Chapter 29 Sex Swings & Puddles of Lube

Allie

"Having you hold me forever sounds nice, but I'm pretty sure if I don't get up soon, we're going to be stuck together, literally."

Nico laughed. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure my cum's leaking out of you and-"

"Nico!" I shrieked, jerking back to smack him on the chest. I could feel myself blushing at his crudeness.

"What?" he asked, still laughing. "I'm just saying, things are gonna be a little messy. It was so fucking worth it, though." He flashed me a wicked grin as he swiveled his hips under me.

"Ok, that's not helping," I scolded him, cringing. I tried to raise up off his lap, but my legs were still a little shaky, so it wasn't nearly as graceful as I would have liked. Ever the gentleman, Nico helped me to my feet, then blew his gentlemanly facade by laughing his ass off as I did an admittedly strange looking hobble-waddle-shuffle to the half-bathroom across the hall. I flipped him off over my shoulder and heard him laugh louder.

"Love you, Sunshine!" he hollered behind me.

After I'd cleaned myself up as best I could, I opened the door to find my clothes folded in a neat pile in front of the doorway. Grateful that I didn't have to scramble around naked to find them, I dressed quickly and went off in search of the man I loved. I found him sitting at the kitchen island scrolling through his phone, dressed only in his jeans.

"Couldn't find your shirt?" I asked, sliding my hands over his bare chest. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you."

"It was sacrificed to the greater good," he grinned. At my questioning look, he elaborated, "I used it to wipe off my groin, so nothing dripped off of me when I moved."

"Ewww, sorry I asked."

"Totally worth it," he declared, leaning in to give me a quick kiss.

I gestured to his phone. "Anything interesting going on in the world?"

"Depends on your definition of interesting. There was one little tidbit that caught my eye. I didn't realize that you and Tony are having an affair right under my nose. That's why the band is breaking up. The article called you Allie Ono."

I gaped at him, not sure if he was joking, or if someone really had printed that shit.

"It's not all bad though. I mean, if you're Yoko, then that means Storm Front would be The Beatles. I can live with that."

He laughed as I continued to gape at him, then handed me his phone. "Look, it's all right there, you brazen hussy. I can't believe you would cheat on me, and with one of my best friends! I'm so heartbroken I've been drowning my sorrows in whiskey and women, and Matt got a black eye trying to break up a fight between me and Tony."

"Whaaat?" was pretty much all I could manage. Nico's shit-eating grin widened as he gestured to his phone.

"Just look, Yoko. They have pictures and everything."

I looked at the screen, and there was indeed an article on the sleaziest of the tabloid sites, proclaiming my status as the "Cheating Bitch who Destroyed Storm Front". There were photos all right. There was one of Tony and I dancing at the awards show after-party. Another one that someone had snapped at the ice cream parlor Tony had taken me to after my disastrous date with Doyle the Douche. We were leaning close to each other at the little table, and he was holding my hand on the tabletop.

There was even one of me leaving Tony's apartment early in the morning "doing the walk of shame with my overnight bag" according to the photo's caption. I remembered that morning. The guys had an early flight to New York for a charity concert appearance, and Tony had gotten to the airport only to realize he'd left his small duffel bag sitting by his front door. I'd offered to bring it to him, so the private charter wasn't delayed any longer than necessary. There were numerous other shots, including several of him with Gracie, you know, because I was grooming him to be her other Daddy.

"This is fucking unbelievable! Where do they come up with this shit?" I asked in horrified amazement.

"Wait, this photo is from yesterday and Matt really does have a black eye. What did he do to himself?"

Nico shrugged. "I have no fucking idea, but it does look like somebody knocked the hell out of him. I texted him but haven't heard back yet."

"Oh Lord, this is ridiculous. Have any other sites picked up on this?"

"No, and I don't think they will. I mean, the fucking Daily Dish isn't exactly known for journalistic integrity or hard-hitting investigative pieces. Remember last month, they ran the story about the mayor being abducted by aliens and getting anal probed for two days, just because he wasn't seen in public for a few days, and then showed up to an event walking with a slight limp?"

I laughed, remembering the look on the mayor's face when he was asked about the article during a routine press conference a couple of days afterward. He hadn't heard anything about it before then, and his reaction was priceless. He'd barely stopped himself from saying "What the fuck?" into a live microphone. It turned out, the real story wasn't nearly as exciting as aliens and anal probes. He'd pulled a hamstring playing racquetball at his country club.

"I do think we should get our statement posted soon though. Why don't you call your folks and see if they're still at the mall?"

Mom answered on the second ring and told me that they were about ten minutes from their house and were planning on staying in the rest of the day. I gave her a heads up about posting our statement and the photos. I also told her about the Allie Ono story. Once she stopped laughing, she told me she was ashamed of me and was sure she'd raised me better than to be a shameless tramp, then questioned how she would ever be able to show her face in church again. Dad apparently questioned her end of the conversation, and she tried to relay the story to him but couldn't stop giggling.

"Let's go ahead and post it, honey," I said after hanging up. "They're almost back to their house."

Five minutes later, we sent a group text to Matt, Tony, and Josh to let them know we'd released it. Nico did the same for his family, and I sent one to my family, Aunt Ellen, and James. For the next thirty minutes, our phones both went off constantly with incoming texts and phone calls.

Nico had wandered into the other room to talk to his parents and his Nonna on speakerphone when Matt called me to check in. I told him about the other article and questioned him about his black eye. He was weirdly evasive about it, so of course, I started guessing.

"Were you mugged?"

"Nope"

"Tripped over the dog?"

"I don't have a dog."

"Sleepwalked into a door?"

"I don't sleepwalk. I don't think I do anyway, so nope."

"You pulled your covers up, your hand slipped, and you socked yourself in the eye?"

"What? I don't think that's possible, so nope."

"It's definitely possible. Please don't ask me how I know that. Hmmm, oh I know! You hurt yourself during some kind of kinky sex thing?"

I heard a strange kind of choked inhale on the other end...then nothing.

"Matt? You OK there?" I heard him breathing, but he wasn't saying anything. Oh my God, he wasn't saying anything!

"Oh shit, that's it, isn't it???" I shrieked. "What were you doing? I mean, who were you with? Oh my God, did it involve a sex swing?"

"What? No...it wasn't...we weren't...what???" Matt was apparently in the midst of some kind of fit on his end because he couldn't seem to get his brain to work properly.

"Come on, Matty, you can tell me," I wheedled.

"You can't tell Nico," He warned, "at least, not yet."

"Why? It's not like he would care unless it's something really embarrassing. Did you slip in a puddle of lube?"

"Shit, Allie, where do you come up with this stuff? Sex swings and puddles of lube? What the fuck are you two doing over there?" he asked, laughing.

"Nico won't care, come on, just tell me already. Who, what, and how?"

Matt stopped laughing, and he said in all seriousness, "Nico will definitely care, Allie."

"Why on earth would - Oh my God!!!" my question died off as I realized why Nico would care. "Becca? Oh, fuck me, you were with Becca????" I whisper-shouted, stunned at the realization that Matt and Nico's little sister...oh shit! Yeah, Nico was definitely going to care about this.

"OK, don't freak out. We're going to tell him. I mean, we aren't going to tell him about how I got a black eye - we're never telling him that - but we are going to tell him that we're together. We're just waiting for the right time, after all this mess with you two dies down."

"You're together-together? Not just friends with bennies, but actually together?" I tried to keep my voice down. I did not want to have to explain any of this to Nico. Not my circus, not my monkeys, to quote one of my favorite mugs.

He sighed and gave a slight chuckle. "Yeah, we're together-together, babe. We have been since her birthday party."

"Oh shit, well, Nico may not be all that surprised. He caught you, and I quote 'eye-fucking my little sister' when you two got out of the pool that day. Wow. So, it's serious then?"

"She's moving in with me soon and I'm willing to risk my best friend kicking my ass and breaking up the band, so yeah, I'd say it's pretty fucking serious."

"Wait a minute, if the band breaks up, it will be your fault, not mine, so that means you would be Yoko. No, you would John and Becca would be Yoko. Right? Then Nico is Paul, Tony is George because of - "

"Could you focus for a second, Allie? My life and livelihood may depend on this," he interrupted with a nervous laugh that sounded way too forced.

"Oh, calm your tits, Matty boy. He won't kill you or kick you out of the band. I think he'll be fine with it once he thinks about it and has time to cool off. Maybe tell him over the phone though, so he's not within striking distance?" I suggested, not altogether kidding. He had been pretty freakin' pissed that day at the pool.

"Sunshine? Are you about ready to head back to your parents' house?" I heard Nico call from the other room.

"Crap, Nico's coming. Talk to you later. Love you!" I hurriedly mumbled into the phone, pressing the button and sliding it into my pocket as he walked into the room.

"Hey," I said brightly. "How was the call with your family?"

He put his arm around my waist and tugged me toward him. "They're fine, but I'll warn you now, my parents have already picked out the names they want Gracie to call them." At my puzzled look, he smiled. "They don't want to be Mister Nick and Miss Angela anymore. They want to be called Nana and Papa."

My heart melted. Gracie had always called Nico's grandmother Nonna, as we all did. But Nico's parents were Mister Nick and Miss Angela since they'd first met her over two years ago. I teared up a little, and Nico got concerned.

"Sunshine, it's OK if you'd rather she not call them that. They're just excited about finally having an official grandkid, but we can hold off on that if you want."

"No, I love it. I've always felt bad that she only has one set of grandparents. Alex's Aunt Ellen has helped fill that gap, but it's not the same. I'm thrilled that your parents want to do that."

"You know they've considered her part of the family for a long time now, just as they have with you. My mom and Nonna have been on me for years to lock you down."

"They have?" I asked with surprise.

"Yep. Nonna told me she's happy I finally pulled my head out of my ass and went after my girl," he chuckled. "My dad told me it's about damned time, and then said he was beginning to wonder if I was really his son, because he was much smoother with the ladies than I was. I'm not sure what my mom would have said about it, because she was busy hollering at my dad for claiming to be a ladies' man, and it pretty much went downhill after that."

"I'm sorry I missed that call; it sounds like it was fun."

"Who were you talking to?"

I startled at the question. "Oh, just Matt. His eye is fine. He just tripped and bumped it." I pulled away from him to pick up my purse and put my shoes on, hoping he wouldn't ask any more questions.

"Well, thank fuck there wasn't any anal-probing involved, or the Daily Dish would have had him as their next cover story," Nico joked.

A slightly hysterical sounding giggled escaped me before I could stop it. Anal probe? Well, he never did say exactly what they had been doing, so I supposed it was possible. I giggled to myself again and snorted with the effort of containing it.

"You all right over there, Sunshine?"

"Yeah, just thinking about the poor mayor and his alien adventure. Ready to go?"

"Let me grab my wallet and keys. I'll meet you in the car."

Shit. I really hoped Matt and Becca talked to him soon. I was so not good at keeping secrets.