23. Skylar

Chapter twenty-three

Skylar

M onica found me a sorcerer who wasn’t registered with the Medical Guild, so that I could have a paternity spell cast without the results being recorded and potentially alerting the queen. I made an appointment for that very same week. I’d brought with me a lock of Hiero’s hair, but I’d need something of Cedrych as well for the spell to work. Outside of seeing him myself, I decided the easiest way to go about getting it would be to visit my old apartment.

Passing through the gilded entryway, I nodded at the doorkeeper, who was new but eyed me with suspicion nonetheless, and with that one critical glance, my old life suddenly came rushing back to me. I’d always felt like a thief in my own home, especially because I suspect Cedrych had paid off the concierge and doorkeepers to keep tabs on me. How often I’d be summoned here at a moment’s notice by Cedrych for a quick fuck while he was between engagements, a duty which prevented me from holding down any sort of job because the expectation was that my first obligation was always to him.

Meanwhile, Cedrych’s guards would be stationed just outside my bedroom door, sending me scornful looks while waiting to ferry him to his next appointment. How Cedrych would button up and say something trite like, “well done,” before reattaching his sword belt and continuing on his way. I’d had to drop everything for him, be at his beck and call, and if I made any sort of demand on his time, I was being unreasonable because he was a prince and I was… well, you know.

At the entrance to my suite, I noticed with some alarm that the door was unlocked, and as I eased it open, I heard a quiet rustling coming from my bedroom. Perhaps it was one of Cedrych’s retinue, here to clear out the place?

“Hello?” I called.

“Skylar?” a familiar voice called back.

“Mom?”

She appeared in the door to my bedroom, her long silver hair pulled back in a messy knot, her eyes sunken and her skin a sickly pallor. I’d seen her and my father briefly before fleeing Emrallt Valley, just long enough to say goodbye. I hadn’t told them where I was going, for I didn’t know at the time and besides that, they hadn’t asked.

“What are you doing here?” I said, having my suspicions already .

“If it isn’t my clever Skylarker,” Mom said in her airy way, her nickname for me since I was a youngling. “How are you, dear? Back from your grand adventure so soon?”

“I’m fine, and my visit here is only temporary. What are you doing in my apartment? I didn’t give you a key.”

“You don’t need a key when you have hands like these.” She held up her slender fingers, her joints like wooden knobs, and I recognized two of the rings she was wearing.

“You’re stealing my things,” I said, wishing I were more surprised by it.

“Repurposing, yes. Your prince was certainly generous. Shame that didn’t work out in your favor. He was a bit stuffy though.”

My parents had met Cedrych only once. In the beginning of our arrangement when I foolishly thought that we were a couple, doing couple things. Cedrych had pitied me and told me afterward that my allowance was not to be shared with them.

“How much do you think this one will fetch?” she asked, holding up a gold bangle inlaid with sapphires.

“I hardly know.”

“Too bad. You were never very good with money, sweetheart.”

“And you were?” I nearly spat.

“I know the price of things.”

“You know how much ether you can buy with it, you mean,” I bit out, not in the mood for her nonsense .

“Your dad and I need our medicine.”

“What you have is an addiction.”

She waved one hand, dismissing me. “Why have you returned? Have you and the prince reconciled?”

“No, we have not. And it’s really none of your concern why I’m here, since this is, in fact, my apartment you’re looting.”

“Only ghosts live here now,” she said, drifting over to my nightstand to open the drawer and rummage through it. “You won’t mind if I rehome some of your possessions,” she said, not a request.

“Mom, can I ask you something?” I moved toward the bed to sit down. My stomach was iffy and my head was spinning. I should probably start carrying pouches of honey around with me for when my nausea subsided and my hunger returned.

“Anything, dear.”

“Why did you have me?”

She glanced over at me, looking perplexed. “Why wouldn’t I? Fae children are a rare blessing.”

“Well, it’s pretty obvious you didn’t want me.”

She made a sour face. “Of course, I wanted you. Your father and I both. My, you’re in a strange mood today.”

Strange because I’d never questioned her so directly before, but I had nothing left to lose, did I? “But you never really took care of me, unless you were sober and that never lasted for very long.”

She sighed and dragged one hand through her long silver hair. “We’re sick people, Skylar. Medicine helps us function. You shouldn’t hold that against us, and besides you turned out well enough, so we must have done something right. Tell me, is this vanadium?” She held up a silver-white chain and locket, a trinket from the elvish territories Cedrych had given to me on our first anniversary, after I’d prepared a special dinner and he’d not bothered to show up, had forgotten the significance of the day entirely. He wasn’t all that different from my parents. Paying me attention when it suited him, giving me shiny baubles to make up for some bad behavior. That I’d mistaken his gifts for love was my fault, wasn’t it?

“Yes, it’s vanadium,” I said after she’d already tucked it into her dress pocket.

“That will fetch a pretty price from the jeweler. Could be melted down to make five rings at least.”

“Do you feel bad at all about scavenging through my things?” I asked. I shouldn’t be so surprised, and yet…

She turned and smiled at me, cupping my cheek with her skeletal fingers. “Look at you, Skylar, as beautiful as the dawn. It won’t be long before you’ve caught another admirer’s attention. Maybe not a prince, but certainly a lord is not too far out of reach. And what would you do with all of these trinkets then? For surely your future beloved will not want you to wear the trappings of a former lover.”

I shook my head and wondered why I’d bothered bringing it up at all. My mother always had a reason, an excuse, or a larger plan that I was never privy to .

“You know that I used to sell myself for money, don’t you? Or food because our pantry was always empty.” As fruitless as it was, I wanted some acknowledgement of how their neglect had shaped me.

“The Larkspurs are resourceful, dear. We always find a way.”

“You don’t feel bad that I had to sell my innocence on the black market for common staples? That your own negligence prevented me from joining a guild and having choices about how I earned my coin.”

“There is no honest living to be had, Skylar. Not when coin is involved. We all must sacrifice some part of ourselves to survive.”

“And what have you had to sacrifice?” I asked, my temper flaring.

“My dignity. My mind. My beauty and my youth. I chose wrong,” she said softly, the closest she’d ever come to admitting any mistake on her part. “Poor choices are the biggest expense of all, so don’t choose wrong.”

She gave me a pointed look, one of rare clarity, then returned to sifting through my things. As I watched her, I vowed to never be in a situation where I couldn’t leave, as I’d nearly been with Cedrych, as my mother was with my father, even more so because of her addiction. That was the real tragedy here. But here I was potentially trapping Hiero into a situation he didn’t want and hadn’t asked for. Perhaps I was no different from my parents after all .

But I would be truthful. There would be no coercion or manipulation. Hiero would have a choice in the matter, and I would have to accept his decision, whatever it might be.

“I’m leaving Emrallt Valley,” I told her. “I’ve got a job as a server at a bar in the Dragonback Mountains, and I won’t be coming back, except maybe to visit on occasion.”

The faraway look in her eyes returned. “You should visit. Your father has been working on some new songs. You’ve always had such a lovely voice. Remember when you and he would perform in Templeton Square?”

She grew wistful, smiling as if it were a pleasant memory, but it only served to highlight my father’s failings. He could have made me a legitimate apprentice when I was a fledgling, but he hadn’t, and soon after he was expelled from the Music Guild anyway. They’d only valued my voice as part of their con, to act as a distraction while my mother thieved from passersby. Foolishly, I’d thought they believed I had talent.

“I’m done being a thief too,” I said.

“No need to make it sound ugly, Skylar. It’s an artform after all, just like weaving or pottery. The Larkspurs have perfected it.”

She was a first-rate thief, I’d give her that, and perhaps I had been too, once. But not anymore. Not if I could help it. There was little else to say, so I went to the bathroom and found a hairbrush that still contained a few of Cedrych’s golden hairs. I grabbed his toothbrush as well, just in case .

“Are you attached to any of these?” my mother asked, opening a small wooden chest where I’d kept my ear cuffs and other small baubles.

“No, you can have them. Will you at least buy some food with your coin?”

She approached and laid a fragile hand on my cheek. She was mere skin and bones, but her smile reminded me of when I was younger, when I thought the sun shone from her eyes, before her glamor dimmed and the truth of my situation became apparent. “The Goddess blesses those with beautiful hearts, Skylar. I wish you all the best as you seek your fortune.”

I nodded, not wishing to dwell here any longer, for it was my past, and it was painful. I stuffed a bag full of clothing and a few pictures, and then I left my gilded apartment behind forever with my mother still rattling around like a ghost.

I’d been calling Hiero every morning to check in and say hello, but I’d still not told him of my true reason for the visit. He was a bright spot in my long days of idleness and worry, and I missed him more each day. In my free time, I helped out Monica in her tattoo studio, which was situated below her apartment, sorting through her clutter and tidying up the place. And I offered up my own skin as a living advertisement for her talents.

“You’re starting a trend,” she said after her third client had gone with the glow-in-the-dark ink. “You know you could stay here and learn the trade, become my apprentice. It isn’t hard to do hearts and stars and rainbows. That’s the majority of what people want. I could teach you the business side of things as well.”

“Thanks, Mon. I may take you up on it, if things don’t work out with Hiero.”

“Ah, but I think that they will, Skybear, and when they do, you’d better not try to keep Tiny Toes from Auntie Mon.”

I shook my head at her silly nickname and sipped my effervescent water, hoping it might settle my stomach. I missed Hiero’s creative fruit spritzers, a different one every night for he was always trying to surprise and delight me.

“Did the sorcerer say anything about your implant?” Monica asked. I’d had the paternity spell cast a few days prior and was now awaiting the results.

“Only that it was no longer there. It must have come loose during sex.”

She smiled wickedly. “Sounds like the sex with your minotaur was inspired.”

“Best I’ve ever had,” I said ruefully.

“Then really, Skylar, what’s there to worry about?”

So many things. Would Hiero still want me if he wasn’t the child’s sire? Or even if he was? And if he didn’t, how would I support the both of us? Was I dooming my child to a life such as mine, guildless and cast off by society? That didn’t even begin to cover my fears about the queen’s wrath.

“My biggest fear is that the child will belong to Cedrych, in which case, I might lose both Hiero and the child completely.”

“Cedrych might not want to claim it,” she said. “He said himself that he’ll be traveling to elvish territories with his betrothed soon enough.”

“But the queen will know.” I tried to think as a strategist such as herself might. “The Guild records all fae births, and the queen would see the danger of a bastard child, a potential threat to her chosen heir. She may come after the child with malice in her heart or insist they be raised at the palace under her direction.”

“You are thinking too far ahead, Skylar, as usual. Let’s play this game one move at a time, shall we?”

“But by then I’ve already lost,” I told her, for the queen was always three moves ahead.

“Come here,” she said and drew me into her arms. I rested my head against her shoulder, and tried to soak up her comfort, but it was all I could think about, how to protect my unborn child from the queen’s machinations. Even knowing her resources were limitless, she could not give them love–I truly did not believe she was capable–and that was something I would give freely.

There was a knock on the tattoo parlor door, unusual since most clients just walked right in. When I went to answer it, a courier asked for my name, then handed me a letter sealed with the sorcerer’s wax emblem. I thanked them for the delivery and carried it back inside as if it were a hornets’ nest about to burst wide open.

“Aren’t you going to open it?” Monica asked.

Suddenly, I didn’t want to know. The child didn’t belong to Cedrych or the queen as far as I was concerned. It belonged to me, and possibly Hiero if that’s what he wanted.

“I’ll open it with Hiero when I tell him,” I said to Monica, now resolved.

“How can you stand the suspense?”

“He told me before that I wasn’t alone anymore, and the decision of whether to raise it together is one that I’d like to make with him. Whether he wants it or not, the child is mine.”

“You’re going to keep it then?” she asked.

“I am,” I said, nervous and nauseous and not from the pregnancy this time.

“And if he doesn’t want it?”

“Then I’ll find a way.” As my mother said, we Larkspurs were resourceful. Even if I was a guildless, unremarkable bit of fae trash, I still had a lot of love to give. “I’ll be heading back tomorrow,” I told her.

“Everything will be fine, Skybear,” she assured me with a gentle squeeze.

Everything would be fine. And if not, I would simply pick up the pieces of my broken heart and carry on.