16. Alex

Chapter sixteen

Alex

S o far, today has been a complete disaster. I invited Daph with me to ease my sister and parents into our relationship. To get them used to seeing us together before we announce to the world that we’re in love and shit.

Naturally, Celeste had to ruin it by tagging along. Was her granny ever coming? I don’t even know anymore. Yet what could I do? Celeste is still important to me. I don’t want to just ditch her. Like, Thanks for the memories. It was great, but I gotta bounce now that I’ve found the true love of my life.

It’s disrespectful.

Am I annoyed that she hasn’t told her parents that we’re broken up yet? Absolutely. My patience is wearing thin, but not thin enough to embarrass her in front of both our parents and her best friend.

That’s what I need to remember. It’s not like this is a campus party. Her favorite people are at my house. Plus, she promised that this is the last time .

Celeste’s parents arrived late, making me think that this is more of a social get-together than the business meeting I thought it was.

Now, we’re all eating. Myself, Daph, Vic, Celeste, Mom, and Celeste’s parents—Tim and Lanka.

I’m seated at the head of the long dining table, my sister Victoria to one side, her brown eyes sharp as they observe everyone, and Celeste on the other, her manicured hand finding my thigh under the tablecloth.

“Alex, darling,” she coos, leaning closer than necessary, her perfume overpowering the rich aroma of the roasted lamb. “You’ve barely touched your food.”

A forced smile tugs at my lips, my appetite waning under the weight of her expectation. My gaze flits across the table to Daphne, her hazel eyes downcast, fingers gently resting on her wine glass. Her presence is a balm, yet the distance between us might as well be an ocean.

“Sorry,” I murmur, trying to shift away discreetly. “Not very hungry tonight.”

“Maybe you need some dessert, then?” Celeste suggests with a wink that’s meant to be sultry but feels suffocating.

“Perhaps later,” I deflect, feeling the heat of Daphne’s gaze yet unable to meet it .

“Can’t wait for the wedding,” Lanka gushes from across the table.

I choke on air. News to me! She had better mean someone else’s wedding and not mine!

“Uh, excuse me?” I exclaim. Absolutely-fucking-not are we going to pretend we’re engaged. Likewise, my Daphne’s features pale while Celeste gleams.

“Don’t be shy, darling,” my own mother chimes like a traitor. She then ignores me by opting to speak to my so-not-mother-in-law. “Oh, imagine the beautiful babies they’ll have.”

“Actually,” I start, the word slicing through the buzz of future plans laid out without our consent. “Celeste and I aren’t engaged.” The room stills, and I feel the tension coil tighter.

“Yet,” Celeste hastily adds, her grip on my leg tightening. “But we’re getting there, aren’t we, babe?” Her voice carries a warning, one I’m all too familiar with.

I remember a time I thought I’d never get married. I can’t forget the bullies who made my life hell, the unbearable weight of loneliness that made me question my worth. Celeste dragged me out of that darkness, her vivacious nature drawing everyone to her, including me.

But now, she has become a heavy weight keeping me inside my depression coffin. It’s pulling me back into that same darkness. A deep sense of guilt wells up inside me as I think about what it’d feel like to lose her. But the thought of losing Daphne hurts even more, reminiscent of a gnawing pain in my chest.

I tense, trying to think of what to say. If I agree, I’ll devastate Daphne. Yet if I disagree, I’ll destroy the woman I’ve spent the last eight years with.

Betraying Daphne would devastate me . I glance at her, her eyes filled with a mix of hurt. I want to reach out to her, to tell her that I love her in front of everyone, but I can’t.

Not yet. Not when Celeste is so vulnerable.

Victoria looks between Celeste and me. Her studious gaze seems to assess both of us. Then, she must sense my discomfort because she quickly comes to my rescue. “It’s an inside joke,” she explains. “Last week, we were all talking about marriage, and both Alex and Celeste decided they’d rather focus on finishing college and their careers before even broaching the subject.”

“Oh,” Mom begins. “But they’ve been dating for so long.”

Victoria shrugs. “It’s their lives.”

The insistent darkness trickling through my veins temporarily lessens. My sister could have sided with her best friend, but she chose me.

In this moment, I can breathe .

Daphne seems to relax a fraction too as her knuckles loosen around the stem of her wine glass. There’s a clarity in her eyes that wasn’t there before, a spark that I’ve missed.

“Of course,” Lanka says in an attempt to smooth over the awkwardness. “We’ll stand by whatever decisions they make.”

“Thank you,” I say, but the gratitude is hollow. I can’t help but wonder how much longer I can play this game without breaking myself or Daphne’s heart. It’s a precarious balance, this deceit. One wrong step could crumble everything.

Celeste just tightens her grip on my thigh and forces a smile. It’s not genuine; it’s as choreographed as everything else about her. She’s angry, but she won’t show it here, not in front of everyone.

Mom moves the conversation along, diving into details about some charity work she’s been involved in recently. As the chatter begins again, I lock eyes with Daphne across the table. There’s sympathy in her gaze, and I find comfort there. It’s the only thing keeping me from crumbling under the weight of it all.

Dinner drags on, a masquerade where I’m both participant and puppet. With every laugh, every touch from Celeste, I feel myself sinking deeper into the quicksand of our lies. Vic casts sympathetic glances my way, but her concern only serves as a reminder of the ridiculousness of it all .

Finally, as the meal draws to a close, I find a moment to make eye contact with Daphne. In that brief exchange, we don’t need any words. She knows; she always knows.

In that understanding, there’s a promise of stolen moments and whispered truths in the dark, away from prying eyes and suffocating expectations. My Daphne doesn’t want to see me conflicted, so she lets me hurt her. Again and again.

“Excuse me,” I mutter, pushing back from the table under the pretense of needing fresh air. But it’s not the night breeze I crave. It’s Daphne.

I slip from the table and find my way outside onto the veranda, knowing she’ll follow. I know this because she always does. Daph is dependable.

The dark night air is a relief against my heated skin, the silence a welcome reprieve from the stifling dinner conversation. I’m staring in the distance when soft patter of footsteps emerges from the darkness. Daphne emerges. She doesn’t say anything at first but merely stands next to me while staring out into the darkness.

“I’m sorry about all that.” My words are quiet, barely audible over the faint rustling of leaves in the breeze.

Daphne shakes her head slightly. “You shouldn’t be. It’s not your fault.”

“And yet…” I trail off, not sure how to finish that sentence .

“And yet,” she echoes softly, turning to look at me with a sadness in her eyes that matches my own.

A flood of emotions surges through me, a torrent of words trapped behind my lips. I long to pour out my heart, to reveal the depths of my depression. To confess how it crushes me so often that I’m left paralyzed in bed while suicidal thoughts lurk in the shadows of my mind. It’s the intensity of the pain that threatens to consume me. But most of all, I yearn to share the love I feel for her, the love that has blossomed from the moment our eyes met. Losing her could have destroyed me. I’m alive because of her and because of Celeste.

But I don’t. Tell her, I mean.

I remain silent, a prisoner of my own thoughts. Stuck inside my depression coffin so tightly that I can’t move.

It does that, you know. It’s why I stutter when I’m anxious. I’ve always been frozen.

Anyway, rather than pour my heart out like I know I should, we stand side by side in silence.

Yet since I’m not alone, the weight on my shoulders feels a little lighter.

When we finally go back inside, Mother finds us immediately, along with everyone else, to outline sleeping arrangements with a casual disregard for privacy. “Eden, you’ll be in the blue room,” my mother says, her voice laced with the warmth of a seasoned hostess. “And Vic, dear, you’re in the green room across from Celeste and Alex.”

“Speaking of which,” Celeste interjects, flashing a coy smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “You all might want to consider earplugs tonight.” Fuck! Not only is the notion false, but even if it weren’t, our parents are right here! Celeste’s laughter rings out, sharp and expectant, and I feel Daphne’s discomfort like a physical wound. She flinches ever so slightly, and her hurt is even more of a punch to my gut.

“Maybe we should give them a show, Alex,” Celeste whispers, oblivious to the tension she’s stirring.

“Fuck off,” I murmur, words clipped, every muscle in my body tensing. Across the table, Daphne’s gaze drops to her lap, her hands clasped tightly together as if holding on to the last shred of composure.

“Come on, it’s just a joke,” Celeste pouts, reaching for my hand.

I pull away subtly, offering a tight smile that feels more like a grimace. The weight of Daphne’s sadness presses down on me, and I’m desperate to escape.

“Excuse me,” Daphne murmurs, pushing back her chair with such quiet dignity that it nearly breaks me .

Once the goodnights are exchanged and the mansion sinks into a deceptive peace, I find myself outside Daphne’s door, my heart hammering against my ribs. I knock softly, and when she opens, there’s a vulnerability in her hazel eyes that calls out to something primal within me.

“Hey,” I whisper, stepping inside and closing the door behind me. “I couldn’t let the night end like that.”

“Alex, you don’t have to—” she starts, but I cut her off.

“Shh, no. I need to be here with you.” My hands find her waist, pulling her close until our bodies align in a way that feels like coming home. “I’m so sorry about earlier. About all of this.”

“It’s okay,” she breathes, but the tremble in her voice betrays her words.

“No, it’s not.” I press my forehead against hers. “But I promise you, tomorrow, Celeste will tell her family, especially since everyone at school already knows. It’s over between us.”

“Really?” Hope flickers in her eyes, and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“Really,” I assure her, sealing the promise with a gentle kiss. “Tonight, I’m staying right here.”

Her arms wrap around me. I need her just as much as she needs me. We sink onto the bed, and I hold her, whispering every truth I’ve kept hidden, every declaration of love I’ve hoarded in the dark. My Daphne deserves the type of light I’ve never touched.

“Will you go to my last football game next Friday?” I ask, wanting her to be at the very last game of my life. I’m leaving football at WU. Thank fuck. It was fun while it lasted—I meant it when I said I liked the camaraderie—but I’m ready to move on.

“I’d love to.”

I’ll have to get her a general ticket. I only have one VIP pass, but I already gave it to Victoria. It’s not like I can rescind the ticket to my sister, nor do I think it’s wise to scavenge an extra VIP ticket given Daphne and Victoria’s argumentative history.

Wanting to make my girl happy, I say, “And I promise we’ll tell everyone we’re together in a few more weeks.” She frowns. “Hey,” I say, holding her chin and lifting it. I don’t want to see her hurt, and I hate that I’m the one doing it. But she’s got to understand that it’s only because Celeste and I have history.

I continue, “Celeste and I were together for eight years; a few weeks to let her adjust seems reasonable before I publicly announce our relationship, don’t you think?”

She sighs but nods as I nuzzle against her. “Yeah. I get it, really I do. One reason why I love you is because of your kindness. ”

“You’re incredible, Daphne,” I murmur against her skin, tracing the lines of her sharp jaw with my lips. “You’re strong, kind, and you play the harp like it’s an extension of your soul.”

She giggles softly. “I’m terrible at drawing, though,” she admits, a playful lilt to her voice.

“I love that too,” I confess, meaning every word. As I kiss her again, I think of how this raw and unguarded connection is exactly what I’ve been craving all along.

I vow to myself that, no matter what it takes, I’ll never let her go.

But it’s short-lived because Celeste ruins it.

She always does.

My phone dings with a notification.

Girlfriend *heart emoji*

Whoops. Probably should change her name on my phone.

Daphne notices, and I instantly hate myself. “Sorry,” I murmur, making a mental note to change it ASAP.

Girlfriend *heart emoji*

Alex, where are you??? Won’t you and my parents find it weird that we aren’t sleeping in the same room???

You’ve got to be kidding meWhoops. Probably should change her name on my phone.

Daphne notices, and I instantly hate myself. “Sorry,” I murmur, making a mental note to change it ASAP.

“Babe,” I begin, my voice soft. Daphne’s brows furrow, her eyes filled with a mix of confusion and suspicion. “I’ve gotta go.”

She looks at me like I kicked a cat, her expression hardening. “I don’t want you sleeping with her.”

Woah, who said anything about that? “We won’t touch. She’ll stay on her side, and I’ll stay on mine.” I place my palm on her cheek, trying to soothe her. “It’s just for appearances, baby.”

“I’m not comfortable with that,” she insists in a firm voice.

“Don’t you trust me?” I ask, my heart pounding.

Her voice rises. “Of course I do, Alex! If I didn’t, I never would have agreed to this entire scenario!”

“So, give me some grace here, babe.”

I don’t understand. She’s the one that gave the okay about Celeste and pretending for our parents. It would be silly—and to be honest, frankly, embarrassing—to get caught faking a relationship now.

“Stop calling me babe, babe, ” she snaps with narrow eyes. “You’re only addressing me like that to make me a puddle at your feet.”

“I am not, sweetheart,” I protest, my voice softening again.

Her eyes narrow even further. “Yes, you are. You’re using my love for you against me.”

“Baby, please. Celeste means nothing to me. I chose you,” I plead. I completely ignore how I’ve used three pet names for her in the last five seconds.

“Do you? Because you’re leaving my bed to go to hers.”

“So I won’t sleep in the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor. Will that make you happy?” I offer, desperate to appease her.

Shoulders slumping, she sighs. “No, Alex, it won’t, but since you insist on pleasing your ex-girlfriend over me, I’ll settle for what I can get.”

I’m pushing my luck, I know it, but it’s almost over. If I embarrass Celeste in front of her parents, she’ll never forgive me. Celeste stuck by me for years. The least I can do is play along a little longer. Plus, it’ll embarrass my parents too. Mom will hate to learn I misled her all night.

Daphne’s mad now, but she’ll understand. She just needs some space to think overnight, and tomorrow, everything will be better. I’ll make it up to her.

As I crawl out of bed, I turn to face Daphne one last time tonight. “Sweet dreams,” I murmur, hoping she’ll hear the sincerity in my voice.

She doesn’t answer and instead keeps her back turned. I can feel her pain, and it cuts me to the core.