Five

Calvin

The next day at work is a blur. I don't remember getting dressed up in the Santa suit or even going out there and sitting in the red chair again. I try to tune in when the kids start coming in to talk to me. They wait so long for a chance, the least I can do is be present when they do.

But I can't stop my gaze from roaming the village to look for Harlow. When he said he worked behind the scenes, he really meant it. I only see him once before my lunch break, and that's just a fleeting glimpse while he hurried from the front building into the sugar palace playground.

"A kid got stuck at the top of the slide," one of the elves—a pretty girl named Aubrey—tells me as we head to the office in the back to grab some food.

"And they had to get Harlow for that?" As soon as we're safely in the office and away from the eyes of the kids, I ditch the beard and hat and wig so I can breathe a little easier.

"Um…" Aubrey's gaze flicks to the door, making sure we're alone, before she leans a little closer and lowers her voice. "The woman who's in charge this year? Jacklyn? She kind of made everything worse by telling the kid that if he didn't get down, Santa wouldn't bring him the toys he asked for because he doesn't give gifts to bad kids."

My eyes widen. "Are you serious?"

She nods. "Unfortunately."

I'm not sure why I'm surprised; it does sound like something Jacklyn would say. I guess I just thought she'd take it easier on little kids. What the hell is she even doing in this place if she's going to treat them that way?

"We were all hoping Harlow would get put in charge," Aubrey adds, her voice still mostly a whisper. "He's so good with the kids."

He does seem great at this job, and the kids obviously love him. "Do you know why they didn't put him in charge?"

"No." She gives me a little shrug. "My best guess is that Jacklyn knew the woman who was in charge before her. Apparently, Jacklyn grew up here."

"She did," I say, opening the small pantry to grab a container of Ramen noodles. "I went to high school with her."

"Hmm." Aubrey moves around me and pulls an apple from the basket on the counter. "Between you and me, she has no business working with kids."

I've known Jacklyn a long time and don't really want to say anything negative about her, but Aubrey's only saying the truth. "She does seem better suited for a different job."

Aubrey laughs. "I'm going to miss your diplomatic answers when you go back to California."

"Well, she is better suited for a different job."

"Yeah, but you could just as easily have said what we're all thinking: that she's an entitled brat who shouldn't be working with kids, especially around the most magical time of the year."

It's not like I can argue with that. If I were a parent, I'd be pissed if I overheard what Jacklyn said to that kid stuck up on the slide.

The door to the office opens, and Harlow appears, his hair windblown. He gives Aubrey a smile and a one-armed hug. "Hey, I haven't seen you around."

"They put me on elf duty." She wrinkles her nose. "Your sister sucks."

"You don't have to tell me." He tugs on the end of Aubrey's ponytail, then grabs a granola bar before turning to me. "Hey, Cal."

"Hey." My voice sounds strange, like the word doesn't want to come out. "Is the kid from the slide okay?"

Harlow's smile slips for a second, but it's back in place quickly. "Yeah, he's fine. Just a little scared of the size of the slide. He got there in the end."

He doesn't say one word about how Jacklyn probably could've handled it better.

"Oh, good. Aubrey was telling me you've been volunteering here for four years." It's not the smoothest segue I've ever used, but it could be worse.

"Talking about me, huh?" Harlow glances back at Aubrey, who gives him the same shrug she gave me.

"It just came up," she replies, taking another bite of her apple. "You have to know that if gossip is spreading in this place, it's about you."

Harlow shakes his head and leans back against the counter opposite me and starts in on the granola bar.

The speaker on the counter crackles to life, and Archie's voice breaks through. "Aubrey? Jacklyn wants you out here for clean up. And bring Harlow if he's with you."

Without hesitation, Aubrey says, "Harlow left for his lunch break. I'll be right out."

Harlow mouths a thank-you to her as Aubrey finishes her apple and tosses the core in the trashcan by the sink.

Once she disappears out the door with a little wave at us over her shoulder, Harlow relaxes further against the counter.

A small voice in the back of my mind is yelling at me to not bring this up. I've known both Harlow and Jacklyn for eight years now, and I thought I had a pretty good handle on their relationship and who they were. But after having worked with Jacklyn for the last few days and getting to know Harlow a little bit outside of this job, I'm realizing I have no idea how their dynamic works.

"So…Aubrey was telling me that you should've gotten the job to head the village this year," I say, trying my hardest to make it come out casual.

"So you guys really were gossiping about me."

My face warms. "It just kind of came up in conversation. But it made me wonder why you're not heading it. I mean…haven't you been volunteering here for four years? And Jacklyn just came back into town."

Harlow crumples his empty granola bar wrapper and tosses it in the trashcan. "You know Jackie's better at that stuff than I am."

There's something in his voice, something hidden, that makes me want to dig for more, but he doesn't give me the chance.

"You should get back out there before she comes looking for you," he says. "I'll see you tonight."

***

Even though I knew tonight was coming, and even though I'm looking forward to it, I'm still nervous as hell when I show up to Harlow's place later.

I don't know what to say or do, and I feel completely out of my element. But Harlow is at ease as always, oozing confidence from the moment I step into his apartment.

"You can relax," Harlow says, closing the door behind me. "We'll take it at your pace, okay?"

I nod, but I feel ridiculous for being so nervous. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm…like this."

"Because the last person you did anything with was an asshole," he replies, taking my jacket off and laying it over the back of the couch.

"I need you to remain unbiased."

He chuckles and takes a step closer to me. "Well, let me get started, and I'll make my own decision."

For some reason, I expect him to go at me right then, but instead he puts his hands on my waist and draws me close to him. His fingers are warm where they rest on my bare skin where my shirt has risen a little, and I can smell pine from the tree farm on him.

He hesitates a beat, like he's waiting to see if I'll stop him. And when I don't, he leans his head down and presses his lips to mine.

Even before Jesse, I'd kissed other guys, but none of them compare to this. Kissing Harlow is like something from another world. His lips are firm and soft at the same time, inviting me into a world I never realized I was missing out on.

He coaxes my mouth open, and then his tongue is against mine, and I can't help the moan that slips out of me. His fingers dig into my hips, and he presses his body flush against mine. Without meaning to, I buck my hips, grinding against him.

Harlow groans and breaks our kiss so he can tug on my earlobe with his teeth. "If you'd told me about the monster size of your dick earlier, I might've agreed to this a lot sooner."

My skin heats. "Harlow."

"What? I'm just being honest." He moves a little lower, kissing down the column of my throat. His mouth feels incredible, like if he stops, I might combust. His fingers are quick as he opens the buttons on my shirt, and then he gives an appreciative hum.

My body wants him so badly; the craving feels insatiable. But when he hooks his fingers into the waistband of my pants, I pull back a little.

Harlow pauses immediately. His fingers are warm where they rest against my skin. "Okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry." I try to shake my nerves off, but they dig in, burrowing under my skin.

Harlow still doesn't move. "He didn't hurt you, did he? Your ex?"

"What? No?"

"If he did, I want you to tell me."

"I swear he didn't. I'm just nervous."

"Why?"

"Because I…I don't want to do it wrong." God, that sounds pathetic. I wouldn't want to sleep with me right now.

But Harlow's expression doesn't change. He's still calm and patient. "You're not going to do anything wrong. All I want to do tonight is help you relax, all right? Let's just take it one step at a time."

I nod, and when he tugs on the waistband of my jeans again, I don't stop him this time. All he does is unzip my pants and tug them down a little, letting my cock spring free. It's already hard and leaking, and my face heats at how obviously I want this.

Harlow moves his hand from my waist to my cock, ghosting his thumb over the tip. "Look at all of this. Just for me." He lifts his hand and sucks my precum from his thumb, and I nearly come undone right there.

"Lean back against the wall," he says. "You're going to need the support."

I scramble to obey as he lowers to his knees and licks my inner thigh. Then he kisses the tip of my cock before wrapping his hand around the base of it. I groan at the tightness. I've jerked myself off since being with Jesse, but it doesn't compare to this.

Harlow moans as he slides me into his mouth, his hand moving down to cup my balls. They're already aching and full, desperate for a release only Harlow will be able to give me. He pulls back to the tip, then swallows me down again, enveloping me in heat.

I thrust my hips, seeking more. Harlow never breaks the rhythm of his mouth, as he slides his free hand around to my ass. He grips my cheek and pulls, and I feel cool air along my crease.

A whimper falls from me, and I can't help pressing back, wanting his fingers in that part of me I've only ever let one other man be.

Harlow eases back until just the tip of my cock is in his mouth again, and he swirls his tongue lazily around the head. I stare down at him, in awe that this man is on his knees in front of me, sucking me off like a starving man. It's something I definitely fantasized about, but I never thought it'd happen.

He tightens his grip on my balls, just enough to add a little pain to the pleasure, then descends on me again. This time, when his lips wrap about my cock, I feel his index finger nudging my entrance.

"Fuck," I groan, letting my head fall back against the wall.

His finger pushes past the tight ring of muscle, and my body shudders at the intrusion. It burns, but it feels good. And just when I think it can't feel better, he wiggles his finger. My hips jerk, and I cry out. I grip his shoulders to have something to hang on to as I start fucking his mouth.

I don't mean to do it; it's as though my body is acting on its own, responding to everything Harlow's doing to it. But he doesn't push me away or stop me. He just doubles down, sucking harder, digging his finger deeper into me.

Sweat beads my neck, and I summon the energy to lift my head so I can stare down at him again, watch his head bob as he licks and sucks and fucks me. I've never felt anything like this. It wasn't like this with Jesse.

Harlow's finger presses in deeper, and I thread my fingers into his hair, fucking his mouth with abandon. My balls draw up, and I can't stop burying my cock in his mouth as my orgasm slams into me.

Harlow doesn't slow down. He sucks and licks as my legs shake. And when they feel like they're going to give out on me, Harlow surges up and catches me before I stumble.

"Easy," he murmurs, pressing his warm lips to the side of my neck. "That was great. You were amazing."

The praise makes my chest warm, and I can't help leaning into him. I wasn't prepared for the way my body would react to him. For how good he would make me feel. But I already want to do more. I want to get to know every inch of Harlow's skin, feel him come undone underneath my hand.

And I have a sinking feeling that these few weeks won't be near enough time for everything I want to do with him.

Six

Harlow

When I get to the Christmas village the next day, I'm excited to see Cal. Last night had gone even better than I hoped it would. He'd been so nervous when he first showed up, I had worried he'd back out.

I never would've pressured him to do something he wasn't sure about, but he needs to be intimate with someone who isn't that raging dickhead Jesse. Cal had told me to stay unbiased, but I really don't see how I can. Not only was Jesse an asshole, he was also wrong. Cal was incredible last night. And that was just a warm-up.

I get to the backroom where he changes before the start of the Santa program and knock before entering in case he's already changing.

When I step into the room, I realize he's not alone. There's a pretty woman lounging on the couch across from him, her knee-high leather clad boots hanging over the arm of the couch.

"Hey," I say, giving her a nod. I haven't seen her working around here, so she must be a friend of Cal's. "I like your style."

"Thanks, I like your ass."

"Min," Cal says, his voice full of exasperation. "Knock it off and get out of here."

She swings her legs over the couch and stands. "I'll see you at the house."

He shakes his head as soon as she's gone. "I'm sorry. She's…"

"I like her," I interrupt. "Is she not volunteering here?"

"Nah, this kind of thing isn't really her thing, even though she loves kids. She's going to grad school to teach education, and last month, she was approved to foster kids when needed."

My chest warms as I think about all the kids here and in the rest of the world who need someone to love them. "That's great."

He smiles. "Yeah, she's pretty awesome."

I move closer to him. "Shouldn't you be getting ready right about now?"

His cheeks redden, and his gaze drops to my mouth before he jerks it up again, caught. "I…yeah, I am. I'm having a hard time concentrating today."

"Well." I slide my hands around his hips, giving him a little squeeze. "It's a good thing you're coming over later so I can help you loosen up."

His tongue darts out to wet his lower lip, and then his mouth opens, but before he can get a word out, the door jerks open behind us.

"Calvin." Jackie's voice is like getting doused with a bucket of ice water. Her words are clipped. "You need to be out there in ten minutes. Harlow, a word?"

I want to tell her to get out of here. Or better yet, to go to hell. I've wanted to do that for a long time. But I don't. I just let go of Calvin, give him a tight smile, and leave the room with my sister.

She leads me to the back office that's stuffed with props that we had no more room for in storage. She shoves a wooden Christmas tree out of her way before spinning on her heel to glare at me.

"What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't," she snaps. "You know what I'm talking about. You're trying to ruin everything by hitting on my Santa."

"It amazes me that you went to college in a huge city and still think the world revolves around you."

"You're doing this on purpose."

"You're the one who barged into this place like you owned it. I've been here four years."

"So what? You're punishing me for getting involved in something that's supposed to be just yours?"

I clench my jaw so I don't respond. This is how she always gets. Turning something around as if I'm the one who did something wrong, and I yield to her every time. At first it was because I loved her, but over the years, it started to be easier to just give her whatever she wanted so she wouldn't make me miserable. I even stepped out of the way when she came to head the village this year because I'd rather be here for the kids.

But I'm drawing the line at her dictating who I can and can't be with.

"We both know I'm more competent in this job than you could ever be," she says, her voice low. "And I don't want you to fuck this up."

"I'm not going to." It comes out through gritted teeth. I hate myself for not standing up to her more. For not telling her to go fuck herself. For letting her use me for so long.

But just like all the other times we've fought, I swallow back all the words I want to say. She's not going to care, and I don't want to waste my breath.

***

I'm so irritated with Jackie that I want to leave as soon as our argument is over. But I made a promise to be here, and I'm not going to break that. And I feel like I can't leave after seeing the way Jackie treated Zeke—the toddler who got scared at the top of the slide the other day.

I should've fought to be the one in charge. The older couple who used to run it asked me about it, but that was after Jackie had come back to town. After I learned that she was gunning for the position. So I just told them I wasn't interested. I didn't want to spend my holiday fighting with Jackie because I took something she wanted. I hate that she chose this year to reappear, the same year Cal did. I don't want her anywhere near him. She has a habit of finding what I want the most and taking it. Maybe I should look at it in a more mature way, but the truth is, she's the same now as she was in high school.

I think a small part of me was hoping she would grow up while she was gone, and I hate that I'm disappointed. I hate that I'm still waiting for her to start being my sister again.

"Harlow?" A timid voice jerks me back to the present, and I turn to find George at my side, staring up at me with wide blue eyes. My stomach sinks when I realize that one of those eyes is bruised purple and green.

"Hey." I give him a smile. "I've missed you."

"I missed you too." George takes a step forward and wraps his arms around me hesitantly, like he's afraid I'm going to shove him away.

I meet the eyes of his social worker, Lily, and she gives me a sad smile. The most recent foster home must not have worked out.

"Who gave you the bruise?" I ask, the anger churning in my gut.

George steps back and opens his mouth to respond, but Lily interrupts him with a hand on his shoulder.

"You don't need a name," she says firmly, as if she's reading my mind. "There's nothing you can do about it. It's been handled."

I bet I have a better way of handling it.

She turns to smile down at George. "You should go get in line to see Santa."

He wants to argue with her; I can see it in the set of his shoulders. But he doesn't. He simply turns and heads for the line of kids slowly moving toward the red chair at the front.

"Where's he going to be for the holiday?" I ask.

Lily sighs. "I'm not sure yet. We thought we had another place lined up and then found out the guy ran an illegal dog-fighting ring."

"And there's still nothing I can do?"

"No." Her lips press into a thin line. "We're thinking of sending him to Boise. Maybe he'll have a better chance in a bigger city."

"Have you talked to him about that?"

She shakes her head. "The truth is…he might not have much of a choice. We've exhausted the foster homes in the surrounding area, and we have no new ones coming in any time soon."

My chest aches at the thought of George getting sent away. It's bad enough that they can't find a foster home to take him in but to be moved from a whole town?

I wish I could foster him. I brought it up with Lily once last summer, but she said there were too many things that would get me disapproved.

"We'll find the perfect home for him," Lily says with a bracing smile. "Don't worry."

She leaves to follow George, and I have to stop myself from calling after her, demanding to know who it was that hit George. I could show the monster how it feels to really get punched. But any kind of assault like that would get me barred from working with kids permanently.

So instead, I find Aubrey and let her know I'm taking a break. Then I leave to find a deserted place to smoke because I'm going to need it if I still have to put up with Jackie after that.