Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

I n the northeast corner of the park, there was a fine body of water, and near to it was the gravel path along the eastern boundary called the Queen's Walk. Elizabeth had hoped to steer her group in that direction to encounter F, but Miss Bingley was making that difficult.

Although the potential couple tried to talk with one another, Miss Bingley insisted on inserting herself into her brother's conversation with Jane. She was holding onto his arm while Bingley tried in vain to speak with Jane, who was on his other arm. Elizabeth walked alone next to them.

"Caroline, it looks to be getting narrower; would you like to walk with Miss Elizabeth?" he said as they turned down another path.

"Miss Eliza is content where she is, I am sure. She is a great walker, you know, and I would only slow her down. Besides, I would rather get to know my dear Jane better."

Elizabeth wished Bingley would have said "So would I" and dropped his sister's arm, but that would not happen, and now it was three thirty and she was nowhere near to the northeast section of the park.

"Actually, Miss Bingley, I am rather tired and would benefit from my sister's arm if Mr Bingley can spare her."

She would rather have dropped farther behind on purpose and gone on alone, but even as enchanted by Jane as Bingley was, he was not about to lose her sister in the park.

Jane agreed, and Elizabeth went in front of Miss Bingley and her brother to walk with Jane. Now she could lead them away from the centre of the park to where she would meet F. Elizabeth brought a hand to the pansies pinned to her bodice, patting it to be certain they were in place. She was all anxiety to have the meeting over and done with, to have her fears about F being Darcy refuted once and for all.

Her stomach was fluttering with nerves at meeting F. Would they feel an instant attraction to one another, or would it come on gradually like it had through their letters?

"You are going a little fast for me," Jane said. "I thought you were tired."

Since the moment was at hand, she had to confess. She had wanted to slip away so only some cows would see her walking to that side of the park, but her company was not as inattentive to her as she had hoped.

"Do not react. I arranged to meet F privately rather than through the matchmaking office," she whispered to Jane. "He is on the other side of the park waiting for me."

To her credit, only a small "Oh" of surprise escaped Jane's lips, although her face showed complete shock.

"It will be well, I promise," Elizabeth murmured. "I told him what I was wearing, and we both wear a posy of pansies. We will smile, say how pleasant it is to meet, exchange names, be embarrassed and awkward for a moment or two, and then I will tell him we should exchange information through all the formal channels, and he will call in Cheapside."

"What about us?" Jane asked, tilting her head at the pair behind them.

"We won't talk long, certainly not long enough to introduce you. I won't even be able to because I do not know his name," Elizabeth added, laughing a little too loudly. She was nervous, excited, and felt an eagerness to meet F and a sliver of terror that F was Darcy.

This meeting would put to bed her fear, and she would have a good laugh about it.

When they were nearer to the Queen's Walk, she saw a tall man pacing along some trees while another man leant against the first tree, arms crossed over his chest, talking to the man pacing. A woman in grey stood next to him. Occasionally, the man pacing would stop, crane his neck to look one way, pace again, and then look the other direction. There were trees between them that often hid the man from her view, but his walking would bring him out of and into her sight.

Even from this many yards away, Elizabeth could tell that it was Darcy.

Her stomach sank, and briefly her vision spun. And then she felt crushing disappointment. Her friendship with F was now over, and she admired him so much. How startling that she had been writing to Darcy all along and had somehow grown fond of him. The realisation that followed was equally alarming: if she liked F, then she liked Darcy. If she wanted to flirt with F, then she wanted to flirt with Darcy.

And Darcy hated her.

It would be a humiliating moment when Darcy saw who L was, and he would be horribly disappointed. She would see it in his face the moment he realised what he had done. She was poor, unconnected, and had embarrassing relations. And even if those concerns could be overlooked, she had mistaken his character and accused him of being a terrible person.

"Change bonnets with me!" she cried.

"What? Why?" Jane asked, even as she untied her own hat's ribbon.

Elizabeth pulled her off the gravel path and gave a false smile to Bingley and Miss Bingley, keeping her back to the northeast corner. "I am afraid I do not like my hat." She ripped off her blue bonnet. "Jane is good enough to exchange with me."

"I do not think the way you have styled your hair will fit inside my hat."

"It does not matter," she muttered, shoving her hat into Jane's hands and trying to hide behind her.

"You can go ahead; Lizzy and I will catch up," Jane said to Bingley. When they left, Jane turned back to her and her face expressed all the confusion her lips had yet to utter.

"F is looking for a woman with dark hair and eyes, and a blue hat." Elizabeth tore off the pansies and ground them under her foot.

"But he will be disheartened if you never appear."

"I cannot meet after all. Let me stay with you and your friends." She looked around Jane toward where she had seen Darcy and his friend. At any moment, Bingley and Miss Bingley would be upon them. "Should we turn back? We could turn back, yes?"

"Why?" Jane asked firmly, tying Elizabeth's ribbon for her. "Why are you doing this to a man whom you forced to meet in this strange way?"

Elizabeth heaved a sigh. It was so awful. She admired a man she previously thought she hated, who now had every reason to dislike her. "My dear friend F is Mr Darcy."

Jane's expression went entirely blank. After a long moment she said, "F for Fitzwilliam? Oh, my goodness." She then grinned. "But how lovely!"

"Lovely?" Elizabeth shrieked. "It is in every way horrible!"

"But I thought you liked F? And you cannot hate Mr Darcy now that you know the truth about his character. And he was civil the other night. Why not go over and admit you are his correspondent?"

"Because I was a fool! Wickham's social powers gained him my regard, whereas Darcy was proud and silent. I acted despicably, Jane! Who was the one who had real, substantial good? The one I treated horribly."

"He is also the man you have been writing to with enough fondness to want to meet you properly, and a man you have been acquainted with for months."

"And what do you think will happen when Mr Darcy realises L stands for Lizzy, as in Elizabeth?"

Jane grew thoughtful. "You know, he always looks at you a great deal, and he even asked you to dance at Netherfield."

Elizabeth felt incredulous. "Darcy must hate me. I unjustly condemned and upbraided him at Mrs Hurst's!"

Jane looked to the trees where the Bingleys had now met with Darcy and his friend. "I think you should give him a chance. Mr Darcy liked you well enough to meet in this strange way."

"He likes L, not me . He loathes Elizabeth Bennet."

"His opinion of you cannot be as poor as you fear it is."

"No, no, absolutely not. I called him selfish and said he was not a gentleman." She covered her face with her hands. "I favoured the man who tried to seduce his sister."

Jane tugged down her hands and pulled her back to the path. "Well, you can avoid telling him you are L, but our friends have met, and now there is no avoiding greeting him."

Elizabeth felt on the verge of tears as they approached. Darcy stood talking with Bingley and his sister, but his eyes moved above their heads to look at the approaching paths. The other man with him had come forward to greet them and was now joined by the woman in grey she also did not know. Elizabeth watched them exchange greetings, and then Darcy looked back to the path and saw her.

He absolutely started when their eyes met, and for a moment seemed immoveable from surprise.

"Ah, there they are," Bingley said as Jane dragged her to join the group. "Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth Bennet, may I present Darcy's cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam?"

The colonel turned from the other woman to give them all a pleasant smile. He was about thirty, not handsome, but entered into conversation directly with the readiness and ease of a well-bred man. Darcy paid his compliments to them and met Elizabeth with every appearance of composure. Elizabeth merely curtseyed without saying a word.

What did he feel on seeing her? He likely thought very little of her, especially since he was still looking at the women on the other paths, hoping to see a brunette in a blue hat wearing pansies.

It was all too humiliating.

She felt wan and sick and hoped she did not appear it. She said everything agreeable, and was torn between watching Darcy and not looking at him at all from the shame she felt about what happened at the Hursts'. He greeted her kindly, but after the initial surprise upon seeing her faded, he returned to scanning the park.

Her eyes, however, stayed on the small collection of pansies pinned to his coat.

The other woman who stood by his side had yet to ask to be introduced. She appeared about the colonel's age, with a full figure but by no means handsome, although her countenance was agreeable. While Colonel Fitzwilliam talked about this and that with the Bingleys and Jane, the lady resumed talking to Darcy.

"As I was saying, I am soon going to Beaumont Street to purchase one of Mr Marshall's portraits. He painted one of my horses, although he cannot know it was for me. He thinks my father commissioned it."

"Fitzwilliam said you were a proficient rider," Darcy answered in an admiring tone with another glance down the path.

"Yes, and I am interested in racehorses too, if you will keep the secret," she said with a laugh. "Your cousin said you bought a pair of chestnuts last year at Tattersalls."

"Yes, but they are at Pemberley," he said, his gaze searching the distance for a woman who would never appear.

"Ah, for your curricle? Colonel Fitzwilliam says you drive rather fast." The lady's voice lifted hopefully.

Darcy turned from the path and gave her a smile. "From what I hear, not fast enough for your liking, madam."

She laughed, and their conversation shifted to thoroughbred bloodlines and The General Stud Book.

They seemed to not know one another well, but were having a friendly conversation. Elizabeth felt a pang of regret at seeing Darcy be civil and amiable with another woman. When L did not meet him, perhaps Darcy would take an interest in this lady. She was acquainted with his cousin, was well-dressed, affable, and they seemed to have some things in common.

The lady noticed her staring, and Elizabeth dropped her gaze. There was no reason to be jealous of Darcy talking to another woman. Besides, this lady was not the one he was looking for. He wanted L, but when L did not show, he would naturally look elsewhere for a wife. Her emotions were in total confusion.

"Would you introduce me to your friends?" the woman said to Darcy. He nodded, but when he hesitated and only stared at Elizabeth, Colonel Fitzwilliam introduced the lady to the group.

"May I present my friend Mrs Sullivan? Her father has recently passed, and she has taken a house in Harley Street."

At the mention of this location, Miss Bingley narrowed her eyes. "Charles, we ought to take another turn with Jane before we return her home."

Miss Bingley's slight against Mrs Sullivan made Elizabeth insist on staying, despite the awkwardness with Darcy. "I am still tired," she said sharply. "I would like another moment or two."

Now the group had to remain, and Miss Bingley was determined to monopolise Darcy's attention and ignore Mrs Sullivan. Bingley and Jane hardly knew what to say after her rudeness, but thankfully Colonel Fitzwilliam recovered with another pleasant conversation.

"Are you a friend of Mr Darcy's as well?" Mrs Sullivan asked her. When Elizabeth struggled for an answer, she added, "Only I noticed your attention to our conversation. Unless you are a horsewoman?" she asked, her eyes bright with interest.

"Oh no. I never learnt, I am sorry to say. Do you ride often now that you are fixed in town?"

"I had hoped to ride to Highgate today, but my friend wanted to walk in the park instead."

Was her friend Darcy or Colonel Fitzwilliam? Perhaps both, since it seemed the cousins were good friends. "I am sorry you had to forgo something you enjoy. I miss taking a solitary walk in the country, but I will take what I can get whilst in town."

"I do not mind a walk with good company." She turned to look at the men, but Elizabeth could not see if her gaze lingered on either man in particular. "But I prefer riding. I drive a phaeton as well, so if you ever want to drive to Hampstead or Highgate or anywhere, you must let me know. I would be pleased to take you and your sister. If she is not always occupied with—" She tilted her head toward Bingley and smiled.

Mrs Sullivan was forward, but it was done with such sincerity and friendliness that Elizabeth could not help but like her. "I will only be in town for another three weeks, but I would enjoy talking with you again before I leave."

"Would you? Colonel Fitzwilliam, Mr Darcy," she called. "It would be lovely to continue my acquaintance with Miss Elizabeth. I wonder if we might all meet again with the Bingleys and Bennets on Thursday evening?"

She said this in a pointed manner. Colonel Fitzwilliam grinned and said to Mrs Sullivan, "Yes, I can get them an invitation to Lady Courtney's ball. My mother is her dear friend." He turned to the rest of the group and added, "But only if Miss Bingley, Miss Bennet, and Miss Elizabeth promise me a dance. I am not encouraging more ladies to come if they are just going to sit and gossip all evening."

This was, of course, refuted, and they all thanked the colonel and Mrs Sullivan for their consideration. Darcy's expression was pleasant, but Elizabeth watched how every so often he looked around this section of the park. She hated causing his disappointment, but he would be more saddened if he knew she was L.

She was just as disappointed. Her friendship was now over, and the prospect of a future romantic relationship with F was gone. And the embarrassment she was already going to feel around Darcy because of her misjudgment would now be multiplied a tenfold.

"Miss Elizabeth, I look forward to speaking with you on Thursday," Mrs Sullivan said, intruding into her unhappy thoughts. "I have been in mourning, you see"—she gestured to her grey sleeves—"and am ready to mix more with the world."

Elizabeth smiled and agreed, keeping her attention on Darcy. He must have felt her gaze because he stopped staring into the park and said, "Mrs Sullivan is newly arrived in town and eager to make friends. You could not find a more amiable lady than Miss Elizabeth."

Elizabeth felt her cheeks warm to hear his praise. He said it absently, she was sure, but she admired him for it. He was forcing himself to be amiable when he was undoubtedly feeling frustrated and confused as to why L had forsaken him. And he was being polite to a woman who had abused him dreadfully.

"I hear from your cousin that you are not much of a dancer," Mrs Sullivan said to Darcy. "Will you find Thursday evening tiresome?"

"Hopefully, I will find some conversation through the course of the evening."

"Do you not dance because too many ladies equate a dance to a marriage proposal?"

He looked a little surprised at her insight, but he bowed. "That is one reason, but if you are hinting that I ought to do better"—he glanced at Elizabeth—"then I promise to ask you to dance if you are sitting down."

Mrs Sullivan curtseyed, and Elizabeth dropped her head. He did not ask her to reserve a dance, but he knew he had wronged her at the Meryton assembly. He was being more gentlemanly, but he could not forgive her for her acrimonious accusations.

"Darcy," his cousin said, "it will be dark soon. Do you want to join me in escorting Mrs Sullivan home?"

"No, I am going to walk the park again," he said quietly. "I will see you both at Lady Courtney's."

His cousin gave him a sad look, and Elizabeth saw that Colonel Fitzwilliam knew exactly who Darcy was waiting for. Her heart broke for him all over again, and she wanted to help him recover his spirits.

"Mr Darcy," she said, laying just two fingers on his sleeve to keep him from leaving. He flinched, and Elizabeth dropped her hand in shame. "I wanted to say, well, that I am?—"

"Miss Eliza," called Miss Bingley. "Please let us not keep Mr Darcy."

Elizabeth curtseyed and ran to join her friends, but not without a few backwards glances at how Darcy paced the northeast corner of the park, looking for a woman who would never appear.

She would have to write one last time as L, to apologise for hurting him and come up with some explanation why she had not appeared, one that would put no blame on him.

All the way back to Cheapside, Elizabeth regretted what she had lost. She had shown such foolish solicitude for Wickham—and such resentment toward Darcy—when it was Darcy who was the good man. Wickham was a scheming liar, and Darcy's only crime was his reserve and selfish pride. And the latter he seemed willing to mend. Perhaps a woman like Mrs Sullivan would be the one to benefit from that improved manner and make him happy.

Elizabeth might have been happy with Darcy, but there was no hope for that now.