Thea

Pain attacks me. It's cutting away inside of me. It hits so hard that I struggle to breathe. I can't go back out to my party. It's impossible. Besides, I never wanted to be here in the first place. Once, long ago, I enjoyed being around people and attending parties and stuff.

Not now.

Since I screwed my leg up, I find that the fewer people I'm around, the better. I know I'm starting to isolate myself. I have to stop. That's part of the reason I want to go to New York. This agency that wants me says the fact that I walk with a limp and have scars won't come into play as much as I think it will. I don't see how it can't, but I want to try.

Mostly, I just want to get the hell out of Kentucky and away from Dominic West.

I like to think that I'm a strong, intelligent, independent woman. I mostly always have been. My little sister is the crazy one. I weigh my options and do my best never to react with emotion. Dad says I get it from Mom. I can see that because she's a doctor. Yet, she can also be emotional as hell. Mom says I get it from my father, and that I certainly believe. Dad is an enforcer for the Savage MC. It's the biggest MC in Kentucky. Hell, their reputation is so solid that other MCs are either trying to be allies or scared to breathe around them—which in the MC world is a good thing.

Right now, emotion is definitely winning over common sense. Then again, whenever Dominic West is involved, that's usually the case. I have been in love with that man since I was a kid. Dom doesn't know. I won't ever let him know. Besides, it wouldn't do me any good. Dom is, and always has been, in love with Gabby, the reigning MC princess of the Devil's Blaze club. I think the bitch—and she is a bitch—must have a golden snatch or some shit, because not only does she have Dom wrapped around her finger, but also his brother and my best friend—Thomas.

I want to shake both of them until sense returns to their brains. Unfortunately, I'm not struck dumb by Gabby's so-called beauty. The girl is rotten clean through. There's a stink about her that I can detect, even if none of the males in my assorted family can see or smell it.I've given up hope of them ever growing a brain—or at least thinking with the one in their skulls and not their dicks.

The fact that Thomas buys Gabby's bullshit doesn't bother me as much as Dom. Thomas's confidence with women is nonexistent, and Gabby uses that. So, for the most part, I can excuse his stupidity.Dom doesn't have that excuse. He has always thought he was God's gift to women. There are days I pray that I'm around to see the bastard get his heart torn out. It seems only fair since he's repeatedly broken my heart. The worst thing about all of this is, I do love the asshole. I have since I was nothing more than a silly girl with her head full of romance novels. I guess, in a way, I'm no better than Dom. The only difference between us is that I do think with my brain. It's just my heart that refuses to cooperate.

After the kiss we just shared, I know my feelings are going to get in the way even more. That's why I have to leave here. I have to get away. I don't have a choice anymore. I can't tell my baby sister. She and I are oil and water. My big brother, Mattie, is out of the question too. I can't tell Dad. He and I are super close. I'm definitely closer to him than Mom, but some things, a big, brawny MC Enforcer—who loves his daughter more than anything in the world—just can't understand. That, and he'd probably kill Dom, which would piss off Uncle Dragon—Dom's father.

Please don't get it twisted. I am not related to Dom. I may have mental issues when it comes to the guy, but not that. The club is all one big non-blood-related family. My father, Bull, and Dragon are not brothers by blood, but they have forged together by what they've survived and what they've built, and I believe those brotherly bonds might be more important. I can't see my father ever cutting out Dragon's heart like Dom is doing to Thomas.

I sigh. I know it's my party, but I need to get out of here.

I force my uneven steps to slow, trying to minimize the attention my limp gets. I go back into the party, wishing I could be anywhere else. My eyes scan the people and before anyone can notice me, I make a beeline for my mom.

My mother is beautiful, with red, copper hair that falls in silken waves. Her skin is pale ivory and covered with freckles. She has eyes that have the unique ability to either fill you with warmth or send a chill down your spine—depending on her mood. She's vibrant, fiery, and independent, yet totally devoted to my dad and to her children. She's the most composed, put-together person I know.

"Mom," I whisper, my heart squeezing inside my chest as I make it to her.

"Thea? What's wrong, honey?" she asks, knowing immediately that something is. She puts her hands on each side of my face and stares into my eyes. I know she can see the unshed tears that I'm struggling to contain. Maybe she can see the smeared lipstick. There's a chance my mom can even see the panic in my eyes. She's a mom and a doctor. Not much ever escapes her notice. I'm not sure exactly what she realizes, because the truth is I'm a mess. What I do know is that she pulls me away from the party, and quietly leads me to the room that she and my father share here at the club when they stay.We have our own house, but we also each have a room here at the club. Admittedly, I have never used mine. I don't feel comfortable here. I haven't in a long time.

Now, I really don't.

"What happened?" Mom asks as she ushers me to the bed. I sit down on the corner of the mattress and Mom sits next to me. The entire time she keeps hold of my hand and I'm glad. I need that connection right now. I'm hurting, confused, and scared.

"Dom…"

I whisper his name, my conscience dripping with guilt that somehow bleeds through in my voice. I love him. I've always loved him. He's not mine. He'll never be mine, and I'm just a fool.

"Oh, honey," Mom whispers, pulling me into her body. Willingly, I let her, sobbing as her arms hold me tightly. I might be seventeen today, but right now, in my mom's arms, I'm a little kid needing her to make the hurt go away. She holds me, just letting me cry. I don't even know how long. I can't seem to get control, even though I truly do try.

"I don't want to love him, Mom. I don't even know why I do." I confess in between sobs. The words break and come out in puffs of angry breaths, but she understands them.

"Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. That's just a sad fact of life no one wants to discuss—at least not when it involves pain."

"Yeah, well, my heart is stupid."

"It's not, baby. Sometimes, it takes longer for men to realize they should think with their brains and not their dick."

"I want to hate him. Part of me does," I mutter, finally getting a little bit of control and pulling back.

Angrily using the back of my hand to swipe at my tears. I hate that I'm crying over him. I swore I wouldn't do that again. He doesn't deserve my tears. That thought manages to make me feel guilty because it's not Dom's fault that he's hurting me. He made that clear two years ago when I confessed my feelings to him.

Flashback

"Crap, Thea. Shit, I'm sorry I forgot your birthday. I've been out working with Dad and the guys. I even missed your party."

I look up at Dom, smiling at the sweet look on his face. When his lips move into a matching smile, I feel warm all over.

"You don't have to get me anything," I murmur, and I can feel my face heating in a blush.

"I do. It's not every day you turn fifteen. What would you like? I could give you money to buy that perfume you like. The kind that smells like wildflowers after the rain."

My heart stutters when I realize Dom knows what my favorite perfume smells like. It may not seem that big, but somehow it is to me. I smile up at him, but shake my head no. "Nah, Thomas bought me some of it as a present."

"Fuck. See? I'm even shown up by my brother."

"Well, Thomas is my best friend," I laugh. "If he forgot my birthday, I'd never speak to him again."

"We're friends."

"Yeah, but I we don't talk a lot. Mattie is your best friend. You never forget his, even if he doesn't like to celebrate his birthday."

"True. He also hates being called Mattie. I think you're the only one who can get away with it. Even Skylar calls him Breaker."

I laugh, thinking of my younger sister. "Yeah, that's because my sister kisses up to him. He's wrapped around her finger, and she knows it."

"I think he's starting to realize it. Her last temper tantrum didn't exactly go her way."

"I heard," I mutter, trying to conceal my joy at the fact. It's not that I don't love Skylar, I do. It's just that she needs to stop relying on others to do everything for her.

"Okay, so what can I get for your birthday? There has to be something you haven't received yet," Dom says.

My heartbeat speeds up and my entire body flushes with a mixture of embarrassment and want. I know what I want. I'm just not sure I'm brave enough to ask for it. "Um …"

"Thea?"

The concern in his voice is my undoing. Dom has always been so sweet to me.Yet I know he only sees me as a younger sister. He thinks because that's what I am to Mattie, that's what I should be to him, too. That's not what I want, though. Not from Dom …

"I …"

"What is it, Thea?" he asks, when I can't manage to get the words out again. He brings his hand up, sliding a couple of fingers under my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"I want you to kiss me, Dom. I want you to be my first kiss."

It takes so much courage to admit that, but I am sure that Dom feels something for me too. He is always so sweet, so caring. Sure, I know he and Gabby like each other. That has to be cooling down, though. I've seen her hanging around Thomas out in town, and she hasn't been around the clubhouse in months. This is my opportunity. I might be a little younger than Dom, but I am old enough to kiss.

"Thea, I can't do that."

I blink as all my hopes and dreams come crashing around me, like ash from a house engulfed in flames.

"It's okay, Dom. I want you to kiss me. No one has to know. I like you and I know you like me."

"I do like you, Thea?—"

"See, we can?—"

"But not like that."

It is only four words, but they stab through me like a dull butcher knife, leaving deep, jagged incisions to my heart in their wake.

"I have to go," I whisper, not really looking at him, not looking anywhere. Pain and humiliation are mingling inside of me, and I feel like I can't breathe.

"Thea, listen to me. I don't feel that way about you. You're like my kid sister."

If words could kill, I'd be dead.

"I'm not, though. I'm not your sister. If you could give me a chance…"

"That can never happen. You're just my kid sister. Thea, I'm in love with Gabby."

"But I thought she and Thomas…"

"No, Gabby cares for Thomas like a brother. That's all. It's just, we both know that Thomas is in love with her. We have to be careful."

I look at him like he's crazy. I think he has to be. I can't be the only one that knows about Gabby and Thomas. Can I???

"I've seen her kissing him."

"Thea, I know you're upset, but don't tell lies. You're old enough now to not be childish."

"You … You think I'm childish?"

"Yes, and you're definitely acting it now."

"I'm not a child!" I argue loudly.I step away from him, my heart hurting, but my pride wounded in a way that I never expected.

"You're sure as hell not an adult. Adults don't tell lies about an innocent woman just because they can't have what they want."

"You solved that. There's no way I'd have you now."

"Thea, you're not old enough to have?—"

"One day, Dom, I want you to think back to this conversation. I want you to remember I'm the one that told you the truth, not your so-called innocent Gabby. Only, don't try to tell me you're sorry. I don't want to hear it. You aren't worth it."

"Thea?" Mom asks.

"Sorry, I was remembering all the reasons I'm stupid for still being in love with someone who doesn't know I'm alive."

"Honey—"

"Let me go, Mom. The modeling agency wants me, and I need distance. Please?"

"Are you sure, Thea? This is a big decision. You'll be so far away from your father and I…"

"I know, and I'll miss you, but I need this. Since I hurt my leg, I've had issues with my body. I think this will help me get back to who I used to be. I know it will help me put Dominic West in my past."

Mom has tears shining in her eyes, but I can tell she understands.She nods and I feel like I can finally breathe again."I'll talk to your father," she finally answers.

"Thank you, Mom! Thank you so much," I gasp, holding her tight.

"You will have to check in every day, and I want to know everything. You hide nothing from us and if this doesn't work out?—"

"Then, I'll come back home," I agree, before she can even say it.

"You also have to promise to come home for holidays and every break."

"It's a deal!" I agree, my heart feeling lighter than it has in years. Ignoring the pain of Dom's rejection, I bury it deep inside of me.

No one will know but me and I won't acknowledge it except when I'm alone at night and the tears refuse to stop falling…