38. Connor

That first night with Jessie back, Mattias went back to his own room. It wasn't like Jessie'd never crawled into bed between me and Trevor when they'd had a bad dream, or had fallen asleep on the couch stretched out over both our laps, but everything was new, and?—

And yeah, it was hard to want for a single damn thing when I could reach out in the night and touch Jessie's little elbow and know they were there with me. They were back. It still felt impossible.

Earlier that evening, I'd stepped away to call Trevor and let him know we'd found Jessie. I couldn't give him particulars on the how and why, so he hadn't believed me until he'd heard Jessie's voice.

Then, his had gone all tight. He'd asked when we'd get back to the city, and I'd told him the truth—I didn't know that we were, but for right then we were going to stay in Cider Landing. He'd promised to come up with his boyfriend, Xavier, as soon as they could, which I wasn't dreading as much as I expected.

Weirdly, spending the night apart had made every glance I shared with Mattias strangely charged over breakfast. Everything was slotting into place, the life I'd always wanted just arranging itself around me.

All I had to do was see it through.

Investing in a business wasn't quite as easy as putting my intention out into the universe, but I had people—lawyers and contract negotiators and, most importantly, Mattias, who was, if anything, too flexible. It took some work to get my lawyers to really take to heart that I wasn't trying to milk this situation for all it was worth. But, well, some things were more important than money.

I wanted Mattias and Jessamine covered if anything happened to me, so we built the cost of repairs into the paperwork, which meant seeing a lot more of Peter and Everett.

Peter didn't seem to give a fuck about money in the first place. Everett... was staggered. Maybe I was just too used to city prices when it came to property and repairs, but I meant to pay them what they were worth.

Which meant gathering a lot of estimates and exchanging a lot of emails with my lawyer.

Peter and Everett were just finishing up for the day, Everett typing numbers into his tablet, when Mattias asked, "Hey, do you guys want to stay for dinner?"

Which had evolved into a meal with potential couple friends. Peter had eaten seconds of basically everything, which seemed to delight Mattias. It was nice talking to them, even after Jessie excused themself to play with Peanut.

It was easier, knowing Jessamine would be there to help put Jessie to bed. She thought of my kid as—as family, and a warm, strange feeling rushed through me at the thought.

"We're having a cookout this weekend," Peter said, doing a happy little food wiggle. "You guys should come. You cook for us," he said, nodding to Mattias, who had indeed, done all the hard work tonight, "so next time we'll cook for you."

Mattias raised a brow at me. He'd been considerate lately, almost delicate, like something might be too much for me. Weirdly, it didn't make me feel small or unreasonable. It made everything less daunting, knowing that there was someone who put me above other concerns. Just because I could say no made me not want to drag my feet.

"That sounds great," I said. "Dogs allowed?"

Peter laughed. "Absolutely! Bring Peanut. Definitely."

We'd finished off a third bottle of wine by the time they left, but they were only a couple blocks away.

Jessie was already in bed, the rest of the inn quiet, and I pushed back in my chair only for Mattias to get up and drop into my lap a second later, looping his arm around the back of my neck. "I... talked to Peter about something earlier today."

The way he said it made the tips of my fingers cold. He could mean anything from repairs to the creepy girl in the woods, but he was right there, so I squeezed his leg. "Yeah?"

"We could open the heron room up? Make a connection to the private part of the inn. Then—well, it's got the best view in the place. And you could still have it. We could—" He bit his lip.

I laughed. "Definitely we. If you want. I mean, if you don't mind Jessie sneaking in sometimes."

A prickle of nerves crept up the back of my neck. We hadn't talked about this directly, but I wasn't a hundred percent sure that Mattias wanted to be a dad—Jessie's dad—and that was... nonnegotiable. If he just wasn't interested in kids, well?—

He'd never seemed opposed to the idea, but to go from single and childless to having an eight-year-old who'd been trapped in the woods and was still essentially five? Yeah. That was a lot.

"Not at all," he promised me, his voice dropping low and sweet and intimate. "Connor, I am nothing but happy that Jessie's back. They're the coolest kid."

My laugh turned raspy and strained. "They are. They're—" Perfect. Everything. My whole damn world.

Mattias squeezed me tight and seemed to understand, so I let myself sit there in the quiet for a minute while I pulled myself together.

"Do you think they want to pick their own room?" Mattias asked. "That'd be fine, or—well, if I'm with you, my old room's separate from the rest of the inn, near Gran's."

"That. We're doing that. Much as I'm sure Jessie would love marching us around this place and having their pick, I'll feel better if they're?—"

Safe.

God, could I keep them safe? I'd always thought I could make a pretty good show of it, but now? Shit.

"You're right," Mattias said, carding his fingers through my hair and drawing me back from the edge of worry. He was so damn good at that. "It's hard not to just… give them anything they might want."

I scoffed. "You're telling me. If I'm not careful, we're going to be having cookies for breakfast any time now."

"You say that like you don't have a sweet tooth of your own," Mattias teased, turning in my lap, shifting his leg around until he straddled my thighs.

"I love sweet things," I agreed, sliding my hands up his thighs slowly as his eyes fluttered shut.

I stared up at him, dazed and grateful and so confused at how my life had gone from so scattered and hard to so concrete and perfect. For a long time, I'd never thought I would be okay again.

Now, thanks to this place, thanks to Mattias, I knew I could be.