Chapter Ten

TEN

From: Amelia Collins ([email protected])

To: Reginald Cleaves ([email protected])

Subject: Stuff we will tell my family

Hi Reggie,

My mom called when I was at work and asked about you. I tried to be cagey, since we haven’t agreed on our story yet, but I had to make up some things on the fly. Sorry about that.

I jotted down a few more idea on my commute home. This is a work in progress, so if you have feedback, let me know! (Overall, I’m thinking we should stick to lies that have a kernel of truth in them whenever we can. It’ll make it easier to sell the story.)

A. Where we met . I told Mom that we met at the office. (Close enough to the truth, I think??)

B. Your job . I told her you worked in tech and that sometimes you do work for my firm. (I hope that’s okay???)

C. When we met . This didn’t come up during our call, but I suspect it’s only a matter of time before someone asks. How about we’ll say 6 weeks ago? Any longer, and my family will wonder why I didn’t tell them about you sooner. Any shorter, and it will undercut our claim that we’re serious enough for me to take you to the wedding.

D. Our first date : This didn’t come up either, but how about we say you took me to Encanto’s, which everyone in my family knows is my favorite restaurant. Then we went to Second City. (I enjoy Second City a lot; doing both of these things together would be a plausible date for me.)

What do you think? Thanks again, SO much, for doing this. You’re a lifesaver.

Amelia

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From: Reginald Cleaves ([email protected])

To: Amelia Collins ([email protected])

Subject: Stuff we will tell my family

hey,

can honestly say no one has ever called me a lifesaver before. Happy to help.

you know your family better than I do (I don’t know them at all) and am happy to go along w/ w/e you want to tell them about backstory. I don’t really know what “working in tech” is but am happy to pretend.

also, encanto’s AND second city is a typical date for you?? your past boyfriends must have had a lot of $$$. (Are you sure we can’t tell them our 1st date involved me saving you from a fire breathing dragon instead of fucking ENCANTO’s?)

seriously though looks fine. also, should we exchange a few personal details so it seems like we know at least a little about each other?

some miscellany about me:

fave color—red

fave musical act from the past century—David Bowie

fave tv show—the original Muppet Show is the best fucking television program in history (I know less about Sesame Street but feel I should rectify that soon)

R.

ps: what are some things someone who’s been dating u for 6 wks would know?

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From: Amelia Collins ([email protected])

To: Reginald Cleaves ([email protected])

Subject: Stuff we will tell my family

Reggie,

Okay—your joke about the fire breathing dragon made me laugh for the first time in ages. Thank you for that.

Things someone I am dating would know about me:

1. My favorite color is blue (any shade)

2. My favorite dessert is a tie between pancakes and anything with chocolate

3. My favorite way to destress is to watch YouTube videos of this woman who lives on an island close to the North Pole

4. My dream vacation would be any place that doesn’t have email

Amelia

ps: As for my past boyfriends having a lot of money, I didn’t say that Encanto’s and Second City were a typical first date; I only said they’d be a plausible one. I haven’t had enough past boyfriends for there to be any trends.

(Also, what do you do for work? You know what I do, but I don’t know what you do, and that’s something a girlfriend would definitely know.)

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From: Reginald Cleaves ([email protected])

To: Amelia Collins ([email protected])

Subject: Stuff we will tell my family

Amelia,

am between jobs at the moment.

I think I know that YouTube channel. does she have a dog & a bearded boyfriend & a shotgun she carries in case she comes across a polar bear or walrus? Fascinating channel. I like to watch it when I can’t sleep. though living that close to the North Pole—can’t say I see the appeal. nonstop sunlight 4 months out of every year seems like no way to live (though I think the 4-month-long nights would be passably okay)

hadn’t meant to be funny with the dragon comment. But if I made you laugh that’s a good thing. I’m sorry you hadn’t laughed in “ages” beforehand. (That, too, seems like no way to live.)

R.

From: Amelia Collins ([email protected])

To: Reginald Cleaves ([email protected])

Subject: Stuff we will tell my family

Reggie,

You’re between jobs? Does that mean you aren’t working right now? (It’s totally okay if you’re not working, I just wanted to clarify.)

Regarding the island close to the North Pole, I’m sure the second I got up there I’d agree that being in such a cold place was more trouble than it was worth. But right now, being thousands of miles away from my real life in a place where none of it could catch up with me sounds divine.

From: Reginald Cleaves ([email protected])

To: Amelia Collins ([email protected])

Subject: Stuff we will tell my family

No, I admit I haven’t worked in quite some time.

And as to your last point, we agree.

R.