Chapter 10

10

"It really was sweet of Lila to watch the kids. They were so excited when they found out." Nervous excitement jumped in Stacey's stomach, and it wasn't because she'd seen how happy Vivian and Elijah were when she'd told them how they'd be spending their evening. It felt good to be with Dylan again. She'd rolled all the facts and worries around in her head about a million times, trying to come up with the ‘right' answer, and she'd decided that maybe her mother was right. She needed to think more with her heart than her head. There always had to be some risk for a reward, right?

"She was pretty happy about it, too," Dylan replied as he guided his Jeep onto a two-lane highway surrounded on both sides by scrubby pitch pine trees. "She doesn't have a lot of younger cousins out here, and all the time she spent in Boston was either with her mom or in school. It's a nice change of pace for her."

"I've worried a lot about how my kids will hold up, having to split their time between me and their father. Seeing how well Lila has turned out makes me feel a little hope for the future," she admitted as she took in the fresh air and the beautiful scenery. It was probably more than she should've said, but she couldn't take it back now. Wear the dress, put on the eyeliner, and say the crazy things on your mind.

"She's a strong young woman," Dylan replied proudly. "There have been a few moments that were more difficult for her than others, but knowing she has someone who loves her on either end of the trips back and forth has helped. I like to think it's all worked out okay, but you never really know when you're going through it."

Stacey sighed as she brushed a hank of hair from her face. She'd stopped coloring it after her accident, and those highlights she'd spent so much money on had quickly faded. The silver strands that'd poked through were now just as bright as her natural blonde. "Parenting is just a guessing game. I suppose a lot of life is. Even when you marry someone and have kids with them, you're just guessing that things will go okay."

He was momentarily distracted as a station wagon loaded with camping gear pulled out in front of them, slowing their progress. "I'm not sure it'd be healthy to do anything else. You can't exactly go into a relationship believing it's doomed to fail. You just have to make the best choices you can with the information you have at the time. Of course, looking back at my past, I'm not sure I did a good job making those choices."

"Me, neither. I guess that's what the younger parts of your life are for: making mistakes."

"What happened?"

She didn't have to ask him what he meant. She knew. Stacey looked at the stunning land around them. Geographically, they weren't all that far from where the previous phase of her life had taken place. In her heart, though, it felt like lightyears. "We got married right out of college. We decided to wait to have kids until we were more established in our careers and finances. You know, the practical thing. Or at least, that's what I did. I found out a few years ago that he had a child with another woman while we were together years and years ago, a kid who's now old enough to take a DNA test through the same website we did and find his dad."

Dylan sucked in a breath. "Ouch. That had to be a blow."

Stacey ran her tongue over her teeth. "At first, yeah. Our relationship was a bit distant since we both worked so much. I think that made it a bit easier. What about you?" She'd been pretty curious about what had happened in Dylan's past, though they hadn't known each other long enough for her to feel comfortable asking. Now, out there on Route 6, they'd reached some magical point where it felt okay.

"We were high school sweethearts. It was just young love, but as time went on, we really started to notice our differences," he explained. "The biggest one was that I wanted to stay here, but she wanted to go live in Boston. We stayed together a few more years when Lila came into the picture, trying to make it work out for her sake, but it only got worse. I think that's what's helped me feel better about Lila going back and forth. It's not always easy on a kid, but that's better for them than seeing their parents bicker all the time."

"I'm sure you're right," Stacey murmured. She studied Dylan's handsome profile against the landscape that flew by his window. As far as she could tell, he was a pretty great guy. She didn't have any reason to believe otherwise. Why would anyone want to leave this beautiful place and this beautiful man for the crowded city? That wasn't for her to say or know, and she'd certainly felt plenty of her own doubt when it came to Dylan.

"Here we are: Head of the Meadow Beach. I figured coming out here to the Atlantic side would be a bit of a change of pace for you." He pulled into the parking lot and then straight through the other side of it.

"What are you doing?" Stacey asked, alarmed.

He laughed as the Jeep's tires made easy work of the bumpy ground. "You can get a permit to drive the oversand ORV trails, but since I'm a ranger, I don't need one."

"ORV?" Stacey's nervousness came out as a laugh. She'd never done anything like this before!

"Off-Road Vehicles," Dylan explained. "It's a great way to take it all in."

"It's gorgeous." As she gripped the bars of the Jeep, she looked out over the crisp water. The sand beneath them was so incredibly fine and white. Long-legged birds trotted along the shoreline, calling to each other as they hunted for food. "It feels so different from the beach we have by our houses."

"That's one of the things I like so much about this place. Every few minutes, it changes a little. If you could magically transport me from one beach to another, I think I'd know all of them within a few seconds of getting there." He had a faint smile on his face as he gestured off to the right toward the water. "This one is pretty remarkable, but we see the fewest tourists here. There's a lot of wildlife in the area, but I guess that probably drives some folks away if they just want to sunbathe."

"What's that?" Stacey pointed out over the waves to where several dark, bulky shapes rose out of the water.

"That's the Frances, or at least what's left of it. It was a whaleboat that sunk back in the 1870s, and you can see it when the tide is low like it is right now. There are actually hundreds of wrecks all along this coastline, but most of them aren't so obvious."

She noted a sense of pride in his tone. "You know what I think?"

"Hm?"

"I think you really like your job. You like sharing your knowledge about the area and keeping it safe, too. "

He glanced at her, and Stacey realized that was one of the first times he'd looked at her since he'd picked her up. "Is that so bad?"

"Not at all. I think it's pretty great, actually. I had a certain passion for my job at Martin Marketing, but I think it was really more of an obsession. What you do seems more like it's just a part of who you are. When I get back to work, I hope I can find something that suits me so well."

Dylan nodded. "I guess you're right. I'm pretty lucky in that sense. My job is one thing in my life I don't ever question. Ah, it looks like we've come about as far as we can go." He slowed down and brought the Jeep to a halt.

Stacey stared through the windshield with her mouth agape as she took in the massive crowd of seals. Their heavy bodies littered the sand, some of them piled on top of each other. They barked and grunted, calling out and responding. The younger ones still moved around them easily, while the more mature seals didn't seem so inclined to shift their weight. Two particularly large ones, which Stacey assumed were males, had confronted each other. They threw back their heads, letting out deep grunts as they battled over some dispute. A few dark heads bobbed out in the water as some of their number searched for their supper. Birds dipped in and out of the mass, taking advantage of any scraps they could steal.

"This is incredible," she breathed. "There are so many of them!"

"The shifting sands in this area create a lot of nice sandbars for them, so this isn't an unusual sight. We have to stay at least fifty yards away from them, though." Dylan, though he'd surely seen this same sight countless times, watched them as closely as Stacey did.

"Are they dangerous?"

He shrugged. "I wouldn't want to get into a fight with one, but they're also protected, just like most of the wildlife around here. These guys bring in some more wildlife on their own behalf, too. Great whites will stalk the area, waiting to pick one off. We've had a few sightings around here, and researchers are starting to find out just how many sharks there are coming in and out of this area."

Her stomach jumped anew. "Do they come over to the bay side?"

"It does happen, but the risk of being stung by jellyfish is way higher than a shark attack."

Thinking of home and the beach just beyond her backdoor, Stacey remembered her weird interaction with Will. Dylan hadn't said anything about it yet, and she wondered if he even knew. "So, I accidentally met your twin brother the other day."

His jaw hardened. "He told me. I'm sorry he didn't keep his dog in check. I told him he'll have to from now on."

"The two of you seem…very different," she hedged. Though Stacey had such good feelings about Dylan as a person, she wasn't so sure about Will.

"Oh, we are." He sat back, keeping his gaze on the seals. "We might be twins, but we're just not the same people. We had a big blowout about ten years ago about some old disputes."

"Family can be difficult," she replied softly. Dylan was a grown man, and she didn't doubt he could handle a disagreement with his brother maturely. As she listened to him talk about Will, though, she started to understand what she'd already been noticing this entire time. Something else was on his mind that was bothering him deeply.

"Some family members are more difficult than others." Dylan carefully turned the Jeep around and headed back the way they'd come. "Will is one of them."

Silence fell between them as they retraced their tracks. Had she said something wrong? Had she shared too much of her past? Her mother would tell her no, that if someone couldn't handle her, they were in the wrong. Stacey wasn't so sure she prescribed to that particular school of thought, but she did know that the small distance between them as they sat in the Jeep was starting to feel wider.

"Dylan," she finally said as they drew closer to where they'd entered the beach, "is something wrong?"

He didn't answer for a second, and then he slowly braked. He brought the Jeep to a halt and put it in park, sitting there for a minute and looking out over the water before he finally turned to her. Those dark eyes that she'd admired so much didn't have that same friendly warmth in them any longer. Something else lingered behind them, something she couldn't quite put her finger on. "I don't think we can see each other right now."

All the hope and excitement she'd worked so hard to allow herself to feel suddenly popped inside her chest like a balloon. It sank into her stomach, turning to lead along the way. The small muscles in her face twitched and jerked as waves of emotions moved through her, and she tried to figure out what to say. "Oh," was the only syllable she managed .

"It's nothing against you. You're an amazing woman," Dylan continued, his voice low and husky. He looked away from her, out at the beach and the ocean he knew so well. "I just have some things I need to work out in my life before I bring anyone else into it."

Her body felt too heavy for her to hold up even in a seated position. This was more than the disappointment of a client not liking her marketing plan. It was more than the struggle of picking up her entire life and moving to a different place. Somehow, even though it didn't make the least bit of sense, it was also even worse than when she'd discovered Todd's indiscretions. Stacey tapped on that hard inner bit that she'd always kept at her core, the one that had gotten her through hundreds of board meetings and difficult clients. It'd been vital when she couldn't show her emotions without giving up some of her power.

She coated her sadness in that candy shell of logic, one that was hard, even if it was a bit thin. "I understand. I've been a bit uncertain of how to handle this when Vivian and Elijah are part of the picture," she admitted.

"Yeah." He reached over and squeezed her hand. It was supposed to be a comforting gesture, she was sure, but it only made her long for that connection with him even more. "Lila is out of high school, but she still needs me while she gets settled into her adult life."

Was there something more? Stacey thought he looked like he wanted to say something else, but then again, she often got that feeling from him. It was like there was always an extra sentence or phrase he bit off, stopping himself before he went too far. Not that Stacey could blame him for holding back. What could he really owe her after such a short time of knowing each other? "You're a good father to her."

He heaved a sigh. "I try. Sometimes, life gets more complicated than you think it will. Sort of like the sharks we get around here. You can't see them out there under the surface, and it makes you feel like you might be safe. But then you see that fin rise from the water, head in your direction, and realize maybe you weren't so safe after all."

The metaphor was a little too good and punched Stacey in the stomach. She'd ignored any signs of such things since she'd come to Truro, but maybe this conversation with Dylan could be her warning.

By the time they returned home, the kids were already in bed. Lila smiled and ducked out the door back toward her own house. There was no sign of Carol, who'd probably gone out and found some sort of nightlife that suited her fancy. It was just as well. Stacey needed a bit of quiet.

She crept upstairs to her room, stripped off the bit of makeup she'd worn, and changed into sleep shorts and a t-shirt. Stacey hadn't been sure about this relationship. She'd teetered on the edge of her doubts for so long that her brain was sore from thinking it all over, but she'd decided to dive on in. Instead of hitting water, she felt like she'd splattered on the rocks. Dylan had his reasons, and they were pretty much the same ones she had, but it still hurt to get rejected the first time she actually tried to date.

Padding down the hall, she peeked into Elijah's room. He was tucked into bed, softly snoring as he clung to his favorite teddy bear. He was still so young, but already, Stacey could see how much he was changing. The chubby face of his toddler years was melting into one of a ‘big kid.' It both broke her heart and made it soar with joy.

Next door, she slipped in to check on Vivian. Her tutu was draped across the back of her chair, and Stacey smiled as she imagined Vivian getting it out so she could show it proudly to Lila. They'd have to find some dance lessons nearby to sign her up for. Just like her brother, Vivian was changing. Before Stacey knew it, she'd be a teenager. Sure, she still had plenty of childhood left, but Stacey wanted to hold onto every moment of it as much as she could.

She went back to her room, snuggled down between the sheets, and picked up the book on her nightstand. There was no denying the ache in her heart, but she'd deal with it. After all, she had something to do that was much more important than going on dates.