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5. Heidi

CHAPTER 5

Heidi

I touch a picture that's on the wall in Micah's living room. It's a picture of a pretty woman with three boys in front of her and she's smiling happily.

"That's my mom," he says huskily.

"She's pretty. Where' s your dad?" He's so close to me and my brain is scrambled. I can't think about anything but the smell of him around me. Pine and spice. Like an apple pie at Christmas. He's addictive and I need to get my shit together. I don't want a man. I've had enough. I need a break.

He leans close to me and whispers in my ear and I shiver, his warm breath skating across my skin. "My dad left my mom with three boys when I was seven. I was the youngest of the three of us. My older brothers were twelve and thirteen."

I turn towards him. He's so close to me. So damn close. I can see gold sparks in his emerald eyes, flaring bright. "I'm so sorry. That must have been hard for you." I sound breathless and I stiffen, looking away.

"It was but he wasn't a great guy. My parents had a rough time before he left. It was almost a relief when it was over."

I sigh, staring at the floor. "Is that the way your mom thought?"

He nods his head and his eyes turn inward, lost in his old memories. "Yeah…it was."

I nod my head. "Sometimes you just need something to end and then you can see it all clearly."

He shoots me a sharp look. "Yeah. That's definitely true."

I shift away from the addicting smell of him. I need to think clearly and I can't when I am practically salivating over the smell of this guy, the way he looks at me with those sexy green eyes of his, the hunger in them making my belly clench with my own kind of hunger.

"What about your parents?"

I smile gently. "They were great. I lost my mom when I was nine though. Cancer. My dad just couldn't move on to another woman. She was his whole world. With her gone, I swear to God he just couldn't smile anymore."

He frowns, his dark brows scrunching up. "Not even for you or his granddaughter."

A pang hits my heart. "He never got to meet Cassie. He died before I met her father."

He sighs heavily. "I'm sorry to hear that you lost him too."

"What happened with your mom?"

His eyes go soft and sad again. "She died when I was seventeen. I finished high school with my two brothers watching over me as my parents."

"That's awful. I'm so sorry."

He grins but it's a wry, kind of sad smile. "Yeah. It was hard. But I had a lot to handle with my brothers trying to boss me around and push me to finish school so I had to push past the loss of my mom. They kind of made my life hell riding me when I wanted to slide into depression."

I laugh. "Yeah. I didn't have any siblings but I can see how that might have been rough. Where are they now?"

"One of my brothers is ex-military and he just came home awhile ago. He's taken up with a motorcycle club and he's pretty happy. My other brother is in the police department in Santa Fe. He's had a rough time of it lately because his girlfriend passed away all of a sudden. They knew each other most of their lives and they were so close that I wasn't sure he'd push through it."

"Oh my gosh. How awful for him!"

"He's a good guy and he's started to come back from it but it was touch and go for awhile."

"I'm glad he's better." I peek around the corner and see that Cassie is leaning back on the couch and her eyes are closed. "Oh shoot. We really should get going, Micah. I'm going to have a rough time getting her into bed when she's this tired."

"I'll help you carry her in."

I shoot him an aggravated glare. "I'm no wimp, Micah. I can carry my own kid."

"I'm aware of that, sweetheart. But why can't you accept a little help."

It's hard to admit why. That Josh made me doubt my worth at all. Not just with silly things like picking stuff up or moving stuff. No, he made me doubt myself with every tiny little thing. I couldn't even pick a drink without him making the decision for me. Every decision was practically a national security decision and I just couldn't figure things out myself.

He nods his head. "It doesn't matter. If you're not ready to talk about it, that's alright. Whenever you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen."

Tears push at my eyes again. It's so damn weird to have a man that wants to know my story, my opinion. That doesn't mind taking a breather so that I can think without him telling me how stupid I really am. It's intoxicating.

I nod my head and he pads over to Cassie's little figure. He waits until I nod at him and he picks her up. She mumbles in her sleep and curls into him, her trust in him implicit. I bite my lip and fight the need to touch him. To hold him.

Why does he have to be so fucking hot?

He smiles down at her gently and my heart fucking stops. I don't remember Josh ever looking at his own daughter like that. I don't quite know what to call that look…but it's almost loving. Something that Josh doesn't have for anyone but himself.

He nods towards the door and I open it for him, closing it behind us. He holds her one-handed while he unclicks the locks and then he settles her in the seat in back and then waits for me to climb up beside her and lock her seatbelt in place, holding her up against me so that she doesn't fall over with her cast. He reaches over and locks my own seatbelt in place and I swear his hands gently caress my hip, pausing for just a second. I hold my breath until his hands move away and he closes the door, standing outside it, his eyes steady and determined on mine. My breath rushes out of me and I shiver. There is something about Micah that I can't seem to push out of my mind. That makes my body take on a life of its own. I can't breathe when he stares at me. My nerves sizzle whenever he accidentally brushes his hand across my skin. I can't stop thinking about his tight jeans, his broad shoulders flexing under his t-shirt, his clean-shaven face with the jaw like granite and his green eyes like emeralds.

I'm hypnotized by the guy and I just can't stop thinking about him every second of the day.

The drive back to my place is short and I'm still so damn discombobulated that I barely notice. I'm all up in my head. Until we pull up and I see that the door to my place is open and the lights are on.

Micah puts the truck in park and stares out the front window. "Do you have somebody else here with y'all?"

I shake my head slowly and he grunts, grabbing a bat from the passenger seat. I didn't notice that before but maybe he moved it out of the backseat when we rode back. "You two stay put. I'm gonna check this out."

He opens the door and lightly steps out, his eyes focused on that door.

"Wait!" I holler-whisper. "What about calling the sheriff?"

"I'll do that after I get a look around."

"No. Now!"

He nods at me and then reaches to close the car door. "Stay out here no matter what."

I watch him walk away and my heart climbs into my throat as I watch him walk into the house, his bat over his shoulder and his stride steady and slow, cautious. I want to grab my phone and call 911 but if I do that, I might jostle Cassie awake and I don't want her to see what's going on. I'm so torn I can't think.

And that brings up all those old feelings from Josh. You can't make a decision by yourself in an emergency. You're too slow and stupid to think for yourself. You're just no good without me.

Each word batters what's left of my self-esteem. I hold my breath, tense and conflicted until I finally see him show up at the door and nod his head. I huff out a breath and sink into my daughter, my head swimming with too much. This day has just been hell and it doesn't look like it's going to end any day soon.

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