Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

KYLE

I ride down Riverdale Street, still not sure this is the best plan. I'm mostly leaving it up to fate. If Dani is home, I'll talk to her and ask her to go with me. If she's not, it's a sign that it's too soon.

I glance up at the cloudless blue sky, wondering if there's any way to sway fate toward one direction or the other, but even if there is, I'm not sure which result I'm hoping for.

I get my answer a moment later when I see her car parked in her driveway, and a knot in my chest releases. As I pull in behind her, Dani's already stepping out on the front porch. She looks beautiful. Her hair is down, falling over her back, she's wearing jeans and a fitted T-shirt that make me want to take her in my arms and strip them off her, her eyes are bright, and she's smiling like she's happy to see me.

She walks over as I take off my helmet, saying, "Hey, I heard you coming down the street. What're you doing here?"

Stalling, I don't answer her question but ask one of my own. "Did your Costco order come? Was it all okay?"

"Yeah, it was actually great. The delivery guy brought it all up to the porch, which cut my trips with the 50-pound bags in half. From the door to the kitchen is easy-peasy. It's the trunk to the door that sucks. There might only be one step to get onto the porch, but it's a beast." She laughs, but I hear how hard she works without giving it a second thought.

"Maybe next time, we can go together and I can carry those heavy bags of rice and beans for you." I make a show of flexing my bicep cheesily, even patting it affectionately. "Might as well do something useful with these things."

I'm trying to keep the offer light, not implying that she can't do it on her own because she's been doing fine without me. But I don't mind helping. Especially her.

"I could think of a few things you could use them for." Her voice is also teasing but holds a seductive purr that almost makes me rethink all my plans.

I could just stay here for a while, go inside and hang out with Dani, and not deal with any of my family's shit. It's a tempting proposal for so many reasons.

But after yesterday's incident, Kayla texted that I'd better be at this family dinner or she would hunt me down and make things very unpleasant for me. Normally, I'd tell her to bring it on. Hell, I'd welcome the challenge and excitement of going toe-to-toe with her. But I feel like there are scars too close to the surface right now and she might be able to wipe me out, intentionally or not. Plus, I have Dani to consider, and while Kayla wouldn't hurt Dani—unless she hurt me—she'd definitely use Dani as a tool to poke and pry at me.

"Will you go for a ride with me?" I ask out of nowhere. My voice has gone serious and dark with my thoughts, nothing like Dani's flirtiness, and she sobers.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just need to clear my head of some shit and a ride always helps." I scrub my hand over my face, feeling overwhelmed, and I haven't even told Dani anything yet. "I know you usually go to your parents' on Sundays, but?—"

"I already took them lunch," she interjects. "Let me grab my shoes." She gives me a look of worry before she hustles inside. A couple of minutes later, during which I mentally yell at myself for being such a weak bitch, she's back. She's put on her green Adidas and pulled her hair into a braid, and as she locks the front door, I take a long look at her.

This might be the last time I see her like this—open, trusting, looking at me like I'm worth a damn. When she steps up to the bike, I grab her hip, pulling her in for a kiss, needing to taste her one more time before I blow shit up between us.

She tastes like hope, like the dream I said I don't have but am quickly developing, with her front and center as the main character.

When I let her go, her lips tilt up in a faint smile, but there's a question brewing in her eyes. I don't give her a chance to ask about my sudden moodiness, nor do I offer an explanation. I pull the helmet carefully over her head and help her on behind me, pulling my sunglasses on. When she wraps her arms around my waist, it feels like she's holding me together.

And as I pull down her street, I can't help but feel like I'm driving myself to my own destruction. Still, even though I want to put off the inevitable, I speed us to the highway, needing the rush of the wind against my face and in my hair. Dani runs her hands up and down my thighs like she can feel the tension in my body, and though she doesn't understand it, she wants to help. I arch, needing relief, and her hand brushes over my cock. I'm in control of the bike, but she's in control of me, and I feel my head unconsciously tilting back as I try to keep my focus on the road.

I could just keep going. We could keep going… riding, touching, fucking, and avoiding everything else. It's a tempting idea.

I take the next exit, turning at the light to get us away from watching eyes.

It doesn't take me long to find a long stretch of deserted road with no one around for the last few miles. I pull over, finding a section of asphalt well off the roadway where we'll be safe even if someone does come by.

Not for what she thinks, though. And not for what I want.

I could fuck her again, make that memory like I did with the kiss as a just in case so I have it to remember her by when she tells me to leave her alone. But I'm not that much of an asshole, despite what some people might think.

As I shut the bike off, I can see her in my side mirror, pulling the helmet off and looking around. "Here?" She doesn't sound entirely opposed to the idea.

Before I lose my guts, I put my hand on her thigh and blurt out, "Will you go to my family dinner with me?"

She makes a tiny gasping sound, and I drag my eyes from where my hand is on her leg to her face. She looks shocked at my question.

"What?"

"The family dinner Kayla invited you to. It's tonight. And it's me asking. Will you go with me?"

"I thought…" She tilts her head, hesitant to say what she thought, but then confesses, "I thought you needed the ride because you were skipping it."

That's logical. She heard Kayla mention it, and I showed up unexpectedly at her doorstep not too long before dinner. And the truth is, if she hadn't been home or won't go with me, I'm not going. I can admit that to myself, at least, and I'll have to deal with whatever wrath Kayla brings down on me later.

"Are you sure you want me to? Just because Kayla?—"

I cut her off, not wanting her to think that for even a second. "I'm not sure I want to go, but if I am, I want you by my side. I need you there with me."

Dani climbs off the bike, and I instantly feel adrift. Except she comes around and climbs back on, sitting in front of me on the gas tank with her legs thrown over mine. She lifts my chin with a finger, drawing my eyes to hers. "If you want me there, I'll go, but I'm not putting pressure on you. I don't need us to go that fast."

"What if I do?" I ask, wrapping my arms around her waist.

Her eyes search mine, then scan my face, waiting for more. When I stay quiet, needing her to say yes before I tell her the rest, she nods. "Okay. Let's go to dinner."

I lay my forehead against hers, wanting to believe it, needing to hold her to that promise. But I won't. If she wants to bail after I tell her everything, I'll take her home. I won't go to my family's dinner, but I won't force her to go if she doesn't want to after she knows.

I sigh heavily, the words stuck in my throat. "Then I need to tell you about my family."

She pulls back, looking at me. "You're scaring me. Are you in the Mob or something?"

I'm so surprised by the question that a laugh bursts out unexpectedly. "Or something. Let's get off so I can tell you what you're walking into."

She shifts a little, getting off the bike, and then I do too. There's grass a little bit back from the edge of the road, and she sits down without a second thought, her legs bent and her forearms resting on her knees. I can't help but appreciate that she doesn't give a shit about getting dirty or acting like a princess who needs a fancy chair. I sit down beside her, stretching my legs out in front of me.

She waits, letting me take my time to say what I need to say. But all the blood flow that I need in my brain to figure out how to tell her about my family is now in my dick.

I swallow the sour taste in my mouth and start slowly. "Everything I've told you is the truth. My company, my house, my truck, my bike… all of it, I worked my ass off for it, starting from nothing and earning it with my own blood, sweat, and tears."

"But?" she prompts, hearing it before I say it, and I can feel tension shoot through her.

"But I didn't come from nothing. My parents have money. I was raised with money. A… lot of money. I walked away from it, not wanting their pity support any more than I wanted their looks of disappointment. But if you're going with me, I want you to be prepared."

"Are you trying to tell me you're like a secret prince or something?" She's joking, trying to put together what I'm saying, which admittedly doesn't sound bad, with the seriousness with which I'm saying it.

I shake my head. "Not in title. In funds? Probably. But it's not mine. I didn't earn it, and I don't have anything to do with it and never will."

She narrows her eyes, hearing the emphasis I put on that. "Do you think I'm some kind of gold digger or something?" she snaps, her confusion turning to offense in a blink.

I hold my hands up. "No, not at all. That's not why I didn't tell you, nor is it why I'm telling you now."

She doesn't look convinced.

"When I was younger and desperate for attention, I got it however I could. I told you that." She nods hesitantly. "And honestly, as a teen and even a bit later, it mostly came from girls. They wanted to fuck around with the bad boy." I roll my eyes at the label I've been given more times than I can count. "But with the added bonus that if they could lock me down, it'd be like winning the lottery. I took advantage of their wanting a future they thought I could provide. I won't lie about that."

"I'm picturing all the girls in the land lining up for Prince Charming, but getting to the front of the line to find… you." If anyone else told me that, it'd sound like an insult. Dani sounds like she's finding a bit of humor in it, even grumbling under her breath, "It serves them right for looking at you like a paycheck."

I shrug, admitting, "You're not too far off. It was sorta like that."

I think back to the girls at school who'd call me, text me, show up at my house, or sneak out so I could pick them up in one of Dad's cars that I'd swiped from the garage. I treated them like shit, being disrespectful and hurtful, all the while doing dangerous things like partying, drag racing, and fucking around.

I'm not proud of my past, but regretting who I was won't do any good now. I learned, I grew, and I'm different. That's the best I can do.

"But girls only wanting me for a good time, or because of my family's money, got tiresome." I go quiet, remembering what eventually became my wake-up call. "I was out with my family, eating dinner at a fancy restaurant I didn't give a shit about, and some girl's dad came up and confronted me. I didn't even remember her name at the time, but he was screaming, calling me an entitled brat who treated girls like toys." I look at Dani as I confess, "I laughed at him, not because he was wrong, but because he was right. And not just girls. I treated everyone that way—friends, girls, family—because to me, they were disposable, interchangeable, worthless… just like me."

"Kyle—"

I don't let her tell me anything that'll make it sound okay, because it's not, or absolve me of the guilt I feel over my behavior, because it's deserved.

"We got home, and Dad was yelling at me. I didn't give a fuck. It was the same old song and dance—he expected better of me, I was an embarrassment, and my brothers would never do something like that." I grit my teeth at that one. Dad always liked to compare me to my older brothers, who by then were successfully working for him, killing it in college, taking the world by storm, or generally doing something Dad deemed worthy of a Harrington. "I stomped out of the house, taking one of his cars, and drove off hell-bent for destruction—my own."

"What happened?"

I lick my lips, not wanting to tell her this part, but if I've gone this far, I might as well go all the way. "I went to that girl's house, and she came right to me, running out with her dad yelling at her from the front door as she got in the car. I was cocky as shit and knew she would, so I laughed at him as we pulled away, right through their front yard. She said she was ready to go wherever I wanted. I told her I was going to hell, and she smiled, laughing like I was kidding. I was serious."

Dani lays her hand on my thigh, and I lean back, putting my hands in the grass behind me and staring at the sky. "We drove forever, music blaring, singing along, and laughing at nothing. It felt good, like freedom and rebellion. At some point, we stopped at a gas station and she went in to pee. She came back out, waving a white stick around and grinning with tears in her eyes. She told me she was pregnant and the baby was mine." I close my eyes, putting myself back in that moment. For a split second, I'd wanted her to be telling me the truth. It would've been the ultimate way to piss off my dad. But I'd known it wasn't my baby, even as she held up the test. "I looked her dead in the eyes and told her I knew she was pregnant from her ex. Her best friend had told one of my friends that she was gonna pin the pregnancy on me to get at my family's money, and he'd told me about her scheme right away."

"Holy shit," Dani whispers, her hands covering her mouth.

"I think I wanted to see if she was really gonna go through with it, and when she did, something in me just snapped. The only thing she valued about me was my parents' money. So much so that she was willing to lie." I swallow down all the pain I felt then, putting it back into the deep, dark pit I force it into. "I gave her a couple of hundred bucks, told her to take an Uber back, and left her there. I didn't go home at first. I kept driving, for hours and hours, miles and miles. But eventually, I had to go back. Mom was panicked, Dad was furious, but that was nothing new. And that night, when I was lying in bed, I knew something had to change. I had to change. So I did."

I look Dani in the eye, wanting her to hear that as much as she heard all the other shit I just spewed. "That's not who I am, not who I've been for a long fucking time, even if they still think I am. I cut the apron strings, the purse strings, and all the ties my dad held over me and walked away. I rebuilt myself, brick by brick, from the ground up. Hell, from beneath the dirt, digging holes ten feet down every day and earning my name for the first time in my life. This is who I am now, and I won't ever be more than this because I'm fucking proud of where I am, even if I'm ashamed of what I did to hit rock bottom first."

I can see her thinking through everything I've said, weighing it for truth and making a decision, not on dinner, but on me. She clears her throat and says, "I won't judge you by your lowest low because I also don't think you've hit your highest high yet." She pins me with a look, making sure her words land, but the fact that she's still sitting here with me and not looking at me with disgust is surprising to me.

I would run from me. She should run from me. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve anyone.

"I know we joked about it, but I like you, more than I've liked anyone for a long time, and I like me when I'm with you. I'm deeper, more real, because you let me be more than the butt of a joke." I meet her eyes, which are dark with thoughts I can't read. "But I'm scared to death I'm gonna fuck up what we have, what we're developing, by not being enough… because I've never been enough for anyone. And by telling you the one thing about myself that most people have found value in, I'm hoping you will still choose me… not because of the money, but in spite of it because I will never touch a single penny of it and you need to understand that. If I'm not enough to be your first choice as just a dirty-mouthed, hard-working hole digger who spends every day covered in dirt, chlorine, and dog hair, please tell me now before I fall for you even more."

She leans back the way I am, stretching her legs out with her arms behind her, and doesn't meet my eyes as she speaks. "My family has worried about money every day of their lives. We've had to skip one bill to pay another, gone without, and taken charity that broke my dad's spirit. I grew up knowing that I would have to drive myself to the ground to get by. I was working in elementary school—doing homework at the restaurant, learning to count by closing the till every day, and scrubbing the floors with a mop taller than I was. By high school, I was working full-time and not making a dime because Mama and Papa couldn't afford to pay me. Every cent was for the family. Even now, my brother and I do everything we can for them—whether it's paying bills or buying them food. So yeah, money has value. Dollars and cents are as real to me as this ground beneath us because they mean stability."

My head falls. I can't relate to a life like what Dani is describing, and I wish things hadn't been that hard for her, but neither of us can go back and change the past now.

"But," she says, and I turn my head her way, a tiny glimmer of hope trying to shine but I squash it out, not wanting to risk getting hurt any more. She keeps going, "But I've seen how hard you work, your pride in what you've earned, and who you are, and that is more important than your bank balance. Or your parents, which I don't give a shit about, and fuck all those girls who made you feel like that was all you had to offer. You, Kyle Harrington, the annoying asshole who's putting in a big, dirty hole at my arch enemy's house and has a dog with zero manners, and somehow makes me mad and turned-on all at the same time with the things that come out of your mouth, are what has kept me up nights, made me climb on your bike and into your truck and onto your dick, and has had me losing my shit in pubic and in private. You have value, you are worth my time, attention, and affection, and you are not my first choice." She waits for me to look her fully in the eye. "You're my only choice. I've avoided every single man who's tried to lock me down too, afraid to end up like Mama. You're the only one who's put up with my bullshit long enough to get through my bitchiness, figure out what I need, and then offer it up on a silver platter."

"I don't do silver platters," I say, a smile trying to form on my lips. "That's my grandma's style." I'm falling back to old habits, lightening the heaviness of the moment because we're both throwing out some painful honesty, and neither of us is accustomed to that.

She sighs as she smiles too. "You know what I mean. I don't need or want fancy shit. I want a man who adds to my life and isn't just another person for me to take care of. I want someone who takes care of himself, who can take care of me even when I say I don't want him to, and helps me live a life that's not stuck in survival mode. Where there's happiness and laughter, not only worry and fear. And that's not about money. It's about… heart."

She lays her head on my shoulder, and I can nearly hear her thinking even over the thoughts whirling though my own mind. After a few minutes, she asks, "This is why that police officer changed his tune, isn't it? Your family name and connections?"

I dip my chin, nodding. "Yeah. As wrong as it is, with money comes privilege, and my parents have more than God. So do my brothers and sister, for that matter. Everyone but me."

"Because you're somehow the black sheep of the family," she says. It's not a question, just a statement, so I nod again.

"So, do you still want to go to my family dinner?" I ask, feeling like I already know the answer.

"I'm ready to go wherever you want, even if it's to hell," she answers, quoting that long ago girl who tried to use me. But Dani's not using me. She's letting me use her, willing to go war as my shield.

Ironically, I think my family might be the ones who need protection… from her.

"Okay, then let me tell you what to expect…"