One

Calvin

"You're up in fifteen minutes, St. Nick," Archie says, poking his head into the small room I've been inhabiting six hours a day for the last three days.

I give him a nod. "Thanks."

Archie disappears, and my best friend Min stretches her long legs out on the small love seat tucked against the back wall.

"I can't believe you're spending Christmas here."

I shrug as I adjust the Santa Claus beard so it stops making my cheeks itch. "My parents are in Mexico for the holiday. Why not come back here and help out with a good cause?"

It's only part of the truth. I also had to get out of San Francisco for the break before I start grad school. After what happened with Jesse, I just needed to leave. I still haven't been able to bring myself to tell Min the truth of it all, though I think she suspects it wasn't pretty.

Of course, that's kind of on par with the rest of our friendship. We wait for the other to come to talk. I know Min came with me to this small town she's never been to before because she's on the outs with her family. They wanted her to go into med school like the rest of her family, and she decided to major in childhood education so she can work with special needs children.

It should be something her family should be proud of her for, but they reacted as if she said she'd be going into illegal activities or something. Apparently, working in the medical field is the only thing the Lees are allowed to do.

"I wish we could just start grad school without having to take December off," Min says, staring up at the ceiling. "I'm ready to be doing something again."

I'm quiet as I cinch the black belt tighter around the stuffed belly under my red suit, wondering if I should push her a little on this. Since the day we met, we've had a good understanding of each other. Of knowing when to back off and when to add a little pressure.

But if I can't be honest with her, what kind of friendship is that?

"You know I'm really proud of you for sticking to your dream instead of going to med school like they wanted you to do."

She casts me a look. "Don't make this weird. Especially with that outfit you have on."

"I'm serious, Min. You know I'm not going to pry about it, but I needed you to hear that."

"All right, I heard it. Now tuck your feelings back where they belong."

"And besides, you are doing something," I say, indicating the striped tights and green dress she's wearing. "You're about to make some kid's day as the cutest elf they've ever seen."

She rolls her eyes, but she's smiling now as she stands from the love seat and heads out of the room to take her place with the other elves.

Once she's gone, I turn to the mirror and take a deep breath. Even with the wig and beard and red suit, I can still see myself underneath it all. Unremarkable.

I mean, it's not like I have self-image issues, but what Jesse said is still digging at me even a month later. Who sleeps with someone and then tells them to their face that they're not a good lay? I wasn't even asking for feedback. He just said it. I thought it had been good, but maybe that was just me. Maybe I'm not meant to be with someone.

My chest clenches at the thought. I know relationships are about so much more than sex, but I'm not sure I could handle being told something like that again. I want to be able to please the guy I'm with. I want to be able to keep a guy once I find another one. But what if Jesse was right and the rest of me isn't enough to keep a guy around?

The door opens behind me, and I turn, expecting it to be Archie again, nagging me at the behest of our organizer, Jacklyn. But the guy who steps into the room is the complete opposite, though I recognize him immediately.

Harlow Vine. Jacklyn's sister and the obvious black sheep of the family. Where Jacklyn made perfect grades, went to the ivy league school, and runs this charity every year, Harlow has made it a point to be as different from her as possible. He barely graduated high school and never went to college. He also partied a hell of a lot more than anyone else in high school. He fooled around with half our graduating class and was the most popular guy in our grade.

And we've always pretty much detested each other.

Harlow pauses in the doorway, a cigarette halfway to his lips. He frowns, as if he's trying to remember me. Then he gives me a smile. "Well, well. Calvin Simms. I didn't know you were back in town."

"Just for the holiday." It's hard to look unbothered and aloof in this get-up, but I'm putting all my effort into it. Ever since we met as freshmen in high school, it was obvious he was cooler than me on so many levels, and even though we're both adults now, that little nagging feeling comes back. The feeling that he could be doing a million better things than talking to me.

To be fair, Harlow never said anything to make me feel that way; it's just something about the way he holds himself. Like he doesn't care about anything.

When Harlow doesn't say anything, the silence pricks at me until I feel like I have to speak. But the only thing that comes out when I open my mouth is, "You shouldn't smoke that here."

Harlow crosses the small room in two strides and raises the window. "Well, I'm not going to smoke in front of all the little kids out there. Wouldn't want to ruin Jacklyn's perfect set-up."

The bitterness in his voice surprises me. It was there all the time in high school—he and his sister didn't get along at any point—but I guess I'd thought they'd grown past it. There's only a ten-month difference between them; they should be super close.

"You and your sister still don't get along?"

"We get along just fine." His voice leaves no room for argument, so I change the subject.

"Are you helping out this year?"

"Behind the scenes," he replies, taking a long pull of the cigarette before blowing the smoke out the window. "I'm helping with the set."

My mind immediately goes to the image of Harlow bending and carrying heavy beams over his shoulder like those guys at construction sites. Does this set even use those?

"What about you?" Harlow asks, his gaze on the open window. "What are you doing back here? I thought you had no plans to come back."

"I didn't. But…my parents are in Mexico for the holiday, so I wanted to be somewhere familiar."

Harlow glances at me, his eyes dark. "You're not spending it with a boyfriend?"

"Um…no." I'd thought I would be spending it with Jesse, but that's obviously not going to happen.

"Really? I would've thought you'd be in something long-term." He pauses to tap the ash from his cigarette out the window. "Unless you're still saving yourself."

My throat tightens as my face heats. "I was never saving myself. I just didn't want to have sex in high school."

It's hard to sound pissed off when this damn beard keeps getting in my mouth whenever I talk. I spit out some of the white fibers and look up to find Harlow watching me with a grin.

"So you aren't a virgin any longer."

I don't respond. Mainly because I'm afraid I'm going to spill and tell him everything that happened with Jesse, and he does not need to hear all of that.

But Harlow was always good at this. He's disarming and charming at the same time. He also says things other people won't. It's easy to see why he was so popular in high school.

The door opens again before Harlow can say anything else, and a harried-looking Archie appears with a frown.

"Get the fuck out here," he snaps. "There are a hundred kids waiting to sit on you."

He storms out again, leaving Harlow staring after him.

"You ever notice how much he sounds like my sister?" he asks.

"More than once." They even have the same shrill sound when they get stressed out.

I check my belt one more time to ensure it's in place, then head for the door.

"I'll see you around, St. Nick," Harlow calls from behind me. I know it's not supposed to because we've been mostly at odds with each other since the moment we met, but his voice sends a shiver down my spine. And suddenly, I realize what I need to let go of what Jesse said to me.