Chapter 15

Erhan

Erhan retreated to a secluded spot near Calla’s house, his back pressed against the cool stone wall. The rough texture of the stone grounded him as he wrestled with the turmoil inside.

He had fled the training session, unable to face the confusing emotions that Kleena stirred within him.

Frowning, he clenched his fists. His actions contradicted his internal resolve to maintain distance from her. “What was I thinking?” he grumbled.

You slipped up, Erhan! The kind of protectiveness you just displayed is a dangerous road you don’t want to travel. Keep things professional.

His heart pounded, a rebellious drumbeat that he desperately tried to silence.

He took several deep breaths, willing his racing heart to calm and return to the steady, controlled rhythm he had always relied on.

Kleena’s voice, a sound that soothed his soul and ignited a fire somewhere deep within him, reached his ears.

From his hidden vantage point, he watched her through a half-open window. She moved with a natural grace, her laughter gently mingling with Marcus’s exuberant shouts.

The tenderness she displayed with the boy was like a soothing balm, yet it tore at Erhan’s resolve. He knew he must not indulge in such sentiments and could not allow himself to be drawn into the warmth she offered.

He caught fragments of a conversation between Kleena and Calla, their voices carrying through the still air.

“I long for a family,” Kleena admitted softly, her words echoing in his mind. “I’ve been hurt before, but there’s still hope in my stubborn heart.”

Her words were a sharp reminder of what he could never provide.

He was not the mating kind of Niri, especially not with a human female. The concept of a loving partnership, the kind Kleena deserved, was something he believed to be out of reach for him.

Emotions clashed within him as he contemplated his desires. He knew he would one day want a surrogate so he may sire young, but he wasn’t looking for a mate. It wasn’t something he deserved. He also knew he couldn’t offer the human concept of a loving partnership.

His gaze drifted back to Kleena, her soft laughter ringing out, her hope for love and family still intact despite her past heartaches and a pang of longing pierced his heart.

I long to be the one to fulfill her dreams, to be the source of her happiness. But I can’t.

His past loomed large, a shadow that whispered he was unworthy of such joy. Erhan had been told all his life, not by his family but by others, that he was a dam-killer.

The words had been seared into his soul, convincing him that he didn’t deserve happiness because he would only destroy it. The guilt and self-loathing had become a part of him, a barrier between him and the possibility of love.

A memory played in his mind, reminding him about the pain and guilt he carried around deep inside his heart.

It wasn’t until he was older that Erhan learned the truth—that his dam had died giving birth to his egg, her life slipping away even as he began his final gestation outside her womb.

The revelation struck him like a blow to the chest, filling him with a sense of guilt and sorrow that he couldn’t shake.

He had never known his dam, never felt the warmth of her embrace or heard the sound of her voice, yet her absence loomed large in his life, a void that could never be filled.

But what hurt the most were the whispers—the rumors that spread like wildfire through the castle halls, accusing him of being responsible for her death.

“He’s cursed,” they would say. “Nothing but sorrow and misfortune follow him.”

He tried to ignore their words, to block out the accusations that followed him like a shadow, but deep down, he couldn’t shake the feeling that they were right—that he was somehow to blame for the pain and loss that had befallen his family.

Those days were difficult and fueled his fire to focus on becoming stronger. He would never be the reason for someone else’s death again.

As he grew older, he also promised himself he would not mate and partake in romantic endeavors. He did not deserve that kind of happiness.

Erhan watched Kleena, her face illuminated by the setting sun and her smile a beacon of warmth and hope. The desire to reach out, to hold her and promise her the family she longed for, was almost overwhelming. But he knew he couldn’t. Happiness, he had been taught, was something he could never grasp.

With a heavy heart, Erhan turned away from the window, the stone wall pressing against his back a reminder of the barriers he had built around his heart.

He glided away, the sounds of Kleena’s laughter fading behind him, a bittersweet echo of what could never be.

“It’s for the best,” he reminded himself.

Maintaining distance is the only way to protect her from the darkness within me.

But as he disappeared into the twilight, the longing in his heart refused to be eased. Memories of his time with her flooded his mind, ushered into his thoughts by the beat of his heart.

He remembered seeing her at the auction house, so fierce and resolved to choose her own fate. Every day after that had shown him more of her, and everything he saw left an impression on his chilled heart.

If they had met in another life, he would have battled the earth and sky for her.

Erhan slipped away from the house, his body and tail feeling heavy with the burden of his next decision.

Despite the growing connection he felt with Kleena, he knew he had to reinforce the walls around his heart.

I cannot let these new feelings break my resolve. Love, or anything like it, isn’t destined for someone like me. I’d just end up hurting her.

Every movement felt like a lead weight, the emotional turmoil dragging him down.

Finding a secluded spot under the vast, star-studded sky, Erhan unsheathed his wooden practice sword.

A weak replacement for my real sword. That night at the secret auction house saw me lose my treasured weapon and find a different kind of treasure.

He gripped the makeshift weapon tightly, the rough wood familiar yet foreign in his hand.

No! I shouldn’t think of her or our time together like that. I’m on a mission, nothing more.

Alone in the quiet night, he began to practice his sword forms, each movement an attempt to cut away the feelings that threatened to break his discipline. With each whisper of wood through the air, Erhan reaffirmed his duty.

I’m a warrior. I have no emotional attachments, and that will remain unchanged.

The swish and thud of his practice formed a rhythmic mantra: focus on the mission, protect Kleena, do not pursue her, and do not fall for her. His muscles moved with precision, but his mind struggled to follow. The image of Kleena’s smile, the sound of her laughter, and her smell intruded upon his concentration, making every stroke feel heavier, every movement more labored.

As he swung the practice sword in a wide arc, he forced himself to think of his duty.

I’m bound by my promise to protect those under my care, especially Kleena. I can’t be derailed by frivolous feelings.

Erhan took a deep breath, pausing his practice to look up at the stars. The weight of his loneliness was palpable, a heavy cloak that wrapped around his soul. The vastness of the night sky seemed to mock his isolation, each star a distant reminder of the love he knew was unattainable. He was haunted by a future he dared not embrace, a life bound by duty and shadowed by a past that told him he did not deserve happiness.

As the night grew colder, Erhan’s resolve hardened. He had to stay strong and keep his emotions in check.

For Kleena’s sake, and for the sake of my own fractured heart, I need to maintain my distance.

The stars above provided no comfort, only a silent witness to his inner struggle.

Erhan resumed his practice, each swing of the wooden sword a reaffirmation of his resolve.

The feelings that swirled within him would be contained, locked away behind the walls he had spent a lifetime building.

As he moved through the familiar forms, the warmth of Kleena’s presence lingered in his mind, a bittersweet reminder of what could never be.

Under the cold, indifferent stars, Erhan fought the hardest battle of his life—one against his own heart.