Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Harper

"Have I told you how happy I am that you're here?" my little sister Meli enthused as she twirled about the kitchen.

Swear to God. An honest-to-goodness twirl .

If she were any more cheerful, the squirrels and chipmunks were going to start singing along with her.

I hid my smile by lifting my mug to my lips. The herbal tea didn't have the same kick as my coffee, but it was something to do with my hands. Because I was anxious as hell, and I hated that.

But all I said was, "You've mentioned it two or three times."

Meli scooped up the spatula from beside the stove and did a happy little dance—the birds were going to pop in through the window any moment and start helping her with her chores, I knew it—on the way to the sink.

"Or seventeen or eighteen times?" she chuckled, scrubbing the last of the dishes. "I can't help it. I'm excited to have you back in Eastshore."

"And I'm happy to be here." I only stumbled a little over the lie. Was it a lie?

I guess I wasn't sure how I felt about being back in the little town of Eastshore Isle. I loved my sister, and she loved this cute island, and I had to admit I was pretty fond of it…but it was also the place where I'd made a stupid mistake that might've cost me everything I was used to.

But a tiny, secret part of me wondered if it had been a mistake.

Uh, yeah, it was a mistake. A rebound one-night stand is never a good idea. And not using protection? Definitely a mistake. Just never realized it was possible to get pregnant like—Ugh, shut up.

One hand cupped the mug and the other dropped below the edge of the kitchen island where I sat on a stool. My fingertips rested lightly against my abdomen, which had only recently begun to pooch outward.

Fourteen weeks after my little sister's wedding, fourteen weeks after my ill-advised one-night stand, I was back in Eastshore.

Fourteen weeks pregnant.

Meli barked, "Heads up!" a moment before a miniature chocolate bar slid across the marble and knocked against my elbow. I raised my brows at her, but she grinned as she wiped her hands.

"Chocolate makes everything better."

"Chocolate makes everything plumper," I shot back automatically, parroting one of Mom's favorite phrases, and I immediately winced at how horrible that sounded. At how horrible it was.

The thing that I really admired about my little sister was that, despite the shit our mother had thrown at her over the years about her appearance, Meli loved herself and the way she looked. Sure, I was always going to be the taller sister, the blonder sister, the skinnier sister…but Meli was the sister who loved herself and loved the world around her.

Meli was far better adjusted than I was.

And that was before the whole accidental pregnancy thing.

"Sorry," I mumbled into my tea.

"I know." She rolled her eyes. "And sometimes being plump is okay. Just like eating chocolate. Like when you're depressed and scared and not sure what to do, eating chocolate helps." I glanced up to see her small smile. "Promise, Harper."

Sighing, I reached for the chocolate bar. It was good.

Cairo had this amazing way of preparing his coffee where he dropped a mini candy bar into the mug, and man I wanted one right now. It was after dinner, and I couldn't have the caffeine even if I wasn't pregnant…but being pregnant had screwed up a lot of my favorite things anyhow.

No coffee, no sushi, no margaritas.

Was it worth it?

I dropped my head over my tea and let the chocolate dissolve in my mouth.

I wasn't sure.

"Hey." Suddenly, Meli was there, her hand on my back, rubbing soothingly. "It'll be okay."

I didn't lift my head, just sort of toppled sideways to rest my temple against her shoulder. "How do you know?" The question was muffled against the frilly mauve blouse she wore.

To my surprise, she didn't give me any sort of useless platitudes or bullshit .

"Because you're here. That means I'm with you, and I can make certain everything will be okay."

Slowly, I raised my chin to meet her eyes. She was a few years younger than me, and our entire lives, I'd been the golden child. I knew I was considered the pretty one, the smart one. I was definitely considered the successful one—a law degree and a position as a partner in a successful firm sounded impressive.

But Meli ran her own business and worked long hours to make it successful. She didn't do it for money—Cairo didn't need the money, as far as I had heard—but because she loved it. And because she loved being a part of this community.

I knew she was an important part of Eastshore, and with her smiling softly at me right now, her hazel eyes full of assurance, I could see why.

"You're really good at this, aren't you?" I asked.

She smiled and nodded. "Yes, I am. Have more chocolate."

It wasn't an offer, but a command, so I took the candy bar she'd already unwrapped.

Chocolate did make everything a bit better, didn't it?

Wait, are you allowed to eat chocolate? You're not allowed to eat anything else fun .

Oh, to hell with it.

"Better?" Meli asked, still rubbing my back.

Weakly, I nodded. "Not as good as your cookies," I mumbled around a mouthful.

"Well, of course not! My cookies are brilliant. You want one?"

" Duh ."

My little sister beamed.

Because no matter how much shit our mom had thrown at her over the years, Meli knew she was a brilliant baker. And for the first time in a really long time, I was putting Mom's teachings behind me and letting myself be happy.

Well, letting myself exist.

As Meli ran out to the car to grab a pair of the already boxed-up cookies for me, I plopped my forehead on the counter.

My boss had granted me the leave of absence I'd requested for the rest of the year. Meli had invited me to Eastshore to stay with her and Cairo for the weeks between Halloween and Thanksgiving, then I would probably be expected to go home to visit Mom and Dad for Christmas.

And by then, I'd have to figure out what the hell I was doing with myself.

I wasn't sure it was enough time.

At least Meli is good at distracting you .

That was the truth. Eastshore itself was adorable and so very distracting. Last week's Halloween festivities had been a joy to participate in, with Meli in the center of the excitement. I'd allowed myself to get swept up in the sweet treats and the decorations and the cute costumes, but now?

Now I had only a few more weeks to try to get my head screwed on right before I had to decide where to go next.

"Here you go," Meli announced as she returned from her SUV. "A snickerdoodle and a double chocolate chip for the patient. Want some milk?"

My lips twitched at her calling me the patient , the way Dad used to when he was stuck taking care of a sick kid. "Of course I want some milk. But I should probably have some more tea instead."

"As long as it's because that's what my niece or nephew wants, not because you're worried about your figure."

"I'm about to get the size of a house." I passed her my mug with an exasperated sigh. "I think the days of worrying about my figure are behind me."

Meli was uncharacteristically quiet as she poured me more herbal tea, and when she slid it carefully across the counter, I could tell she wanted to say something. "What?" I asked, breaking my snickerdoodle into smaller pieces to make it easier to pop into my mouth.

She propped her hip against the island and fiddled with the wrapped chocolate bar she'd chosen for herself. Her attention was on the plastic wrapper when she finally said, "So…you're going to have it? The baby? You're going to go through with the pregnancy?"

Ah.

In the lead-up to Meli's wedding, the two of us had become closer. She was the first one I'd called when I'd dumped Simon. And when I'd finally realized I needed to tell someone about my colossal fuck-up with the one-night stand, I'd called her then too.

During that conversation, my little sister had just kept telling me she was here for me and would support whatever decision I made…and that was why I'd taken her up on her offer for a visit. But we hadn't spoken about the future since then.

I kept my attention on the snickerdoodle, breaking it into smaller and smaller pieces on the napkin I bracketed with my elbows. "I should have told you sooner. Yeah, when we talked, right after I took that pregnancy test—"

"That wasn't a talk ," she interrupted. "That was a stage nine freak-out."

My lips twitched. "Okay, fair. But yeah." I inhaled and held it, focusing on the stretch in my chest, then exhaled. "I know I talked about—about abortion then. But I slept on it, like you told me to, and… "

"And you realized I was right yet again? That everything looks better after a good night's sleep?"

I snorted. Whatever that had been, it wasn't a good night's sleep . Still, those horrified first few days were behind me, at least, and I'd made a decision I knew was the right one.

"I'm going to have the baby," I whispered, my fingers busy breaking the cookie into smaller and smaller pieces. "Even if it means…"

Meli's hand suddenly appeared in my vision, pulling the largest remaining piece of the snickerdoodle from my fingers and placing it gently on the napkin, so I couldn't maim it anymore. "Means what?"

I lifted my chin, but I couldn't look at her when I confessed, "Means my life won't be perfect anymore." I won't be perfect anymore.

I couldn't be sure, but I think the little breath she released was actually a hissed curse word. " Or it could be even more perfect."

I snorted and finally turned to look at her. "How? Everyone will know I screwed up."

"Or they'll think this was a choice, and you decided to have a baby because you're amazing and strong and could totally rock it."

Could I? I was used to working long hours, and the thought of doing that and juggling a newborn was exhausting. I couldn't push for more time off—the senior partners barely wanted to give me this vacation time. The thought of managing a caseload and a toddler…

"You can do it," Meli whispered, nudging the cookie closer. "I know."

"Well, hell yes I can do it." I snatched up one of the snickerdoodle pieces and popped it into my mouth. "I'm awesome. "

It was her turn to snort. "You are. Also humble." She was unwrapping another candy bar. "And you won't be alone, right? The dad can help."

Could he? I realized I was frowning down at the remaining cookie. Of course I'd thought about him in the last fourteen weeks. In the beginning I was thinking about him when I pulled my big green dildo from my drawer, but after I saw that second line on the pregnancy test, I spent a lot of time remembering how I'd gotten this way.

But in all that time, it had never occurred to me that he might want to actually be a part of this fucked-up adventure. I mean, he'd had his fun, and now it was up to me to do what I always did; step up, assess the problem, and take control of the situation.

Maybe you should have at least asked if he wanted the chance?

Feeling guilty, I bent over the chocolate chip cookie.

"Harper, you did tell your child's father about the pregnancy?"

I picked up the cookie.

"Harper Ann O'Donnell, he should know his child exists."

I shoved the cookie in my mouth.

" Harper ," she growled, and I tried to smile innocently around the cookie. With a put-upon smile, my sister rolled her eyes and took a bite of the candy bar, which decimated at least half of it.

It's difficult to scowl while chewing chocolate, but Meli accomplished it.

Luckily, she was generous with the portion size of her cookies, so I had plenty of time to pretend innocence while she glared at me. And I chewed. And chewed.

Finally, Meli shook her head. "Are you going to tell him? "

I shrugged. Because a) my mouth was still full of cookie, and b) I don't know how to explain why I hadn't told him, and c) I didn't know where to find the guy.

I didn't even find out his name—but he'd been one of Cairo's friends at the wedding. How many times had I started to ask my brother-in-law for the guy's contact info…only to chicken out?

Come on, Harper. It wasn't like I was calling him up to tell him I wanted a relationship or something.

It'd just be me being polite. Giving him a heads up.

Oh by the way? That no-strings-attached one-night stand? Totally knocked up now. But no worries, I'm not here to bother you about it.

But…was I?

He ought to know.

He needed to know.

He deserved to know.

I kept chewing, trying to decide the least-awkward way to ask Cairo for my baby daddy's number. Maybe I could ask Meli to ask her husband?

No, probably not, because if I thought it was going to be embarrassing to describe the guy to Cairo, it'd sound even worse to have Meli do it.

He was big. I mean, huge . Covered in the most fascinating tattoos, longish salt-and-pepper hair. Very much a silver fox vibe, and dear God in Heaven, he made me come so many times I lost count. So…could you ask Cairo which of his friends has a super-talented tongue? Thanks, sis.

But I had to find out his name, so I could tell him about the baby. It was the right thing to do.

Meli was shifting her weight back and forth. "Um…how about Mom?"

I finally swallowed and glanced up, making a questioning sound. Mom ?

"Mom and Dad?" she prompted quietly, concern in her expression. "When are you going to tell them?"

Groaning, I allowed myself to fall forward, to rest my forehead against the cool marble of the counter again.

"Harper, they're going to find out some time," Meli whispered. "You can't keep it a secret."

Oh, you have no idea, sis . There was no way I'd be able to keep this a secret.

"Can you do it?" I mumbled against the counter.

"What?"

My head fell to one side so my cheek was pressed against the marble, and I sent imploring sideways puppy-dog eyes her way. "Please Meli?"

My sister stumbled back, dropping the candy wrapper. "You want me to tell them that you're pregnant?"

With my face pressed against the counter, my words came out muffled. "We could surprise them at Thanksgiving?" Because yep, they'd be here in a few weeks, and I would still be living in Cairo and Meli's spare bedroom.

Meli's expression could only be called shock .

But then, slowly, it slid into a rueful sort of smile, and as she shook her head, a chuckle escaped her lips. "All these years…"

"I know." I pushed myself upright and used the back of my hand to wipe the crumbs from my cheek. "I know . Mom thinks I'm supposed to be perfect. But I'm not." I looked down at myself in despair. "I don't want to be perfect—I never wanted to be!" The words caught on a sob. "I've worked so hard—so damn hard for so long! And now what? Now I've ruined—"

I couldn't finish. I couldn't breathe . I pressed my palm to my growing abdomen and squeezed my eyes shut, desperately fighting the tears. I didn't want to break down, not now, not in front of Meli. But my throat was tight—from the cookie crumbs and the sobs—and I didn't think I'd be able to pull in a full breath.

My little sister was there, her arms wrapping around me like a comforting cocoon. I fell sideways against her, burying my head in her shoulder as I desperately fought for control. I could hear the words she murmured soothingly as she ran her palm up and down my spine, but I couldn't understand them.

I wanted to cry.

I needed to cry.

I couldn't let myself cry. I was the in-control one. The one who always had her shit together and knew what to do. I didn't need help; I didn't need comfort.

But this hug? It felt damn good.

I let myself drift, let myself sink into her embrace and imagine everything was better. The uncertainty and the fear and the anger and joy and terror and did I mention fear? God, I was so afraid. But in Meli's hug, I could forget about it for a little while.

Eventually, her words became more understandable. "I swear, Harp, it'll be okay. I'm here. It'll be okay, and I'll help you in any way I can. We'll get through this together. I'll do it. I'll do anything you need. We'll be okay, because we'll be together."

It was nonsense, but it was nonsense I needed to hear.

Still pressed against her, I took a shaky breath. "You mean it?" I mumbled.

Her arms tightened momentarily. "I do." Her hands closed around my arms. "And I'll tell Mom and Dad for you, if you want. I can tell just Dad, if that's okay? He'll tell Mom."

I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the tears leaking from under my lids.

I remembered the horror in Mom's eyes when she realized Meli was dating an orc. Her anger when I called off the engagement with Simon and supported my sister through her own wedding. Mom would be devastated to learn I'd been knocked up in such a stupid way.

Especially since I was her Golden Child . The one who worked hard and never did anything wrong.

The child who looked perfect and acted perfect and had made partner in a law firm at a record young age.

I was the perfect daughter…but not anymore.

Allowing Meli to tell Dad, and asking him to tell Mom, would be so much easier than having to do it myself.

This was the coward's way out.

But I still nodded.

"Thank you," I mumbled.

The breath Meli took could only be described as shuddering, but she didn't deny me. Instead, she moved her hands to my cheeks, cupping my jaw and lifting my face so she could kiss me on my forehead.

"I'm here for you, Harp," she whispered. "We're going to get through this together."

This .

I didn't even know what this was going to look like.

But tonight felt…it felt like something big had happened.

I managed a nod. Then I took a deep breath and nodded again, stronger.

"What are you thinking?" Meli murmured.

I tried to smile. "I'm wondering if my tea is still warm."

A pause, then her smile bloomed. "If it's not, I'll make you a new cup."

We both straightened, and she released me. I reached for my mug, and yes, it was still warm, which meant my break from reality hadn't lasted very long at all, had it? The soothing herbal warmth was exactly what I needed—it filled my chest and relaxed my shoulders.

My sister was still watching me carefully, although she'd moved back around the island.

"What do you want to do?" she asked.

"In general?" Please don't make me come up with a plan right now.

But Meli's lips curled sadly. "No, silly. I meant now . Are you still hungry?"

"After that lasagna you made?" I shook my head, my finger back to nervously picking at the crumbs in front of me. "You're going out?"

"Yeah," she said hesitantly, still watching me. "Are you tired? I don't want to leave you—"

"I'm fine," I lied, trying to smile. "I'm not particularly tired, although you'd think I would be. I'll just…" I shrugged. "Maybe I'll eat more cookies and try to read or something."

Let me tell you, the snort she snorted, my brows rose.

"I'm not going to leave you home alone to try to read a book and end up sobbing again," my sister said firmly, reaching up to untie her apron. "Come with me."

"To the…what? H.O.A. meeting?"

She shook her head. "It's the big mayoral debate. Which means Geoffrey A. Harrison will be a pompous asshole, and I'll have to sit in the back and twiddle my thumbs because I'm supposed to be there just as one of the town's contractors. So I serve the cookies and punch, and not cheer for Sakkara like I want."

Meli's friend Jess had a fancy-schmancy title and worked for Eastshore Isle, so I felt safe teasing her. "Must be nice to have a bestie who can get you catering jobs."

"Oh, ha-ha. I'm the only baker on the island." She hung up her apron on a cute little hook Cairo had made her and was now reaching for me. "Now come on, fix your makeup, I'm dragging your butt to the meeting."

"Why?" I groaned, pretending reluctance as she dragged me off my stool, but secretly glad for the distraction. "I like to read."

"Not enough to force me to sit through a debate like this without someone to snark to." She was already tugging me toward the guest bathroom. "And you can be my hidden weapon. Geoffrey's talking about running for mayor, and we're certain he's doing something underhanded. You listen to everything that man says and if he's being a butt, we'll report him to Jess."

"Work work work," I groaned good-naturedly. "I knew that's why you invited me."

Meli pushed me into the bathroom and slammed the door. In the mirror, my reflection did look a bit like a sick racoon. "We need a lawyer here on Eastshore, and for now, you're all we've got."

I saw my reflection's lips reluctantly curl. "The truth comes out! You're using me!"

"Please?" Meli called. "I'll bribe you with more cookies."

Mom's voice floated through my subconscious. Chocolate makes you plump . But…I was about to get as big as a house, wasn't I? I wasn't the perfect daughter anymore.

More importantly, I didn't have to be the perfect daughter anymore.

Fuck Mom's lessons. Fuck perfection. I was taking each day as it came.

I inhaled, straightening my shoulders and meeting my reflection's gaze. A distraction tonight would be good. Then I'd come home—full of cookies—and sleep, and tomorrow, Meli would help me figure out my future .

It was a good plan.

It was a good enough plan.

"Deal," I said to my reflection and my sister. Deal.