Chapter 12

Richard took a deep breath to try and control his anxiety as he stood across the road from Helen's family home. He had walked her to the Grove Street terrace of Victorian houses many times when they were seeing each other. He wondered how she would react, seeing him on her doorstep after all this time?

He recalled the last time he had seen her in the summer of 1940 and was embarrassed by his immaturity back then. They had spent a blissful day walking on Black Heath before going to Greenwich Park and enjoying a picnic, lazily snoozing in the sunshine for a couple of hours before making their way back to her home.

How was he to know they would bump into his fiancée Felicity as they walked to the Underground station? Not that he should have been surprised when Felicity – who he knew had a malicious streak – had taken off her cotton glove and shown off her engagement ring to Helen before leaning forward and kissing Richard on his cheek. He had been too dumbfounded to speak and simply watched as Felicity linked arms with her friend and strolled away, giving him and Helen a wave over her shoulder.

‘You're engaged?' Helen exclaimed, her beautiful grey eyes filling with unshed tears. ‘Richard, how could you? I thought you loved me,' she said, talking over him as he tried to explain. ‘I assumed we would be getting married.' She pointed in the direction of the park. ‘I stupidly expected you were leading up to proposing today.'

She had marched off, insisting he didn't follow her. Not that he had listened, initially. His heart ached as he recalled catching up with her and taking her arm, only for her to snatch it away. ‘Please, let me explain.'

The look of disappointment and deep hurt in her eyes was something he had never been able to dispel. ‘What is there to explain?' she had asked with a bitter laugh. ‘You are engaged to be married, and not to me. You have lied to me, Richard. And to her.' She had frowned. ‘Not that she seemed very upset.' A thought had occurred to her. ‘Or surprised, for that matter.' She pulled away from him. ‘Why is that, I wonder?'

‘Helen, please,' he said, desperate to make her understand how much he loved her. ‘It's not as it seems.' His hand went to his chest where she had pushed him away from her. ‘Give me time to resolve this. Please. I promise you I will.'

‘No.' She had turned her back on him.

‘But Helen, I love you.'

She had turned to him, then, tears running down her pretty face, causing his heart to break for the hurt he had caused her. ‘But she is the one wearing your ring, and I'm the one…'

‘I know,' he had said when she hesitated. He was grateful for the chance to speak again. ‘You're the one who's been let down and I never meant that to happen.'

She glared at him, then, with a look of pure fury before bursting into tears. ‘Oh, just leave me alone, will you. You've done enough damage.'

He had been so stunned by having to face the truth of his stupidity that when she ran off, he lost her in a crowd. By the time he had gathered his senses and followed her she was gone.

If only he hadn't decided to give her time to calm down before going to her home and trying to reason with her. If only he had gone straight after Helen and explained that he and Felicity had been childhood sweethearts but he already knew their relationship was over, from that first day he met Helen waiting for her friend outside the cinema. He should have explained right then that he had told Felicity months before that he couldn't marry her.

Everything would have been fine if he had refused to give Felicity time to come to terms with the end of their engagement, but he had felt too guilty about feeling more deeply for Helen in that first meeting than he had ever done for his fiancée.

He had come to Helen's house several times after that, only to have the door slammed in his face by her brother or one of her parents and told never to come back. He had written to her time and again since that horrible day but hadn't received any replies. And then he had joined up.

At least now his leave had finally been granted, and this time he was determined to speak to her, to explain about his engagement with Felicity and that it had finally been ended that day. He exhaled sharply, straightened his cap and crossed the road with as much confidence as he could muster.

His shoulders back, he took a steadying breath and rang the doorbell. He had met her parents and brother a few times and had always got along well with them before he and Helen had fallen out. He couldn't blame them for being angry on her behalf at the misunderstanding.

The door opened and Helen's mother stared at him in disbelief. Richard opened his mouth to speak but her expression darkened and she shouted over her shoulder to her husband, ‘Eric, come here, will you.'

‘Mrs Bowman, I'm?—'

She raised a hand to stop him. ‘Eric, now.'

This wasn't going the way he had hoped. They were still angry even after all this time. Disturbed by her reaction, Richard tried to think what to do. ‘Mrs Bowman, I?—'

She shook her head and pushed the door to. It wasn't completely closed, and he heard her footsteps hurrying down the hallway. Unsure whether to leave or wait, his decision was taken from him when the door was flung open and Stephen, Helen's older brother, stood glaring at him.

‘Is your mother all right?'

‘No, she bloody isn't.' He glared with such hatred in his eyes that Richard took a step back. ‘How dare you show your face here? After what you've done to my sister.'

‘I was hoping to explain everything to Helen.'

‘What, about you having a fiancée while you were seeing my sister?'

Richard hated confrontation but he had no intention of being put off from seeing Helen this time. ‘I wrote to Helen several times about that,' he said. ‘and explained that I had broken things off.' He forced a smile. ‘There's nothing stopping us being together.'

‘You should have finished things before you started courting my sister.' Stephen narrowed his eyes. ‘Anyway you're far too late for explanations.' Stephen's eyes slid to Richard's right sleeve. ‘Sergeant, I see. Well, bully for you.'

Richard felt sick. ‘What do you mean, "too late"? What's happened?'

Stephen shook his head slowly and looked as if he wanted to throttle him. ‘What happened, Sergeant, is that my younger sister ran off that night, caught the ferry and has been living with our aunt since last summer.'

Richard tried to make sense of what he was being told. A boat? Nausea coursed through him as it dawned on him that the only aunt Helen had ever mentioned was Sylvia and she lived in Jersey.

He grabbed hold of the wall to steady himself. ‘No,' he whispered, barely able to comprehend the repercussions of what he had done. He swallowed to gain some control. ‘You mean she's in Jersey?'

Stephen gave a slow clap. ‘The penny's dropped, I see. Yes, unfortunately that's exactly where she is. Living on a damn island surrounded by bloody Nazis.'

Richard struggled to contain his senses. What had he done. No wonder Helen's family had been so angry with him. He tried to think clearly. ‘Do you have her address?'

Stephen shook his head. ‘You really are something else, do you know that?' Scowling, he added, ‘You can't just post a letter there, you know.'

‘What about a telegram?' He tried to calm down before losing control of his emotions as the full impact of her situation and his part in it dawned on him.

‘All I know is that if you don't leave this property in the next three seconds,' Stephen sneered, poking Richard in his uniformed chest, ‘I won't be responsible for my actions.'

‘Has he gone yet, Stephen?'

Richard heard Mrs Bowman's tearful voice and knew he had done enough damage to this family. ‘I'm going,' he said. ‘Please apologise to your parents for me, Stephen. I really am sorry for everything I've done.'

‘Just go.'

Crushed, Richard saw how angry Stephen was and turned to leave. He immediately heard the door slam shut behind him.

If only he had gone after her that afternoon. But he hadn't, and now the woman he loved was living under Nazi rule. He had no idea if there was anything he could do to rectify all that he had done. He had caused her to run away straight into a situation neither of them could have imagined. He decided that he wouldn't stop searching until he found a way of helping her, somehow.