23. Sara

Chapter twenty-three

Sara

"Are you sure you're going to be okay, Mom? You just got out of the hospital and—"

"Do I look like I need to be babied," she cackles, and I laugh at her words. She's always been like this.

"No, you don't. But your fall has me worried."

"I'll be fine. I'm strong, you know. It was just one mistake. A simple fall. It won't happen again."

"I hope not."

Mom walks through the doorway of her small ranch house. The cane in her hand helps, and as she settles on the couch, I follow her inside.

"Your caretaker should be here tomorrow, but I can stay till then."

"Oh, don't worry. Besides, you've taken off some time, haven't you?"

"Just a little."

I still worked at the café for the last couple of weeks, but on a part-time basis. I haven't had time to go to the sanctuary due to my mom's accident. May understands, but it hasn't been easy.

I miss my animals and riding Clover. And I hate letting May down.

I sigh, thinking about it. If only I could be in two places at once. Mom grunts, and I look at her a moment later.

"Something the matter?"

"You don't have to stay here if you don't want to. There's somewhere else you'd rather be, isn't there?"

"Well, yeah, the sanctuary."

"Oh, that place," Mom replies, her disdain obvious.

"Mom, I get you don't like it, but—"

"Sara, I know you love that place. I accepted that you wouldn't be a scientist or a doctor a while ago. I just don't see the appeal."

Here we go again. I love Mom, but she's always getting on me.

"Because it makes me happy, and I love doing it. I get you had these high hopes for me ever since I was a kid, but I'm just . . . I'm never going to be what you want me to be."

That's the truth, and Mom's going to have to accept it. We've had this back and forth for over a decade now. Mom nods and looks away.

"I know. Sorry, I shouldn't have pushed that," she says with true regret lacing her words.

"It's okay," I reply, smiling. "You mean well."

"I do. And I guess it's remnants of your father sometimes."

The room falls silent, and Mom looks toward the doorway.

"Want to go out back? It's been a while since you've come out this way."

"Sure!"

We walk toward the back door, and as I open it, a large garden greets us. Rose bushes sit at the end of the patio, and various vines and shrubs decorate the backyard. Wow!

Mom's always been passionate about gardening. Probably one of the few things that we both agree on. We walk out toward the two chairs that overlook the entrance, where a fountain spouts. The statue within contains two angels fluttering around.

"This looks absolutely beautiful, Mom."

‘Thanks, dear. It's always a fun experience coming out here and taking care of the garden, it gives me something to do after retirement," Mom replies, laughing. I nod, understanding her situation.

Mom had me at almost forty, and she retired early. After Dad passed away due to cancer, she's kept to herself.

We get along, but Mom's always been independent. That, and my career decision, never sat well with her. Mom sighs, looking out.

"I am proud of you, Sara. You've kept at it. I know that I get on you, but I can see how much this means to you."

"I know, Mom. Thanks for telling me that. It means a lot, a real lot to me to hear you tell me I make you proud."

"And I do," Mom replies, her eyes bright and joyful.

We don't say much as we look outside. Mom looks at me and cocks her head.

"There's something else bothering you, isn't there?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, sitting back.

"There's something else on your mind that you want to discuss but don't know where to begin."

"No, it's not that," I lie. Mom means well, but she doesn't need my relationship drama.

"Sara."

"Mom, I'm not a kid. Please don't use that voice with me."

"I will, especially when you're hiding something that's obviously bothering you. I can see sadness in your eyes."

I grit my teeth. I hate that she sees right through everything. I know I can't hide it all forever.

"It's just a guy. Nothing too deep."

The expression on Mom's face changes to that of surprise. Her eyes widen, and a grin forms.

"A boy huh."

"Yes. I'm not a kid anymore, so don't make a big deal out of it. And it's a man, not a boy."

"I'm not the one who is trying to hide their boyfriend here, you know."

I grimace, but she's right, in a sense. Mom's being supportive, and the least I can do is at least try to tell her what transpired. I take a deep breath, figuring out where to begin.

"Well, we went on a couple of dates. The guy's really nice, and I thought that we were meant to be. He's just been busy and disappeared for a bit."

"I see."

"I'm sure he'll be fine. I just thought that I could get over him if things went south. I told him about my dreams."

"Did he laugh?"

"Nope, unlike the last guy ( or you, I think but don't add ), he didn't. He actually stayed and listened, which is admirable. I was really happy when he did that."

Mom nods with understanding. She and Dad were married for decades. They only had me late because they wanted to wait until they felt that they were ready.

"Thanks, Mom. I just miss him, and he's the first person who's made me feel this way."

"That's good," she encourages.

I look up at her, confused by her words. "It is?"

"Yes. It means that he matters. If it's real, it's probably love too."

I snort, shaking my head.

"I don't know if it's love."

"He makes you happy though, doesn't he?"

"I mean, yeah, but—"

"Then you need to hold onto that right there," Mom replies, gesturing to my heart. "Men who are able to stake a claim there are special. They mean the world, and you should cherish that. You need to go find that man!"

I nod, understanding Mom's words. She may not always have the best intentions and tact, but she does have plenty of experience in the world of love.

"Thanks, Mom. I mean, I'll try."

"I don't think you need to try. He means the world to you, and I'm sure if there are problems, it'll all work itself out."

"I hope so."

Mom's optimistic, and I get it, but it definitely hasn't been an easy pill to swallow. Her hand extends, touching mine. "You know I care about you a lot. And if you ever need advice, let me know. This whole fall was just a stupid accident. I'll be okay."

"Thanks, Mom. And that doesn't mean I'm going to just ignore you. I'll come around. Maybe not all the time, but I will."

"I know, dear," she says grinning.

Mom stands up, yawning. The cane sits against the chair, and as she grabs it, she pounds it on the ground. "I'll stop walking with this stupid thing in no time."

I chuckle and nod, running a hand through my brown hair. "I know you will, Mom."

We walk back inside, and as Mom sits on the couch, I look at the clock. It's nearly seven. My phone vibrates, and I look down.

Could you come to the sanctuary for a little bit? I need help with one of the cows.

I text a simple "yes" back to May and look at Mom, who lies down.

"Hey, Mom, I'm going to go. If you need me, call me, okay?"

Mom waves to me dismissively. "Go live your life, Sara. And do what makes you happy."

I walk out of Mom's house and close the door. I love Mom, and she does mean well despite her issues with my dreams. I text May again to let her know I'll be over there soon. As I get in the car, I think about what I said, telling Mom about Robert.

She accepted it and was happy about it. A stark contrast from what I expected. A smile falls to my lips. I want to hope that maybe one day I'll get to see him again. I know I should move on, but I don't want to.

I turn the ignition and drive to the sanctuary. A lightness overtakes me as I press on the gas. My thoughts fill with what I told Mom and all of the feelings that swim in my heart. There's a lot that I want to say and a lot on my mind.

Even if I never see Robert again, at least I'll be able to live with these feelings and the memories.