31. Crave

I consider goingto the Galloway House and staying in the basement until she returns. I think about hunting humans out in the desert. Finding another lucky set of hikers. All of it bores me.

Four days pass like that.

Eventually, I head to Las Vegas. I tell myself it's because I need the money; I can't show up at the mall anymore. But it's not about paying rent.

I drive the taxi up and down Las Vegas Boulevard, taking drunks to late-night diners. Business types to the right conference centers. Party girls to the hottest nightclubs. My mind mixes those flashing signs until all I see is her.

Wouldn't it be beautiful to see Rae die?

To force her to watch me die?

To make her kill me?

To have all of this end?

A few women in matching sequin dresses wave at me from the Cosmopolitan's ramp. They squeal at each other as they pile into the back of my car. One of them plays a pop song on her phone. They sing off-key and at the top of their lungs. They're unbelievably annoying.

You should kill them,Rae's voice says in my mind. They have no purpose in this world.

I lick my teeth, glancing at the women in the mirror. A blonde. A brunette. Another with an ombre hairstyle.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" I say in a low voice.

Of course I would,Rae says in my mind. I picture her sitting in the backseat of the taxi, smashed in between the sequined women. Rae's mischievous laughter echoes: I want to watch what you do to them, then I want you to fuck me on their dead bodies.

"You're a depraved little slut," I say, locking eyes with the imaginary Rae in the rearview mirror.

"Huh?" one of the passengers asks. "Did you say something?"

"Did you just call me a slut?"

"Where are we going again?"

"You're heading to the Linq, right?" I ask.

"Happy Half Hour!"

"We're gonna get freaking wasted!"

I laugh with them, pretending to be amused too, but my mind is on Rae.

Perhaps I told her everything too soon. It would have taken a while to get used to the idea that I'm the ugly security guard who "raped" her, but I know my girl; she would have gotten over that. I could've marked her too. Made her ugly like me. We could have had fun together, and she would never have known the truth about her lineage.

But Rae wanted closure; I simply gave it to her. I was curious. I wanted to see what would happen when she knew the truth. If she would embrace or reject me. Now she knows her truth is far more bitter than a sugar-coated lie.

I drop the women off at the Linq, then I search up and down Las Vegas Boulevard until I finally find her.

Rae stands on the curb, her elbow locked with a man who dresses like he's got money. Rae leans on him, using him for support. Drunk, or pretending to be. A coy smile on her face. Using him like she's used so many others.

The man hails my cab.

I should stop.

I could take care of her right now.

I could be done with all of this.

I keep driving. Killing her would be too easy. An organized mess of predictability.

The man scowls, shaking his fist at my passing car. Rae pulls him tighter, almost as if she knows it was me.

Maybe that's the reason I left her apartment that day. It was too easy knowing that I had control over her. Rae could play mind games with the best of them, but physically, I will always win. All I have to do is use my strength.

It's because you love me,the imaginary version of Rae scolds. You love me. You always have. You can't kill me because you love yourself too much. You know I'm you.

I roll my eyes at my inner thoughts. Some of that is true. I really fucking hate that I can't kill her. But I don't love her, nor do I love myself. I don't care about anything that much.

Rae is a possession. An object I created. A thing I own. And a psychopath doesn't love. He possesses. And if I keep her alive, then eventually, she'll possess me too.

Rae and her latest hookup turn into blurred dots in the rearview mirror. I keep driving forward.

One day, Rae will come crawling back to me. And when she does, I'll remind her that I've always been in control, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep it that way.

I have to.