8. Bridget

EIGHT

Bridget

People are mingling throughout the party. Old friends, new acquaintances, and, for some reason, my heart is pounding itself up out of my ribcage and into my throat.

There is no logical reason to be this upset. There are cocktails aplenty, hors d'oeuvres being devoured by happy guests, and I've even taken care of ensuring safe travels.

No one likes a drunk driver.

But I'm spiraling. Nothing will be good enough because I'm not good enough. I stuff another of the delicious appetizers into my mouth, hoping against hope that it'll make me feel better.

It doesn't.

I can't blame the tiny quiche, either. It's phenomenal, like all the other things the caterer has brought in, but that's just the thing isn't it.

I couldn't arrange this party the way I wanted because it's not my party.

It's Jai's.

Right on cue, he comes into the kitchen where I'm hiding, and I quickly wipe the crumbs from my mouth with a cloth napkin. A cloth napkin that I'm renting because the ones I bought for tonight are—say it with me—not good enough.

"There you are. We need someone to start another bottle of red."

Jai walks over, and I instinctively pull into myself, my shoulders slumping.

"Oh, okay. Isn't there a server who can?—"

"I'm sorry. Is doing something for your fiance's party too much for you?"

I shake my head, that horrible, drilling nausea starting low in my belly as my temples throb.

I could pull my hair out right now, and you know, if Jai wasn't here, I would've, but I can't let him see that.

"Of course not. I'm sorry. I'll get right to it, Jai."

He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. It never does, though. As I walk over to the pantry, where there are dozens of bottles of wine on standby, I run into one of the servers.

The guy makes a move to help me, but I quickly shake my head, mouthing, "No. Don't."

My hand is on the next bottle of Cabernet when I feel Jai come up behind me, standing over me and blocking out all the light from the hallway on the other side of him.

"And don't think I didn't notice your little snack, babe. I told you that you need to lay off those. You've already put on what? Five pounds. Come on. Have some self-restraint."

The air leaves my lungs in a whoosh, the words landing just the way he wants them to.

I'm not overweight or unhealthy. I have curves. I always have, and I don't think I've gained anything lately. Shit, I guess I could've…

The thoughts trail off as I realize Jai's right back in my head again like always.

Another fault has presented itself to him, a familiar one at that, and of course, Jai needed to dig his claws into it.

We had a talk a few weeks ago about the teasing. I told Jai how much it hurt me. He said he would stop.

He didn't.

It's fine. This is Jai's party. We can talk about it later. So, I just nod for him, a newly growing habit that I really hate to be developing.

Stepping back, I feel Jai leave the room rather than seeing it, and I get the wine ready. In just a minute, I'm out front in the living room, pouring drinks for our friends and putting on the best smile I can.

I'm about to head to the kitchen again to toss the empty bottle, when Jai comes up to me and puts his hand on the small of my back.

"Don't get sidetracked in there. I need you out here making a good impression." He puts his other hand on my stomach. "And that definitely includes no more snacks."

Everything swirls around me. I know people heard that. My pulse screams in my ears as my heart batters against my ribs. My hands shake, and I can feel the burn of tears start behind my eyes.

"I…I need some air. I'll be right back."

Rushing off to the kitchen, I fling the bottle in the recycling and push through the backdoor into the yard. I'm only outside a moment, when Jai grabs my arm and yanks me around to face him.

"Jai! What are you?—"

His fingers dig into me hard enough to bruise me. "Don't you ever walk away from me like that. If you ever try to leave me, Bridget, I will find you. I will always find you. Understood?!"

The rumble of a semi passing by on the highway not far from my mother's house cuts through the terror. I wake in the bed I slept in as a teenager, sweat clinging to me as my pulse thunders.

It was far from the first time I dreamed about Jai. Hell, this wasn't even the first time I dreamed of the night I became truly afraid of him.

But there's something about this time.

My blood is cold in my veins, and all I want in the entire world is to curl up somewhere safe.

I'm not sure if such a thing exists anymore.

A moment later, my alarm goes off, and I reach over for my phone to silence it. I need to get ready for the day. I have errands to run for Mom since Mason has Mia, and it'll be my only day off for a while.

Heart still pounding, I stretch, pulling myself out of bed by the bootstraps. I can't let myself dwell on the memories…the nightmare.

I lived it before, and I can't let myself live it now. It's been almost a week since I got here, and Jai hasn't found me.

That's what I need to focus on.

Dragging myself across my old room, I reach into my closet, now full of my adult clothes, and retrieve a pair of jeans and a simple white tee for the day.

I need a bra and underwear, too, and I snag a towel so that I can shower.

Once I'm all clean, I pad down the stairs in my bare feet. Temps have been steadily increasing now that it's the height of summer, and the cool wood floor feels amazing on the soles of my feet.

Soon enough, the kitchen sings with the gentle sounds of the tea kettle boiling and eggs frying on the stove. I pull the kettle off the heat and plop the eggs down onto the two waiting plates—mine and Mom's.

Above Mom's plate, I've lined up her pills for the morning, and I filled the weekly pill container with her prescriptions so that she won't miss one anymore.

The timer on my phone goes off, and I pull out the baked chicken from the oven. I've made enough, as well as several sides of vegetables and mashed potatoes, to store for the week so that Mom doesn't have to worry about cooking while I'm over at Mason's with Mia.

My entire life has become taking care of people, and I don't really mind.

The cooking gets a bit old, but I've got it down to a science now, and those years working in diners are definitely coming in handy.

"Hi, sweetie. What's all this?"

I turn to see my mother coming down the steps and into the kitchen. With a smile, I pull out her chair, and she takes a seat.

"No more forgetting doses or having to cook after treatments. There's chicken and potatoes and succotash all in containers ready to go. I can make a thing of spaghetti for you, too."

"Bridget! I can't believe you did all this. You're…well, damn, sweetie, I'm impressed. Thank you."

I grin, sitting next to my mom and digging into the eggs because I am definitely hungry now.

"No wonder Mason wants you working for him." She laughs, and I force a nod.

Want seems like a strong word, and I know what I'm doing isn't that special. I'm sure he could find another nanny to help him.

Mason just feels sorry for me—which is spectacular.

"So, how's it going anyway? You've been Mason's nanny for just about a week. Good?"

"Oh, it's fine, Mom. Most of the time, Mason just comes home exhausted and late. It's not like an office, you know? I'm not standing around to chat. I have you to get back to."

She scoffs, waving me off. "Pfft. That's a bunch of baloney. It wouldn't do me any harm if you took an extra ten minutes to talk to the man."

I offer her a laugh, but my mind circles back to the evenings I've spent with Mason.

It's true that we don't talk much when he gets home. Mia is usually all ready for bed when he arrives, and after putting her down together…

Oh, be honest with yourself, Bridget. You just stand there and stare at each other.

I can see him in my mind's eye, doing that damn thing with his tie and narrowing his eyes on me. I don't know if he's felt it, too, but every second around him is like standing next to a furnace.

It's so warm, and you want to reach out and touch the radiating bends of metal. But going that direction with Mason would have the same results.

I'd just get burned, and I'm not looking for any more heartbreak, thank you very much.

Still, there's that look in his eyes. The one that hits me like lightning, and I can't help but wonder if he's fighting to hold back.

"He's my boss, Mom. It's not like we're close anymore. Trust me. I'm all about being there for Mia."

Which is true. It just also happens to be true that seeing Mason with his daughter… does something to me.

They're so charming together, and seeing Mason as a father immediately sends my head to the past.

I've regretted my life with Jai for a while now, but nothing makes it hit harder than watching Mason play with Mia.

He's an incredible father. Probably an incredible husband, too.

But there is absolutely no time for that and no place, either. Mason has his daughter to think of, and I have Jai.

"Oh, nonsense," Mother adds, taking her last bite of eggs and swallowing down two of her five pills.

I cock a brow. "Excuse me?"

"Mason is right here, honey. And you can be all about Mia and still be interested in the man."

My mouth falls open, and Mom sees fit to fill the gaping silence with more of her unique "insights."

"You should give it another go with him. I know you two had something cooking before you met Jai. And you know what I say? There's no time like the present."

"Mother!" My eyes flare as my brows shoot up. "You're honestly suggesting that I make a move on my boss. On Hudson's best friend? What would he think? It's not like he knows about…all that stuff."

My mom just shrugs, and I shake my head, taking my coffee cup and holding it right in front of my mouth without drinking.

"Besides," I finally take a sip, "I'm not sure how long I'll be staying in Red Lodge. I'm here to help you, but you'll get better. Then what? I can't do that to Mia or Mason. It's…it's not the right time."

Mom just offers another of her patented scoffs and finishes taking her pills. When she meets my eyes again, there's the gleam of classic Bev mischief behind her baby blues that look so much like mine.

"Timing is rarely right. You think everything worked peachy keen with your father?" She raises her brows at me. "And need I remind you that you shoved your way into our lives when your dad was supposed to be shooting blanks."

I giggle slightly as Mom stands up from the table and wraps her arms around my head and neck for a hug.

"I missed you, sweetie, and I hate that you had to go through all that bullshit with Jai. Just know that if you ever want to talk about it, about anything, I'm always here to listen. And to provide some encouragement."

My eyes burn, and a tear trickles down the side of my nose, tickling. I'm quick to swipe it away.

"Jesus, Mom. It's not even eight o'clock. It's too early for this heavy of a conversation."

She shrugs happily, straightening. "Hey, clock's a-ticking, Bridget. There's no time to put things off."

My chest squeezes, and I feel the words perched on the tip of my tongue. I want to spill it all out on the floor for her.

Mom is amazing, and I know that she'll take the news with grace. I could just tell her. I could let someone else in on the big secret about Jai and maybe get some help.

I hold her eyes, my words caught in my throat.

Knock, knock, knock.

We both glance toward the front door, and I sniffle up the last of my tears, wiping my face.

"I'll get it. Go relax."

With another easy grin, my mother kisses the top of my head and goes back to the stairs to head to her sewing room. I know she can't do as much as she usually can, but being in there and finger-weaving the yarn seems to keep her happy.

Well, happier.

As I return my attention back to the knock, the pounding on the door rings out again in a resounding boom, and my heart leaps into my throat.

My pulse is rising by the second, and the familiar sour taste in my mouth starts up as the nervous energy claims my stomach and has me regretting eggs as my breakfast choice.

The knock seems so insistent, and my steps freeze, my body locking down on itself.

I'm just standing there at the threshold of the kitchen and the living room, staring at the door.

Is it Jai? Oh, God. He couldn't possibly have found me. Right? I mean, it's only been a few days. How on earth would he have gotten here so fast. He's supposed to be on the west coast, for Christ's sake.

Another knock and I jump, nearly stumbling off my feet. My vision tunnels, and I slowly approach the door.

Reaching out, my hand is shaking, and all I want to do is run for my mother and get the hell out of here.

"Honey, are you going to answer that?"

My mother's voice calling from up the stairs makes me yelp again, wincing in place, and I know I can't ignore the knocks anymore.

Okay, if it's Jai, just run. Run, Bridget. You lead him away from your mother and go…somewhere .

The knob against my palm feels stiff and cold, but I give it a slow turn. As I crack open the door, a tiny voice squeaks out.

"Hello? Mrs. Monroe? I've got the delivery."

I sink into myself as the voice settles over me, distinctively not Jai's. I pull the door wider, and I see a charming elderly gentleman wearing a kind smile.

My entire body sags, and I sigh out a long breath. Just the grocery guy .

"Oh, hello, young miss," the man says, holding out a paper bag while two more rest near his feet, "are you helping Mrs. Monroe?"

Nodding, I give him a polite smile and take the bag. "Yes, sorry I took so long. I'm Bev's daughter, Bridget."

The man's eyes brighten. "Oh, well, hi there. I've heard her talk about you. And no worries about the door. I take my fair share of time answering mine, too."

A slight chuckle leaves me, and in the next few minutes, I have all the groceries brought into the living room. I give the delivery guy, Saul, a wave and offer to help him back to his car.

He looks far too old to be doing this job, but he waves me off.

"Nah, I'm fine. See you next week, Breanne."

Rolling my lips between my teeth, I grin. "Um, Bridget."

"Oh," his brows shoot up, "darn it. Bridget, yes, of course. See you next week."

"See you then, Saul."

He toddles off to his car, which takes two tries to start, and then drives off further into town. I watch the car on the quiet road for a few minutes, standing at the door with my hand on the knob.

Crack.

I snap my attention to the trees off to the left, where I heard the sound. There's nothing. I'm being paranoid again.

With a resigned sigh, I go back inside to put away the groceries. I need to make a trip into town today to look at a car, and I should really get going.