Chapter 40Janie

Chapter 40 Janie

I felt like I’d time travelled to my twenties, but with my 41-year-old joints. Wandering Istanbul’s endless cobblestone streets, occasionally so steep they turned into stairs, with a heavy backpack on my shoulders, I was starting to lose hope.

I’d thought knowing the name of the neighborhood would make it reasonably easy to find Emir’s antique shop. But of course, I was zigzagging the part of town that was famous for its antiquing, its streets lined with small, crowded boutiques. Their contents seemed to be spilling onto the streets, insides bursting with chaos.

It didn’t help that most people spoke little English. I’d asked for directions twice, but nobody seemed to know Emir Erkam. Or, I was pronouncing his name so poorly they had no idea who I was talking about.

I was just about to cross the road, again, to investigate a shop on the other side, when I saw him.

Emir. In grey slacks and a dark navy dress shirt, just like I remembered him. Except, here he belonged. He looked like an extension of the narrow, historical street flanked by brightly colored buildings and decorative shop signage, multi-colored prayer bunting hanging out of the windows. He was dark and foreign. A man from a different world I had no claim to.

For a split second, I contemplated running away, pretending I hadn’t stalked the poor guy all the way to his hometown. I was sweaty and tired, hair sticking to my temples and the backpack digging into my shoulders. I couldn’t have looked more like a budget tourist if I’d tried.

But I couldn’t run. I couldn’t move. His eyes had pinned me on the pavement. For a moment, we both stood within shouting distance of each other and simply stared.

Finally, he charged towards me, eating up the distance with his long legs. I took a quick sniff at myself and winced, but I had no time to do anything about me. I didn’t even have time to organize my thoughts.

“Janie! It is you.” He grabbed me by the elbows, looking a little startled. Blinking. “I…”

As if remembering his manners, he leaned in to kiss my cheeks. There it was. The Turkish greeting I’d never had. I caught a whiff of his scent, and it flooded my mind with such potent memories I nearly lost my footing.

“I don’t know why I’m here,” I uttered. “I’m sorry.”

Tears threatened to spill, and I forced myself to smile. He helped the backpack off my shoulders, setting it on the ground next to us, then pulled me into his arms. I heard the faint thud as the backpack fell over but didn’t look. I could only wrap my arms around him and breathe. I’d never done anything this brave. Or this stupid. But all my arms cared about was locking themselves around his waist and hanging on.

He muttered something in Turkish and squeezed me tighter. “Janie.”

We hugged for a long time, both unwilling to move. Finally, I pulled back and placed my hands on his chest, my own heart thumping like it wanted to escape. There was so much I wanted to say all at once. So many questions I wanted to ask, that I couldn’t get hold of any thoughts. I only wanted to hold onto the miracle of touching him.

“I’m so relieved.” His voice rumbled through me. “Are you okay? Did you find the hidden camera?”

“What hidden camera?”

“I… never mind. Just something I thought. Something I should have thought of earlier.”

“Wait, what?” I stared at him in confusion. “Did you hide a camera in my house?”

“No, Janie.” He gave me a brief smile that was quickly chased away by a frown. “But I think that burglar did. I was just going to call you and get you to check your bedroom.”

A full-body shiver rushed through me. “Seriously? How could they do that? Why?”

“I don’t know why, but I should have thought of that. I mean, they took nothing—”

“That’s not true,” I blurted, mortified. “They took my yellow panties. I never found them. I should have told you.”

“What?”

“It’s not important.”

His eyes flashed with fury. “It fits! Panties, a hidden camera… It’s been bothering me this whole time. Your dressing mirror has that decorative frame. It’d be the perfect place to hide—”

“You were thinking of me?” I cut in, desperate to push away the creepy feeling. I had to focus on that one ray of sunshine warming my heart.

“Of course I am.”

“You didn’t know if you’d ever see me again.”

“I knew.”

“You’re rather sure of yourself.” I cocked my head.

“I didn’t think I’d see you here,” he said softly. “I only knew my own plans.”

“What if we made plans together? I don’t know how, but I had to come here and ask you, because I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t even try. I thought about it… and I know I’m supposed to be an adult, but I also want to love like I’m losing my mind and like nothing else matters. And if anything stands in the way, we fight. Together.”

I stared at him, fearing that my heart would pound right out of my chest.

He smiled. Fully, with eyes lighting up. “Let’s.” He lifted the rim of my sunhat and brushed my hair behind my ears. When his lips found mine, my heart soared. I couldn’t feel the cobblestones under my feet. Nothing connected me to the ground, or the reality. Those strong hands held me, serving as my only connection to life on Earth. Emir. His heart was still open. He was still mine.

He kissed me deeper, lighting up desire that raced all the way down my thighs. Finally, I pulled away and I found my balance, cheeks blazing, every cell alight with new purpose.

“How are your sons? Who’s looking after them?”

“Alex is in Auckland and Josh is home with Tabitha, believe it or not. She offered, and it turns out she gets along well with him. She won’t shovel shit, though, so Josh is looking after the animals.” I pulled a face.

“I’m sure Josh can handle it.”

“I have to go back, obviously. But I’m hoping, like an idiot, that I can somehow bring you back with me. Whatever it is, we can handle it. Together.” My voice trembled and I had to summon all my courage to look him in the eye. I’d placed my bet and was now waiting for the roulette wheel to stop spinning.

His dark eyes peered straight into my soul. The corner of his mouth lifted. “My Janie.” He took my elbow, pivoting us up the hill. “Let me show you what we’ll be handling together.” His voice held a warning, but I only felt warmth. Overwhelming, indescribable warmth enveloped my heart as I trailed alongside him up the steep footpath, to a small doorway leading to a dimly lit shop.

A curly-haired man with a goatee sat at an outdoor table. He nodded at Emir, giving me a dubious side-eye. I stepped into the shop, noting the stuffy smell of storage and old cigarette smoke. As my eyes adjusted to the low light, I saw the floor-to-ceiling shelves, racks and random items hanging off large hooks in the ceiling. How was it physically possible to fit this much in one room? Although I couldn’t make out the back wall, so I wasn’t entirely sure about the edges of the space. I could only tell it was full.

“Has this featured on TV?” I asked, my voice a little hoarse. “Hoarders?”

Emir bumped his head on a hanging oil lamp and adjusted his position to stand between two different lamps, his expression mortified. “No. Maybe I should try that. It’d be hard to move around and find camera angles, though.”

“You’re right. It’s just… unreal.”

He sighed. “It is. My father has officially signed it over to me, so I have to sort it out somehow. There’s no storage space, so I was thinking of ordering a shipping container. See if I can dig up anything that’s worth anything to list online.”

I trudged deeper into the shop, taking a closer look at the items. Crystals, ceramics, mosaic lamps, vases, war memorabilia, tin cans, old hats. Some of it was likely worthless, but I could easily imagine the decorative and colorful household items in expensive antique and homeware shops in New Zealand.

“Well, if you’re getting a shipping container, why don’t you ship it? Take it to New Zealand and I’ll help you set up a shop. You’ll get a better price that way. It’s all exotic and special over there.”

For a moment, he said nothing, gently leaning his temple against that oil lamp. Then his shoulders dropped, and he let out a long sigh. “God, I missed you so much!”

I hopped over a fallen coat rack to get to him.

We hugged there, surrounded by Turkey’s discarded, forgotten treasures, breathing in each other to drown out the smell of dust, decay, and cigarettes, feeling so deliriously happy it made no sense.

“Me, too,” I said.

We were so much better together.