17. Ellie

Ellie

I didn't want to answer my door.

I knew Grey stood on the far side, banging his fist against the wood. Nausea churned my stomach with a dreadful mixture of terror and morning sickness. I couldn't face him. He'd sent no reply to my text. For a while, I thought he planned to ignore me and my delicate condition.

Would he take responsibility? Did he plan to yell at me for being careless and declare he wanted nothing to do with either of us?

I would if I were him. Hockey stars sure didn't need the scandal of impregnating a girl half his age. He'll throw money at me, then I'll never hear from him again.

The fist hit my door again.

"Open up, Ellie," Grey thundered. "We have to talk."

My legs shook as I walked slowly to the door. My mouth dry, my heart pounding, sweat running in swift rivulets down my ribs, I reached for the doorknob. In slow motion, I unlocked it, then turned the knob. At first, I stared at his coat, unzipped to reveal a plain gray sweatshirt under it, then gradually lifted my gaze to his face.

Grey looked horrible.

His bloodshot eyes, his lack of a decent shave and his slack cheeks spoke of either a desperate illness or a wicked hangover. I suspected the latter as Grey was too strong to get sick. Too healthy . He reminded me of the time Colton drank so much he missed the porcelain god when he hurled, and I had to clean the mess off the bathroom floor.

"Ellie," Grey exhaled.

I tried a wobbly smile. "Hello."

Instantly, he yanked me into his arms, holding me against his hard chest and flat stomach with enough strength to make my spine creak in protest. My breathing hitched as he squashed my lungs, but I reached around his waist to hold him just as tightly.

Spots danced behind my closed eyes reminding me I needed to breathe. I struggled from his grip and stepped back. I tried to smile again, but I knew it didn't work very well. Grey didn't smile back.

"Let's go inside," I mumbled.

He followed me into my apartment, then gently pushed me toward my couch with his hand at the small of my back. Obedient, I sat, my fears preparing me for the inevitable.

I'm already a dad, Ellie. I don't want more kids. I'll pay for the abortion…

"I'm not having an abortion," I said as he sat beside me and took my hand.

Grey's eyes widened even as he scowled. "Of course not, Ellie. That's not why I'm here."

"You want to know if you're the father."

"Yeah. I think I have the right to know, don't I?"

I sucked in a deep breath. "Grey…I don't know. It's either yours or Colton's. You won't insist on an abortion if the baby is his?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Grey slipped his arm around my shoulders.

I breathed in the faint odors of whiskey and something else, hoping the baby was indeed his. "I sure don't want Colton to be the father."

"He'd take care of you."

I snorted against his shirt. "Yeah, right. He can't take care of himself, much less a child."

Grey gently massaged my shoulder. "Look, Ellie, I can't tell you what to do. It's your life, all the way. If you change your mind about an abortion―"

"I won't."

"Then, I'm beside you all the way."

I met his startlingly green eyes. "Even if the baby is his?"

"Yeah." He smiled. "I've missed you too much, Ellie. I'm falling in love with you."

I settled my cheek against his chest. "I've missed you, too. I want this baby to be yours, Grey. But we agreed to not see each other."

"I know. And I don't care. Scandals, bullshit. I don't have to work anymore, not if I don't want to. I can get a job as a coach if I'm drummed off the team."

Caressing his chest, I murmured, "Even a coach isn't immune from disgrace. If this gets out, you may never work anywhere in the NHL again."

"I think you're over thinking this. This is the twenty-first century. Our ages be damned. I can fall in love and have a kid again. Even two kids. Or three."

"It's also the age of cancel culture," I replied. "Too many folks out there make attacks on celebrities for the smallest of alleged infractions. Behind the safety of their screens, they can make your life miserable."

"And there are just as many who think the opposite," he said, his breath warm on my cheek. "People who'll stand by me, the team, you. Right now, all I'm concerned with is you." He stroked his hand down my still flat stomach. "And the little one in here."

Comforted by not just his words, but his sheer strength, his fearlessness in the face of potential dire retribution, I sighed deeply. "I was afraid you'd run in the other direction."

"I'm hurt. How can you think so little of me?"

"Sorry. I've been so scared since I found out. Being afraid doesn't help me to think straight."

"How long have you known?"

"I peed on the stick yesterday," I replied. "It's positive."

"We should get you to a doctor," Grey murmured. "Start you on a plan of eating right. No booze, no caffeine, all that shit."

"Jeez, you're no fun."

"Sucks to be you. Maybe you should move in with me."

I sat up and jerked out of his arms. "Slow down, tiger. I'm not ready for that. I've missed you, and I think I'm in love with you, too, but there's a line I'm not ready to cross. Besides, Colton lives with you."

"Not anymore. He moved out weeks ago." Grey frowned. "I still plan to take care of your bills. I know you don't have insurance."

Standing, I paced, restless, not happy with that proposition, either.

"I can pay some of it," I said slowly, "I can work harder, earn extra. If we go to places like Planned Parenthood, get a midwife instead of a hospital, give birth at home, we may not have to pay that much."

"You've been thinking about this a lot, haven't you?"

"Nothing else to do when I didn't sleep all night."

Grey nodded thoughtfully, looking down at the worn carpet I paced. "I'm pretty well off, you know. You don't have to pay a penny."

"Do you know how much it costs to have a kid these days?" I demanded. "I do. I looked it up. A hundred grand, if not more."

"I guess we have time to argue about it," he said slowly. "I want you to move in with me. I want to look after you."

"That's not happening," I said stiffly. "Colton is still an issue, our relationship is an even bigger one. And I don't need looking after. I can take care of myself."

"Colton isn't a part of this."

"He is if I'm carrying his child."

Abruptly, Grey stood, pacing to the picture window just as Colton had all those weeks ago, standing with his back to me. "I know I'm the father."

"I hope you are."

"If I'm not, what then?"

I sank to the sofa and put my face in my hands.

Through my muffling, I said, "He'll have to be a part of the kid's life. I'll accept child support from him. I will not marry him, however."

"He says he still loves you."

Throwing my hair behind my shoulders, I snapped, "I don't care. He can take that love and shove it. Had he not done what he did, we wouldn't be having this discussion. The baby would be his, you a soon to be proud grandpa."

Grey turned, his eyes hollowed and his hands stuffed into his jeans pockets. "When was the last time you…and he…"

I wanted to smack him so badly my palms itched. "None of your business."

"It is actually. If you and Colton last had sex long before you and I―"

"Let's just say the fastest little sperm won," I growled. "Yours or his, I don't know. We may not know until after the kid is born."

"Why are you angry with me?"

"Because I can be," I snapped. "I'm scared, dammit. I have no one in the world to turn to, I'm pregnant and I don't know who the father is, and I certainly can't trust one potential father."

"I hope you mean Colton." Grey's eyes flashed with his own irritation.

"Yeah, I do." I turned to stride angrily toward my kitchen. "But that doesn't mean I'm entirely trusting you, either. Don't they say like father like son?"

Grey stalked toward me, his expression dark. "That's not fair. I'm here aren't I?"

"For how long? You talk pretty words, but can you walk the walk? What if you decide the kid is Colton's, then discover you don't owe me shit? You had your fun, now it's time to move on? Truth be told, I don't know you all that well. Not really."

"You know enough," he said, looming over me. "I'm not turning my back on you, or that baby."

"And what happens to your career?" I scowled; my arms folded under my breasts. "If you're tanked because of me and the baby, how long before you blame us for your ruined life?"

"That won't happen. I take responsibility for my actions. You know that."

"I don't. Not really."

Grey scrubbed his face with his hands, his bristles making a raspy sound from under them.

"My job has risks," he said, his tone low. "I could be benched for an injury at any time. Keeping that notion in mind, I saved money, put it into rock solid investments. I didn't blow my wad on high powered cars, beach houses, hookers. You see? You can't ruin my career, Ellie.

"Once my contract ends after this season, I can walk away. Just stop playing. Retire. What the internet says about me, us, won't matter then, will it? The fans will get over it, find another hero to worship. In a couple of years, I'll be a distant memory."

My anger drifted away like blown dandelion fluff on a stiff breeze.

"I suppose that's all true," I murmured, looking at the stained tiles on the floor. "That doesn't resolve what's between you and me."

"Time will do that. Just give me a chance to prove myself."

"And Colton?"

Grey sighed heavily. "The baby is of my blood, Colton's or mine. I'll raise the baby as I would my own. If Colton wants a part of the baby's life, we can work that out." He paused.

I looked up in time to see his faint smile.

"So what if the kid has two dads? These days, lots of kids do," he said. "Or two moms. He, or she, won't lack for love and attention."

I shook my head, unable to deny that Colton might grow up enough to become a decent dad and share parental responsibilities with Grey. If the baby was his after all, that was. Of course, if Grey and I love one another enough to marry, live together, plan a future...

"I need time," I said.

"For what?"

I met his puzzled gaze. "To know if this is real. To know if what I'm feeling, and what you're feeling is the real deal."

"I think it is," he said quietly. "On my part."

"You're ready to marry me, to spend the rest of your life with me?" When he hesitated, I laughed. "See? No. You're not. Nor am I. You know we both need time."

"I need to see you," he muttered. "You can't shut me out."

No. I can't. I need to see you too.

"Yeah," I said slowly. "I suppose we do need one another. At least for now."

Grey eyed me with suspicion. "For now?"

"Until we fall in love, or we don't." I smiled sardonically. "If we don't, then it's sayonara …have a good life."