Chapter Sixteen

Mac

We get in the car, and Maren buckles up before turning to me.

"Where to?" she asks.

I've been considering this ever since we stepped out of the shower. If I had my way, we'd be in bed all day. But breakfast is wearing off, and the fridge is limited on food. I like to keep some fresh ingredients in there at all times, which is why we lucked out on berries and breakfast foods. But there isn't much else to choose from since I've been staying at Benji's house the past few weeks.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I've worked up an appetite. Let's start with lunch, and then go from there. Any favorites? "

As she mulls over ideas, my guilt taps at my conscience. I haven't even checked in on Benji. He's probably fine, but yesterday's state of confusion was concerning. The nurse on shift would get a hold of me if he took a turn for the worse or was too difficult, but I still feel pulled to check in, especially after another night away.

"How about Sandpipers, that place that serves those huge cheeseburgers right on the beach?" Maren asks, breaking me from my thoughts. Just the mention makes my mouth water. It's also so different from what every other woman would have suggested. Most expect some fancy meal with a long wine list, only to order a salad and steal bites off my plate. The last date I had, I practically had to drag her to Hillside because all I wanted was a greasy burger and fries with a cold beer. Helena pouted the whole time, and picked at the salad she ordered when I refused to share my fries. It only took her an hour to realize I couldn't tear my eyes away from Maren on stage. Let's just say that when Helena threw her drink in my face before walking out, I only wondered what took her so long.

"That sounds like the perfect spot."

The place is packed when we get there, so we opt for a spot at the bar. I hesitate for a moment as I look at the beer menu on the wall.

"Go ahead," Maren says, nodding her head at the menu.

"It doesn't bother you? I don't have to drink around you, you know."

"So, if we end up hanging out a lot more than today, are you just going to give up drinking alcohol?"

"Sure," I say, not even hesitating. But at the same time, I realize what she's saying. If this thing we have going gets serious, I could be promising to be sober alongside her. I'd do it. But at the same time, I really enjoy unwinding at the end of a long day with a cold beer in my hand.

"Order whatever you want," she says, "I've been sober long enough that it doesn't bother me anymore."

I think back to the day I saw her on the rooftop. When she had that glass of wine in her hand. When I bumped into her because I already knew she didn't drink.

It was a terrible day for her, a day when she found out she was losing her apartment.

Because I was the one who sold the building.

"I'll have a burger with grilled onion and jack cheese, medium rare, and a Coke to drink," I say to the waitress.

Maren shoots me a look, then she glances over the menu.

"I'll have the same, but a Lagunitas IPA to drink."

My eyes immediately whip to hers as soon as the words leave her mouth. The waitress takes our menus, while I figure out how to react here. It's not my business. Her sobriety is hers alone to manage, and any direction from me would be an infringement on what is supposed to be her choice. I already overstepped when I made her spill her wine. But right now, there is no reason for this. We've had a good day, despite the turmoil from yesterday. I think she's enjoying my company.

So what is she doing?

The waitress returns with our drinks, and my hand feels shaky as I pick up my soda. I try not to stare as she does the same with her beer.

"Mac," she says.

"Yeah?"

"Put down the soda."

I do, and she immediately picks it up, placing the glass of beer in front of me.

"For the record, I have always hated beer. I was always more of a tequila girl. Probably the Mexican in me."

I breathe a sigh of relief, then take a long sip of beer. Fuck, that's good. Half the glass is drained before I put it down, then I take her hands in mine.

"I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable," I say, "I know you said it was no big deal, but…"

"But what?" She slips her hands out of mine, then sips my/her Coke, waiting for a real explanation.

I don't want to bring it up. I should bring it up. I should tell her about my role in her reason for being there that night. But looking at her, the way her eyes shine as she waits for my explanation, I just can't.

"That night at Torches," I finally say, swallowing the rest of it, "the wine."

Her face flushes, and I regret saying anything.

"It was a mistake," she says, "One I haven't made since I stopped drinking."

"But you almost did this time. If you can do it once, I don't want to be the reason you do again."

She reaches over and squeezes my hand.

"It was a bad night. It doesn't excuse what I almost did, especially when there will be other bad nights, I'm sure. In this instance, there were other steps I could have taken instead of ending up at a bar with a drink in my hand. But I can promise you that I am fine sitting with you while you enjoy a beer or two. I'm fine with soda, I actually prefer it." She takes another sip, and my cock twitches at the way her red mouth wrap around that straw. She finishes, then lightly licks the moisture from her lips.

"You're such a brat," I growl with a grin. She winks, then looks up as the waitress brings our burgers. Maren doesn't even hesitate. She picks up her dripping burger, almost the size of her head, and sinks her teeth in it.

"Fuck," she breathes, "That's better than sex."

"Doubtful." I do the same, and fuck yes, that burger is good. But sex with Maren will always be best.

Back in the car, I take a moment to check my phone. I felt it buzz in my pocket during our meal, but we were close to being done so I chose to wait. My mind has been on it ever since though, knowing it could be the nurse on shift.

Which it is. Fuck. I click the button to listen to the voicemail.

"Hi Mr. Dermot. This is Anna. Benji is fine, so don't worry (I breathe a sigh of relief) , but he's been combative. He keeps asking for you, and I was hoping you could come by if you have the time."

I hang up the phone and pinch the space between my eyes as the guilt settles firmly in my stomach.

"Everything okay?" Maren asks.

I nod, forcing a smile. "Yeah. But before I do anything, I need to swing by Benji's."

The fact that I haven't been there in more than a day is unacceptable. He's nearing the end of his life, just inches from leaving this earth, and here I am chasing tail.

I also realize I cannot take Maren to Benji's house. It's bad enough she's with me, but I was just following orders—Benji's orders. It would be cruel to take her to meet the man who not only sold her home so it could be destroyed, but he's also responsible for everything that went wrong in that apartment. Rather, all the things he never took care of.

I owe Benji. She does not.

"Can I drop you off somewhere?" I ask.

Maren's mouth opens, and the silence sinks between us. She closes her mouth, and her eyes narrow.

"No, I'm fine." She reaches for the door handle, but I grab onto her wrist. "Let go of me," she growls, yanking her hand away, then she opens the door and steps out. I'm out of the car and at her side in seconds.

"It's Benji," I say. Her face softens for a fraction of a second but disappears under her icy stare. "He's in a state, and I really don't want to bring you around him while he's like this. From the nurse's tone, I have a feeling I'll be there the rest of the day."

This time when she softens, she stays that way. She smiles and shakes her head. "I'm being stupid," she says, "This isn't even supposed to be anything, and I keep acting like some possessive girlfr—" She catches herself before saying the word, though I'm still affected.

Girlfriend . What the fuck am I doing? I can't even tell her the goddamn truth—that I know she lost her home, that I already knew she was sober, that I have heard her songs long before she was on stage.

That the reason I know all of this is because I owned her apartment building, sold it without warning, then reduced it to rubble, knowing full well that she, along with all those families, would never be able to find a place that would match the rent they were paying.

"It's fine," I say, and I pretend I don't notice the flash of hurt that crosses her face. "Can I drive you somewhere?"

"Tell you what, Benji lives in Holland Heights, right?"

"How did you…oh." I laugh, remembering how she almost ran me over with her car when I was out for a run. The girl has amazing deduction skills. "Yeah, he does."

"Well, so do I. But I'm not letting you take me home; a girl needs her secrets after all. For now, it's where I live."

I want to argue, but I have no fucking right.

"So, where do I take you?"

"To Benji's house," she says. I start to protest, but she places her hand on my arm. "Not to go inside, I can walk home from there. We're wasting time. Didn't you say he's in a state?"

She's right, and I have been feeling pulled to get there ever since I heard the voicemail. But now I am plagued with conflict, especially at my reaction to Maren almost using the "G" word.

"Besides," she continues, "I should get home and freshen up in case any of my other dates want to take me out for a good time."

She squeals as I grab her around the waist and bring her into me. I capture her hands, and she grins, even as she's unable to move.

"Like hell you will," I say, then force a kiss on her. There really isn't much forcing going on, though. She matches my kiss with the same ferocity, bringing me back to what it felt like to hold her all night long. That surprises me more than anything. My dick is straining to attention, wanting a replay of this morning's fuck session. But my mind is on the feel of her body close to mine, how she looked while she was asleep, the sweet smell of her breath with every inhale.

If the situation were different, if I weren't such a liar, I'd tell Maren where she could shove this whole casual relationship. Fuck casual. If things were different, Maren would already be mine, and there would never be anyone else for either of us.