18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Walter

It took about ten minutes for me to realize the absolute, magnanimous mistake I had made. I stared up at my empty mantle. The only thing that had been colorful in my life, in my home, was gone. And with it, all the light had been removed. I might as well have been living in a dried husk of a house shrouded by bleak rain clouds. There was no joy, no spark, no glitter. And the look on Shimmersnap’s face when I told him to go—gutted me.

I had told him I would never dull his sparkle, yet that was the first thing I did when he presented me with his truth. A truth that I knew, without a doubt, was real. He was an elf. Santa was real. Apparently, there was more than one of them. And yet, I sent him away.

And why? Because I was scared? Because I knew that I’d never live up to his amazingness? I hadn’t trusted that Shimmersnap knew his own heart, so I’d sent him away.

I sank into my sofa and let out a long sigh, leaning my head back and staring up at the blank white ceiling. I had fucked up. I would give anything to find him right now, but he had blinked away, and as far as I knew, he could’ve gone as far as the North Pole with one snap. How the hell would I ever find him? It wasn’t exactly like they were opening flights there.

“Shimmersnap, please. Come back. I’m sorry,” I said out loud, as if maybe he could hear me—like he was just invisible and in the room with me. But based on the absolute emptiness that I felt, there was no way that Shimmersnap was anywhere near me. “Please. I messed up. I would like another chance, please. I’m begging you. I’m so fucking sorry.” My voice cracked at the last word.

Nothing. Nada. He couldn’t hear me—or he didn’t believe me. If only I had some sort of Christmas miracle, a wish…

I got up then and went to the spare room, where I had a desk with some papers in it. I rummaged around until I found some old stationery. I grabbed a pen and sat down.

“Dear Santa,

Never thought I’d be writing you a letter as a 38-year-old man. I don’t know that I’ve ever written you something, but I’m writing now, asking for my deepest wish to come true. You put one of your elves in my care, and I broke that trust. Please. My Christmas wish this year is to have Shimmersnap back. He is the light of my life, the absolute sparkle that brings me so much joy. My dull existence was irreversibly brightened when he was near me.

I love him. All I want for Christmas this year is Shimmersnap.”

A lone tear fell down my face and landed on the parchment. I folded it up and just sat there. Then the paper in my hand lit up, like there was a flashlight behind it, illuminating the room. It got brighter and brighter until little sparkles danced around it.

Then, I was no longer in my room—I was back where the holiday festival had been.

Snow coated the ground, and I stood there wearing nothing but pants and a T-shirt. Across the courtyard was Shimmersnap, sitting crisscross on a bench by himself.

My Christmas wish to be back with Shimmersnap had come true. I didn’t know how, but I wasn’t going to question it.

“Thank you, Santa,” I muttered under my breath before jogging toward him.

“Shimmersnap!” I called out.

He looked up, startled. “Walter? Where did you come from? How did you know I was here?”

“I didn’t. I wrote a letter.”

“A letter?”

I reached the bench quickly and knelt in the snow, looking up at my perfect Shimmersnap. His eyes were wet with unshed tears and my heart broke. I did that to him. “I realized I messed up. I had no idea how to get to you. I didn’t know this would happen. I thought it would take a little longer—I don’t really know what my game plan was.”

I pulled his hands into mine.

“I wrote a letter to Santa. My Christmas wish was to get to you. Then, suddenly, I was here. Oh, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I’m sorry I sent you away. I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I can’t believe my first reaction to finding out you’re an elf was to immediately send you away.”

Shimmersnap’s lips twitched into a faint smile. “It is kind of shocking.”

I cupped his cheek in my hand, the permanent sparkly sheen on his face glistening under the lights. I knew now it wasn’t lotion—it was just the way Shimmersnap was.

“It was stupid of me,” I continued. “I’ve known you were special since the day I met you. I knew that figurine was special since the day I picked it up. Yet, when presented with the facts right in front of me, I panicked. Didn’t believe I could ever have anything that good. I—I want to make it up to you. I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

“This is a pretty good start,” he said, his voice soft.

“Come home with me. Please stay with me, for always. Or whenever you’re not working at the North Pole. Or can I go there? Do they need accountants in the North Pole?”

Shimmersnap chuckled. “We need to get you out of the cold.”

I expected that we’d get up and call an Uber to take us home, but as soon as he said the words, we were transported back to my home.

Shimmersnap landed on the couch, and I was kneeling in front of him. My knees were still wet from the snow.

“Whoa,” I said. My head spinning slightly from the instant change.

Shimmersnap winced. “Sorry. I should have warned you.”

“That’s okay. You’re amazing, Shimmersnap. I’m so sorry I didn’t listen or trust you when you told me you were an elf. I thought… I thought you were making fun of me for being attached to my elf figurine.”

“Never. That figurine is me.”

“I supposed that explains why I needed it. I need you, Shimmersnap. I want to be with you always.”

Shimmersnap’s chin quivered, and then he launched himself in my arms. The two of us lay splayed out on the floor.

“Oh, I love you, Walter! So much. And we’re going to live happily ever after. And we’re going to have a baby. I’m probably due in September. And I want to volunteer. Not just for Christmas, but for other things! Like a food bank! Or school! But mostly I want to be with you!”

A baby? Did he say baby? “Shimmersnap?”

He stilled. “Whoops. I didn’t mean to blurt all of that out.” His cheeks turned red, accentuating the sparkle that shimmered over his skin. “Are you mad?”

“Never,” I said, and I kissed his lips. “I love you. And I want nothing more than to do all those things with you. Especially being parents. I’ll never dull your sparkle again, Shimmersnap.”

“I love you too, Walter.”