Chapter 43

April 1943

‘Come and see how they're doing,' Helen said, leading Peggy, Babs and Ida up to the attic, with Bobby on her hip. He had a wide grin on his cherubic face. ‘Bobby's been helping me water them a little each day. Haven't you, Bobby?'

He nodded over her shoulder at the three women she had come to love like sisters and an adoptive mother. It was a joy to be able to give them something to smile about. The success of her tiny patch of vegetables in the two window boxes they kept up in the attic had given them all a fresh interest.

Helen was taking charge of one of the window boxes and Bobby the other, though really Helen was doing most of the work. He might only be two and a half, but he was used to being part of an older household. It troubled her sometimes how he might cope when the war ended and he had to mix with children his own age for the first time.

The boxes stood on the wooden floorboards in the place where they received most sunlight. ‘Here we are,' Helen said. ‘Show them, Bobby.'

‘Cawwots, beans and—' He looked up at her. ‘What's this one, Mummy?'

They had attached lengths of wool to tiny hooks on the back of the box and looped them over tacks they had driven into the wall. Helen saw that one of them had come undone. A shoot from one of the beans had fallen over, and she carefully strung it up again. ‘It's beans. There, that's better.'

‘They're doing ever so well,' Ida said, ruffling Bobby's hair. ‘You're a clever boy.'

‘I am,' he announced proudly, making them laugh. Helen wished there were more moments like this. ‘It was very kind of Tony to do this for us.'

‘It was his father's idea,' Peggy reminded them. ‘I think he enjoyed making up the boxes.'

Babs sighed happily. ‘It's like having our own tiny gardens.'

‘I agree.' Peggy reached down and brushed the tips of her fingers over the tiny fronds which Helen hoped meant carrots were growing underneath.

Bobby took her hand and moved it away. ‘Not to touch.'

Peggy widened her eyes at Helen. ‘Sorry, I wasn't thinking.'

Helen wished they had more things for Bobby to do. He was a placid child, rarely naughty. She wondered if it was because he was naturally well-behaved or just that he hadn't any experience of running around in a park or on the beach. The thought saddened her.

‘What's wrong?' Ida whispered, drawing Helen back so that they were standing away from the others. ‘If you're worried about the little one, try not to be.'

‘I was,' she admitted, glad to share her concerns with the older woman. ‘What if this time hidden away affects him when he's older?'

Ida stared at her for a second. ‘Now you listen to me, lovey. There's little point in you worrying when there's nothing you can do to change your circumstances, is there?'

Helen supposed not. ‘But?—'

‘But nothing. All we can do is make the most of what we have. Worrying about things beyond our control leads to madness.'

‘You're right,' Helen conceded. She heard Peggy gasp. ‘What's the matter?'

‘Did you hear that?'

They looked at each other. Ida, Helen and Babs shook their heads.

‘What did you think you heard?' Ida asked anxiously, her voice low.

Helen noticed the pallor of Peggy's face. ‘What?'

‘Shush.' Peggy held up her hand. ‘There it is again.'

Helen heard it that time.

‘There's someone at the door,' Babs hissed looking as terrified as her sister. ‘And by the sound of that banging, it isn't friendly.'

Helen's breath caught in her throat. Panic coursed through her and she grabbed Bobby as Ida hurried out of the room.

‘You'd better hide,' Peggy insisted before following her mother. ‘Stay up here, Babs, until they're hidden, then go to your room and pretend to be reading.'

‘Will do,' Babs replied before hurrying over to pull back the pile of boxes and old chairs blocking the hidden door in the eaves. ‘Quickly, get in.'

‘Mummy?' Bobby's eyes filled with tears, their recent excitement gone. He was frightened and seeing fear in his sweet face devastated Helen.

She ushered him into the small space. ‘Come and sit on Mummy's lap,' she said, wishing they had practised hiding in here before now to help it seem less traumatic. He sat facing her, his arms wrapped around her neck and legs around her waist. She pulled the door closed with the neat little handle Tony had fixed inside when he had come to check on Peggy's handiwork.

‘Scared, Mummy.'

‘Don't be,' she whispered. ‘Cuddle Mummy and don't be frightened. Close your eyes and pretend we're in a fort.'

‘A fort?'

‘Shush, you must be very quiet.' She held him closer to her chest. ‘Yes, this is our fort. It'll keep us safe.'

‘From Nasties?'

‘Nasties?' What did he mean?

‘The men?'

Two and a half and he knew far more about their circumstances than she would have liked. ‘Do you mean Nazis?' she whispered, keeping her voice as low as possible.

‘Yes, Mummy. Nasties.'

Helen flinched. He must have overheard her speaking to the other women despite the four of them taking care not to let him hear anything that might worry him. She sighed miserably. ‘Yes, we're hiding but it's not scary, it's fun.'

She wasn't sure he believed her, but if he was safe that was all that mattered.

Her bottom was becoming numb, and Helen decided that if they weren't discovered today she would be sure to make their hidey-hole far more comfortable. There wasn't space to lie down, only to sit cross-legged. Bobby would be able to lie across her if he fell asleep, which Helen now realised would be preferable if they had to be here for any length of time.

Hearing heavy footsteps coming up the stairs, she concentrated on not tensing and frightening Bobby.

‘Will you at least tell us what you're looking for?' she heard Peggy ask. ‘This isn't right, coming in here unannounced.'

The man laughed, a mocking noise that she sensed would infuriate her friend. Not that she would let herself show her disdain for him. Peggy was far too professional for that.

‘We have every right, Miss Hamel.'

It was the Hauptmann's voice. Damn him, Helen thought. Of all people to come searching for her and Bobby. Even Leutnant Müller would be better. He, at least, had some compassion.

The footsteps neared. ‘What is up there?'

‘It's just a messy attic,' she heard Peggy insist.

‘Open it.'

Helen heard the all too familiar jackboots stamping on each of the wooden steps and wondered if he wanted her to hear him coming, wanted to increase her fear as much as possible. The atmosphere in the attic changed. He was in there with them. Helen raised her hand ready to cover Bobby's mouth in case he made a sound.

The footsteps made their way, ominously slowly, around the room. Helen listened as chairs were dragged out of the way, then a couple of old trunks. He was near. Too near. She was relieved they had always rolled up the mattress and put it away in one of the trunks each morning, just in case this very thing happened. It was tiresome having to hide all traces of herself and Bobby each day, but clearly Peggy had been right to insist they do it.

‘You have vegetables growing?'

‘The sun comes in up here and we thought it a good place to grow them,' Peggy explained. She had told Helen once that the most important thing was to have a believable answer for any question that might be asked. Helen wondered if her friend had always been this wise or had learnt things from working for the advocate these past few years.

A kick against one of the panels behind her made her jump. She covered Bobby's mouth and bit her lower lip to stop crying out. Her eyes had become accustomed to the darkness now and she could make out her son's tightly closed eyes. She kissed him lightly on his cheek, barely daring to breathe.

‘Vot is in here?' He kicked the panel further back from her.

‘It's the eaves. There's nothing in there.'

‘No cupboards?'

Peggy must have shaken her head. ‘Not enough room for them,' she replied. ‘My father must have boarded them up years ago. I don't think I've ever seen behind there.'

No one spoke for a few seconds and Helen worried she might pass out from fear.

She heard another familiar voice. ‘Hauptmann, we must leave now.'

The Hauptmann shouted his reply, clearly angry to have been disturbed by Leutnant Müller. She held her breath, willing him to leave, and almost collapsed with relief when she heard his footsteps stamping down the stairs and someone, possibly Peggy, slamming the attic door. Helen sensed Peggy was indicating that she and Bobby were alone and could relax.

‘Are the Nasties gone?' Bobby whispered so quietly it was barely a breath.

‘I think so, but we won't go out until Babs or Peggy lets us know for sure.'

He hugged her tightly. ‘Love you, Mummy.'

‘I love you, too, sweetheart. You were very brave and Mummy is very proud of you.'

Helen's knees were aching from sitting still for so long and she hoped one of the girls would come and give them the all-clear soon. It was a struggle not to fidget but she didn't want to give Bobby any reason to move so she fought her instincts and remained still.

A few minutes later, the attic door opened and lighter footsteps walked across the floorboards towards their hiding place. Trunks were moved again, and the small door pressed to let the catch open. Light shone in, making Bobby press his face against Helen's cardigan. Helen shaded her eyes from the sudden brightness.

‘They've gone?' she asked, realising instantly that it was a silly question and noticing for the first time how cold she was.

‘They have. I've never been so pleased to see an officer before as I was when Leutnant Müller appeared. The Hauptmann was very close to finding you both at one point.'

‘I heard him and thought he was going to break the boarding and discover us sitting here.'

Peggy reached out and lifted Bobby from Helen's arms, then put him down and held out her hand to help Helen to her feet.

She stood up slowly, groaning at the ache in her numb bottom and knees.

‘Uncomfortable?' Peggy winced sympathetically.

‘Very, and cold. I'm going to spend the next few days arranging cushions and putting a blanket in there and maybe a small torch, if you have one spare.'

‘Good idea. Maybe keep a flask of water in there, too, and a couple of biscuits in case you're hiding for longer next time.'

Helen agreed, hoping there wouldn't be another time, but realised that this was probably the first of many. She didn't relish the prospect of repeating her recent experience but it was part of her life now and there was little she could do about it, if she was determined to keep them free. Or as free as they could be, hiding in an attic.