Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Parker

“Say cheese,” Cass said, whipping out her phone with the practiced ease of someone who had taken a million selfies.

“You can’t make me.”

“I will give you that,” she said. “But I am asking very nicely, so you’ll do it for me, right?”

“You didn’t even say please.”

She glanced back at the massive glass wall behind us, teeming with life. Orca was one of those tourist-trap cafés I’d never bothered with, inside the Port Andrea Aquarium, with two enormous glass walls looking out into one of the exhibits, and one enormous wall of tacky fish-themed souvenirs labeled with exorbitant prices. The place around us was tittering with equal parts tourists and UPA sorority girls, and it was too early for me, so nothing the Unicorn Emperor did right now could make me smile.

When a fish swam up to the glass right near us, looking out at us, Cass looked like she’d just won the lottery. “Oh my god,” she said, her voice going too high. “Look at him! Parker, we’re taking a picture with this fish.”

“What? Why? I refuse—” but I didn’t get to refuse, because Cass had snapped the picture of the two of us against the glass with the fish looking right at the camera, and I sighed and at least looked at the camera for the next three pictures she snapped.

“Oh my god. Look at us. We’re so cute.” She thrust the phone in my face, and there we were, Cass towering over me and beaming like she couldn’t have been happier, and me looking at the camera like I was just waiting for death.

“Your followers will love it,” I sighed, and I wished I meant it sarcastically. No matter how much I tried to be a grouchy little gremlin over the past few weeks on her social page, it just made her legion of stans love me more. We’d gotten product to endorse shipped to our apartment addressed to both of us, and Cass had hounded me into wearing them for photoshoots.

Of course, not that I was complaining about free stuff. The loose brown jacket I had on right now had been a product for me to try on and endorse, and when Cass asked on our live what I thought about it, I’d just shrugged and said it was fine. According to the brand’s response, that was exactly the kind of endorsement from me that sold product.

“And… posted,” she said, lowering her phone. “You look really cute in this picture.”

“I look like I’m impatient because Death’s carriage is running late to pick me up.”

She laughed, elbowing me playfully. “That’s your whole brand, my little Grim Reaper. You look great. That jacket is so cute on you.”

“Order for Parker and Cassie,” the barista called out, and Cass thrust her phone into my hands and told me to find a spot as she hurried off to pick them up. I watched the phone explode with likes as I meandered to a table.

OMG you’re at Orca? I was there last week! It’s so good!

Look at the little fishy! Oh my god you two are the CUTEST!

Parker looks miserable LOL

I replied to that last one. God, am I ever. – P

And then that message was also exploding with likes by the time Unicorn sat back down across from me, putting our drinks down and sweeping her hair back over her shoulders. “Here we are,” she said, leaning in and smelling her drink. “One iced peppermint mocha with crushed peppermint candy and your boring espresso.”

I picked up my espresso demitasse and breathed in the sweet, pungent aroma. “I drink espresso for work,” I said. “And… you know, for caffeine, because somebody woke me up early on a Saturday.”

She beamed. “I have no idea who that was.”

“Very funny, Sidious.”

She rolled her eyes, smiling. “Look, if it makes you complain less about it, I’ll be in the towel when I wake you up, okay?”

I paused. “Okay, I’m listening. Just help yourself into my bedroom and climb onto the bed like that, and I promise you I’ll be awake.”

She pursed her lips, a deep flush spreading over her face, but she smiled through it. “Would that actually convince you to get out of bed, though? If I’m there in the bed like that?”

Cass had been surprising me the last few weeks with the way she flirted right back. I’d had my share of experiences with baby-gays before. They were awkwardly endearing, but ultimately kind of boring.

But then Sparkles here came in, bright red at my comments, but still firing shots back. With the rate it always escalated, I didn’t know how we hadn’t had sex yet. Was it always so hot when a girl got that flustered but still kept up?

“Maybe not,” I said, arching an eyebrow at her while I sipped the espresso. It tasted nasty, pungent and dark and way too bitter. We really needed to sell this place on a better machine. But somehow that wasn’t the first thought on my mind right now. “But there are other ways to make a little morning miracle.”

She bit her lip, tugging at her collar, shifting a little bit. I had enough experience to tell when a girl was trying not to get turned on. Was this overpriced tourist-trap café that advertised ocean-bubble tea for seven dollars the wrong place to get Cass worked up?

“So you are getting into morning miracles,” she said, her smile spreading wider.

“That really depends on the specifics. Trust me, I have nothing against certain kinds of morning activities.”

“Like… warrior pose, chair pose, gate pose…”

“I can list you several poses I like much better.”

She laughed. “Yeah? Like what?”

I held eye contact with her while I sipped the espresso, setting the demitasse down slowly before I said, “Cowgirl.”

Her blush blushed at that point, and she drew herself up straighter, mouth moving, looking like she was completely out of words, and I relished it while I picked the espresso back up and polished off the drink.

She would look really nice riding me, actually. Wet hair bouncing over bare shoulders…

But I found myself cockblocked—strap-on-blocked, I guess—by the absolute last voice I needed to hear right now.

“Well, if it isn’t Cassie,” said the awful voice of Gary Founders, and I went in a blink from turned on to ready to kill a man with my bare hands. “Your new best friend, Parker, too.”

Cassie must have still been in Christmas spirit, because she went from red to green in the face, clasping a hand over her mouth as she turned to where Gary was sauntering up to our table with the damn ocean-bubble tea in his hand. He’d shed the suit today, just wearing an ugly printed button-down with little coffee cups on it tucked into straight-dude khakis, one hand in his pocket as he strolled.

“Oh, look, it’s the absolute worst human being alive,” I said. “Let’s go, Cass. This table has turned into a biohazard.”

“Hey, not so fast.” Gary raised his bubble tea in what I think was supposed to be a placating gesture. “I wanted to say congrats to you two. Express has been tearing it up out there.”

“Thank you,” Cass said, her voice small. I waved her off.

“Don’t say thank you to six-foot-tall sacks of shit,” I said, looking Gary over. “Actually, I don’t think you quite make six feet, do you?”

Gary frowned. “You’re a sore sport in everything, aren’t you, Parker? I consider you guys friendly competition.”

“Well, I consider you a manifesto on all the reasons I don’t like men,” I said. “Not to mention, just like… majestically ugly. I think we could build a shrine around your face to commemorate just how awful a person can look. You’ll be making everyone else feel better about themselves. It’d be the best thing you’ve ever done for the human race.”

He sighed, shaking his head, before he turned to Cass. “I’ll just talk to the reasonable one here. Hey, Cassie. How’s it going?”

“Sorry,” I cut in, leaning to meet his eyes again. “Cass has taken a vow of silence when it comes to assholes.”

More importantly, her body language was a large-print book with audio accompaniment. She looked shellshocked, staring down into her lap with wide eyes—I wasn’t sure if she might have been disassociating. I didn’t want to leave a single opening for her to feel like she had to say a word.

“You look like you’ve been having fun working with Express,” Gary went on, ignoring me. “Your page has been pretty good, but it could still use some work.”

“Dude, read one sign,” I said. “Other than the one for overpriced blue bubble tea. Cass doesn’t want to talk to you. And butt out of her personal space.”

Gary shot me a look. “Cassie and I are personal friends who go way back. Why don’t you stay out of things you don’t understand, Parker?” And then just like that, he turned back into all sweetness and smiles facing Cass again. “I’ve been talking with my new executive associate, Tatiana Harris, and she’s a pretty smart girl when it comes to brand management. We decided we should collaborate with Express, just to show our goodwill. And Cassie, you can work with us on some features, to boost your exposure. We’ve planned a meeting for the thirtieth to talk it over—”

“I’ll buy you another, Cass,” I said, picking up her drink, popping the lid off, ice mixing with the whipped cream on top. “Sorry, Gary. I tripped.”

He looked over at me just in time for me to dash all twenty-six ounces of iced latte down his front, ice cubes clattering to the floor. He took in a sharp breath, hands going up, and the universe was kind, because with the way he flinched, he squeezed his tea hard enough the lid popped off and half of that sloshed down his front too, streaked in iridescent blue, whipped cream, and sticky milk. Cass whipped her head up, a hand over her mouth, and I jumped to my feet in that moment where Gary was still frozen and everyone in the café was looking at us.

“Whoops,” I said. “I spilled a little on myself, too. Come on, Cass. Let’s get back to the apartment so I can grab a shower.”

“Oh, uh,” she said, her voice small. I didn’t wait for her response, just taking her hand and tugging her back towards the entrance.

She didn’t say a word until we were back in the subway, the train doors closing behind us as I held onto a pole, Cass taking one of the handles from the ceiling and mumbling, “I can’t believe you did that.”

“I can. I’d do it again.”

She didn’t look up from her shoes as she said, “He was trying to offer us an olive branch. We could have just accepted the offer and worked with him, and Express would have been safer—”

“And have to work with Gary?” I snorted, stepping closer to her. The subway was quiet for a Saturday afternoon, but even quiet Saturdays were only so quiet—the seats were all full, and there was a hum of chatter around us. “I’d rather chop off my own hand. And trust me, I get good use out of those things.”

“His company is doing well, you know,” she said, her voice so small I had to strain to hear it. “That could have been our opportunity to make sure Express stays solvent. I know you did that for my sake.” She looked up finally, meeting my eyes, a haunted look in them, and if I hadn’t already been set on never going within five feet of Gary unless I had a knife shorter than five feet, that look in her eyes would have cemented it. “You didn’t need to do that for me.”

I put a hand on her arm. “Cass. I hate the guy. And even if I didn’t, I’m never going to make you work with the kind of douchebag who just waltzes up assuming you’ve already agreed to his meeting and tells you your schedule.” I paused. “Besides, did you see the look on his eyes when I threw the drink? I wish I’d asked you to snap a photo. I want to blow it up big and hang it on the wall.”

She pulled me into a hug, and I made a sound like someone stepped on a goose’s face, hands going up and not sure where to put them. She buried her face in my hair, and I looked around at the other passengers.

Andrean public transit was something else. One of many amazing things about it was the way everyone on it was a master of pretending they weren’t seeing weird things happening around them, completely in their own bubbles. Nobody even gave us a second look.

“That was the best thing I’ve ever seen,” Cass mumbled into my hair. “I can’t believe you actually did that.”

I was not touchy-feely, not unless it was naked touching and feeling, but Cass wasn’t bad. Even if she was Sparkly Unicorn Emperor. I put my hands on her back and gave her a quick squeeze. “I’d do it again,” I said. “In fact, give me a drink and put me in a room with him any time you like. I would love an opportunity to do it again.”

She was quiet for a long time before she gave me another squeeze. “Thank you, Parker.”

“Anytime. I mean it.” I paused. “Uh… you know everyone’s looking.”

“Hugs aren’t NSFW, Parker.”

Well, I’d gladly get NSFW with her, but just not… here. “Let’s stop at Westwind and grab a replacement drink and we can do one of those Q&A sessions you’re always bugging me to do.”

She laughed breathlessly. “You are so nice to me.”

“Ew. No, I’m not. Don’t say that.”

But I didn’t really mind this.

Especially if it came from dashing a drink over Gary Founders.