My Secret

Indigo

I feel anxious. Every time Scarlett, the dumb witch, went parading into town and was stubborn about working there, I hated it. I don't believe for a second that he won't ever find us and when he does, we are dead. He won't take kindly to the betrayal of being lied to and deceived.

But Scarlett is selfish. She'll go into town and one day someone will spot her. I try to stay low-key even when at school, when someone new joins I wonder if it's someone who might recognise us. Someone who will tell him that we are alive.

It's stressful as fuck. I trudge down the path to the private place that Scarlett had invaded and look at the rock.

It's a blank rock… but it's not just a rock.

Guilt rushes through me and I sit down, placing down my chocolate bar in front of it.

I know she can't eat, but…

Sitting down beside the rock, I pull my legs to my chest remembering the day that Elijah stopped me from making the biggest mistakes of my life.

I have forgotten and blocked out a lot of my past but that day- that day returns with full vengeance. Right down to the smell of blood and the freshly cut grass.

FIVE YEARS AGO

The distant sound of the lawn mower and the freshly cut grass is pleasant. The sun shines down rather harshly. It's one of the rare hot days we get here.

"Come on, Indigo! Look at her, she's an ugly little thing, she doesn't belong here." I watch as the boys from the older classes push and shove the disgusting rogue girl around. She's a year younger than me, if that, although she looks younger. But I know she's eight years old because of what class she's in.

They're human boys but they also seem to know that she's a filthy, lowlife scum. Rogues should all be killed, that's what I was taught. I walk over to her and push her harder, making her hit the wall behind me before she falls to her knees.

"You're better off dead. I hate rogues," I whisper in her ear, so the boys don't hear. She whimpers in fear as she stares up at me as if I am the one who is doing something wrong. She's the one who shouldn't be here!

It's an everyday thing. She gets picked on every day, yet she's stupid to keep coming back here! The boys laugh as they walk off when the bell rings, leaving me with the filth.

"Why do you hate me?" she asks between sobs, looking at her bruised elbow. Her face is tear-stained and grubby. Her crying agitates me and the sound of crying from the past rings in my head.

I'm not sure who it is. Me? Scarlett?

"I hate people who cry!" I shout, pushing her again the moment she manages to get up.

"Please don't hurt me," she whimpers.

‘Please! Please don't hurt me, Daddy!'

I flinch at the screams that fill my head and I push her again, wanting the sounds in my head to stop.

"Stop it! Stop crying like a baby! Stop it! You are a rogue, you are a monster, you're better off dead!" I shout.

She keeps crying and I keep hitting her, wanting her to stop!

I don't like the sound! I hate it! I hate it!

"Indy!" I'm lifted off from the sobbing girl and I scream, kicking my captor, trying to scratch them and I manage to do so, wanting to draw blood! "Pixie!"

I find myself staring into a startled pair of blue eyes and become still. "Hey… what are you doing, Pixie?" His voice is full of concern.

My heart is thumping as I try to jump free from his hold, but he isn't letting go.

"Let go of me!" I scream, kicking him. I don't want anyone touching me!

He lets go, raising his hands as the girl scampers off.

Coward!

"What were you doing?" Elijah asks, his voice full of shock and disappointment.

"I hate her! She's a rogue!" I hiss, not wanting to explain it to him. I turn to leave, but he blocks my view, shaking his head.

"Look at me, Indigo," he commands quietly.

"I hate you! I hate all alphas!" I spit but he doesn't move away. Instead, he remains there, watching me with concern in those eyes of his, kneeling in front of me. He gently pulls me into his arms and strokes my hair.

"I'm your big brother first and foremost, Pixie. Not an alpha. Calm down please," he pleads softly.

I break into sobs but freeze, no! I won't cry. I can't cry.

"Indy? Breathe, you need to breathe." There's panic in Elijah's eyes as he looks down at me, realising what I'm doing, but he doesn't understand. I can't cry. I can't show emotions! It's a weakness.

Something rises in my throat and my head is thumping. I need to get away! But he's not letting go of me!

He cups my face and somehow it soothes me a little. "Indigo… Pixie, we don't hurt others. No matter what. She's just another child, trying to go to school. We are good people. We don't hurt anyone unless they hit you first, then sure, defend yourself. But never pick on those weaker than you. Do you understand, Pixie?"

His words are gentle even though he's reprimanding me.

I disappointed him too.

I nod, trying to understand his words. He's right. Why have I been hurting her?

"You don't like me anymore because I'm a horrible monster?" I ask him worriedly.

He shakes his head, "I'll always love you; you'll always be my favourite sister." He winks at me, and I smile and nod vigorously.

"Yes, not Scarlett!" I whisper before smiling sadly. "I shouldn't have hurt her."

"No, but you can fix this. Show her kindness and apologise for what you have done. Remember, we never do something like this."

I nod, "Will you tell Mommy and Daddy?"

He shakes his head. "Never. This is our secret. I promise."

Nodding, I kiss his cheek, "I have an amazing big brother!"

"Of course you do. Not everyone is lucky enough to have Elijah Westwood as their brother." He winks at me.

I nod, glancing at the ground where the girl was cowering. I wonder if she has siblings or if she is really alone?

"I have to go! I have to make things right."

"That's my sister." He chuckles as I hurry off towards the younger kid's playground.

He's right, we don't hurt people.

I managed to find her and apologise. I asked if she wanted to be friends and she said ok. I meant it too. I wanted to be a good person, not like him .

But then the next day she never came to school… or the next… or the one after that and then I heard Dad say that a rogue family had been killed not far from pack grounds. I had a bad feeling and when I went to see, it was her. I recognised her, and I asked Elijah if I could make her a grave. Dad burned the bodies, but Elijah got me the ashes and this is where I buried her.

The guilt will always remain, but I know if he didn't stop me that day and she had died, I would always blame myself. I look at the rock and sigh softly, taking out the bag. It's her bag, the school bag she was wearing when she was killed. I still wonder who killed them. Our pack law was to initiate rogue children into the pack if they are orphaned.

We only kill rogues who attack. I look through her books, flipping through them as I stare at Scarlett's message once again.

I don't plan to tell her. She would think so badly of me. I don't need that. She's damn cool and badass. I don't want her to think I'm any weaker. It's already exhausting enough to try to be as strong and cool as her.

I pout. Even Elijah has been paying more attention to her, but that's just Scar. She doesn't even notice but she commands attention wherever she goes. When she enters a room, everyone notices her. She doesn't even realise how popular she is, or she just doesn't care. If I was liked half as much as she was, life would be easier.

But Scarlett's always been a badass bitch, even when we were little, like when she would defend me… I shudder, shaking my head as my entire body feels prickly.

Forget the past; it's best.

I stand up, running my fingers through my hair and pick up my phone, staring at the text that Scarlett sent yesterday. Now I know how to reply without sounding… nice.

INDIGO: Apology kind-of accepted. Just next time, don't put your fat butt in my business. Jerk.

There. That sounds like me.

Snickering, I put my phone in my pocket, wondering if I should put something in her bed. It's always fun to annoy her.

"Oooh yes, bugs! That'll be perfect!" Cackling, I rush off towards home, pausing at the edge of the clearing and waving at the rock. "I'll be back!"

With a plan in mind, I speed up. I'll return to keep her company another day. I wasn't able to when she was alive, but I will now. I'll always be her good friend for as long as I can.