Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

TORIN

It’s about an hour before the sun sets, which means it’s only about three-thirty when Hugo parks his car in an empty lot overlooking a field. In the distance is the airport. Somewhere…

Without comment, he climbs out and I follow. “This is the part where you kill me and bury me, right?” I ask.

Hugo flashes me a beaming grin because that’s the only way he smiles. “No.”

Shutting my door, I walk around to the trunk where he’s got the hatch open. He hands me a big bag that’s surprisingly light before putting on a large backpack one might take on a week-long camping trip, then pulls out a metal cart with enormous off-road wheels. Though I can’t make out the contents of the cart since they’re inside a protective sleeve of some kind.

With another smile, Hugo shuts the trunk, locks the car, and takes my hand. “We have a little way to walk. Is that too heavy?”

If it weren’t for the legitimate concern on his face, I might have been offended that he thought I was too weak to carry what feels like five pounds. I sling it on my back and shake my head. “It’s fine. Where are we going?”

Hugo is clearly very excited about today’s trip. His smile is huge. “It’s a surprise. But don’t worry; it’s just us. There’s no one else around.”

“What d’you mean? ”

“You don’t like crowds, so I thought of a few things we could do where it’s just us.”

My heart nearly stops at how ridiculously sweet that gesture is. Once more, this man nearly makes me cry with his thoughtfulness. I don’t think anyone’s ever taken into account how crowds make me feel. Not even my parents.

Anxiety is one of those things you can’t see and if you don’t suffer from it, it’s very hard for you to understand how crippling it can be. My parents tried to understand, but I could see how frustrated they got when something as simple as going to a restaurant could cause me to ‘have a fit.’ Even when my doctor confirmed I had anxiety and attempted to explain it to them, they just didn't get it.

In my experience, not many people do. It can be just as exhausting and anxiety-inducing trying to explain it, so I’ve stopped trying. Instead, I’ve modified my entire life just to accommodate it.

Hugo putting thought into how my anxiety makes me feel? It definitely gets me choked up. There’s nothing that says how much you mean to someone more than how they’ve taken into account how you’re going to feel in any particular situation.

“Thank you,” I say after I catch my breath. He can’t possibly understand what it means to me.

His smile is just as beautiful as it usually is, but I think I see even more beauty in him now. It’s so rare to meet someone truly kind and courteous without it being a front. There’s not even a hint of him hiding how he truly feels the way so many people pretend to take your feelings and mental state into consideration, but when it comes down to it, they just don’t give a shit. There’s none of that with Hugo. He doesn’t even realize he’s done something so big for me. It’s just who he is.

We walk for only a minute before a roar fills the air. Just as I look up, a plane that feels awfully close to the ground screams over our heads as it takes off.

My heart feels like it’s in my throat as I look around and realize we’re right outside the airport. I should have known that. We were driving along the back of the airport for what felt like ages. I even acknowledged it was somewhat close when we parked. I just didn’t realize how close until now .

Finally, we stop. We’re in a wide-open field that isn’t mown. There are wild flowers everywhere, filling the air with a hint of floral mixed in with airport. Hugo pauses and looks around before moving a few more feet and gently setting the bag from his back onto the ground.

He takes my bag and unzips it, pulling out a big blanket and spreading it out.

“Can I help?”

Hugo nods. Once he’s finished making sure the blanket is perfect, he pulls out a canteen from the side pocket and hands it to me. “Here. Make sure you’re hydrated.”

I raise a brow. “Is that how I’m helping?”

He grins and nods again. “Yep. I only need a few minutes and hydration is super important.”

Taking the canteen, I stand to the side and watch as he next unloads some poles that attach quite easily together and create a canopy toward one end of the blanket, which Hugo holds down with some stakes in the ground. Then he drapes and fastens a gauzy material over it. As he unfolds it, out pops something small and he pauses to hunt for it.

He’s grinning when he finds the small brightly colored thing and holds it up between his two fingers. It takes me a minute to realize he’s found another tiny duck. He sticks it safely into a side pocket before resuming his mission.

Before my eyes, Hugo produces half a dozen lanterns from the metal cart and places them around the blanket, plus blow-up pillows with pillow shams over them, and a couple blankets he places in a neat pile. As if there needs to be more, he finishes it off with a short, collapsing table filled with food.

Somehow, he’s frowning at it all though. I can’t imagine how he isn’t pleased with this. It’s amazing. Special. Simply breathtaking. And he did it all for me.

Hugo turns and heads into the field, picking flowers as he goes. Returning, he’s obscured by the canopy, but before I manage to move so I can see him, he’s placing a vase of flowers on the little table.

When he’s satisfied, he comes around the luxurious picnic and hands me a single pink and yellow flower. “Ready?” he asks .

I nod, speechless.

“Sorry it took so long. I practiced in my yard so I could get it set up as quickly as I could.”

Tucking the canteen under my arm, I grab him and kiss him. “I’ve never had anyone do something so sweet for me.”

The moment is broken almost immediately when another plane roars overhead. We jump and then laugh.

“I thought about noise-cancelling headphones, but then we couldn’t hear each other. Planes are cool to watch. I thought it might be fun.”

“This is amazing, Hugo. Really. There’s nothing better.”

He beams at me again. “Shoes off.” He drops to help me remove my shoes and step onto the blanket without getting my feet dirty. Hugo joins me a minute later once he’s sans shoes, too.

“Is this a good angle? I can adjust us.”

“This is perfect.”

“We don’t have to eat yet. I know it’s a little early. But we can if you’re hungry.”

“I’m not starving, but if you’re hungry, I can definitely eat now.”

Hugo thinks about it and decides he’s hungry. He carefully pulls the table closer and together, we uncover the dishes. There’s a variety of finger foods—both savory and sweet—none of which need to be hot. He said that wasn’t a hurdle he was ready to attempt quite yet in his introduction to dating.

The number of times he checks in with me to make sure I’m comfortable and that I like what I’m eating has me wondering if Hugo needs some reassurance. He’s never come across as someone insecure, so I try to pay extra attention to exactly what he’s asking and when.

By the time we’re finished eating, I decide it’s not insecurity that’s making him ask. He wants the night to be perfect. For me. The food I must have expressed liking the least, he took away and pushed something else in front of me. When I adjusted a couple times on the ground, Hugo brought one of the pillows over for me to sit on.

His concern isn’t about needing reassurance at all. His concern is all for me. Wanting me to feel good and comfortable and enjoy everything about right now .

He’s especially mindful when the planes take off. I can tell after the sixth or seventh, he’s beginning to regret his decision in location. Once he’s moved the table away, I bring him close and pull him down so we’re laying on the blanket, wrapping my arms around him.

“I love this spot,” I tell him. “This really is amazing.”

“It’s so loud,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. The planes are super awesome to watch. I’ve never been this close to see them take off. I love how you can feel them in the air and under us as they shake the ground. It’s such a cool experience.”

Hugo sighs. “I should have set up camp a little further away.”

“If they’re too much for you, we can definitely move.”

He shakes his head. “They’re not.” His hand touches my face gently. “I just don’t want them to be too loud for you.”

I’m not sure I can get closer but I try. Pressing my body flush to his, I kiss him softly. “This is honestly perfect. I’ve never had such a romantic evening before.”

“No?”

“No. I think we’re going to have a difficult time topping this one.”

Hugo finally smiles. “I have some ideas.”

“So you said. Are you going to let me take you out sometime?”

He nods. “You can if you want to. We can take turns. Or just… whoever has an idea. But just so you know, I also love to stay home with you. Tonight is just because I want to take you somewhere you could enjoy yourself without having the added stress of too many people around.”

“You’re the best, Hugo. You know that?”

Hugo smiles. “I’m not, but thanks. I’m really happy you think so.”

I don’t just think so. I’m confident it’s a scientific fact at this point. I’m not sure how science can prove it, but I bet it can.

We lay on the blanket, our heads on blow-up pillows as the sun goes down and a plane takes off every so often. I’m sure there’s a specific interval between take-offs I could probably find if I wanted to take the time to look. But all that matters is being with this man.

“Are you my boyfriend?” Hugo suddenly asks .

My breath catches and my stomach twists. Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten so much. “Do you want me to be?”

He shifts so he can look at me. “Yes. Is that okay?”

Ugh, this man! “Yes.”

His smile is radiant as he leans in to kiss me. “Good.”

I can’t wipe the smile off my face as he lays back down and pulls me close. I nearly jump out of my skin when another plane flies overhead; even though I’m expecting it.

“Where do you think that one’s going?” Hugo asks.

I shift a little to look at it. It’s a domestic plane and relatively small, so it must be somewhere close. “Seattle,” I decide. “Or maybe Denver.”

He hums. “Where do you want to go?”

Sighing, I shrug. “Anywhere. I’ve never been out of California except on a few trips with the team.”

Hugo nods. “I’ve been a lot of places, but I rarely see anything. A day here and there isn’t long to see a place, you know?”

I nod again.

“Oh!” He lifts himself onto his elbow again to look down at me. “Did you know there’s a gay island resort?”

Grinning, I nod. “You mean Kala?”

“Yes! You haven’t been there, have you?”

“No.”

“My friends go every summer.” He pauses. “Actually, Noah goes every summer. It’s a stop on his gay athlete trip. I guess not all gays, go there but it’s a gay place. Like… no bachelorette parties and stuff.”

I laugh. “You know why girls go to gay clubs, don’t you?”

Hugo shakes his head.

“Because there’s almost no chance they’re going to be hit on. No one will grope them or harass them or drug them. There’s a very small chance of sexual assault or harassment. They feel safe there.”

His eyebrows knit together. “That’s awful.”

I nod. “It is. Both that we’re constantly having our spaces taken over by those who have their own and that they feel so threatened in their own places they choose to come into ours. I get it. But it’s nice to have our own space where we feel safe. I’m talking as a whole. We both know I don’t go to gay clubs. ”

He grins. “You danced with Noah.”

“I did. It was terrifying. I was dizzy most of the time I was on my feet.”

Hugo sighs, laying down next to me again and pulling me close. “Maybe I’ll get invited to their gay cruise this year. Will you come with me if I do? We don’t have to spend all the time with everyone. There are a lot of places where it’s quiet. That’s what Noah said. He’s shown me a ton of pictures.”

“The others don’t go?”

“Last summer was Atty’s first. He and Toby. Egon doesn’t go. I think he says it’s not Rake’s thing. And Winny doesn’t go because he’s not part of the Gays Can Play crowd. But even though I’m not gay—like, fully gay, I mean—I think I can go now. Noah said I could go before, but I thought maybe it would be weird for everyone if I was there.”

I kiss his forehead. “Yes, I’ll go if you’re invited.”

“I hope I am. I miss my friends when they’re away.”

He’s got such a fucking good heart. It just kills me how sweet and soft he is.

“What kinds of places do you want to visit?” Hugo asks.

“I want to swim in clear waters where you can see the sandy bottom when it’s more than a dozen feet below. And I’d love to see ruins! Any kind of ruins. I’m fascinated with history.”

Hugo nods. “That’s really fun. Like ancient places from Egypt. I think it would be so awesome to tour a pyramid. And also morbid. That’s where they put dead bodies.”

“Tell me about it. I have mixed feelings. Like, it’s a crime to dig up a grave here. Burial places are sacred. Indigenous burial grounds are protected. And yet, we’re emptying ancient tombs and putting their bodies and belongings on display in museums. How is that even okay?”

“Yes!” Hugo exclaims. “That’s what I’m saying. Yet, I’m intrigued by their funerary art. The way they painted their pyramids. It’s just… amazing, you know?”

And thus, we begin a very long discussion about death as we watch airplanes take off and the stars shine brightly down on us.