9. Marcus

9

MARCUS

P acing around the half-empty bay of the fire station, I can't shake the nervous feeling in my chest. It's hard to hand over control at times, even though I know that I can trust my men. I can trust Theo to lead the men. He has good instincts, even if he can be a bit risky. Everyone will return safe.

Unable to keep still, I straighten the jackets still hung on their hooks, check the air in the remaining tanks, count the fire kits and incident gear, putting my hands on everything in reach until I've made it through it all.

After another lap around the bay, I wipe a hand down my face. The radio crackles at my belt.

"It's Chief McIntyre, status report."

"The structure is unstable." Ethan's usually boisterous voice is somber and serious. "Theo just took Martinez back in after one last person."

I stifle my sigh. "How unstable?"

"It's a big risk, Sir. A big risk."

My heart thumps against my sternum. I should have gone with them instead of staying behind to man the paperwork. I make a better leader in the field than I do sitting around my office. It doesn't matter if I have to take stacks of forms home with me or stay the extra hour to complete them if it means I'm there to keep my men safe.

My anxiety doesn't ebb until Ethan comes back over the radio. "Everyone's out and safe. We're clear."

I let out the breath I've been holding and march up to the break room to make coffee. One of Lily's teething rings is hidden behind the pot. I'm not surprised we missed one. My baby girl made a mess of this place while we had her here.

The relief of knowing someone is home with her is a balm against my frazzled nerves. I don't remember the mountains of Afghanistan being this stressful, but trying to create stability for Lily while dedicating myself to running this fire station has nothing on my days as a ranger.

Then, I knew how to manage the unexpected. I didn't have the stress of reprimanding my fellow rangers on the way they completed their jobs. I only had to survive. But now, I have so much more responsibility—with the station, with my men, at home with my daughter.

It's obvious that I need to be out with my men on calls, but striving for stability as a single father is taking its toll.

Once my coffee is brewed and my mug is full, the fire engine pulls back into the bay and the men file out, unloading equipment, stripping off their gear, slapping backs and shoulders, and congratulating each other on a job well done. I stand at the top of the stairs, sipping the too hot coffee and watching them until Ethan looks up to catch my eye.

Whereas I'm aware of the change that happens in all of us when the bells ring and we're called out to an emergency, by the time we return, the comradery and jokes return, but Ethan remains serious.

That's not a good sign. I wave him up to have a chat.

Leaning against my desk, I cross my arms and sip my coffee. Ethan enters like a sourpuss, and we stare at each other for a few long minutes.

"What happened?" I prompt, my jaw clenching.

Ethan is the last of us to harp on anyone, so when he wipes his hand down his face and sighs, I know it's worse than I've been imagining.

"The place nearly fell down on us the first venture in, Cap." He plops down in the seat in front of me and slumps back. "Then, he goes back in for a last guy. Granted, we all heard the cry, and I get it. But he took in Martinez, and they only made it out by luck. Someday, Theo's luck is going to run out. I've already told him as much."

I hum a noncommittal noise, unwilling to voice an opinion about one of my men in front of another without them present. "Thank you, Ethan. I'll take care of it."

He sits in my chair for another handful of minutes.

"Unless there's something else you had to say about the matter?"

"They saved him. We got everyone out because of him, and I don't want gloss over that, Cap. Theo's good at his job. They got him out." Ethan stands, running his hands through his hair before dropping them. His smile is a grimace as he backs out of my office.

I finish my coffee and take a deep breath before marching back out to the railing by the stairs, observing the routines until Theo catches my gaze. I gesture him up to me, pointing to my office.

His mouth tightens, and he nods, holding up the gear in his hands.

I wait him out, not moving until he breaches the top of the stairs. Turning, I follow him inside and close the door behind me.

Theo crosses his arms over his chest and drops them almost immediately. It's clear his adrenaline is waning, the thrill of the job giving way to the exhaustion of a twenty-hour shift and counting.

I allow the silence to hang, jaw clenching with a blend of pride and anger. Theo's one of my oldest friends, joining my team when I was still a lieutenant. He's always had this reckless streak, although we've worked to curb those tendencies while out on the job. Or I thought we had.

Theo's hands clench into fists. "I hate it when you do this, stand all silent and stoic, waiting for me to crack. Just say what's on your mind."

I suck in a slow breath, my pride warring with my parental instincts to keep my men safe. I can't hold back any longer. "What were you thinking?"

Theo huffs. "I was thinking that my job is to save people."

"How are you supposed to save people if you're buried under seventy tons of burning rubble, if you get one of your brothers trapped or dead?" My voice cracks on the last word. "How do you save people then?"

The mottled red in Theo's face deepens—with anger or embarrassment, I can't be sure.

"Are you going to explain? Or are you going to stand there like a chastised child? What happened?" Anger laces my every word.

"The house was coming down, and someone was still inside." Theo shifts on his feet, eyes narrow and avoiding my own.

" And? " I cringe internally at how loud my voice booms.

"And I heard him cry out. We all did. Martinez followed my lead back inside. We were fast enough to find him passed out on the floor and carry him out. I won't apologize for doing my job."

"Did I ask for an apology?" I take a step forward, forcing Theo to meet my gaze. "Or did I ask for an explanation?"

After a beat, he sighs and straightens, bristling against the pressure I lay on him. "For an explanation, Sir."

I close my eyes at his reverting to formality. "Would you disagree with my being concerned? With my worry over your pushing it too far? Or how you endangered the whole team? Do you understand the potential risks of what you just did?"

Theo's shoulders slump. "I couldn't leave him in there. I couldn't."

I clasp my hands on his shoulders as a sign of support. "I know. And I'm proud of your bravery, of your quick thinking, of your good heart. It's always in the right place."

His sigh deflates him, but the defeat leaves his expression. "It kills me every time we lose someone."

I clap him on the back and pull him in for a hug, not afraid of his need to express his emotions, of bearing them with him. As much as society says we should keep it all inside to be real men, we're human beings, and it's not healthy to keep it all inside.

Theo's hand thumps against my back, and he squeezes before we release each other.

"You know I have to question you as your boss, as the captain and leader of this team. I am responsible for you and everyone else in this station. Get me?"

"Yeah, I get you." His voice is strained and tired.

"I can't afford to have hotheads on my team, well-intentioned or not." I reinforce this with a meaningful look.

The ping in his pocket draws his attention away from me and this much-needed conversation.

"Stay with me for a few more minutes before you disappear into your phone and sexting Tiffany." I tap my desk, still too full of paperwork. The piles never seem to decrease, and it never seems to end.

"Yes, Boss."

I round my desk and sit. "Help me fill out this report, and we'll consider it and one extra turn on bathroom duty penance enough."

Theo groans and slides into one of the two chairs opposite mine.

"Yeah, that's how I feel about filling out paperwork, too, but it's got to be done." The small smile on my face has one creeping over Theo's. Bathroom duty isn't something to be taken lightly and is possibly one of the worst punishments I can think of that doesn't involve an official reprimand.

Finding a happy medium between the truth and protecting Theo from worse consequences takes about an hour, and when we finally finish, Theo pulls his phone free, clicking through a few items before he grips the device even harder.

He gasps, the color draining from his face and his eyes going steely. "What the fuck?"