Chapter 4

Cian

“F uck,” I hissed, climbing off my bike. I wasn’t sure how things had gone so incredibly sideways.

I clenched and relaxed my fists as I walked toward the back door. It was way past the little girls’ bedtime so the house was quiet and dark, but when I stepped inside, the low drone of the TV in the living room warned me that I wasn’t going to be able to lick my wounds in private.

“Where’d you go?” Bas asked, meeting my eyes over the back of the couch. “Myla’s?”

“Waste of time,” I mumbled, walking past him.

“She still pissed at you?” he asked in surprise. “Figured you went over to clear it up.”

“Worse now,” I replied. I left it at that as I headed up the stairs, taking them two at a time until I couldn’t see him anymore.

I wasn’t sure if I was more pissed at myself for completely fucking shit up or at Myla, who’d put me on the spot in front of Frankie and Lou. I’d been hyperaware of them watching us, hanging on every word, and I’d fumbled that shit big time.

Myla had challenged me since we’d started hanging out the year after she graduated high school. Before that, she hadn’t really been on my radar. I’d seen her around plenty, but she was just another kid that came to the clubhouse for family parties. It wasn’t until later that she and her friends had started hanging with the same crowd. We argued all the damn time. If I said the sky was blue, she corrected me. She never let shit go. She was opinionated. Had a filthy mouth. You never knew what kind of mood she’d be in, and when it was a bad one? Run for fucking cover. But she was also kind. I’d watched her play with her nieces and nephews on the floor for hours. Go out of her way to help her mom with something that she couldn’t care less about personally. She treated old people with reverence and respect. She was the funniest person I’d ever met and could keep up with the shit talking and jokes that her brothers were known for. She made me laugh harder than anyone I’d ever met.

So, it wasn’t that I didn’t want her. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. I fucking craved her. But there were a lot of reasons that jumping into a relationship with her was a bad fucking idea. The fact that her brother was my best friend was just the tip of that particular iceberg.

I also didn’t do well with shit being sprung on me. I never had. After spending my entire childhood waiting for the other shoe to drop, I wasn’t big on surprises.

Myla laying everything out had been one hell of a surprise, even though I’d thought the same shit myself. If I would’ve made my move months ago, it would’ve been clear to anyone around us that she was off-limits. Not just that she was under Aces protection, but that she was mine .

So, when she’d said it—I choked. Having that shit thrown in my face when I knew the truth of it? Brutal. I hadn’t handled it well.

What I’d wanted to do was throw her over my shoulder and claim her like she was practically begging for. But Frankie and Lou had been watching, and I’d been so stunned that Myla had actually called me a coward and blamed me for that guy hassling her, it was like my brain short circuited. I’d gone into damage control mode and made it worse. All of the logical arguments that played in my head when I was around her and trying not to cross any lines flew out the damn window, and all I could think to do was remind her that I cared about her. I’d fucking choked.

I dropped my phone onto the bed and stared at it, wondering if I should text her. She seemed really upset when she walked away from me, and I hadn’t been able to follow her unless I was willing to walk over her best friends. They’d quickly stepped between me and the hallway, making sure that I kept my distance.

They’d had quite a bit to say about what an asshole I was. It was a little surprising when they’d let me leave the house with my balls intact.

Making a quick decision, I picked the phone back up and turned it off completely. If Frankie and Lou wanted to continue ripping me a new asshole, I could deal with it later. Myla deserved better than a phone call—I’d head back over there in the morning to fucking grovel.

I stripped down and climbed in bed, only to stare at the ceiling for hours. It was embarrassing how badly I’d reacted to Myla making the move that both of us had avoided for so long. My gut clenched when I remembered the look of horror on her face when I told her I cared about her. What a fucking asshole.

At some point I must’ve fallen asleep, because I woke up the next morning just as the sun came up. It was early as hell, but I got out of bed anyway. I’d left it all night because I didn’t want to go back over to Myla’s and wake her, but I wasn’t going to wait any longer to clear shit up. If she felt half as bad as I’d felt all night, she wouldn’t care if I showed up early.

After a quick shower, I brushed my teeth—and my hair, for once—and headed downstairs. Noel was in the kitchen in a big fluffy bathrobe, her elbows resting on the counter as she stared at the brewing coffee pot.

“Hey,” she croaked.

“Hey,” I greeted distractedly as I strode toward my boots.

“You’re leaving this early on a Saturday?” she asked in surprise.

“Got somethin’ to do.”

“Tell Myla I said hi,” she called in amusement as I hurried out the door.

It wasn’t until I’d climbed on my bike that I remembered that I’d turned off my phone the night before. Stupid. So fucking stupid. As soon as I turned it back on notification after notification came through.

When it finally stopped chiming, there were eleven missed calls from my siblings. Seven voicemails. Forty-seven text messages.

All thoughts of Myla disappeared in an instant, and the entire world stopped spinning as I stared. I didn’t know what to look at first.

The decision was made for me when the phone started to ring, my sister Saoirse’s face popping up on the screen.

“Sersh,” I answered, staring at the garage door. The paint was peeling in the corner. I should fix it.

“Cian,” she whispered, her voice ragged.

“What’s going on?” Not Sean. Not Aoife. Not Aisling. Not Ronan. Not Aunt Ashley. Not Rich—

“It’s Richie. He’s in the hospital. They’re not sure—” Her voice broke. “They’re not sure if he’s going to make it.”

“What the fuck happened?” I barked, my own voice sounding strange in my ears.

“He was shot.”

“Shot? What do you mean, shot? Where the fuck would Richie get shot? He’s a fuckin’ plumber .”

“It’s all a mess,” Saoirse murmured, it sounded like she was moving. “He went to pick up Aisling because she’d called drunk and was freaked out, and I don’t know what happened. No one knows what happened. No one can find her, Cian.”

“Aisling’s missing ?” My ears began to ring. What the fuck was going on?

“She might not even know what happened,” Saoirse said, her voice almost soothing as she tried and failed to reassure me. “We don’t know where Richie was picking her up, so we have no idea if that’s where it happened or not. We don’t even know if he found her before it happened. We don’t know anything.”

“Where are you?”

“Me and Aunt Ashley drove out on Thursday, thank God. So, I’m at the hospital with Aoife and Ronan. Richie’s entire family is on some cruise in Europe. It’s a freaking mess, we haven’t even been able to get a hold of them.”

“Where’s Sean?”

“He’s back at the house with Aunt Ashley. Thank God we were here, Cian. Aoife lost her shit when Richie didn’t come right back.” She lowered her voice. “She was standing on the porch waiting for them when the police showed up. It was like she knew .”

“I’m on my way,” I said, pulling my keys out of my pocket. “Tell Mam I’m on my way.”

“Good.” Saoirse sniffled. “He’s in surgery, Cian. They said it’s really bad. Drive careful…but hurry, okay?”

“I will.”

“Love you.”

“Love you, too, sweetheart. Go back to Aoife, yeah? Text me if you get any news.”

“I will.”

I wasn’t sure how long I sat there after Saoirse hung up. I was closer to my siblings than most. After our dad died and our mother went off the rails, we’d had to stick together. When my mom died the day before my fourteenth birthday, my sister Aoife had already been raising us for four years. I’d started calling her Mam at some point because that’s what she was. She’d been just a kid when she took over the responsibility of keeping us alive and together—and she’d never asked for thanks or appreciation or any of that shit.

Richie had been there supporting her—and, by extension, the rest of us—almost the entire time. He’d moved in after our mother died, committing himself to my sister and taking the four of us kids on when he was only twenty-two years old. He’d taught me how to drive. How to throw a punch so I didn’t break my fingers. Slipped me cash when I didn’t fail any classes in high school. Bought me my first box of condoms. Ripped me a new asshole when I stayed out all night and worried Aoife. I couldn’t imagine a world that he wasn’t in.

Shaking myself out of my stupor, I made another call.

“Yeah?”

“Hey, I gotta go home. Not sure when I’ll be back.”

“What’s goin’ on?”

“Family emergency. My brother-in-law’s in the hospital. Not sure if he’ll make it.”

“Fuck. Sorry to hear that. You want to bring a couple of the boys with you?”

“I got it.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“All right, keep us posted, yeah?”

“Will do.”

I was on the road less than a minute later. I knew the route so well that I could’ve done it in my sleep, which was a good thing because I was completely out of it. I stopped for gas halfway there at the same station I always did. Grabbed a burrito and water while I was there because I knew I needed it. Got a text from Saoirse that Richie was out of surgery, but there was no change in his status.

They still didn’t know if he’d pull through.

No word on Aisling.

When I pulled into the hospital parking lot in late afternoon, my fingers were stiff from gripping the handlebars, my ass ached, and I felt like a fucking zombie. That didn’t stop me from hurrying toward the front doors and up to the waiting room.

There were other people in the area, but I barely noticed them. Aoife was pacing down at the end of the room. Saoirse was doing something on her phone. Ronan and Aunt Ashley were sitting on a sofa, talking quietly.

My family.

I went straight for Aoife.

“You’re here,” she called, hurrying toward me. The minute she reached me, her entire body slumped against mine, her arms wrapping around my waist.

“I’m here,” I confirmed, kissing the top of her head. “How you holdin’ up?”

“This is so fucked, Cian,” she whispered against my chest. “So fucking fucked.”

“I know.”

“Why the hell would anyone shoot Richie ? The man would toss over the keys to his truck if a stranger asked for them. It doesn’t make any sense, and we can’t find Aisling. She’s not calling anyone back, and her voicemail is full now, so we’ve just been sending texts every fifteen minutes. Where the fuck is she?”

“I’ll find her,” I replied, giving her a squeeze.

“Sean’s probably so freaked out wondering where we are. Aunt Ashley said he was excited to play at his little friend’s house, but that’s only going to last so long.”

“Let’s deal with one thing at a time, yeah?” I asked as she let go of my waist. “For now, Sean’s good. When he isn’t, one of us can go get him.”

We turned toward the rest of our family, and that seemed to be the signal they needed to get up from their seats and head toward us.

“Okay drive?” Saoirse asked as she wrapped her arms around me.

“Don’t remember,” I replied honestly, hugging her back.

Ronan pushed in next, hugging me tightly before pulling away. “You made good time,” he said roughly. “Don’t drive so fast.”

“No traffic,” I replied, gently pushing the side of his head with my palm. “I’m always careful.”

“We know that’s not true,” Aunt Ashley said jokingly, giving me a squeeze. “Just careful enough, right?”

“Right.”

We made our way over to the seating area, and I watched as Aoife stood behind one of the chairs, her hands gripping the back.

“I can’t sit,” she said quietly. “I need to be up.”

“Do what you need to,” I replied, just as quiet.

“She must not have her phone,” Ronan said, his own phone in his hands. “She wouldn’t just ignore all the messages. No fucking way.”

“She could’ve lost it,” Saoirse agreed, glancing around at us. “It happens.”

Aoife walked away, and we let her go. My poor sister looked strung out. She was shaky and disheveled, moving around manically, her arms crossing and uncrossing over her chest like she wasn’t sure how to hold herself.

Time slowed to a crawl as we waited for any news of Richie or Aisling. I paced with Aoife. Talked to Aunt Ashley about the property. Asked Ronan about school. We sat there for hours before I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Saoirse,” I said, looking over at her. “Call every hospital and give them Aisling’s name and description. See if they’ve got anyone.”

“We called earlier today.”

“Call again,” I ordered.

“Okay.”

She walked to a corner of the room and pulled out her phone.

“You’ve talked to the police?”

“They’ve been here on and off all day,” Aunt Ashley replied. “Checking to see if Richie’s awake yet. They know Aisling’s missing, but they don’t seem too interested. Said she’s an adult, and she’s not technically missing.”

“Idiots,” Ronan murmured.

“Call around to the police stations?” I asked Aunt Ashley. “See if anyone’s picked her up in the last twenty-four hours. Could be why she doesn’t have her phone.”

“Good idea,” she said.

As soon as she’d left, I looked at Ronan. My brother’s normally pristine clothes were wrinkled, like he’d rolled out of bed and threw on some dirty ones off the floor—which I was guessing wasn’t far from the truth.

“You know who she’s been hanging with?” I asked quietly. Ronan and Aisling were only two years apart. When they were little, the gap had been significant enough that they didn’t really hang out together much, but as they’d gotten older I knew their friend groups overlapped.

“I’m not sure,” he said with a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. “I’ve been so busy with work and school, I haven’t been out much. I pretty much go home and sleep.”

“You haven’t heard anything?” I prodded. “Not even in passing?”

“Just that she hadn’t seen Sage or Isabelle in a while. They used to hang all the time, but I’ve kinda been seein’ Belle, and she said Aisling hasn’t been around.”

“New group, then?”

“Fuck,” Ronan murmured, staring at the carpet between his feet. “I haven’t been payin’ attention.”

“You’re good,” I assured him, the same guilt sitting heavy in my gut. I hadn’t been paying attention either. I hadn’t even been home in months. “No one expected you to keep tabs on her.”

“I’ve got the spare key to her apartment,” he said. “You think I should go over and check there?”

Visions of my baby brother finding our sister hurt or worse in her apartment raced through my head, and my hand shot out instantly. “Give ’em to me. I’ll go check. You stay here with Mam.”

“You sure?” he asked, digging the keys out of his pocket. “The cops’ll probably be back soon to check in.”

I looked down at the black hoodie, faded jeans, motorcycle boots, and Aces cut I was wearing. “Cops aren’t my biggest fans,” I joked, scratching at my beard. “Let me know if they’ve got any news, yeah?”

Ronan nodded and leaned back heavily. “This waiting bullshit sucks.”

“Better you’re waitin’,” I reminded him. “Means nothin’ is set in stone yet.”

“I hear you,” he said, closing his eyes.

I let Aoife know where I was headed and left the hospital. My baby sister had an apartment right in town. She said she liked being able to walk everywhere, which made me happy because she was a shitty driver. Normally, I’d be stoked that she wasn’t on the road, but it didn’t make me happy to find her car in the little covered parking area at the apartments. That meant she hadn’t left it somewhere for me to find it. At least that would’ve given me a jumping-off point on where to find her.

When I let myself into Aisling’s apartment, I let out a small breath of relief. The place was spotless and smelled like coconuts and vanilla. Nothing felt off except the fact that my sister wasn’t there. I did a walk through, checking the bathroom and the bedroom, but just like the living room—everything looked pretty standard. There were a few clothes thrown over the end of her bed and some makeup on the bathroom counter, but everything else was neat and tidy. It looked like she’d just gotten ready and left.

Walking back into the kitchen, I checked out the dishes and the mail in the little basket on the counter. Nothing odd there. Her fridge had food in it. Fuck, I didn’t even know what to look for. I was a goddamn mechanic. I wasn’t an investigator.

Then my eyes caught on the coffee machine. I recognized it because a few years before, Aisling had gotten Aoife one for Christmas and she’d made a big deal about how she could program it to turn on in the morning before she woke up, so Aoife could have coffee waiting for her.

The coffee pot on Aisling’s counter was completely full. At some point it had turned off, but there hadn’t been anything poured from it. If she’d set it before she left to go out, that meant she’d planned on coming home and drinking it in the morning. That was something. She’d planned on waking up in her own bed.

“Jesus, Ash,” I muttered into the quiet. “Where the fuck are you?”

I made my way back through the apartment, giving it another look before turning off all the lights. Half of me was tempted to stay in case she came home, but I knew that wouldn’t get me anywhere. If she was going to come home, she would’ve already.

I locked up as I left, looking around the apartment complex. Aisling was a tattoo artist and was pretty fucking spectacular at it, so she made good money and the place wasn’t a dump. The landscaping was all taken care of, there was plenty of parking, and maintenance was on top of shit.

“Oh, hello,” a man said as we passed each other on the stairs. His arms were full of grocery bags, and he scooted against the railing to let me pass.

“How’s it goin’?” I greeted with a distracted nod. Then I paused. “Hey, man, I’m looking for Aisling. Have you seen her around today?”

He just looked at me.

“I’m her brother, Cian,” I continued, reaching my hand out. I dropped it when I realized that his fucking hands were full and he couldn’t shake it. “She lives in 34B. Long brown hair. Tall.”

“I haven’t seen her today, sorry,” he said with an awkward smile.

“No worries. Thanks.”

I started back down the stairs but only made it a few steps before he spoke again.

“The last time I saw her, she was leaving with a guy,” he said, a little hesitantly. “That was last night though—around six. Sorry.”

“Thanks,” I said, my gut churning. “That helps, actually. Hey, if you see her today, could you tell her to call her family? Our brother-in-law’s in the hospital.”

“Oh no,” he murmured with a grimace. “Not Richie?”

“You know Richie?”

“Well, I’ve met him,” he said with a shrug. “Just in passing, you know. When Aisling moved in. He came and introduced himself. I thought your sister was going to sink through the floor in embarrassment.”

“Sounds like him,” I said with a small smile. “Thanks for your help.”

“Good luck,” the guy called as I left.

I was going to need it.

The doors to Aisling’s car were locked, so all I could do was peer in the windows. Nothing inside gave any clue as to what she’d been up to or where she would’ve gone the night before.

With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I headed back to the hospital. It was getting late, and while I knew Aoife wasn’t going anywhere, I wanted to give the rest of the family a chance to head home and get some sleep.

I was dragging ass as I made my way into the waiting room.

“His kidneys are working,” Aoife said the second I walked out of the elevator. “They said they’re working.”

“That’s good,” I rasped. Jesus, I was wide awake and still seriously fucking exhausted.

“I’m going to go back in,” Aoife replied, grabbing her purse from the waiting room couch. “You want to come with me?”

I shook my head.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, you go,” I said, waving her off.

I couldn’t go in to see Richie until I’d found Aisling. It felt wrong.

“I’m coming too,” Saoirse called as she hurried after Aoife. “Wait for me!”

“She wasn’t at the apartment?” Ronan asked as I dropped down beside him.

“Nope. Neighbor said he saw her leavin’ last night with some guy.”

“What guy? What did he look like?”

“No clue.”

“You didn’t ask?”

I shook my head and leaned it against the wall.

“What the fuck is happening?” Ronan muttered to himself. He dug his fingers into his eye sockets, and when he pulled them away, his eyes were bloodshot and watery.

“Why don’t you head home for a few hours?” I said quietly. “Take Aunt Ash with you.”

“I’m fine,” Aunt Ashley argued.

“Go home,” I ordered gently. “Go get Sean so he can sleep in his own bed. You two won’t be any good to Aoife if you’re fallin’ asleep here.”

“What about you?” Aunt Ashley asked, grudgingly getting to her feet. She knew I was right. She’d been awake since the night before, waiting on news from Richie, and she looked ready to drop.

“I’ve got Saoirse to keep me company. Once you guys come back in the morning, we can go crash for a few hours.”

After that, there was no argument and very little fanfare as Ronan picked up Aunt Ashley’s bag of random crap and led her toward the elevators.

I sat in the silence and stared at the random pattern on the carpet as I waited for Saoirse to come back out of Richie’s room. From what I understood, there was only one visitor allowed at a time, so I hoped she’d be back soon.

Memories of Richie played through my mind. On the day Aoife married him—the way his hands had shaken as he tied his tie, the way he’d grinned as I walked her up the aisle, how after a few drinks at his reception, he’d started singing along obnoxiously to every song the DJ played, staring at his new wife. The way Aoife had thrown her head back and laughed at his antics.

The look on Richie’s face when Saoirse graduated from college. How he’d cried when Sean was born, trying valiantly to hide it—but we’d all seen. When he’d walked into the house in a rented tux to take eleven-year-old Aisling to the daddy-daughter dance she’d been talking about for weeks. His puffed-up chest when Ronan was valedictorian in high school.

Jesus. Richie couldn’t die.

And where the hell was my baby sister?

It was one of the longest nights of my life.