Chapter 9

Myla

U ncle Will was right. A marching band could’ve stomped through the room after Cian passed out and he wouldn’t have woken up. He definitely didn’t wake up as I scooted and shifted, trying to find a comfortable position while simultaneously trying to pull the blanket out from under me. By the time I’d settled in, my hair was in my eyes, I was wedged firmly between Cian and the couch, and in his sleep Cian had—with surprising accuracy—slid his hand down to grip my ass.

I wasn’t mad about it.

I texted my mom and the girls, letting them know that I was staying at Aoife’s for the night. All three of them texted back almost immediately that they were still at the hospital. Apparently someone had produced a deck of cards, and they were fleecing my dad and Leo for every penny in their wallets.

I grinned into the darkness.

We were there because something terrible had happened to Cian’s family. Something terrible was still happening to Cian’s family…but there were still moments of good. Like everyone showing up to the hospital to stand vigil, even though Aoife was back in the ICU with Richie. Pulling out a pack of cards to pass the time and keep everyone awake. My uncle standing watch outside Cian’s childhood home so he could get some rest.

I lay there and listened to Cian’s heartbeat.

Something big was happening. I could feel it. Cian didn’t want me to know—none of the men wanted the women to know—but there was a feeling in the air when shit was about to hit the fan. Sharp looks when they thought we weren’t paying attention. Conversations that cut off the moment we got close. Hypervigilance that was impossible to miss.

It was like they thought we were either na?ve or completely clueless.

I ran my thumb over the soft skin at the inside of Cian’s bicep as my expression fell.

In the dark, I finally let the tears come.

It had taken everything in me not to react when I’d seen Aisling’s face. It was a mottled mess of bruises and swelling, the split on her lip red and angry. Someone had done that to her, and I had zero doubt that there were far more telling bruises on the rest of her body. She’d moved like an old woman as Ashley led her from the room, like every movement she made was agonizing.

I’d almost lost it for a moment. It had been the anger and humiliation in her eyes that stopped me. She didn’t want my pity. She didn’t even want my empathy. She wanted me to be as angry as she was. After that, it hadn’t been hard to lock down my expression. I was angry. So angry that my hands had shook with it.

I hoped Cian had killed whoever had done that to her. I also accepted the fact that I’d probably never know if he had.

The front door opened, and my uncle poked his head inside. “He sleepin’?”

“Yeah, he’s out,” I called back softly.

“Good. I’ll be right out here the rest of the night.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ll catch some sleep in the mornin’,” Uncle Will said with a grin. “Maybe Molly will tuck me in.”

“Gross.” I blew a raspberry at him. “Go back outside.”

Uncle Will laughed as he quietly shut the door again.

I lay there for a long time in the quiet. It seemed crazy that me and Cian hadn’t even been speaking when he left town. How completely ridiculous I’d been. What did it matter if Cian and I had a romantic relationship or not? I mean, of course, I would’ve preferred sex with him. I wasn’t dead. But if all I had was this? Being his best friend? Taking care of him when I could? Being there for him when shit got hard? Sleeping next to him once in a while? I’d take that. It wasn’t less, it was just different than what I’d hoped.

I loved him and I didn’t want to be without him. I’d just have to change my expectations.

At some point I drifted off to sleep, because when I opened my eyes again, sunlight was drifting through the window and a tiny nose was just a couple of inches from mine. Dark brown eyes with long lashes blinked at me.

“Uncle’s got a girl sleepin’ on the couch!” Sean yelled in my face.

Cian jerked in surprise. “Christ, Seanie,” he grumbled, catching Sean as he nearly topped off the couch. “Not so loud, bud.”

“You sleepin’?” Sean asked, leaning close to Cian’s face. “You breath stinky.”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,” Cian muttered under his breath.

I snickered, pressing my face against Cian’s side.

“How the hell did you end up down there?” Cian asked, tipping his head down to look at me.

“No idea, but I hope you’re wearing deodorant,” I joked, wiggling my head back and forth. Somehow I was wedged into his armpit.

He leaned down and sniffed. “Think you’re good,” he said roughly. “All I can smell is your shampoo.”

“Thank God.”

He dropped his arm down until it covered half of my face.

“Hey,” I complained.

Without warning, Cian shot up, twisting as he went so that his feet landed by the side of the couch.

“Oof,” I grunted, my entire body jolting on the cushions.

“Your uncle still outside?”

“He said he was staying until you woke up,” I called as Cian rose and stomped toward the front door.

“Why the hell did you let me sleep so long?” Cian asked, throwing open the front door.

“Good morning to you, too.”

That wasn’t Uncle Will. At some point, my dad must’ve taken his place.

“Hi, Dad,” I called out, waving my arm in the air.

“Mornin’, Princess,” he called back.

“This isn’t the fucking Waltons,” Aisling bitched as she came down the stairs.

“Good night, John-boy,” I sang back.

“Who’s John-boy?” Sean asked.

I’d kind of forgotten that he was still standing there.

“It’s from a TV show.”

“I like TV shows.”

“Oh yeah?” I sat up and pushed my hair out of my face. “What’s your favorite?”

“I don’t know.”

I grinned. “Fair enough.”

“Seanie, your cereal is ready,” Ashley called from the kitchen.

“I’m havin’ Cinnanin Toast Crumpch,” Sean informed me importantly. “You can have some if you want.”

“Maybe in a little bit,” I replied as he went bounding out of the room.

“Mornin’, Daughter,” my dad said as he followed Cian into the house.

“Good morning, Father,” I replied formally, pushing to my feet. “Damn, it feels like I slept in an armpit last night.”

Cian chuckled and shook his head.

“You know, we got you a motel room,” my dad said as the three of us walked toward the kitchen. “With a whole fuckin’ bed.”

“Cian had to stay here last night,” I reminded him.

Whatever snarky thing he was about to say was lost when we reached the kitchen, and his eyes widened in surprise. “Angry Ashley?”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” Ashley said in exasperation. “What is this? Ghosts of Christmas past?”

“You know my dad?” I wheezed.

“Know me?” my dad said, stomping toward Ashley with a huge grin on his face. “Hell, we’re old friends.”

“We are not,” Ashley argued, but the words held no heat. “Damn, you got old, Tommy.”

“You just got prettier.”

“Oh, bullshit,” Ashley said with a laugh as my dad leaned in for a hug.

“Is this creeping you out, too?” I asked Cian quietly.

“Understatement,” he replied, moving past me. He walked around the two old friends and reached for the coffee pot.

“You hung out with bikers?” Aisling asked from her place at the table. “Go you.”

“When I was younger than you,” Ashley replied dismissively. “That phase was a short one.”

“But fun, right?” Dad said, still grinning.

“Hello?” I called. “Your daughter is standing right here.”

“You know Ashley?” my dad asked, pointing at her with his thumb.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Small world.”

“Please tell me you didn’t,” I said, looking back and forth between the two of them.

“Didn’t what?” my dad asked in confusion.

“We never slept together,” Ashley said, rolling her eyes.

“Oh, thank God,” I muttered.

“Are you outta your mind?” my dad asked, glaring at me. “You think I’d be huggin’ a woman I slept with? Your mother would have my balls. I like my balls.”

“I like my balls, too,” Sean said around a mouthful of cereal. “I got a green one.”

“Your balls are awesome, Seanie,” Aisling said placatingly. “I like the purple one.”

“That’s your fave-rit color.”

“Yup,” Aisling said, smiling carefully. “Purple’s my favorite.” She glanced over at Cian. “Uncle likes blue.”

“You like blue balls, Uncle?” Sean asked innocently.

Dad choked and coughed while Aisling silently snickered. My lips twitched as I watched her. It was a bit of relief to see the Aisling I remembered shining through, even if it was a brief glimpse.

“How old are you again?” Cian asked his sister. He looked at Sean. “Yeah, bud, I like blue.”

“Where’s my Seanie?” Aoife called. The front door banged closed. “Where’s my boy?”

“Mam!” Sean screamed excitedly, knocking into his bowl of cereal and spraying it across the table as he clambered down from the table.

“There he is,” Aoife said, scooping Sean up as she reached the kitchen. “I missed you! Were you good for Aunt Ashley?”

“Yeah,” he murmured, his face pressed against her neck.

“That’s my guy,” Aoife replied softly. “That’s my big guy.”

“Sit,” Cian ordered, carrying over a stack of paper towels to clean up Sean’s cereal. “You want some coffee?”

“Please,” Aoife replied, smiling tiredly at her brother as she dropped into Sean’s seat. “Add an extra sugar.”

“You need sleep,” Ashley said worriedly. “Not caffeine and sugar.”

“Caffeine and sugar will have to do for now,” Aoife replied easily. “How are you, Seanie?”

“I’m good.”

“Yeah?”

“Uncle likes blue balls.”

The entire kitchen seemed to freeze.

“I’ve noticed,” Aoife said after a moment.

“Nice,” Cian said dryly as he set her coffee down on the table. “Thanks, Mam.”

“How’s Richie?” Aisling asked, her arms wrapped tightly across her chest.

“He’s doing great,” Aoife lied, a bright smile for Sean pasted onto her face. “Getting better and better.”

“Aoife,” Aisling said.

“Later,” Cian ordered his little sister.

“I just—”

“ Later , Ash,” he repeated, not unkindly. “Come on.”

“You wanna take a shower with Mam?” Aoife asked Sean. They were looking at each other, nose to nose, like they were in their own little world. “You can take a few cars in there if you want.”

“No soap?”

“A little soap,” Aoife said, wiggling her head at him. “You’re kinda stinky.”

“I not!”

“You are,” she replied, her lips twitching. “Almost as bad as Uncle.”

“Uncle Cian or Uncle Ronan?” Sean asked suspiciously.

“Cian.” Aoife wrinkled her nose.

“Okay, I shower,” Sean said with a sigh.

“Seriously?” Cian asked, lifting his arm to sniff his armpit. “I smell good.”

“You stinky,” Sean replied, raising his tiny eyebrows as he waved his hand in front of his nose.

A little bubble of laughter burst past my lips, and Cian turned to me with a look of betrayal.

“The kid calls it like he smells it,” my dad said easily, clearly enjoying the interaction.

Aoife leaned to the side and lifted her coffee to her lips, gulping the entire thing down in one go.

“You’re lucky I added milk, you lunatic,” Cian said, his eyes wide with horror. “That coffee is hot.”

“No time,” Aoife replied with a shrug. She got to her feet, still holding Sean. “We need to shower.”

We all watched as she walked to her room and disappeared inside.

“Your ma used to bring you guys in the shower with her,” my dad said quietly, smiling. “One time Rumi slipped and flipped ass over tea kettle. She came running out carrying him, both of ’em stark ass naked and cryin’.”

“That explains a lot.”

“Once we realized he was more shocked than hurt, it was fuckin’ hilarious.” Dad shrugged. “Good memories.”

“I doubt Mom would agree with you.”

He shrugged again. “Welp!” He clapped his hands together. “Now that Cian’s up, it’s time for me to go find my wife.”

“Thanks for doin’ that,” Cian said quietly.

“No problem,” my dad replied with a nod. “Myla, you comin’ with me?”

“Uh—” I looked back and forth between him and Cian. “Sure.”

“Ashley, it was good to see you,” Dad said with a smile. “Aisling, always a pleasure—even if you look like a zombie.”

“Jesus Christ, Dad!” I hissed in embarrassment.

Aisling laughed. “You look worse than me, old man.”

Dad winked at her.

“You’re a fucking menace,” I spat, waving him toward the front door.

I waved at Aisling and Ashley, too mortified to even say goodbye as I hurried after him. I’d grown up with my parents saying whatever the hell they wanted whenever the hell they wanted, and I’d thought that I’d grown past the point of being embarrassed by them—but that clearly wasn’t the case because my face was burning.

“Hey,” Cian said, catching me by the waist as I leaned down to grab my purse and Aunt Rose’s helmet off the floor behind the couch.

“I cannot believe he said that,” I mumbled, glaring at Cian. “Oh my god.”

“Did you see her face?” he asked softly, his lips tipping up at the corners. “Ash thought it was funny.”

“Well, I didn’t.”

“The joke wasn’t meant for you.”

“Why are you trying to calm me down when I’m not even pissed at you?”

“Hell if I know.”

“I have to go to the hotel and shower.”

“Probably a good idea since your hair smells like armpit.”

“You said it didn’t!”

“Well…”

“It’s your armpit.”

Cian laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Thanks for comin’ with me last night.”

“Of course,” I replied, smiling back. “Why the hell do you think I’m here?”

He reached out and cupped the back of my head, pulling me toward him so he could press his lips to my forehead. “Text me when you’re done, and I’ll let you know where I’m at.”

“Are you going back to the hospital?” I asked, pulling away.

“Probably.”

“Okay.”

He walked me to the door and stood just inside as I jogged down the porch steps, pulling on the helmet as I went. My dad was already on his bike and started it up as soon as I’d climbed on behind him. Moments later, we were rolling down the driveway and pulling out onto the street.

The hospital wasn’t far from Aoife and Richie’s house, and the motel Brenna had found for us was directly across the street, so it only took a few minutes before we were parking again next to a row of bikes.

A whole row of rooms along the upstairs walkway were open, and I could hear familiar voices drifting out of them.

“I’m guessing we’re upstairs,” I mused as I waited for dad to get off the bike.

He looked up at the rooms and grimaced. “They needed a little airin’ out. They smelled like no one had been in ’em for about forty years.”

“Yum,” I muttered as I followed him toward the stairwell. “I can’t believe you said that to Aisling.”

Dad paused halfway up the stairs and turned his head to look at me. “You think she would’ve appreciated it more if I woulda told her how sorry I was that some sick bastard fucked up her face?” he asked curiously.

I winced.

“Yeah.”

He turned and kept walking. “That girl’s puttin’ on a brave face. She don’t want anyone babyin’ her or showin’ a hint of compassion. I get that. But I wasn’t about to walk outta that house without acknowledgin’ that I saw what was done to her.”

“Okay, Dad,” I said softly.

“Don’t you ever pretend that you don’t see the bad shit in this world,” Dad ordered, waiting for me at the top step. “That’s when it wins.”

“I won’t.”

“I know you won’t,” he said, guiding me toward our row of rooms with a hand on my back. “Now go brush your hair. You look like you got caught in a wind tunnel.”

“It’s not that bad,” I complained as we reached what must’ve been my room. Lou and Frankie were lying on the bed watching the small TV bolted to the wall.

“You’re back,” Frankie said, sitting up. “How’s Aisling?”

“She looks like she’s been run over by a train,” I replied tiredly, setting my purse and helmet on the table. “It’s bad.”

“Did she calm down?” Lou asked sympathetically.

“Yeah. She said the guy that beat her up kept driving by their house.” I dropped onto the bed. “Brody was sure he hadn’t seen the same car twice, and Cian was positive that the guy wasn’t driving anywhere last night—”

“I bet,” Frankie mumbled knowingly.

“But I don’t know.” I looked at my best friends. “She didn’t seem like she was overreacting to me. I think she saw him.”

“That’s not good,” Lou replied.

“Plus, Cian was jumpy when we left the hospital. Like he was waiting for someone to jump out at us or something.”

“Then it’s only a matter of time before they send the little ladies home,” Frankie announced, standing up to stretch.

“It’s so bizarre how they act like we don’t notice what’s happening around us,” Lou added. “We’ve been trained since birth to be hyperaware of every situation—”

“Especially when it comes to men,” Frankie agreed.

“Exactly,” Lou agreed. “So not only do we notice when they’re acting funny, but we can feel when a situation is off even if we don’t know why.”

“It makes them feel in control,” my aunt Rose said as she stepped into our doorway. “We humor them for the most part.”

“Thanks for letting me use it,” I said as she picked up her helmet.

“No problem. How’s Cian?”

“He slept all night and woke up pissed that we let him.”

“Sounds familiar,” she mused. “We’re gonna go grab some breakfast. Any of you want a sandwich or something?”

“Yes, please,” I groaned. I was starving. “I’ll eat anything at this point.”

I gathered up my bag and took it into the bathroom while the girls gave my aunt their orders. I needed a shower and a few minutes to myself. As I washed my hair, I wondered where Cian was.

He was holding up well, but I had a feeling it was because he was too worried about what would happen next to actually deal with what had already happened. I just hoped I was close when the full force of it hit him.

Lou and Frankie had disappeared by the time I came out of the bathroom, so I followed the voices down the breezeway. Uncle Mack was sitting outside eating a hash brown and pointed to the room next to him.

“Food’s here.”

“Thanks.”

“Cian good?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

I stepped inside the room to see everyone either pawing through the fast-food bags or already eating.

“When did you get here?” I asked my sister-in-law Noel, making my way through the room.

“Just a few minutes ago,” she replied, hitching my niece further up on her hip. “We left really early this morning…or last night? It was dark and I’m tired.”

“I bet.” I reached for my niece, grinning as she squealed. “Hi Ruthie! Did you bring Ari and Diana?”

“No, they’re staying with Esther. I can cart Ruthie around with me, but they would’ve been too much.”

“Good call,” I said. “Ruthie, you’re getting too big.” She grabbed at my cheeks, trying to pull my chin into her mouth. “Stop growing.”

“Stop bossin’ my kid,” Titus teased as he elbowed me in the side.

“Never.”

“Then at least tell her to start sleepin’ through the night.”

“Still?” I asked in amazement.

“Sleep is for the weak apparently,” he replied sarcastically.

“Aren’t you tired?” I asked the baby, dodging her mouth.

“Mom said you were with Cian last night?” Titus asked quietly. “How’s he doin’?”

“He’s hanging in,” I replied, blowing a raspberry on Ruthie’s cheek. “Aoife looks like death, and Dad called Aisling a zombie this morning.”

“He did what?”

“Oh, yeah, a real charmer,” I muttered. “She got the crap beat out of her.”

“Yeah, I heard that already. He said she looked like a zombie?”

“She’s not exactly willing to accept any kind of sympathy,” I conceded, giving my dad a little credit. “He basically told me he wanted to acknowledge the damage without stepping on her toes.”

“Hell of a way to do it.”

“Our father, ladies and gentlemen.”

“Where’s Cian now?” Noel asked.

“I’m not sure,” I replied, giving Ruth to Lou, who’d thrown away her garbage and was making a gimme motion with her hands. She walked away with the baby as I grabbed a breakfast sandwich off the bed. “He was at Aoife’s but said he was going to head up to the hospital soon.”

“Want to meet him up there?” Titus asked Noel.

“Fine with me,” she replied with a small smile.

“I’ll ride with you,” I mumbled around the food in my mouth. I looked through the crowd. “Frank, I’m going to ride back to the hospital with Titus!”

“We’re heading up there, too,” she called back from the other side of the room. “Will and Molly have been there since early this morning, they could probably use some sleep.”

“Jesus, what time did Uncle Will leave Aoife’s?”

“Why was Uncle Will at Aoife’s?” Titus asked in confusion.

“Watching the house.”

“What?”

“Dunno, man,” I muttered, taking another bite. “Talk to your dudes.”

He walked away, probably to pull my dad aside, and Noel looked at me.

“They’re trying to act like everything is fine,” I told her.

“It’s not?” She shook her head. “I mean, I know it’s not.”

“I get you,” I said. “Something’s going down. I don’t know what’s happening because they don’t tell me shit, but if you look at the guys, you can see it. Did you notice Uncle Mack outside keeping watch?”

“Oh,” she said faintly.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” I reassured her. “If Dad didn’t think so, he wouldn’t have even let you get out of the car.”

“Titus talked to Bas yesterday,” she said, chewing the inside of her cheek. “But we hadn’t talked to anyone else before we came.”

“Seriously, no,” I said, crumpling my wrapper into a ball. “I’m sure whatever’s going on is being handled.”

“I wouldn’t have brought Ruthie if—”

“What are you two talking about?” my mom asked, poking her head over my shoulder suspiciously. “You’re over here whispering.”

“I’m not whispering,” I argued.

“Noel looks like she’s going to shit herself.”

I looked at my sweet sister-in-law. She did look a little pale.

“I was just telling her that something is going on that none of the guys are talking about.”

“Something’s always going on that the guys won’t talk about,” my mom said dismissively.

I hummed.

“It’s fine,” Mom told Noel. “They’re just trying to figure out why all of this happened.”

“Richie’s awake,” Titus announced, hurrying toward us. “Cian just texted me.”

“Thank God,” I breathed.

“I’m gonna wake Bas up so he can head over with us.”

“He needs to sleep,” my mom protested.

“He’ll kick my ass if we leave without him,” Titus replied. He tossed me a set of keys. “You guys load up and I’ll be down in a minute.”

I ran back to my room to grab my purse and almost collided with Frankie as she came in the door as I was rushing out.

“Richie’s awake?” she asked, grabbing her purse and Lou’s from the dresser.

“That’s what Cian said.” I paused in the doorway.

“Hallelujah,” she sang, following me outside. “God, what a relief.”

“I know,” I said, hurrying down the stairs to where Lou and Noel were standing next to the Tahoe.

I could have walked to the hospital in less time than it took us to load up and drive over there, but I knew from experience that the men would’ve lost their minds if I’d tried. I’m sure they would’ve tried to make it seem unreasonable for me to walk instead of just saying that they wanted to keep us close, so I didn’t even bother to try it.

The girls were talking and joking as we rode the elevator upstairs. Bas was groggy but relaxed. Titus was smiling. Richie was awake. His family had been waiting for him—Cian, who was ours, had been waiting for him—and now it finally looked like he was on the mend. Our relief was palpable.

We’d made it two steps into the waiting area where Aunt Molly was sitting when I noticed Uncle Will’s expression across the room and my heart sank.

Something was wrong. How could something be wrong? Titus had talked to Cian only a few minutes before. Richie was awake. That was good news. Why did Uncle Will look like he wanted to hit something?

Titus must have noticed what I was seeing. “What’s goin’ on?” he asked in confusion as the doors to the ICU swung open.

Cian wasn’t rushing. He wasn’t stomping. He didn’t shove at the doors.

The man who’d teased me about the smell of my hair and accepted being the butt of his sister’s jokes that morning was gone. As Cian walked toward us, I barely recognized him.

His expression was so sharp and so livid that he didn’t even look like the man I was in love with.