27. Fallon

Fallon

When I walk into the house, I'm hit with the smell of hot, buttery popcorn. My mouth waters, and even June stirs in her carrier. It must be the movie-loving genetics.

"What is this?" I ask, laughing when I round the corner into the living room and see Rocky II cued up on the TV, an actual popcorn machine churning in the corner. Brett looks up from his spot on the couch, a grin spreading over his face.

"Hey," he greets, and everything that happened this morning—him saying the sex was a mistake—hangs between us. "Thought we could continue the movie marathon."

It's torture, to be looking at him, and smiling at him, and seeing him do this sweet thing for me, and to know that I shouldn't be feeling what I am. That my focus should be on the baby next to me.

That Brett had sex with me, and realized it wasn't for him.

I step into the living room, getting June situated in her crib and plopping onto the couch with him, despite my better judgment. He disappears and returns a moment later with a selection of candies for me to choose from—the kind in the boxes, just like you'd get at a theater.

"Pretty sure you're supposed to charge eight dollars for this," I joke, plucking up a box of Milk Duds.

"Oh, don't worry," he teases back, "I'm adding it to your tab."

It's obvious that he's joking, but a kernel of doubt anchors itself in my stomach anyway. I can't stop myself from glancing around at his gorgeous home, at all the baby stuff still littered around the living room, and not think that I'm taking advantage of him.

Just like my mom did with every guy she ever dated.

Brett returns and sits on the other end of the couch, starting the movie. I can't stop looking at him, loving the way he looks fully engrossed with whatever he's watching, his face going a little soft, his eyes never leaving the screen, even when he takes a bite of popcorn.

I've seen this movie a million times, and my mind wanders back to the text he sent me earlier. After our weird, half-conversation this morning, I'd almost expected it to be a text asking me to keep to my room, but instead, it was a link to his lawyer's website, and information about the process for officially adopting June.

Stealing a quick glance at him, I eat a handful of my popcorn. It's just like what you'd get at a movie theater, and I have to bite my tongue to keep from moaning at the taste. Heat flushes over my cheeks at the thought of the sounds I was making last night, and how this man—so cute and cuddly in his sweatshirt—was braced over me, making me see stars.

"You are so falling in love with him," Chloe had said earlier, peeking at me over a rack of clothing in The Baby Gap. My basket was already full of new outfits for June, and I realized that I was shopping more for something to do than for the need. Brett had also ordered boxes and boxes of clothes; several dozen outfits that June wasn't even big enough for yet.

"No," I'd coughed, nearly choking on my iced coffee. Cassidy pounded on my back while Chloe tried—not very hard—to hide her laughter. "No way. And it doesn't matter, Chloe. He said it was a mistake."

" Yes way," Chloe insisted, eyes darting to Cassidy. "That was a miscommunication. Anyone can see that he was trying to figure out what you wanted from him. Cas, back me up."

"Normally, I'd tell you guys not to drag me into one of your little spats," Cassidy had sighed, moving outfit after outfit aside on the rack, "but I hate to admit it, Fal. Chloe is right."

"I can't believe you guys are teaming up on me like this," I complained.

"We're not teaming up on you," Cassidy said, at the same time Chloe said, "It's an intervention."

Cassidy rolled her eyes, but Chloe got a serious expression, turning to me.

"I was there are your wedding, Fal—"

"—that was not a real wedding—"

"—and I saw the way that man was looking at you! And now you've done the dirty!"

"Don't say done the dirty, " I whispered, looking to the front of the store to see if the teenage clerk was paying us any attention.

"What was the problem? Was he bad at sex?" Cassidy asks.

" No ," I'd said, for some reason horrified that she would think that. Brett gave me the best orgasm of my life. He was the only man who had made me come by going down on me. Just thinking about it made a shiver run up my back.

"So, what's the problem? He's rich! He's nice!"

"Because what if he leaves ?"

At this point, Cassidy had circled back around, the straw to her iced coffee halfway to her lips.

"Oh, no, babes," she said, putting her hand on my back and looking at Chloe. "This sounds like mommy issues."

"Maybe," I'd said, tears welling in my eyes as I stared down at the little onesie in my hand. Having June around was turning out to be more fulfilling than I'd ever thought, but at the same time, there was an undercurrent of resentment flowing through me.

I'd be there for her every single day of her life. Through every heartbreak, every hurdle. I'd support her and love her and care for her. When I picked her up from her first day of high school, she'd run to the car, eager to tell me about everything that happened.

June would always have someone in her corner, because I loved her. She was family.

But the question kept echoing in the back of my mind, repeating and dragging me down: Why didn't I deserve that? Why couldn't I have had someone like that when I was a kid? What was wrong with me ?

"Of course it is," Chloe had said, softly, pressing her lips together. "Shit. I didn't even think about it. What do you mean—what if he leaves?"

"What if June loves him?" I asked, voice choked, thinking about the several men who came into my life, dating my mother. Kind men. Ones I thought would make good dads. One who came to all my softball games. One who taught me to do long division patiently.

But when it came down to it, my mother would go off her meds, or become convinced they were cheating on her, and they would leave. One left me a note. The rest disappeared overnight, and I was left crying in an empty closet, unable to come up with the words to mourn a person I'd only known for a few months. It was like grieving the idea of something that could have been, over and over and over again.

"Right," Chloe said, her hand on my back. Down the aisle, an attendant saw us, saw the tears on my cheeks, and headed the other direction. "What if June loves him, and he leaves?"

"Yeah," I had said, playing with the little button on a tiny pair of overalls. "That."

"Are we sure this is all about June?" Cassidy had asked, her ice rattling loudly in her cup. "Do you think it's possible that some of that fear could be about what it would do to you ?"

I'd picked up a different onesie, not looking at her, not wanting to linger on the thought in case it was true.

"More popcorn?"

I jerk my head up, staring at Brett, brain taking a few moments to process what he's said. He's standing in front of me, movie paused, holding his hands out for the popcorn container in my hand, which is now empty. I must have finished the entire thing while thinking about my conversation in the store without realizing.

"Oh," I laugh and shake out my hand, which fell asleep from me leaning on it. "No, I'll—I have the Milk Duds."

"Suit yourself," Brett gently takes the popcorn bucket and heads to the kitchen. My heart is skipping in my chest so rapidly I bring a hand to it and rub the spot to try and calm it down.

Brett looks good enough to eat right now. Part of me wants to peel the sweatpants off him and get him between my legs again, but the other part of me wants him to keep them on.

To crawl down to the other side of the couch and tuck my head under his arm, let him hold me. Then I remember the look on his face this morning, what he said.

It was a mistake .

What had started as an attempt for me to try and explain the way I was feeling, to show him why I couldn't just do casual sex, to feel out if he wanted more, had quickly turned into realizing that he regretted what happened between us.

Of course I want to be serious with a successful, rich, professional athlete. No woman in her right mind would turn this down if it was offered to them.

But this isn't permanent. That has always been the deal, and allowing myself to think anything else hasn't done anything but make things more awkward, and more painful.

Brett is just returning to the room with another bowl of popcorn for himself, settling into his side of the couch, when my phone starts buzzing relentlessly. I glance over at June, who doesn't stir in her crib, and nod to Brett to start the movie.

"It's fine," I say, "I can check it later."

Right as I say that, the vibrations get louder. A call is coming through.

Sighing, I reach down, seeing Chloe's name on the screen. I glance at Brett, then accept her video call.

"Hey," I say, loudly, hoping she doesn't bring up any of the stuff we were talking about today. "You're here with me, Brett, and June."

"Fal!" Chloe whisper-shouts. I can see the rest of the roommates behind her, on the couches, and a thrum of missing them runs through me. "Have you seen Twitter today?"

"No, why?"

A second later, I hear Brett suck in a sharp breath, and I turn to him.

"What is it?" I ask, eyes tracking over his face, noting the way the light plays over his features. "What's going on?"

"You're trending ," Chloe whispers, as Brett turns the screen to me. It's a picture of me with June strapped to my chest, walking through the mall with Chloe and Cassidy. For once in my life, I actually look pretty good in a photo, but the sight of it still sends a shudder up my back.

Who was taking it? I didn't even see anyone pointing a camera or phone at us.

"Everybody wants to know where you came from," Chloe says. " Especially the Ratcliffe fan club."

When I look at Brett, the tips of his ears have gone pink.

"I'm very active on the Vipers TikTok page," he says. "I'm the only one who will do the dances."

"So you have a fan club ?" I ask, voice strained.

"The only person with more mentions than Brett is someone named…Devon Chambers. Apparently, he was in a whole thing last year." Chloe says.

"Yeah," Brett says, clearing his throat. "With his wife."

"So what should I do?" I ask, heart pounding, eyes refocusing on the photo of me. "Should I ask them to take it down?"

"Cassidy says you can't," Chloe says, as though she's already asked Cassidy about it. "She says just to lay low and wait it out."

"Perfect," I mutter, putting a hand to my face, thinking about how that picture of June is now open to the public. I've barely been a guardian for a month and already I'm exposing her to public scrutiny. "Just perfect ."