Chapter 19

A t two in the morning, Roman climbed into bed dressed in an old pair of sweats and a T-shirt. It was odd since he usually slept in his underwear, but if he was that close to naked with the man settling on the pillow next to his, he'd forget to take things slow. Grant yawned, and Roman smiled.

"Yeah, I'm tired too."

Grant rolled onto his side so he was facing Roman. "I'm tired, but still strangely hyper."

"We could talk for a bit if you aren't ready to sleep."

Stretching forward, Grant kissed Roman and took his hand. "I don't want to keep you awake because my brain is buzzing."

"You're not. I'm not ready to nod off yet either."

"Good, I love any opportunity to get to know you better."

Although Roman was willing to open himself like a book to Grant, he hoped they wouldn't touch on the one subject he wasn't ready to discuss yet. Thankfully, his entire family had easily avoided any mention of Roman's previous mate. In the past week, it'd become clear that the human Grant was a far different person from the often-smiling fallen knight who'd taken his place.

Roman hadn't known his former mate well, but what he'd learned he hadn't liked much—something he'd barely admitted in the past. The old Grant had been sullen and stuck on the notion that Roman was some strange zombie, and it'd been hard for Roman to imagine them overcoming the many hurdles in front of them. However, he remained angry that someone had murdered Grant.

As much as Roman was grateful for the Venerable Knight with happiness lighting his lime-green eyes and the small smile playing around his enticing mouth, he hated that a life had had to end in order for him to find himself with this new version of his other half.

"What's the frown for?" Grant asked.

Roman quickly cleared his thoughts and mentally chastised himself for getting caught up in things he didn't want to share. Scrambling for something to say, Roman decided to tease Grant.

"Maybe I'm jealous of this relationship you're clearly set to develop with Alaric."

Grant rolled his eyes. "First, he's the ruler of the race we co-protect the Council with, so it'd be stupid of me not to build a relationship with him. Second, why would you be jealous of a man so obviously besotted with Chander?"

"I'm not worried about Alaric. You were the one practically jumping up and down to volunteer to spar with him. Alaric's undefeated with his daggers. Only masochists volunteer to cross blades with him."

"Maybe I'm a masochist," Grant replied with a chuckle. "Honestly, I like the man. His grumbling about fallen knights is hysterical for some reason. Maybe because he's literally complaining about a race the man he loves created. Do you think he's the one with some deep-seated jealousy about that? Like he's upset that Chander puts in so much effort to create new fallen knights and remains involved enough that he knows us all by name? Names he personally picks. Makes me wonder why he chose Grant for me. Was it because I looked like a Grant, or did he already have the name picked out and it was destined for the first guy of my class he resurrected?"

"I didn't give the naming thing a lot of thought, but I know he picks them out before resurrection day. Arvandus was supposed to be something else…Titus, maybe? But Arvandus insisted on being called Vann. Of course, that was because he remembered that part of his name from his life as a sentinel."

"How weird was that for you? Like you called him Vann for centuries, then suddenly he was Arvandus. Did you ever slip up?"

Roman shook his head. "As his best friend, it's my job to give him shit, so I did tease him at the beginning about his big name change when we found out he was really Arvandus, but I was never going to call him Vann again. To me, that would be disrespecting his journey and who he truly was. So, the minute he told us about being Arvandus, I switched to it immediately. I spent hours that night repeating Arvandus in my head too many times to count to get myself used to it. By the way, your theory about Alaric is hilarious. And plausible."

"Maybe someday I'll be brave enough to say it to his face," Grant replied. "Or, you know, maybe not."

"Good luck with that."

"Were you and Arvandus close from the start?"

"Yeah. I can't imagine anyone not wanting to be friends with him. But I haven't always been the best pal. I've taken him for granted. He hates being by himself. We tried living together, but I wasn't considerate enough. He didn't like having strangers traipsing through the apartment. I should've respected that and kept my partying or whatever you want to call it away from our place so we could've stayed living together."

"You mean all the men you snuck in to play with?"

Roman smirked. "It wasn't just men."

"Oh, really? Do tell."

"Nope," Roman replied and grinned at Grant's scowl. "No way am I giving you any other details."

"Since you're not exclusively attracted to men, were you surprised to find your mate was male?"

"No. I was open to whatever Fate wanted for me. It's the inside of a person that matters, not their equipment. But I had a feeling it'd be a guy. I don't know. Maybe Fate gave me that little nugget of information or something. Or I assumed that because all my closest friends are with guys."

"Despite my lack of expertise in this area, I agree wholeheartedly with your statement about what matters. I want your heart and soul, Roman. The dick I've fantasized about in the past week is just a bonus. And it pleases me to know you weren't disappointed that you were paired with me."

"I'm not disappointed to be with you. Far from it. Also, don't bring my dick into this conversation," Roman said, releasing his hand only long enough to reach out and caress Grant's chin.

"Can I bring it into my mouth instead?"

Roman laughed. "Nice try."

"Do you think you were ready for a mate, or were you upset that your adventurous days had to come to an end?"

"They'd already ended. I didn't make a conscious decision to try celibacy. But something changed inside me. It wasn't quick like a switch," Roman replied, snuggling further into his pillow as he stared into Grant's inquisitive gaze. "I'm not sure how it started, but by the time Drystan had met Conley, I'd lost this snarky, rude part of me that secretly felt a little sorry for anyone tied down to a single person. I watched their love bloom, and it exploded into a tight closeness once their memories were restored. Here was this legendary couple that had overcome death to be together. That's when I discovered the dreamy part of me. I thought their story was so hauntingly romantic."

"Were you completely flabbergasted after their memories returned and everyone learned they were the former dragon Emperors? I've read the books their son wrote. I know Drystan was convinced he wasn't that former dragon. He thought Chander had picked his name to honor that guy but wanted no comparison between himself and Emperor Drystan."

"I believed what Drystan told me. And good for you for finding those books in the fallen knight library at the Ascension Center. I fought to get them added to the library. Drystan thought we'd be favoring Trystan by including his books in there, but seriously…their son is a famous author because he's good at what he does. And they're historically accurate. Great reading for anyone, but especially for a fallen knight about to embark on a lifetime of working for Drystan and Conley. I want everyone to respect their story and their love."

"You never had any doubts?"

Roman pursed his lips. "Honestly? I did wonder. But more so when Conley was resurrected. What are the fucking odds that Chand's going to resurrect the man Drystan soon learns is his mate and, oh, his name happens to be Conley? No, the wheels in my head were definitely turning. But what I couldn't figure out was why they were separated. Chand will never truly forgive himself for his part in the decision to make them spend a century apart to cool any thoughts of vengeance for the people who murdered them."

"Whether that was the right decision isn't the sticking point for me. What's truly shitty is that some wizard decided to punish Chander and Drystan by keeping Conley's body long after a century had passed."

"Arch Wizard Egidius was an asshole," Roman said.

"Drystan and Conley made you want a love story of your own?"

Roman smiled and gave a nod. "They were the first to plant that seed in my head, I guess. Since then, I've watched many relationships bloom. Envy is nothing new to me. Neither is fear. I remember how small I felt when Arvandus met Albie. I panicked. What if everyone around me wound up with someone and I was still single? How the fuck would I handle sitting at home alone every night? Turns out I needed to get my shit together and decide what I wanted. And trust that my friends had enough love in their hearts for their other halves and their best friends."

"I like your honesty," Grant said, leaning forward and giving Roman a soft, sexy kiss.

A stab of guilt hit Roman hard. He hated deception. But he reminded himself that the truth about him and the human Grant wouldn't be a secret forever. It was a temporary lie meant to protect his mate.

"I like your forthrightness," Roman told Grant and shuffled a little closer to him.

"Let me see if I can get you to admit more shitty stuff about yourself," Grant teased. "How did it make you feel that Samson found his mate before you? Here's this kid making history by becoming the first person to qualify for Venerable Knight and he's already got a mate? Oh, and he's a fucking Skeleton Lord."

"Fine." Roman rolled his eyes. "I was happy for Samson. Having another Venerable Knight was also great. We have a tremendous workload, and I was ready to share the burden with him. Did I also wonder if Fate had fucking forgotten about me? Yeah. Yeah, I did. But Samson needs Brynn. So does his dragon. It's part of who Samson is. They lost each other in a past life neither of them can recall. They'd barely met and were torn apart. Murdered. The spell Chand developed with Sorcery D'Vaire to include shifters as fallen knights didn't account for the memories of their beasts. It didn't clear them. Samson can't remember that previous life with Brynn, but his dragon can. And because of that and the loss they suffered, Samson can't go longer than a few hours without having a couple of minutes with Brynn to calm his dragon. To remind his dragon that nothing will tear them apart again. It falls again into that hauntingly romantic category."

"Now I'm feeling deprived of some tragic past life."

Roman swore his heart stuttered in his chest as he thought about Grant's murder. Would Grant be so amused by the notion if he knew that he did have his own unfortunate tale? The difference was Grant would never recall those few short months they'd known each other. But Roman couldn't forget them. Why had they happened?

"Probably easier without one," Roman murmured.

"No, you're right, and I'm an ass to poke fun at any of it. I'm glad that Samson, Arvandus, and Drystan are all happy now. It sucks that they each have this foothold in the past they can't forget."

"You're not an ass."

"While we're on the subject of asses, yours is fantastic."

"I admire yours on a daily basis."

"You're welcome to mine any way you want it."

Roman laughed. "Be careful with that kind of invitation. I'll grab some lube and have you face down before you can even blink."

"Okay. Go for it."

"I didn't mean right now."

"Stop teasing me, Roman," Grant complained with a frown.

"How about I give you a couple of kisses, then we try to get some sleep so we can have a fun day with the D'Vaires tomorrow?"

"I suppose that would temporarily mollify me," Grant said, lifting his chin and closing the distance between them.

Eager to accept the invitation, Roman kept some space between them so he didn't get carried away with the beautiful man Fate had given him, and he pressed his mouth to Grant's. He let go of Grant's hand to tug him into his arms but kept the embrace loose despite the voice in his head demanding he mold himself to the sexy man. The moment Grant's lips parted, Roman slipped his tongue through them and explored the tart taste of his other half. Grant's kisses were enthusiastic and lacked sophistication.

They were wonderful.