20. Beatriz

TWENTY

Beatriz woke with the sun sneaking under the bottom of the curtains. A golden aura that signified something deep in her soul, a truth that she wasn't entirely able to accept.

After making love the night before, Beatriz tossed and turned. It wasn't the sex that made her feel torn, of course. That was always transcendent and outstanding. It was what came before the lovemaking that gave her pause.

Mike had been physically upset the entire time that Nate had gone back to the club. She and Karla had distracted themselves with the kids and even put on a movie while they slept.

Beatriz had tried to cuddle into her mate, but he was a million miles away. At first, she was engulfed by jealousy. Why would her mate want to be anywhere but with her? Then she took a step back in her mind and realized that duty was a big part of who Mike truly was.

And that was something to admire. She had met him as a loyal enforcer for the Wolfe family. If their matehood couldn't take him from that, then nothing would.

The sex had reassured her of his affection, but once the afterglow had worn off, she lay in bed with his naked body swathed around her, a sense of guilt looming.

As sunlight trailed further into the bedroom, Beatriz mused over an inconvenient truth. The Wolfe family, more than ever, needed someone like Mike. They needed a dedicated enforcer, someone who was intelligent and thoughtful. Their name was being threatened, their reputation, and their safety.

She loved that he was willing to drop everything for her, but was that right when people's lives were on the line? She felt she needed to share Mike's greatness with the world rather than hog it all for herself. Even if the pain stabbed deep in her heart, knowing she could never truly keep him as her own no matter how much she wanted to.

It would be selfish for her to continue taking his attention the way she had. Before they met, he could be counted on. With her in the picture, he would always have one foot in the Wolfe arena and the other, always considering Beatriz and her safety.

Beatriz blinked a few times, her eyes glazing over. She gazed at her mate, sleeping soundly. He was so damn beautiful. And he would belong to her forever.

But from a distance.

Beatriz rose from the bed and searched for her clothing. They had made their way into the bedroom for a third round, and they had already been naked. She took her robe from the back of the door, slipped an arm in, and began to turn the doorknob with delicate fingers.

"What are you doing?"

Beatriz shook. His voice vibrated through her like thunder.

She turned to face him, which was something she hadn't been planning on doing. Was it cowardly, or was it practical? Tucking herself away at dawn and blending with the shadows. She was doing it for his sake and for the sake of the entire Wolfe family, and that included the precious triplets.

Blue Creek wasn't going to be her home. Beatriz was doing everything she could to delay the cracking of her heart.

He was standing in the slant of golden light, nude and inquisitive. Beatriz could have lied and said she was getting up to make breakfast, but there was no point. He was her mate. The man could smell it on her.

The grave look on his face clarified that.

"Mike," she said with a sigh. "I can't stay here with you. I'm not good for you. The Wolfe family needs you to not be distracted. They are under fire right now. I …"

Beatriz waited for him to argue with her, to grab her by the waist and profess that his adoration for her burned through him like a volcano. When he didn"t, a part of her was disappointed, but another was relieved.

"I understand what you're saying. We have to be able to put our feelings aside for one another and put them first. It's our duty."

Beatriz agreed. She quietly retrieved her clothing from the living room, then gathered the rest of her things that Barbara had brought over from the cabin. Sadness stung her throat, but she wasn"t going to let the reality of the moment manifest just yet. When she was alone, she would let it wash through her.

It was far more practical. At least, that was what she kept telling herself.

Mike offered to make her breakfast before she left. She reluctantly said that it likely wasn't a good idea.

Disappointment plagued his expression. In truth, there wasn't anything else Beatriz wanted to do more than to make breakfast, eat, laugh, and frolic with her mate. Rejecting him felt like pulling a knife out of her own back.

"That's probably a good idea," he said, not meeting her eye.

He helped her carry her things to the car as the sun spilled over the horizon. It was a sight that belonged on a canvas, a burning crimson and golden tapestry. Colors danced over the lake like tiny jewels as the car backed out of the driveway. Beatriz felt a hollow ache that slowly moved toward numbness.

They drove in silence up to the cabin where Beatriz had originally been staying. The sun had peeked, birds were singing, and animals were emerging. Beatriz climbed out of the car, got her bags, and tried to rush into the cabin without another word.

"Beatriz."

His teeth bit into her name. It wasn"t anger. It was passion.

When she turned to him, agonizing over it, his hands were suddenly all over her. The sensation was like she had been starving, and his touch was a banquet. He feasted over her, causing her to drop the bags she held as he pulled her into him by the waist.

"Mike …"

She was breathless. Her body had gone stiff, her back arching, her chest heaving with anticipation. In the past, it was a pleasant feeling. But at that moment, staring into the green infernos of his eyes, it felt like the complete opposite.

"I have no idea whether or not this is the dumbest thing I've ever done," he muttered, looking mournful.

Mike raised a hand to her cheek, pushing her hair out her face. His body was strong and hard against her own. His other hand caressed her lower back in small, warm circles.

Beatriz swallowed, the words crawling up her throat like scorpions.

"It won't be forever. I promise you. Maybe I can go home for a bit, and things will settle down. Then we can figure out what we want to do."

Mike gave her a nod, but it wasn't reassuring. It frightened her, the way his eyes averted, staying silent rather than following up on his own promise.

But Beatriz knew that the words were empty as she spoke them. When the drug issue was dealt with, another problem would surely arise. With such a big and known family, there would always be a need for an enforcer's aid.

Mike was going to be the one they called on. And he would always be torn.

Beatriz could feel her heart slowly crumble into pieces, like the splitting of paper mache. She ran her hands up her mate's chest and settled on his neck while he bent his head to meet hers. Their foreheads pressed together, their sorrow shared and palpable.

"I have one more thing to ask of you," she whispered.

"Anything."

"Kiss me. Like you mean it."

His fingers hook under her chin, and their eyes finally met. She wanted to lose herself in his green wonders, to drown and never emerge again.

Mike pressed his lips to hers in a soft, melancholic kiss. The passion was there, but it was collared. They both knew what would happen if either of them even vaguely stepped out of line. A flick of a tongue, a nibble of the bottom lip. Their attraction was undeniable and, in many ways, volatile.

But Beatriz let herself sink into her mate as much as she could without unleashing her true desperation. He did the same, and the sun crested behind a distant mountain, casting them in shadows.

They parted eventually, a miraculous act. Beatriz"s fingers slid down Mike's arm and tangled briefly with his, squeezed, and then finally let go.

She forced herself to turn away from him. There was no other option. She was either going to erupt in tears or desire. Or both.

Beatriz felt like she was moving underwater as she approached the cabin door, the starting of the ignition a faint rumble in a whole other dimension. She heard the car pull away and then disappear, the sound swallowed with blunt disregard.

She could barely get the door open. Beatriz's limbs went weak as she stumbled through the cabin, dropping her bags haphazardly and slamming the door shut. She pinned herself against it, grief moving through her like a roaring tidal wave.

Sadness and anger are two peas in a pod. No one knows that better than shifters, who feel emotions on a much higher continuum than the average human. All at once, she wanted to shatter every piece of furniture, scream, shift, and run out into the wilderness. They had done right, but at what cost to her own sanity?

Beatriz had to get out of there. She needed to load the car and leave town to never come back.

Beatriz pressed her palm against her mouth and let out a muffled, primal howl.