkwardly. Neither of them had any clue I was just as gay as Parker. “I guess when you put it that way, it’s not her usual scene,” I said. “It’s really nice to meet you. Parker’s told me all about you.”

“Really?” Jennifer arched one precise eyebrow. “Do I even want to know what she’s said?”

“Mostly that you really like Athena and you’re bad at showing it, but don’t tell her I told you that.”

Jennifer rolled her eyes, smiling to herself. “That little devil. I’ll remember that the next time she comes crawling to our condo looking for a place to hide from your morning miracles.”

“Order for Athena,” a barista called down the line, and Jennifer nudged Athena in the side.

“I’ll grab that and find a table,” she said.

“Don’t look at the label on mine, I don’t want you criticizing my taste again,” Athena called after her, before turning back to me. “You two doing all right? Express has been on fire lately.”

“Er… well, it all looks good from the outside, but we haven’t really made a lot of new sales, so money’s still a bit tight. But things are definitely looking up.”

“Well, keep it up. If you can convince Parker to wake up at five in the morning, you can do anything.”

I laughed nervously. “Hey, can I ask you for advice?”

“Oh, definitely.” Athena shoved her hands in her pockets. “I love feeling important. What’s up?”

I cleared my throat, and I dropped my voice to a mumble only for Athena. “Um… let’s say, hypothetically, that I were secretly a lesbian and Parker and I were secretly having a casual fling and, uh—hypothetically, you know—I were to be really falling for her. Hypothetically, what do you think I should do?”

She blinked. “Uh… Cassie, this isn’t hypothetical, is it?”

“Look, don’t think about it too much,” I sighed.

“Well, assuming it’s hypothetical, probably just stop hypothesizing.”

“That’d be a really cool option if it were an option.”

She gave me an odd smile. “That explains why Parker was willing to room with you. I thought it was strange she’d willingly live with a straight girl.”

I scrunched up my face. “Hold on. You’re the one who told me to go track her down to live with her.”

“Yeah… judging by the way you gazed at her, I was kind of already getting some vibes from you.”

I could have collapsed on the floor right then and there. “You’re kidding me. You knew?”

“I mean, I didn’t know, but I had a feeling, you know?”

I hung my head. “Ugh. I can’t afford to have people… you know. Find out. Am I that obvious?”

“Eh.” She shrugged. “You’re probably fine. You’d be surprised how oblivious straight people can be. So, uh…” She cleared her throat. “Well, for one, I can confidently say I have no idea why you would actively like Parker. I think that’s the mistake.”

I pouted. “She’s perfect in every possible way.”

“You’ve had it bad for a while, huh?”

I didn’t answer, just looking down at the floor.

“Look… Parker doesn’t let anyone in, is the only real problem.”

“Okay, but—” The line moved forwards, and I found myself the next to order. “Oh, crap. One second.”

I ordered a strawberry shortcake iced latte, extra-large, and I fought the urge to order Parker a green smoothie. I went for an espresso instead, I and paid with a big smile before I turned back to Athena, smile dropping.

“But, like… we do everything together, you know? We have our morning ritual together, we go out everywhere together, we flirt all the time and kiss and hold hands—”

“Hold on. Parker does what?”

“And when I got back from work just the other day she asked if I was out with any other girls and said she had to make sure I was staying faithful.”

“Christ, she’s the worst,” Athena sighed, rubbing her forehead.

“And, uh, we have a lot of… you know.”

“Right. I was figuring that part, and I really didn’t want to picture Parker like that.”

“It feels like we’re already together.”

She looked out the window. “Look, Parker’s about as transparent as a block of wood. But if you ask me, I’d bet you my whole secret stash of peanut butter crackers that she feels the same way about you, and just doesn’t know what to do about that, because she’s useless like that.”

“She is not useless. She’s perfect. In every possible way.”

She glanced around the café. “You’re the Express celebrity herself here, aren’t you? Do you really want to be talking about this kind of stuff here?”

“It’s crowded. No one’s noticing me.” I hunched my shoulders. “There’s no way she actually feels the same way—”

“Dude, she holds hands with you, kisses you, and tells you to stay faithful to her.”

I swallowed, feeling my face flush. “Um… maybe she just means it as a joke?”

“Look, Parker would be the one person in the world to actually do something that awful, but in this case, I’m pretty sure my buddy Occam and his razor have something to say about the situation.”

I looked down at my feet, feeling heat prickle across my cheeks. “I… I don’t know. She’s just so cool and detached and I don’t really know what I have to offer her, you know?”

“I mean…” She shrugged. “Love’s not exactly the bargaining table. You don’t fall for someone because they offer you something. It’s because you like the person they are and you enjoy the time you have together.”

Jennifer pushed back through the crowd, tapping Athena on the shoulder, and she jumped at the touch. “Athena, are you coming sometime this month, or what?”

“Hey, we’re having an important discussion,” Athena said. “Don’t interrupt me when I’m dispensing deep wisdom.”

“Says the one who got strawberry hot chocolate?”

Athena scrunched up her face. “I told you not to read the label!”

Jennifer rolled her eyes, smiling. “All right. I’ll sit down and have a nice conversation with myself.”

“I’ll be right there,” Athena laughed after her before she turned back to me. “Honestly. What’s wrong with a strawberry hot chocolate?”

“Nothing,” I said. “That sounds amazing. I should have gotten one.”

“Right?” Athena put her hands up. “Thank you. I need to keep you around to defend me.”

I laughed, but it trailed off as I let my gaze fall to the floor. “What am I supposed to do, Athena?”

She was quiet for a long while before she said, “The thing about Parker, well… she looks cool, but she’s skittish as a squirrel. Don’t rush anything. Let her come to terms with things at her own pace. And never, ever, ever make anything sound like pressure or obligation, or she’ll bail faster than you can say would rather be watching Gossip Girl.”

I chewed my cheek. “I know. I don’t want to pressure her. It’s just… I feel bad enjoying it all right now because I don’t know what’s going to happen. Can I be happy as if we were girlfriends?”

She shrugged. “Parker’s right about exactly one thing, and that’s in the way she lives in the moment in every little thing she does. Maybe just this once, follow her lead a little. It’ll end up wherever it ends up whether you enjoy it or not, so you might as well be happy in the moment. If things go south, would you find yourself wishing you’d enjoyed the moment less?”

“Well… I guess you’re right.” I sighed, dropping my head. “Thanks, Athena.”

“Sorry I don’t have an easy answer. But for what it’s worth… I think if you can get Parker to wake up at five in the morning, you can do anything. Including cracking a cynical little nut who thinks it’s funny to never be happy.”

“Ugh, who brought the world’s worst butch in here?” Parker’s voice said from behind me, and I jolted, whirling on my heel to where she came pushing through the crowd. Athena folded her arms.

“Aren’t we charming today,” she said. “I swear, you’re the meanest roommate I ever had. And that’s including Jen.”

“What are you two chatting about? I want the gossip.” Parker shoved her hands in her pockets, and I cleared my throat hard, looking back at Athena.

“Um—food,” I said. “Athena was talking about food.”

Parker snorted. “If I could die from a lack of surprise, I’d be spaghettified right now. What’d you get me?”

“Espresso.”

She arched her eyebrows. “That’s pretty boring, coming from Miss Rainbow Sparkle Unicorn.”

I bit down on a smile. “And… I might have gotten an extra-large iced strawberry cheesecake latte for us to share.”

Parker put her hands up. “If I could die from a lack of surprise, I’d be doubly spaghettified right now.”

But she did share, anyway. She took the espresso in two shots, setting the espresso demitasse down in the dish bus on our way back out of the café, and after I took a few sips of my massive latte with whipped cream and strawberry sprinkles on top, I handed it to Parker, who took a sip without blinking.

“That’s sweet,” she said, strolling along the multicolor brick-façade sidewalk down Robertson Avenue next to me, still holding the drink.

“Says miss white-mocha-with-caramel-drizzle-and-lavender-sugar.”

She grinned. “Never said it being sweet was a bad thing. I like sweet.”

I batted my eyelashes at her. “Is that why you like me?”

“Eh… you’re all right.”

I laughed, nudging her affectionately in the side. “Coming from you, that’s huge.”

“You were born getting ahead of yourself, Unicorn,” she said, but not without a smile, and I felt like I was walking on the clouds the whole way through our café tour, meeting three different managers at three different shops to talk Express branding at their locations.

Athena’s advice kept following me the whole trip through it and on the way back home, polishing off our massive iced latte and tossing it in the municipal trashcan on the corner into Amity Street, where instantly the atmosphere turned into birds singing in trees and people laughing and talking over silverware clattering at plaza tables. I didn’t have to rush anything. Parker could take all the time she needed, and wherever that led, I just wanted to enjoy the time until then.

And I definitely enjoyed it when we got up the stairs into our apartment, and Parker kicked the door shut behind us and turned me around, pinned me up against it, and rose onto her tiptoes to kiss me. I closed my eyes and breathed in the smell of pomegranate, listened to the sound of her slipping her coat off, felt her lips like silken fire against mine. She still tasted like espresso and strawberry, husky and sweet on the front of my tongue.

I groaned her name against her lips, and she pulled away. “Hold on,” she grunted, looking away. “Let me, uh, wash my hands before I put anything inside you.”

I bit my lip, suppressing a giggle. “That’s so responsible of you.”

“I’d feel bad if I fucked you so hard it actually broke your vagina.”

But it wasn’t long an interlude, and before I knew it, Parker’s lips were against mine again, walking me backwards to her bedroom. Our clothes fell in a path to the door, stripping out until I was tripping getting out of my panties before she shoved me onto the bed, and she climbed on top of me, kissing my neck while I arched my back against her.

“I swear,” she groaned, sliding down my body, kissing down my front, as I closed my eyes and melted into the sensation. “No matter what I do, I cannot get enough of having you like this.”

“There’s always more just for you whenever you want it,” I gasped out, feeling heat building between my legs as she kissed down my stomach. I squirmed against her, feeling myself throbbing already, and when she moved down and licked her way up my thigh, I let out a long, shaky curse.

“I know I told you it was a morning miracle, but I think it can make an early evening miracle, too.”

“What?” I cracked an eyelid looking down at her, and only found the ache between my legs building when I saw her between my thighs, resting her head against one of them. She grinned.

“Cowgirl.”

“Oh.” I felt heat race across my face. “Uh… which way?”

“Oh, I’m definitely looking to see you riding my strap,” she said, sliding down and dragging her tongue up through my folds. “Only polite to make sure you’re wet enough for it first, though.”

“Fuck—I’m already plenty wet,” I groaned, bucking my hips against her face. “Not—not that I’m telling you to stop. Jesus Christ, Parker.”

She grinned at me again, but she didn’t say anything this time, just burying her face back against me and working her tongue around my entrance again. When she moved up to suck lightly on my clit, I collapsed onto the bed, letting everything in the world melt away except for this feeling of me and her.

I could already feel an orgasm building in me, but before it went too long, she tugged me up onto my knees and pulled me into a deep, fiery kiss tinged with the taste of my own wetness. When we broke away from the kiss, me hot and sweaty already with heat pulsating through every part of me, she had a double-ended dildo in one hand, and I watched with thighs aching for her as she slid one end slowly into herself, closing her eyes and letting out a soft moan with the movement.

She fell onto her back and I slid on top of her in the same movement, her hands falling to my hips, positioning me above her. I took her strap in my hand, guiding the tip against my folds as I sank against her, and I heard myself moaning obscenely as I lowered onto her. I felt it spreading me deep inside, sliding slick with my wetness into me until it was like every inch of my being was filled with her, and I held there and just ground slowly against her hips. She closed her eyes, rolling her head back.

“Fuck, that’s good,” she growled.

I didn’t need any more confirmation than that. I pulled up and thrust back down onto her, and she moved her hips with me, matching my pace right from the outset. It built up into a fiery heat between both of us, riding up and down on her while she thrust her hips up to meet me, and when I dropped a hand to my clit, Parker did the same with hers.

I lasted about as long as if I hadn’t just come on her mouth this morning. It built up inside me, feeling her whole length plunging deep inside me with every motion, losing control of my fingers on my clit, and I gave in before long.

The orgasm rippled through me with explosive force. I hunched over her with one hand planted firmly on the sheets, gasping out a long string of fuck, Parker, fuck as I came so hard it felt like my whole body melted, and Parker wasn’t far behind—she arched her back against me and thrust her hips up into me, grinding against me as she tipped over the edge with me, looking for all the world as beautiful as a classic painting, lips parted, eyes squeezed shut, shoulders pressing back into the mattress. She only let out a single short, sharp cry before it crackled off, leaving her in a speechless state of bliss, before she and I crashed down right at the same time.

I breathed in hard, lying on top of her, feeling her arms holding tight around my back. She panted underneath me, her breath syncing up with mine. I didn’t lift off of her, savoring the feeling of my body still clenching tight around her through the aftershocks.

“You weren’t kidding,” I gasped, choking on my own breath. “Little… early evening miracle.”

“We’re not putting that one on Instagram, though.”

I laughed breathlessly. “Yeah. We’d have too many straight girls jealous we have better sex.”

“Yeah, that’s not exactly the problem I was picturing, but you aren’t wrong.”

I buried my face in her shoulder, and I chanted to myself, please, all the things you’re hiding, please don’t tell me it will make me wrong for falling for you.

Enjoy the moment, I reminded myself.

Just taking the next step forward.