Chapter Eighteen

As Rebbie descended from the coach without a word and closed the door, Calla's heart leapt into her throat. Oh dear God, he knew. And he was furious.

How had he figured it out? Did Jamie look that much like him, even with the dark blond hair? Of course, he did. She squeezed her eyes shut. She'd known this would happen. Her worst fears realized.

"Where's he going?" Jamie asked.

"To ride his horse."

"I want to see it." He scurried to the window and looked out, then gasped. " 'Tis a huge black horse, Ma!"

"Aye. Come sit down, love." She moved to the seat Rebbie had vacated to give Morna , the nursemaid, more room. Morna had been Jamie's nursemaid since he was a babe and Calla trusted her to give her son the best of care. Glenhaven had insisted on keeping her on and paying her wages while Jamie stayed with him.

Calla grasped Jamie's clothing just as the coach surged forward, then hauled him onto the seat beside her.

"Do you think he'll let me ride his horse?" Jamie asked.

"I don't think so." She smiled sadly.

"Why not?" He frowned.

"You're not big enough yet."

"Aye, but I could ride with him!"

"' Twould not be safe." She shook her head, knowing full well Rebbie didn't want to have to deal with Jamie. Mayhap he didn't even like children. She didn't know.

"I'm going to ask him," Jamie said willfully and crossed his arms over his chest.

Calla released a long breath. "Very well, but when he tells you nay , don't come crying to me."

"I'm not going to cry , Ma," he said as if such a thing were ridiculous and he were merely a small adult.

"Good."

But chances were she would cry. Her eyes already burned and her heart ached. What must Rebbie think of her? He hated her, surely. Only moments after he'd said he loved her.

She had been stunned when he'd confessed his feelings in the coach earlier. Aye, stunned, but also thrilled beyond measure, for she loved him to an irrational degree. At times, he made all else seem unimportant. He stole her reason and her sanity, making her want to wrap herself about him and never let go.

But she could not do that.

She'd simply made the wrong decision, becoming intimate with him again, allowing him to break down her defensive walls… introducing him to Jamie.

Now all was at risk.

***

Rebbie was hellishly restless as he rode Devil behind the coach, and the horse obviously sensed his tension as he danced about beneath him, tossed his head and snorted. Plus, Devil wanted his wild run across the fields and moor, but he would have to wait.

Rebbie still couldn't believe the lad might be his son. Why would she keep such a secret from him? Of course, she hadn't known his name or where to find him prior to their meeting again at Draughon , but since then, she'd had ample time and opportunity to say, oh, by the by, we have a son.

Damnation, that had been the big secret she'd kept from him all along. He muttered a curse under his breath. Something had told him not to trust her, but he hadn't listened. He'd been too damned bewitched by her. And her husband… she'd well and truly duped him. Of course, 'twas the way it was done in their circles. Any bairn a lady had was her husband's child. No questions asked… most of the time.

But he intended to ask questions, dozens of them.

Had that been her intention all along—for him to get her with child—or had it been an accident? For some reason, he'd thought she already had a child when they spent the night together. But nay, now that he thought about it, her body had been that of a slender girl. Certainly, she'd been beautiful and appealing, but since then, her body had become enticingly curvy. Had those changes come about because she'd carried his child? He cursed his own gullibility. He hadn't wanted to see the truth.

Surely, she'd used him.

"Are you well?" Lachlan asked, riding up alongside him.

"Splendid. And you?"

Eyeing him, Lachlan frowned. "'Haps you noticed something when you met the lad, something that I also noticed the first time I saw him a few days ago."

Rebbie glared at him. "Aye, I damned well noticed. Why didn't you warn me?"

"I didn't know if itwas true. Besides, 'tis not my business. I just noticed you seemed out of sorts."

"' Slud ," Rebbie said through clenched teeth. A slow seething rage still crawled along his veins.

"She hadn't mentioned it?"

"Nay," Rebbie practically growled. "She has a hell of a lot of explaining to do."

Lachlan nodded.

Had Stanbury been good to the lad? He must have been if the lad missed him and grew sad about his passing.

Once they were back at Draughon , he would discuss it with her. And he'd stop at naught but the truth.

But what if the lad wasn't his? What if he'd imagined all the similarities? He couldn't have if even Lachlan saw it.

"You noticed the resemblance?" Rebbie asked, just to be certain, keeping his voice low.

"Of course. A man would have to be blind not to. His eyes, his wee face. The way he grins just like you." Lachlan shrugged.

Aye, had to be. Rebbie's eyes were not playing tricks on him.

The coach in front of them drew to a stop and, a moment later, Calla helped Jamie out.

Rebbie rode toward them. "What's going on?"

"He has to… make use of the bushes." She rushed the lad into the vegetation beside the road.

Not knowing whether to laugh or gnash his teeth, Rebbie shook his head and dismounted to wait for them. Calla took him herself rather than sending the servant to do the dirty work? Saints, 'twas easy to see she loved the lad more than life itself. That knowledge made his chest ache, for the lad was a part of him, surely.

Moments later, they emerged from the bushes, Jamie tilting his head back and peering up at Rebbie and Devil. "Will you take me for a ride on your horse?" Jamie's high-pitched voice clawed at Rebbie's heart. So damned adorable, Rebbie wanted to embrace him, lift him into the air and sit him atop his shoulder. But he couldn't do that. Not now.

"Jamie," Calla chided. "He doesn't have time for things like that."

He glared at her but she wisely kept her gaze on Jamie.

"Aye," Rebbie responded. "Once we get back to Draughon , I'll take you for a ride."

"You will?" Jamie squealed and jumped up and down.

Unable to help himself, Rebbie grinned. "Do you like horses, lad?"

"Aye! 'Tis the biggest horse I ever saw. What's his name?"

"Devil."

The lad's eyes widened and his gaze darted with uncertainty to his ma.

"He's not a real devil," Rebbie said. " 'Tis only his name."

"Oh."

" 'Tis time for us to get back into the coach." Calla guided the lad forward and Rebbie opened the door.

Observing the lad's hand, Rebbie noticed that Jamie's wee fingernails were the same shape as his own. Damnation. His stomach knotted. He was at once terrified and thrilled. He'd never truly imagined having children… because they went with marriage. And he'd never wanted to get married. He'd always told himself he wasn't the marrying kind, that he would marry when he inherited his da's marquess title.

Mayhap having a son wouldn't be such a horrible thing. Especially this wee lad. He was bright and had a good sense of humor. Plus, he had a natural love of horses, just as Rebbie did. He wasn't precocious and annoying like some spoiled aristocratic children he'd met.

Rebbie closed the door and mounted Devil.

Indeed, he was ready for some answers from Calla.

***

Back at Draughon Castle, everyone poured into the great hall.

"I thank you for allowing them to stay here for their protection," Rebbie said in a low voice to Lachlan. Although he was furious with Calla, he still wanted her and the lad to be safe.

"Of course. I'm more than happy to help out. I wouldn't wish either of them to be hurt by that bastard."

Lachlan eyed the lad again, across the room. "Has she told you anything yet?" Lachlan gave Rebbie an inquiring glance.

"Nay, but he looks damn near exactly like me." Rebbie blew out a harsh breath and glanced around. He was glad to see his father was not in the room. Without doubt, as soon as he got a good look at the lad, he would notice the resemblance. "I need to talk to her in private forthwith."

"Use the solar if you wish." He glanced back at Jamie, then grinned. " Och , would you look at that? He's already off to play with the other lads."

Rebbie nodded, glad to see Jamie was getting along with Lachlan's two sons, Kean and Orin, as well as Angelique's wee half-brother, Timmy, and Gwyneth's son, Rory. They were all near the same age.

Seeing Calla alone moments later, Rebbie moved toward her. "Can we talk?" he asked, trying to keep the edge out of his voice.

"Aye." She swallowed hard and avoided his gaze.

"I'll meet you in the solar in a quarter hour."

"Very well." Her skin pale, she pressed her lips tightly together.

She looked terrified and he was unsure how he felt about that. He didn't want her to fear him—he would never harm her—he but wanted the truth.

***

Calla's stomach ached so severely with anxiety, she near felt sick. She hadn't wanted to hurt Rebbie, nor anger him. Her life was in such disarray, she didn't think it would ever be normal again, or happy.

Stiffening her spine, she strode into the solar and closed the door, seeing that Rebbie was already there, pacing before the cold fireplace.

He stopped and watched her, his glare pinning her to the spot. "What the devil is going on, Calla?" he demanded.

Having never seen him so angry, she remained by the door. "What do you mean?"

"Don't." He pointed, then apparently forcing himself to remain calm, he inhaled deeply and clenched his jaw. "I want the truth. Either I'm completely daft or that lad is my son. Now which is it?"

Fear prickled through her like needles of ice. He didn't know; he was only guessing. "Why… why would you say such a thing?"

His sharp glare speared into her. "He has eyes the same color as mine."

"Stanbury had dark brown eyes."

Rebbie clenched his jaw. "The lad looks exactly as I did at that age."

"Surely you cannot remember such a thing." Her breathing grew shallow and she knew she was grasping at straws.

"My father had portraits of me commissioned. Several of them. Once my father sees him, he'll know the truth of it as well."

Oh heavens. Laird Kilverntay was the last person on earth she wanted to know about Jamie. What would he do? Report it to the other members of parliament? Ruin her and Jamie? She clutched her jittery hands together. "I must go see to Jamie."

"Calla," Rebbie growled. "I'll tolerate no more lies from you! Did you… choose me that night because I have dark eyes? Was your intention to…? Hell, I don't even want to say it. You used me. Did you not?"

Her soul stripped bare, she had naught left but the truth. "He was going to kill me," she whispered, tears stinging her eyes.

"What?"

"Stanbury was going to kill me if I didn't produce an heir for him," she said louder and swiped at the tear that escaped.

"What do you mean? He threatened you?"

She nodded. "He said he had no need for a barren wife. That I would find myself flying from the third floor bedchamber window. He told the staff to watch me, that I was distraught, and he feared I would throw myself out the window. 'Twas not true but they all thought I was half mad. He gave me one month's time, and if I hadn't conceived before then, he would've pushed me out the window himself."

"That bastard," Rebbie growled through clenched teeth.

"I was only eighteen summers at the time," Calla said, hoping Rebbie would understand. Hoping he would not hate her. "My maid told me 'twas likely Stanbury was unable to sire a bairn , for he'd had two other wives but no children. She gave me the idea about what to do. I didn't want to. I've felt horrible about committing adultery and deceiving you, but… I love Jamie so much, I don't regret it." She looked Rebbie in the eye, hoping he believed her now, for she told the complete truth. "That night with you was amazing, the best of my life. I told myself if nothing else in my life is ever good again, at least I have those two things—my beloved son, and the memory of that night with you. And that would be enough." She swallowed hard. "I thank you for both."

Rebbie closed his eyes and tilted his head back as if in utter misery. "Why the hell didn't you tell me this during the past couple of weeks… while we were at Tummel Castle? Or even last night?"

She shook her head. "I couldn't. Don't you see?"

"Nay, I certainly do not," he said in a hard tone.

"I knew you would be angry, and I feared that you would want to claim him as your own and take him from me."

"Of course, I want to claim him as my son, but I would never take him from you."

"You can never claim him," Calla said in a harsh whisper. "' Twould make him an outcast and a bastard. He would lose the Stanbury title and I would be brought before Scottish Parliament and the Kirk as an adulterous woman. You would ruin Jamie's future."

His chest aching, Rebbie cursed at the rage and helplessness burning through him. He knew she was right, but everything in him rebelled against it. "Damnation, Calla, he should be my heir." But he knew the lad could never be, no matter what he did.

"He cannot legitimately be made your heir because we could not have married when he was born. I was already married at the time."

"I'm well aware!" he snapped.

"That's why I didn't tell you. It would've made no difference. And I didn't ken whether I could trust you at first."

"You didn't trust me this past week, after all we went through?" he asked, unable to believe her words. He'd saved her life and protected her.

"Of course, I trust you now. But your father doesn't like me. He's a powerful man and when he finds out…" She shook her head. "He could easily bring ruin to us. Besides, I didn't want you to hate me."

Did he hate her? Nay, he was certain he didn't, but he was too furious to think about it right now.

"You were never going to tell me, were you? You hoped I would never find out." He'd been planning to ask her to marry him. What a mistake that would've been.

She simply watched him, not answering. She didn't have to. He knew the answer. If he hadn't seen the lad and figured it out for himself, she would've kept her secret.

"How could you even claim to love me?" he asked.

"I do love you. I didn't lie about that." With her eyes, she pleaded with him to believe her.

He shook his head. "I don't see how, if you didn't trust me or want me to know about my own son." Rebbie slammed the door on his way out of the room. He had to get the hell out of here before he destroyed the place. Ignoring everyone around him, he strode through the great hall and outside toward the stables.

He had to ride, get away from her, so he could think. He told George to saddle his horse.

"Where are you going?" Lachlan called out behind him as he rushed across the courtyard. "Are you going to deal with Claybourne?"

"Nay. I'd likely kill the bastard if I saw him just now. I'm going for a ride. I have to think."

"Want some company?"

"Nay." Rebbie had to be alone. He craved unencumbered freedom as he never had before.

Lachlan scowled. "What if you should run into Claybourne and his garrison?"

"I'll kill as many of them as I can."

"Rebbie, don't be daft," Lachlan muttered.

"The lad is my son, but I can never claim him. ' Twould destroy his future." Rebbie felt as if a bull had gored him in the chest.

"Damnation, man. 'Tis a hell of a thing to find out."

Rebbie nodded and as soon as George led Devil out, Rebbie mounted.

"When will you be back?" Lachlan called.

"I don't know." As soon as he could think clearly, instead of wanting to throttle someone.

***

Knowing Jamie was safe in the children's wing, playing with the other lads under the watchful supervision of Morna and some of the other servants, Calla closed herself in the chamber Angelique had moved her things to after Elena had gotten angry with her. Barclay, his wife, and Elena hadn't left yet because of the rain earlier that day, and the packing their servants had to do. Their plan was to leave in the morn.

Calla didn't know what her plans were. Rebbie would never forgive her for keeping the truth from him, and she couldn't blame him. Maybe she should've told him the night before, but she hadn't been able to bring herself to. The fear overshadowed all else, and the longer one kept a secret, the harder it was to reveal.

She had hoped and prayed Rebbie wouldn't recognize Jamie as his son. ' Twould have been the best for everyone. But, of course, Rebbie was far more intelligent than Stanbury had been. She had never wanted to trick anyone, nor lie, but that had been her only option if she wanted to live.

Rebbie would obviously not pay off Claybourne now, nor would he speak to her again, she was certain. The Barclays and Elena hated her and she couldn't keep her position with them. She would have to find herself another job. Doing what, she didn't know.

She slumped on the bed and let the tears slip from her eyes. She'd known it would come to this. Though she'd expected it, 'twas no less painful.

A knock sounded at the door. She shoved herself up, dried her tears and opened the door.

Angelique waited outside. "Oh, Calla, are you well?"

She nodded.

"Lachlan said Rebbie left in a fury. What happened?" Angelique came in and closed the door.

" 'Tis a long story." She noticed a letter in her friend's hand. "What is that?"

"This missive came for you." Angelique handed it to her, then embraced her. "What can I do to help?"

"I thank you, but there is naught to be done."

"Mayhap Rebbie will return soon."

Calla shook her head. "He'll never forgive me. I thought I was doing the right thing but…"

"I'll be honest with you, mon amie . Lachlan has told me some of what happened, but not all of it."

"Do you promise to keep it a secret?"

"Of course." Angelique drew her to sit on the side of the bed.

"Jamie's future depends on it. You must tell no one."

"I vow, I will not."

Calla started with the day Stanbury had threatened to kill her if she didn't provide him an heir and told Angelique the whole story. By the time she finished, they were both in tears. Angelique wrapped her arms around Calla and rocked her. " Shh , mon amie , we will find a solution. Do not give up hope. Rebbie will return soon and help you."

"My problems are not Rebbie's responsibility. I've asked too much of him already. I must take care of my son and myself by finding a new position. Barclay will never allow me to remain as Elena's companion."

"Would you truly want to be?"

"Nay, but I must have a way to earn money."

"You will stay here with us. Claybourne cannot touch either you or your son here."

Calla shook her head. "I thank you but I cannot be a burden to you."

"I do not see it that way at all."

"But I would." Calla couldn't take advantage of her friend's good nature.

"You could work for us here, as tutor to the lads," Angelique said.

"I thought you already had someone in that position."

"We do, but he could use the help. There are three of them, after all, and they are quite rambunctious. Or you could help me with Hannah if you prefer."

"Again, I thank you, but I'll not have you creating a position for me. I refuse to become a charity case."

While Calla truly appreciated her friend's generosity, she was ashamed of herself and her situation, that her friend felt the need to make such offers.

After Angelique left, Calla noticed the missive lying on her bed, where she'd placed it earlier. She picked it up, broke the red wax seal and opened it. Her gaze went immediately to the signature at the bottom. Claybourne.

Icy chills covered her. "What? Nay," she whispered.