Chapter Twenty-Three

Tessa

“Your lips are so beautiful, Tessa…” Ben thumbs my lower lip, sending tingles down my spine.

Kiss me.

The words hover in my mind.

They make it from my brain, to my tongue, almost to my lips…

But I can’t say them.

I can’t bring them forth.

My body is so hot. In a different way than ever before. Does this mean these emotions I’m feeling for Ben are different? Or is it simply that I’m different from all of my experiences?

I don’t know. I may never know. Does it even matter?

Kiss me.

Kiss me.

Kiss me.

Again only in my mind.

“So fucking beautiful,” he says again. “I’d give my entire fortune to kiss your lips right now. If that were the cost, I’d gladly pay it.”

I’m not sure what to say to that, so I say nothing. My heart thumps wildly, though. The thought doesn’t frighten me. No.

It arouses me.

I want his kiss.

I want it so badly.

“But I’m not going to kiss you, Tessa. Not yet.” He caresses the side of my face with his other hand. “When I kiss you, it’s going to be a spectacular kiss. I’m talking rockets and fireworks. A fucking explosion, Tessa. The earth will move when we kiss for the first time.”

I can’t help the soft sigh that escapes my throat.

“Part of you wants it as much as I do. I know you do.”

All I can do is nod, my lips trembling.

“I see it in your eyes, in those big, beautiful brown eyes that reflect something truly remarkable back at me.”

“What’s that?” I ask, willing my voice not to shake.

“You have a depth about you,” he says. “A depth so great that I’m not sure I’ve seen anything like it.”

Depth? I’ve never thought of myself as deep. I always thought I was kind of shallow. I rejected my parents’ and grandmother’s religion for boys and parties. I was into my looks, into my body. Obsessing over those ten pounds I thought I had to lose. Wanting fun, to live life day by day.

Carpe diemwas my mantra.

Let your hair downwas another.

“You say more things with your eyes,” he continues, “than most people say in words. I see the pain reflected there. But I also see the pleasure. I see the good life that you’ve led. I see the memories. The memories of what life was before. They’re still in there, Tessa. We both know that. We both know you can be whatever kind of woman you want to be. You’re healing. Healing takes time. I should know.”

Heshould know?

What has he healed from?

But the thought flees as he continues.

“I will never ever rush you, no matter how much I want you. And I do want you, Tessa.”

His voice seems to drop an octave with those last words.

I do want you, Tessa.

“I never thought I could fall in love. It seems like every woman I’ve ever been interested in was focused solely on my money. But you’re not like that, are you?”

I shake my head, still trembling.

Still trembling at his thumb on my lip.

“I could fall in love with you so easily. With that beautiful, haunted soul that I see behind those deep brown eyes.”

I swallow audibly.

Kiss me.

The words again.

And this time—

“Kiss me,” I say softly. “Please. Kiss me, Ben.”

He leans into me, and I close my eyes—

But his lips land on my cheek. He pulls back as I open my eyes.

I raise my eyebrows at him.

“It’s not the right time.” He looks skyward, at the sparkling stars. “I wish it were. I want to feel those lips against my own more than I want to see the next sunrise. But it’s not the right time, and you and I both know that.”