24. Crave

"I know you did it,"Rae whispers, her eyes filled with lust.

That takes me over the edge.

Each spasm of my cock brings me back down to reality.

I had a plan, and my hungry cock refuses to let that plan go into action.

Her lips are open, her eyelids heavy. I settle the ax on the ground.

"What are they doing, anyway?" someone asks.

"Is this part of the show?"

"Let's get back to the séance," a shrill voice says. "Maybe the ouija board will tell us why they're here."

The voices mumble, losing interest in the two of us now that the ax is on the ground. I pull out of Rae. She fixes her nightgown, sits on the executioner's stone, and waits for an explanation. For me to confirm or deny her accusation. I buckle my belt.

We don't say a word.

I walk into the desert until I can't see Rae or the house anymore. It'll be a bitch to hike back, but it'll be worth it to avoid the rest of the guests…and her.

I was supposed to kill her tonight. The fantasy was to do it in front of everyone. Logically, I planned to wait until everyone was gone so that there would be no witnesses. Another murder to sweep under the rug. Another victim that disappears into the vast desert.

Then Rae formally accused me of killing her father, and the plan was off.

A headache pulses in my skull. I peer over my shoulder, back at the town. I imagine she's sitting on that boulder, staring off into the distance, convincing herself she can still see my speck walking away.

She thinks she has her answer.

* * *

The next morning, I gather the DNA samples and their matching paternity tests. If I give them to her, she'll either have to keep fucking me, or she'll have to kill me.

Part of me is thrilled by that latter option. With her calculated nature, she may even get away with it.

Who are you kidding?my mother's voice mocks me. You're the one who needs to fuck or kill her.

Rae's voice interrupts: You need me. Admit it.

"Enough," I shout. Whether it's my adoptive mother's nagging or Rae's taunting, it doesn't change the fact that I have to fix this. I have to find a way to get what I want. And if I don't want to kill Rae right now, then I have to find another way to make her entertaining again.

My mask hangs on a wall hook. I punch it. The plaster cracks, breaking to the insulation, but there's so much empty space inside of the wall that it seems like an omen. A reminder that Rae and I are the same.

The mask falls to the floor, still fully intact. Leather is strong. I'm stronger.

Rae is stronger too.

I grew up without my biological parents. My adoptive mother hated me, and the rest of my adoptive family tolerated me. Rae never knew her father, and so, no matter what way you spin our histories, we share those same neglected roots. Her biological mother did her best, but Rae still ended up like me: a soulless manipulator, someone who lacks humanity, a person who only caters to themselves and their own desires.

There's something infuriating and intriguing about that.

Even if I don't give Rae the paternity results, she'll still think I'm here for her. Last night proved that to everyone, myself included. And these test results will be another declaration of my dedication to her.

I drive to Vegas to clear my mind. After a few hours of working in the taxicab, I find two young women in skimpy black dresses. They can't be more than twenty-five. One even has fake red hair and brown eyes like Rae. She's pale though, practically ghost white. Not tan like Rae.

"Can you take us to the Herbs Rye?" the redhead asks. "Best late night happy hour, baby!"

"Giddy up!" the blonde says.

I chuckle. "Of course."

I get off of the Strip, and when the streets allow it, I take the ramp to the highway. The blonde rests her head on her friend's shoulder.

"Don't fall asleep on me. We're supposed to stay awake," the redhead says.

The road rumbles underneath us, and the billboards flash to the sides. The two women sway like palm trees; they're already drunk. It won't take long for them to pass out now.

I could kill them. Their murders may cool the tension in my gut. Give me the right frame of mind, so that I can figure out what to do next when it comes to Rae.

But killing these women won't undo fucking Rae in front of everyone last night. And killing Rae's look-alike won't make those paternity tests go away.

I drop the two women off at the restaurant, then turn off the cab light and park in a nearby strip mall. My neck tingles.

I open up the glove box and pull out the DNA samples, the testing vials, and the instructions. I spit into one of the tubes, my saliva mixing with the liquid at the bottom, more god damned proof of my obsession with her. With my DNA, she'll have the opportunity to link me to my other kills, giving her the ammunition to murder me from afar, like poison. With all of these test results, I'll be putting the ultimate gift into her hands: her paternity and my life.

But these test results will never be enough, and that goes for both of us.

I want more than to spit into these vials. I want to spit in her mouth. On her face. In her pussy. I want to cover her in my jizz and spit and slime and piss and mucus until she's unrecognizable. Until all I see is me. Until she finally looks in the mirror and sees herself for the very first time.

One day, she'll accept that we're nothing without each other.

I will too.