23. Ellie

Ellie

B right lights. Blinding. Colton's truck brilliantly illuminated. Colton's expression over the steering wheel suddenly tight with horror.

The crash. Red and blue strobes. Voices. Gentle hands helping me from my car. Laying me down. Lights in my eyes. Voices, asking my name. Putting something hard around my neck.

My baby!

"I'm pregnant," I whispered into the faces looming over me. "I'm pregnant."

"Okay, Ellie, you're gonna be okay. Don't worry. Ellie, we're gonna put you in the ambulance now."

Sirens. Red and blue strobes. A mask over my face. No pain, not yet. I must be hurt though. Injured. How bad?

Is my baby all right? I lifted my hands to cover my belly, but they wouldn't move. Warm tears trickled from my eyes, down my temples to run into my ears.

My head cleared.

I blinked the tears away, unable to turn my head. I rolled my eyes as much as I could to observe the bright ER lights outside the ambulance window.

The EMTs, their voices low, spoke in soothing tones. We're at the hospital, Ellie. They're gonna take good care of you.

Bright fluorescent lights burned my eyes as I was wheeled from the ambulance and into the trauma ward. Nurses took my blood pressure, peered into my eyes, asked me where I hurt. I didn't know. I just knew I was hurt.

Is my baby all right?

"My baby," I whispered to a nurse looming over me.

"You're pregnant?"

I managed a tiny nod.

"Okay, we're gonna check you out, honey. Just stay calm."

Doctors in scrubs. Nurses in scrubs. Needles in my arms. The pain finally emerged from hiding. My head. My neck. My shoulders. My legs.

"Am I broken?"

The doctor patted my shoulder with a gloved hand. "That's what we're going to find out. Ellie, the techs are going to take you to X-Ray."

Panic surged. "My baby! You can't! No."

"Easy, Ellie, it'll be all right, we're looking out for the baby, too. I promise, your baby will be fine."

I wept. At the pain, the fear. I needed Grey. Where was Grey? Did he know what happened? The techs wheeled me down a hallway, into an elevator, then up two floors. Then down another hallway where other techs took control of my body.

I lost track of time.

Maybe I blacked out. Or perhaps my brain simply faded out.

I woke next in the same trauma room, the same doctor leaning over me to snap a light in my eyes.

"You have a broken collar bone and a minor concussion, Ellie," he said. "Your baby is fine, alive, and doing well. Now I'm going to prescribe a pain medication that's safe to take while pregnant. You'll stay here at least for tonight. Is there anyone you want us to call? Your relatives, or the father?"

I shook my head a fraction.

"Okay, I'll get a nurse to contact someone."

A nurse spoke from behind him. "Dr. Williams? There's a guy in the waiting room. He's been waiting to see her."

"Do me a favor and tell him he can see her when she gets to her room," the doctor answered.

The nurse left, and the doctor patted my hand, smiling. "I'm going to give you a mild anesthetic to set your clavicle, Ellie."

"'Kay," I mumbled.

He injected me with a needle, asking me to count backwards from one hundred.

I made it to ninety-seven.

***

My head cloudy, as though someone had stuffed it with cotton wool, I blearily watched the television that hung on the wall. A news channel, I thought, talking about the weather. My pain drifted on those very same clouds, coming and going like the tide. A brisk nurse brought me a glass of ice water a while ago, which I sipped occasionally.

"Ellie?" Grey stood in the doorway; his face haggard, almost old. His coat hung from his hand, dragging across the tiles as he paced a few steps into my room. "They said I can finally see you."

I tried to smile, but something failed to work. Still, Grey must have gotten the message, for he crossed the room to my bed. Bending, he kissed my cheek with the lightness of a feather's brush. He smiled, but it looked strained, as though he didn't know how to smile either.

"The doc says you're still sedated," Grey went on. "So I can't stay very long."

My fingers twitched. Grey saw that and took my hand in his.

"Baby," I rasped.

Grey nodded, his face relaxing slightly. "The baby's fine. You're both fine, Ellie."

This time, I felt my facial muscles stretch as I managed to smile. "Love you."

"I know. I love you, too, honey."

A nurse in pink entered the room behind him and stepped around the bed. Ignoring Grey, she inspected my eyes with the bright light, checked my blood pressure and took my pulse.

At length, she asked, "You can have something a little stronger than water. Would you like a ginger ale?"

I nodded. "Thanks."

"Sir, I'm sorry, but I have to ask you to leave. Ellie needs to rest."

"I know." Grey bent to kiss me again, this time a light, sweet kiss to my lips. Rising, he winked. "I'll be back in the morning."

"'Kay."

I drifted to sleep before the nurse came back with my ginger ale.

***

"He's out on his own recognizance." Grim, Grey stuck his phone in his pocket. "He pleaded guilty. The DA cut him some slack because of his clean record."

I watched him step closer to where I laid on his comfortable and roomy sofa, aching from my head to my ankles. I'd looked in the mirror the day after the accident, just before Grey came to fetch me. My face was swollen, bruised and scraped from its impact with the airbag. Though I had no other busted bones than my left collarbone, the terrible wrenching of my body had created massive bruising all over.

Grey sat on his coffee table; his hands clasped together in his lap.

"The judge issued a restraining order," he went on. "He can't come near you, or he gets his bail revoked."

My throat sore from the whiplash, I couldn't speak much above a whisper. "Will he try?"

"I doubt it. The attorney told me he's remorseful and grieving, saying that he's responsible for this. Claims he never wanted to hurt you, only that he lost his temper."

"Bullshit."

"I know." Grey sighed, dragged his fingers through his hair. "I can't believe he'd even threaten to hurt you. Colton isn't violent."

"He's changed," I murmured. "He wasn't himself."

"Great," he muttered thickly, "my son is possessed by a demon."

That remark struck me as hilarious, yet all I mustered was a harsh and brief barking laugh.

"Don't," I gasped. "Hurts."

"Sorry. That's the image that popped into my head."

"He might grow up," I whispered. "Knows I'm pregnant."

"Yeah. He says the baby's his." Grey met me gaze with a mixture of frustration and amusement. "Maybe the added responsibility of potentially being a dad might force him into behaving himself."

"Maybe."

"He's not allowed to contact you in any way, shape, or form," he continued. "Until the restraining order is lifted, and after he's sentenced next month."

"Will he go to prison?"

Grey shrugged. "Can't say. First offense, he may only get probation."

I couldn't decide if I wanted to see Colton sentenced to prison. He threatened to kill me. He wanted to hurt me, he said he should beat me to a pulp. As it was, I was nearly killed by his behavior. Could I forgive him? If he's my baby's father, could I allow him to be part of our kid's life?

"What are you thinking?" Grey asked.

"Can I forgive him?" I met his green gaze. "Should I?"

Shaking his head slowly Grey replied, his voice soft, "I can't answer that, Ellie. I'm not sure I can, or will, forgive him. He almost killed the lady I love, and my child with her. Whether Colton is the biological dad, I'll be the father."

"Yeah."

He suddenly shunted his eyes from mine, looking at his hands. "I guess I'm assuming you want me. In your life, that is. Am I being an ass for thinking that?"

"No."

I can't have this conversation right now. I can't talk, I'm hurting far too much to deal with this. Nor could I put those thoughts into words.

Instead, I offered him a tiny smile. "Not now."

He nodded. "Sorry. You're right, this isn't a good time for making assumptions, right or wrong."

"Grey."

He stood up. "I'll get ice for your shoulder."

I shut my eyes. Obviously, my non-answer hurt him. He thinks I don't want a future with him, more kids, marriage. Somehow, he'll have to understand.

Listening to him rummaging in the kitchen, I wondered if I did indeed want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Do I?

Before Colton arrived to "talk", I would have answered the question as a yes. I loved Grey with all my heart. But was this what I had to look forward to? Constant strife with Colton, keeping him around because he was my baby's daddy? Risking not just my life but that of my child, too, should Colton "lose his temper"?

All this was too much to think about. Not when my shoulder burned as though a hot coal had been planted inside it. Not when even my hair hurt. Above all things, I craved the sanctuary of sleep, the peace and healing of deep slumber.

Grey sat once again on the coffee table, a rubber ice pack in his hand. "Here."

He gently settled it where the coal burned, over the nylon strappings that kept my bone together. The pressure from its weight hurt far worse, at least until the ice numbed it. Tucking the thick quilt that covered me more tightly around my body, Grey kissed my forehead.

"I have to go to work now," he murmured, his tone regretful. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"S'okay."

"I want you to take a pill." He cupped my cheek. "I know you don't want them, but if the doc says it's safe, then it's safe."

I dipped my chin in a tiny nod. In too much pain to argue, I suspected I'd never sleep unless I accepted the medication. I didn't like taking them, yes. I worried they'd hurt the baby. Still, me and the kid both needed the rest.

Grey slipped the pill between my lips, then helped me to drink from the glass of water he held. Thirsty, I drained the glass, then relaxed. He adjusted the ice pack and kissed me again.

"Sleep, baby," he said, stroking my hair from my face. "I'll be back soon."

I listened to him put on his coat, then leave the house via the garage. His headlights splashed across the front windows.

Then he was gone.

Listening to the wind crash around the eaves, I shivered. I was alone for the first time since Colton entered my apartment. What if he kept a key? What if he's out there right now, waiting, watching, for Grey to leave for his practice? I was helpless if he came in, decided to finish what he'd started.

Terror hummed through my veins like live wires. I listened for any sound, stared around the room, as much of it as I saw in the near darkness, waiting for Colton's shadow to loom over me.

I laid there, waiting, listening, for I don't know how long.