Chapter 47

*Elena*

Shit, shit, shit, what the hell have I done? How could I be so stupid?

In all my daydreams, I never imagined things turning out this way. Killing him on sight, yeah, but not once did I ever imagine jumping into bed with him the first chance I got. I wish I was the kind of woman who'd see this as getting some of my own back.

I don't know all the particulars of their divorce, but I'm almost certain that something sinister is going on or that nut would've been all over the news having killed someone, either him or me.

The fact that she hadn't come knocking on my door tells me that something strange was at play.

I don't think Ryder would've lied to me about the divorce, so my guess is those men he told me about had a hand in whatever was going on here. I should've asked more questions, but it's too late for that now, isn't it?

As soon as he disappeared into the bathroom, I high-tailed it to the guest bath down the hall.

Well, I moved as fast as I could since muscles that had lain dormant for five years gave and pulled with each step I took. I think that freak had grown in size since the last time we made love. Either that or I'd grown smaller.

It was only in the shower that I realized there was so much I still wanted to ask him, but I'd be damned if I was asking him anything now after making a fool of myself.

My face heated with embarrassment when I remembered how I'd clung to him, how I'd cried out his name when I came, and how much I'd enjoyed myself. Something else I wish I could be was the kind of woman who could have casual sex and move on with my day.

But I had never been the type, and I wasn't about to start now. Neither was I going to tell him that he'd improved his technique. I looked down with a scowl at my silent friend after soaping her up. This bitch never could learn a damn lesson if her life depended on it where his worthless hide was concerned. "Fool! Now, you're sore and red. Serves you right."

Good heavens, I'm talking to my cooch. I think I might need an emergency meeting with my therapist, but I've never felt so aware and in tune with myself. But why does it always have to be him?

This time was not much different from all the other times in the past when we'd break up and come back together like a moth to a flame.

For someone like me who believed in a higher power and fate, I knew that somewhere in there was a message that he was the one. I've always believed that even when things were at their worst between us. Even believing it, there were times that I'd had enough and just couldn't take another step forward with the relationship.

But I'm not the one who broke our bond this time, and I've never been the reason in the past. It's true that in the past, because of outside interference like my family and friends, I had broken things off with him a couple of times because of his erratic behavior. But I always came back to him, or he to me, because we were never any good without each other.

But he'd put someone else between us this time, and this was our longest break. A break I thought would last the rest of my lifetime. I thought that I'd learned how to live without him, but the truth I now realize is that I was only existing and not really living, something I hate to admit. If he ever learns this, I'll never get rid of him. A small voice in my head whispered that I didn't really want to. "Shut up!"

I left the shower, hoping he'd left and dreading it at the same time, and walked into the bedroom to find him lounging on my bed as he lived there. We just stared at each other, not saying anything for the longest time, and I really looked at him for the first time.

He'd grown up, as had I. We were both a long way from the kids we were when we first met, and we both looked at it but in a good way. His face was more man than boy, his body more muscular than I remembered. He had the nerve to pat the bed next to him for me to join him. "You're still here?"

"I told you I'm not going anywhere. I came here to fix this once and for all, and I'm not leaving until it's done."

He ignored my glare which just made me want to brain him with something. And why the hell doesn't he have on any clothes under that sheet? My eyes dropped to the tent in the sheet before I caught myself, and they flew back to his face, where I found him smirking and went on the defensive. What the hell were we talking about again? Oh yeah! Him being a hardheaded ass.

"Well, that's not new; you never listen. Fine, suit yourself, stay if you want, but I don't have to be in the same room as you." I started to leave the room again.

"I'm willing to listen now, but if I'm not here, and if you're not here with me, how am I going to listen?"

"I have nothing to say to you, Ryder."

"That doesn't make any sense. If you're not talking to me, how am I going to hear what you have to say?" Has he always been this damn annoying? And since when was he, Mr. Sensible?

Usually, he'd fly off in a huff until he came back hours later, acting as if nothing had happened, and I'd take him back without making an issue out of it because I hate arguing. Now he's being an adult, which for some reason was pissing me off because where the hell was this rational, mature human being when we were together?

"What game is this now?" I was still itching for a fight but couldn't quite put together why. He was trying to be reasonable when I felt anything but. I didn't even have the excuse of being angry any longer since I'd already let him take me to bed. I'd lost the damn battle and the whole war without striking a blow.

"I'm not playing any games, Elena. I'm being one hundred percent honest with you. I can't live the rest of my life walking on eggshells, and I know it's gonna take a hell of a long time for me to make this up to you. I just want you to know that I'm willing to do whatever it takes, but I'm not leaving you ever again."

He sounded and looked so earnest, but do I dare believe him? There's only one way to find out. The Ryder I know hates not being in control and hates things not going his way. But the girl who would always bend to his will was no longer here, and I won't ever go back to being that weak just for him to love me.

"Ok, fine. Don't say anything else. You just listen up. You want us to get back together again, and then we'll do it my way this time. Whatever I say goes, you have to abide by my rules. The first time that you do anything I do not like, we're through."

"I can do that."

"Really, Ryder? Do you really think that's the kind of relationship I want to have? What kind of stupidity is that? You just said yes?"

"You just said…"

"Do you really think I meant that? Who the hell wants to live like that?"

"I knew you didn't mean forever, Elena. I thought this was what you needed to be sure of me. I'm willing to do whatever it takes, so if that means you have your way in everything until you feel comfortable again, then I'm down with it. Whatever it takes. Now, why are you mad again?"

"Aren't you tired of being a prisoner? Didn't you learn a damn thing? Do I look like your wife? I don't want you to be a puppet on a string, and I don't want to dance to your tune every time you play."

"Seriously, tell me what you want. Anything you ask, I will do it."

"The only thing I ask of you is that you find new friends. Oh, and that manager has got to go, and you are going to make a public apology to Sydney."

"What the hell do I owe her an apology for?" I gave him a look that was hard enough to cut glass.

"Come on, Elena, you know I didn't write that stuff. I told you that they've been using my accounts to do shit, half of which I still don't know about."

"I don't care that you were not the one who wrote it. The whole world thinks you wrote it. That's all I ask of you. I want nothing for myself. Just apologize to Sydney, OK? You don't have to apologize to me. I don't need your apology, but you hurt my friend, and that is a big no-no."

"You know she hates my guts. I doubt an apology is going to work."

"She was there for me when you weren't, and if I get back together with you without making that right, it would be a slap in her face." It's going to be hard enough explaining last night to her as it is.

"Ok, if I do that, will you give me another chance?"

"You have to earn that chance. You don't just get to ask me if I'm gonna give you a chance. You have to earn it. Then I'll decide if you've done what you're supposed to do to earn it."

"Sounds fair enough, but what exactly will this entail?"

"You're already questioning my methods? There's the door."

"Would you calm the hell down? Still so testy."

"So, we've agreed! I'll be the one to decide whether or not you've earned it. Are we clear?"

"OK, so how do I prove that I've earned it? What am I supposed to do?'

"You're asking me? You're hopeless. How the hell did she put up with you for so long, any damn way? You're both idiots."

"That's just it. Nobody can put up with me other than you." I tried to evade his hands, but he caught me and pulled me down on the bed beside him. Sneak, I didn't even see him move or notice that I had walked closer to the bed I was trying to avoid.

"So you just want to come back to me because you're lonely and no one else will put up with you, not because you're dying of love for me."

"Stop it. Stop playing games with me. You know I never said that."

"I'm not playing games. I'm not the one in here who is the master player. You made an ass of me in front of the whole world, so even if I feel like playing games, you'll just have to deal with it. And another thing, I'm not putting up with any of your tantrums."

"What the hell tantrums are you talking about?" I rolled my eyes at him, ignoring his little snit. He hates being called childish or anything along those lines, which was something I liked to throw in his face when we argued. In truth, we were both petty as hell and childish with it, but he'd gone too far.

"We both know you have an anger problem. Why else would you go off in a huff like a little child having a damn tantrum that fucked up my life for five years, you piece of shit?"

"Ok, I deserve that. Go ahead. What else have you got? Give it all to me straight, don't hold back. Not that you ever did before."

"I'm not giving you shit, I'm tired, and you need to go." We both looked at the window where morning light was peeping in.

"So now you're gonna make me walk the walk of shame."

"I don't care what walk you walk. You can fly for all I care. Call your wife or ex-wife, whatever the hell she is, and ask her to borrow her damn broom to fly home on. Bye." I tried jumping from the bed, but he was too quick, and I found myself under him again.

He made short work of the towel, and my body went up in flames as his heat enveloped me. "Tell me to stop." The bastard ran his finger down my cleavage before circling a nipple, knowing damn good and well that that is my weakness.

He didn't give me a chance to reject him anyway, as I felt him slip inside me again. My eyes closed in pleasure, and I wrapped my legs and arms around him, pulling him in deep as I raised my lips for his kiss.