13. Suzie

13

SUZIE

I tip-toe out of George's room and pull the door closed behind me. He's sleeping soundly. He didn't throw up again, and his temperature's been normal all day. He perked up when we got home, and we spent the afternoon playing trains and drawing colorful patterns with his crayons.

Carrie stopped by to check in on us and showed me the empty bag of candy in her purse. It seems George helped himself when she wasn't looking and ate so much he made himself sick.

Poor little guy. We'll be laughing about it when he's older.

With George settled, I take a shower and fix myself a cheese sandwich. I flop onto the couch with the plate in my hand and turn my thoughts to Jack.

I've not heard from him since he left this afternoon. I haven't messaged him. I've been too worried about George, and I haven't known what to say. I owe Jack an explanation. That is, if he sticks around. He's probably halfway home by now, disappearing to whatever corner of England he came from.

So it's a surprise when there's a soft knock at the door.

I pull it open to find Jack holding one of the stuffed bears they sell at the local tourist shop. "Is he okay?"

The fact that he's asking about George affects me more than it should "Yeah. He got into a bag of candy and ate so much it made him sick."

Jack grins, and the smile is so much like George's it makes my heart clench. "What a lad."

We stand there staring at each other for a moment.

He didn't run. He's here, and I don't know if that makes things easier or harder.

"Can I come in?"

He wants to talk. Of course he does. There's a lot to talk about. I open the door, and he follows me inside.

The place is a riot of colorful kids' toys. Plastic containers stand in the corner holding train sets and Duplo and noisy things to shake that George loves so much.

Jack takes it all in with his sharp gaze and lets out a long slow breath. I can only imagine what he's feeling right now, finding out he has a son.

Guilt for not telling him nibbles at the edges of my mind. I don't know what to say, so I do what the English do in times of crises. "You want a cup of tea?"

"Thanks, love." He follows me into the kitchen, taking in the bright plastic bowls on the side and the colorful scribbles pinned to the fridge.

There's a photo of me and George taken when he was a few months old. We're at the start of one of the local trails. George is strapped around my front, his downy head poking out of the carrier. He'd just started smiling, and the both of us are grinning from ear to ear.

I pop the kettle on, and Jack takes the photo off the fridge to examine it. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried."

While the water boils, I spoon the loose leaf tea into the teapot and screw the lid back on the tin. "I couldn't find you, Jack."

He runs a hand down his face, and it catches on his stubble. "God, Suzie, if I'd known I would have come for you. I would have done everything I could to be here."

There's real pain in his voice, and my heart goes out to him.

It was an unfortunate set of circumstances. I've thought about it a long time, and I don't hold anything against him. "You didn't know, Jack."

"Did you know you were pregnant when we were together?"

I pour the water into the pot, remembering the shock of the two thin lines on the test.

"No. I left England because Mom was dying. I was so caught up in her last weeks that I didn't notice the changes in my body. It was the week after her funeral that I took the test."

Jack sags against the kitchen counter, and there's pain in his expression. "Oh love. I'm so sorry you went through all that alone. I should have been here."

He should have. It hurt bad at the time. To deal with losing Mom, then to find out George was on the way. I railed against Jack, and I cursed his name. But when I search my heart for those feelings, they're not there.

I forgave him a long time ago. He didn't know about George; we were always careful, but no contraception is a hundred percent effective. He can't have known what would happen.

"In a strange way, it gave me focus. Mom's passing was terrible, but she'd had cancer for years and I was prepared for it. The baby growing inside me took the edge off the grief. It gave me something to live for. It gave me hope. And when George was born…"

I take the photo off him and look at my beautiful boy. "…it was hard, but it was incredible too. I didn't know you could love like that, the way you love a child. I realized there was no reason to hold onto any regrets or anger. You gave me George, and I'm thankful for that."

His expression turns hopeful, and he reaches for me.

"I don't deserve you, Suzie, and if you want to tell me to fuck off out of you and your son's lives, I wouldn't blame you. But this doesn't change my feelings for you. It doesn't change what I want."

My heart lifts as he pulls me toward him. "I'm an asshole who doesn't deserve any of this. But if you want me, I still want to marry you, Suzie. I missed out on being here for you. I missed the birth of our son, and I missed rubbing your feet and cooking you meals and taking care of you. I missed out on a lot, and I'll always regret that. But I don't want to miss another moment."

My heart skips a beat, and I dare to hope. Jack's not running away. He's not disappearing into the night.

"Don't you dare make promises you're not going to keep, Jack. It's not just me. There's a little boy in there who means more to me than life itself, and I can't risk his heart getting broken. If you're coming into his life, then you're staying in his life."

Jack cups my cheeks in his hands and the grin is back. "Then marry me, Suzie. Tie yourself to me, and I'll show you how fucking long I'll stick around. This is forever, baby. Let's get to the church tomorrow and make this official, because I'm not going anywhere."

Butterflies flutter in my stomach, and I let go of the last doubts. Jack wants to marry me. He wants to stick around, not just for me but for George too.

"We can't get married tomorrow, Jack. Immigration would be all over us. You'll be deported."

He kisses me hard. "Let them come. My son's here and my woman's here's. I'm not going anywhere. I'll get the king himself to write me a fucking recommendation if I need to."

His energy is infectious, and the last of my doubts melt away. Jack's back, and he's here to stay. "We need to go slow with George. I can't just tell him his father's back and we're going to be a family now."

Jack beams at the words. "That's exactly what we're gonna be. But however you want to play it with him, I'll follow your lead."

I'll figure that out tomorrow, but right now I've got my man and there's only one thing I want to do.