Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

T he sight of the maids packing her belongings was almost too much for Octavia to bear as she turned from her open door. All of the dresses and items of clothing reminded her of Simon.

How did things end up like this?

She thought of the moment in the library when they’d made love. He’d been so passionate and caring with her in the chambers. Had he already been thinking of their separate lodgings when he’d held her to his chest?

The thought was almost too painful for her to bear as she entered the study where Simon was gathering his papers.

Looking up in surprise, he quickly cleared his throat. “Have the maids begun to pack your belongings? I did instruct Mrs. Farley to have everything packed for our departure this afternoon.”

“They are, thank you, Your Grace.” She almost felt as if she were addressing a stranger as he went back to sorting through the papers he had laid on the desk.

“Very good.” He nodded curtly.

Octavia wanted to scream at him and sweep the papers to the floor. How could he be so cruel to her after all this time?

It hasn’t been that long…

She thought back to the day of their wedding and just how quickly they had been thrust into the situation. Everything they had experienced together as a married couple had made it feel as if she’d known him all of her life. Yet it had only been a few weeks.

“There was something else that I wanted to ask you.” She swallowed her tears and crossed her arms across her waist.

“Go on.” Simon looked up again with a frown.

“My parents owned a villa in Rome. My mother always said that it would be mine if I ever wanted it. It was in my uncle’s trust when we got married.”

She found it hard to maintain eye contact with him while she spoke yet tried her best to keep her head held high.

She had begun to trust in him so much since they had gotten married that his change in behavior felt like a monumental betrayal to her.

“Yes, I do recall that it was part of your dowry. The house is being kept by one of my solicitors. As far as I understand, the house is still being run by the housekeeper and butler in the family’s absence,” Simon paused for a moment to explain before carrying on with his task.

The family.

The use of the word struck Octavia and broke her heart. He could have said that the house was waiting for them, or even their family, yet he had used the phrase as a singular meaning apart from himself.

Taking a deep breath as she composed herself against the tears that threatened to spill over her cheeks. “I would like to take up permanent residence in that villa once Augustus and Isolde have been found. I will go back to my uncle’s house and stay there while the search continues.”

Pausing again from a frown, the Duke looked up with a veiled expression. “I hardly think that is necessary. What will the rest of the ton say if we divide our house mere weeks after the wedding? I think you should wait until after Augustus and Isolde are married.”

“No,” she said the word with such finality that Simon placed the papers back on his desk and looked at her as if he were seeing her for the first time.

“Do you not think that your absence would cause more scandal?” He cocked an eyebrow up in question.

“I’m surprised that you should be concerned about what the rest of the ton thinks, Your Grace.” She spoke more surely now as the anger she felt in her chest drove her forward.

It may have been possible for him to discard everything they had been through with such ease, but she wasn’t about to betray her feelings.

Simon seemed taken aback as he spoke quite irately. “What kind of question is that when I have cared for nothing but the honor of this family? I married you when I never wanted to get married, all for the sake of avoiding a scandal.” He placed his palms flat on the desk in front of him.

“You do not have to remind me of the reason for our marriage, Simon. I know very well why you married me. I am under no delusion that anything you and I experienced had anything to do with love or affection. If I ever harbored any such delusions, you made sure to cure me of them last night…” Her voice was soft yet certain as a single tear spilled over her cheek.

Lifting her hand, she quickly wiped her cheek and took a deep breath as Simon looked at her in confusion.

Good, let him see that I was willing to give him everything.

She lifted her head and clenched her fists at her sides.

“Why I am shocked, is that you seem to place the ton above the possibility of siring an heir. Nothing else seems to be more important, yet the opinions of strangers trump even the sacrifices that I was willing to make for you.”

Simon’s mouth fell open as he removed his hands from the desk and took a step back.

“I was willing to give you everything, to remain a childless woman by your side, yet you couldn’t even give me that.” More tears fell now as the dam of emotions finally broke. “The ton seems to have garnered a place in your heart where I have failed.”

“Don’t you dare use my unwillingness to sire an heir against me. I may not have been honest with you before the wedding, but by God, I was on the first night of our marriage. I never asked you to remain by my side; that was a decision that you made all on your own!” he raised his voice in anger he thrust his thumb into his chest.

Octavia nodded as her tears fell freely, creating little rivulets down her cheeks. “So, you were just humoring me that night in your chambers when I warmed your bed?”

“I was acting upon desires, and if I recall, you were fully apprised of the fact that I never wanted an heir when you willingly came to my bed.” Simon placed his hands on the back of the chair and almost thrust it aside in his anger.

That is what he thinks of me.

Shutting her eyes, Octavia realized that she had been holding off on hope that he’d see her in a different light.

“Octavia… I never…” Simon lowered his voice, letting go of the back of the chair with a burdened sigh.

Snapping her head in his direction, she opened her eyes and finished his sentence for him.

“You never wanted to get married. I understand that now, Your Grace. I was foolish to think that this marriage of convenience could ever be anything more than a clever ruse. You may rest assured that I shall never darken your doorstep ever again.” She blinked back the rest of her tears and held her head high as she turned away from her husband and left the study.

Her legs weren’t able to carry her fast enough as she raced up the stairs toward her chambers.

“Leave everything as it is; I want a moment alone,” she instructed the maids while trying to hide her tears.

The maids seemed startled as they paused above her cases with garments in their hands. One of them held the dress she had worn to her godmother’s ball. The very dress she had worn the first time they had made love.

“Take that dress away and place it in one of His Grace’s trunks. I do not wish to ever see it again!” she snapped, allowing her emotions to get the better of her.

“We were instructed…” one of the maids began but quickly stopped when the other young woman shook her head and gestured for them to leave.

Hearing the door shut, Octavia allowed her tears to fall as she collapsed on her bed. She had been such a spirited and free-willed young woman before Simon had come along. What had happened to all of her dreams of traveling?

I wanted to travel with him…

She realized with a start that all of her hopes and plans had changed to include Simon. She no longer wanted to travel the globe if he wasn’t at her side.

“Your Grace?”

Octavia quickly sat up straight on her bed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.

“Mrs. Farley, I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.” She tried her best to compose herself, but she couldn’t seem to stop the tears.

Mrs. Farley offered her a sympathetic smile before shutting the door behind her.

“The maids have informed me that you no longer wish for them to pack your things. Will you be staying on with his Grace?” Her words were soft and kind as she gave Octavia a moment to breathe.

“No, we will still both be leaving. His Grace will return to the country manor while I spend some time with my uncle here in London.” She attempted to force a smile yet only succeeded in making her crying worse.

“Is something the matter, Your Grace? I do not wish to intrude… But I am sensing they may be something wrong. What is the matter?”

“Oh, Mrs. Farley! I don’t understand, what did I do wrong as a wife? I honestly thought that things had changed!” She began to sob as if she were a child. Her heart broke all over again as her words tumbled over each other in torrents. Having someone ask her what was wrong seemed to send her over the edge as all the stress and heartache took hold.

“Oh, my dear.” Mrs. Farley rushed to her side and sat on the bed beside her, placing her arms around Octavia’s shoulders and drawing her closer. “I hope you will forgive me for sitting and acting so impertinently in your presence, Your Grace.” She began to rock Octavia back and forth in her arms.

The steady soothing motion reminded Octavia of her mother and the times when she’d cried as a child. She felt equally as hopeless and lost as she had in her youth. The heavy scent of peppermint filled Octavia’s senses as she regained some control over her emotions.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Your Grace, and I hope you will forgive me the love of a mother’s heart. I was never blessed with a child, but I watched His Grace grow up right in front of my eyes. And just as I would have accepted a son’s wife as my own, I have grown rather fond of you in your time with us.”

Her words acted as a balm on Octavia’s heart as she allowed herself a moment away from all of the grief that had driven her to tears.

“While I do not understand what it is that has gone so horribly wrong between the two of you, I have seen a change in His Grace since your arrival.” Mrs. Farley placed her cheek against Octavia’s head and continued to rock her back and forth.

“I thought he had changed as well, but I was wrong.” Octavia came to her senses having calmed down.

“Then it cannot be all that bad?” The housekeeper removed her arms from Octavia’s shoulders but remained where she was on the bed.

Reaching for a handkerchief in one of the open trunks, Octavia dried her eyes and blew her nose.

“It isn’t; I know I get to live the life of my dreams without any of the obligations that other wives of the ton have to face.”

Her loyalty to Simon’s need for privacy kept her from telling the woman who ran his house the truth. Even after he’d broken her heart, she still felt the need to keep his confidence.

Why do I still want to protect him?

The question seemed far too overwhelming for her at present. She reminded herself that she would be getting the life she had always envisioned. She would live in Rome with a chaperone; if her uncle denied her request, then she would take her godmother. There was no need to fret when everything was working out just as she had envisioned it.

“There now, these little tiffs always seem so important when they occur, but one often finds a solution.” Mrs. Farley smiled brightly and pushed herself up from her knees. “Now, I will send the maids back up as soon as you are ready, Your Grace.”

“The maids may come up at once, Mrs. Farley; I am ready to take my leave. You may have all of my belongings sent to my uncle’s house. I will spare His Grace the extra trouble and go there at once.” She took a deep breath and stood, giving the housekeeper her instructions with a forced smile.

Mrs. Farley seemed taken aback and stuttered just for a moment, “Forgive me… Your Grace, but I…”

“Never fear, Mrs. Farley. The marriage between His Grace and I will remain as it was and should have been from the start. I simply wish to visit with my family before we proceed. I know His Grace has very important matters to attend to back home.” She held her head high and pushed back the questions that still plagued her mind.

It no longer mattered to her why she felt the need to be at his side or keep his confidence. She would be getting the life of her dreams. The little change that she had experienced in feelings toward Simon would seem like nothing more than a fluke when she was traveling the world.

“Very well, Your Grace. I will send the maids up at once.” Mrs. Farley bowed her head respectfully and left the room, leaving Octavia to her thoughts.

Walking over to the window, Octavia wrapped her arms around her waist and looked at the passing carriages in the street.

That will be me soon enough on my way to Rome.

Her heart clenched in pain when she spotted Simon leaving the house in his top hat and coat. He never so much as glanced behind him as he crossed the street.

Feeling her emotions welling again, she placed her hand on her throat and swallowed.

“I won’t look back either, no matter how painful it is,” she whispered to herself and turned away from the window just as the maids came into the room.

“You may continue packing; Mrs. Farley will know what to do with the trunks.” Octavia lowered her hand from her throat and smiled reassuringly at the maids.

“And, the dress, Your Grace?” The maid who had been holding the dress from the ball swallowed hard, her voice quivering with uncertainty.

Glancing at the garment in question, Octavia allowed herself a moment of tender recollection.

“Have it sent back to the house and placed in storage. Perhaps I will wear it again in my old age.”

She began to envision a time in her life when all of her journeys had come to an end without Simon at her side.

“Of course, Your Grace.” The maids curtsied politely and began to pack the remnants of Octavia’s brief time in London.