Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

LANDON

" N o, sir, Doctor Coleman, our most senior oncologist, is on a short break. She'll be back next week."

I sit at my desk, drumming my fingers against it, tapping my foot, feeling like I want to be anywhere else and doing anything else except having this conversation. There's too much riding on it. It's not logical to face something like this. I can't neatly put it on a list. Handle death …

"Well, I need the best," I say, knowing I sound like an ass, knowing I'm stalling.

"With all due respect, I think the sooner we book this follow-up?—"

"With all due respect to you, if Doctor Coleman is the best, then I want her. That's it. Thank you."

I hang up, actually panting as if I've just gone for a run. My head is spinning. My thoughts are crashing like a car collision on repeat. Months, not years …

Standing up from my desk, I pace the room, looking over at the picture of Damon. He's sometimes called Damon the Demon on the streets, which is probably a nickname the bastard gave himself. My phone vibrates. I want to ignore it. It's probably the doctor's office demanding that I book the appointment, Doctor Coleman or no Doctor Coleman, but it's Lily.

After I made an ass of myself last night, I didn't expect her to reach out. The world suddenly doesn't seem as dark until I begin reading her text. Damon came to her house and threatened her.

When I call Lily, she rejects it. I'm with my mom.

Are you working today?

Yeah.

Let me give you a ride.

I wait outside her apartment building, looking between her front window and the park. To think that Damon was leaning against that swing, taunting them from across the street, intimidating them. I want to crush his sneering goddamn face in. Who does he think he is?

Taking out my phone, I check my messages, even if I only checked them a few minutes ago. After I offered her a ride, Lily replied, Uh, sure.

Since it's a text, there's no reason for her to include the uh . Maybe I'm looking too much into it, but it's almost like she wants to make me aware that she feels awkward. Why wouldn't she? An older man decided randomly to attempt a kiss after an evening of work. I definitely misjudged. I won't make that mistake again.

Somehow, it's easy to tell myself that before I see her. She walks from her apartment in a tight-fitting black shirt that shows those thick, delicious-as- fuck hips. Her shirt doesn't show any cleavage, but it outlines her shapeliness. Mostly, though, it's the determination on her face as she strides toward me.

She opens the door and climbs in, shooting me a quick look before looking out the window. "Hey."

Her perfume is intense. Or maybe it's just Lily. Months, not years … I want to reach over and take her hand. Obviously, I'm a madman.

"You've had one hell of a morning," I say as I pull away.

"Yeah." She intertwines her hands, obviously shaken by the experience. I don't want to send the wrong message if I offer her comfort. What am I even thinking? I'm going to be gone in not too long. There's no future for me. "Landon?"

"I'm sorry?" I say, realizing she's been speaking. I'm a prick. I offered her a ride so we could talk, and here I am, zoning out and thinking about things I shouldn't when I should be trying to find a way to help her.

"I said, what do you think I should do? Carter thinks I should forget about it."

"Carter?" I say, the name bringing up memories I'd rather not think about.

"Carter Weston, my boss."

"Ah," I say, wondering if I should tell her. It is a surprisingly small city. Or maybe that's just the world of people who think they'll make a difference like I once did. "I'm sorry, Lily, but he's right."

"You can't agree with him. Damon can't get away with this!" she says emphatically.

" You need to stop looking into this," I say. "I won't let this bastard do a damn thing. I'm going to keep working like I used to before I forgot who the fuck I was. That was before I forgot that helping people was better than sitting on the sidelines and complaining while getting rich from other people's misery."

I come to a hard stop at the red light, causing us both to jolt forward. Without thinking, I reach across and touch Lily's hand. It's nothing huge. Just a brush as I say, "I'm sorry."

Then, I quickly move my hand away. There's an electricity to her touch that makes me curious—hungry.

"It's okay …" She pauses, then asks, "Are you okay, Landon?"

"I'm fine," I grunt.

"It just seems like there's a lot of … tension going on?" She glances at me, seeming so shy I want to yell. I don't want her to feel shy with me. "Has something happened?"

"No," I growl, thinking months, not years … "It's just this city, Lily. It's just people and the sick stuff they do—the sick world we live in. Like Damon, swaggering up and threatening you. Who the fuck does he think he is?"

I can't stand to think about it. Lily's trying to live her life, trying to do the good thing, after a tough beginning with an asshole dad and an addicted mom. She's made something of herself, and now this monster wants to take it away. All because she's a good, selfless person.

When she touches my hand, a sliver of the darkness shifts. "Landon, the light."

I pull away, her touch lingering on my hand.

"Forget about this case," I repeat, so she understands.

"I can't do that," she says quietly.

"If you can't forget, let it go, at least. You have to be safe. You won't be able to help anyone if …"

"If what? If Damon blows my brains out?"

" Don't say that, Lily," I snap.

She flinches. I keep watching the road. I don't want to make her flinch. Just the thought of something like that happening to her is enough to send me into a frenzy.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs.

"It's fine. I need to focus on this. I won't be able to do that if I'm worrying about you getting yourself hurt."

"Isn't that what you do, Landon? Worry about me?"

I look over. I can't stop myself from smiling. For a moment, I remember her as a kid, a scared little girl, but always with that spark in her eye, always like she wanted to do better. It's hard to connect the two when I see the woman before me now. She's all heat, all sass, curves, tempting lips, and …

I look away.

She lets out a trembling breath that makes me wonder if she felt everything I did at that moment. This whole "being close to death" thing makes everything seem more significant, though, so maybe not.

"I don't know how I can just ignore this," she says.

"It's easy. Focus on another kid who needs your help. You're not abandoning them, Lily. I'm going to handle this."

"But …"

"Say it," I tell her.

"Are you?" she asks as we glide through traffic. "I don't want to offend you, but you've worked as a divorce lawyer for years, right? And you haven't done any more of this Good Samaritan stuff?"

"What's your point?" I say coldly.

"I don't know."

"You do," I say. "You just don't want to offend me. Trust me, it'll take more than this. Tell me, Lily."

"What if you get a big case at work or something? What if you can't stay on this? What if you lose interest?"

"I won't be able to lose interest in this," I growl, realizing we're pulling up outside her work far too soon as if the city has conspired to get us here as quickly as possible. Usually, the traffic is terrible, but not today. Maybe I'm feeling morbid, but the whole damn world's a joke. "How could I? How could you even think of me losing interest ? No man could look away from this sort of thing."

"Hmm," she murmurs.

"What's hmm ?" I ask.

She looks up at me bravely, her eyes full of sass. Or maybe my thinking of it as sass is undervaluing it. She looks fierce and ready. She looks like a woman who will put her case across and doesn't care what anyone else says. I see her suddenly as a lawyer or the operator of an entire social work division. She's going places.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she says brusquely.

"Like what?"

She bites her lip. Fuck . There's nothing staged or rehearsed about it. There's something so hot about how natural it is. "It doesn't matter."

It unquestionably does, but she doesn't want to speak about it. "What were you going to say?" I ask.

She reaches for the door handle. "It doesn?—"

"Yes, it does," I growl. "It does matter."

She flinches again. I need to calm the hell down. It's like death is hovering over my shoulder. It's making me so tense.

"You said you can't lose interest. The thing is, stuff like this has been happening since you stopped helping, Landon. It's not like it just stopped. You worked all those years as a divorce lawyer. There was still stuff going on. There were still little girls with psychos for dads and junkies for moms. They're still waiting for their knight in shining armor."

Am I the knight she's talking about?

"It didn't stop," she goes on.

She angrily pushes the door handle. I watch her go, thinking about running after her and grabbing her arm. It's the sort of impulsive thing a logical man would never do. A natural block in me forever prevents me from overstepping the line like that, but not anymore.

I'm out of the car suddenly, walking after her, taking long strides to catch up with her. She gasps when I take her elbow and turn her toward me. She stares with almost fascinated eyes. She looks curious, too, but something's holding her back. Maybe the fact we're standing outside her workplace.

"What are you doing?" she hisses.

"I'm not the jackass you think I am," I tell her gruffly. "I'm not some selfish asshole."

"I didn't say you were," she says. "Landon, please …" She gestures at her building.

"I just … need you to know that."

I turn away, feeling lame and ineffective. I don't even know what I was trying to do there. She's right. There's no way around it. I stopped helping because I stopped caring. Maybe I stopped believing a man like me could feel anything other than cold, hard facts. Perhaps it has something to do with my childhood. I don't know, and I don't care.

I know one thing. I'm not the same now, which has everything to do with Lily.