Chapter 35

*Elena*

Ryder's back. I shouldn't feel this much relief that he was back safe, but there it is. I think I knew of his return even before the news broke; I felt it. I hadn't let on to anyone, including myself, just how worried I was about his disappearance or how often I'd looked at the photo of him in the crowd amidst my fans in the last few weeks. And yes, I've finally admitted to myself that I wrote and released that goodbye as a way to keep in touch with him in a small way.

Not that I expected him to reply or anything of the sort, but at the time, even with all my other excuses and reasons, I needed to do it for me. But it wasn't long after the release that I realized how futile the effort was and that my heart may never heal enough from the blow of losing him. Something I only found out afterward.

I thought I'd done a lot of healing and that I was ready to move on in some small way, but my own goodbye had proved me wrong. I'd gotten sidetracked with the whole rumor mill thing that was now going on with Mary Hudson and her daughters, but that hadn't lasted because something else that I'd learned was no matter what happens to my enemies, my heart is still broken.

Don't get me wrong, I've gotten a bit of secret pleasure at seeing them finally pay for some of the things they'd done, and that too at someone else's hand, but the damage was already done, and there was still no Ryder and me. So whatever pleasure I gleaned from their imminent downfall was minute because my heart was still not whole.

Now I'm sitting here wishing the best for him and taking solace in the fact that he looked better in this latest photo than he had in quite some time. One of the things that had angered me beyond belief once I was able to see through the heartache was the fact that he looked worst after getting married to someone else.

I had so many questions back then, and there were times when I imagined meeting Janie in a dark alley and giving her a piece of my mind along with a swift kick in the ass. I mean, if she was going to go to such lengths to take him away from me, the least she could've done was take better care of him. Instead, he'd looked haggard and strung out each time the paparazzi snapped a picture of him, and she was always there by his side, smiling like an ass while her husband looked close to death.

It was none of my business and still isn't, but my thoughts are my own, and I'm free to think whatever I want. There's been lots of speculation as to where he'd gone off to. Some had been sure that the two of us were shacking up somewhere, then when I was seen out and about, it was rumored that we had a love nest, and I was only making public appearances to throw everyone off the scent.

I'm not sure how to tell about my fans thinking I was okay with committing adultery, but they've proven that they're like a dog with a bone, and I know that there are thousands of them out there who still wish to see us get our happy ending. Others had given up long ago, and their hope had turned to anger, which he and his wife suffered the brunt of.

Now the rumor mill was going strong once again because he'd returned home to his wife, and I was bracing myself for the backlash. No wonder I can't move on; the world just won't let me, even if I were so inclined. I never realized until our split how big a part we played in some people's fantasies.

The kids who'd grown up watching me grow up on screen had been more invested than I realized in our relationship and were finding it hard to let go of the fairytale. I can't blame them, though, since I myself was still having such a hard time with it.

I was only now accepting that truth; it was too evident in my response to seeing him back home safe and whole for me to deny any longer, at least to myself. I wouldn't be caught dead admitting it to anyone else, though, least of all Sydney, who's the only one I'd trust to tell it to. She'd probably put a hit out on him if she knew because the girl is just that protective of me.

I won't utter a word of my feelings to her because she'd see it as a setback, not knowing that I'd just grown very adept at masking my true feelings and that I never really got over us and what I'd hoped would be. I think I'd become part monster, too, because I can't deny that even when I felt a kind of sadness seeing him looking so horrible, I got a weird kind of satisfaction knowing that he wasn't doing as well as he thought he would without me.

I released a deep breath and put my phone away to find something productive to do with my time. It irks me no end that he still occupies so much of my thoughts. No matter how I lie to others and myself, I may never get over him, and believe me, I've tried.

There's nothing like judging oneself and finding yourself to be lacking and borderline stupid for still having feelings for someone who'd treated you as horribly as he had me. But like I said before, I didn't even realize that true love, once broken, is something akin to death. I know people move on from the loss of a loved one, but no one ever taught me how to grieve for someone who was still very much alive.

I used to be able in the beginning to convince myself that I was over him, that I was too angry to care, but I don't have even that to keep me company because it was all just a lie. The fact that my heart leaped in my chest when I saw him on the screen, still alive, unhurt, was proof of that. Now I'm back to square one.

***

"Oh, my goodness, did you see this?" Sydney burst into my room a few days after Ryder's return to L.A.

"What're you doing here? Don't you have a tour to plan?" Of course, I was happy to see her. I'd been hiding away in my room the last few days because I didn't want anyone else to see me and guess what was going on with me.

Rachel had been coming to my door every hour on the hour to check up on me, but her gaze was just too searching for my liking, especially since I was doing my best to hide what I was truly feeling. She's one of the only people who don't think twice about mentioning Ryder to me, but I always get the feeling that she's trying to see into my mind as if she doesn't really believe me.

Sydney, on the other hand, because she wants it for me, has allowed herself to be convinced that I have indeed gotten over him, and though she no longer tries to get me to find someone else, she's stopped worrying overly much that my heart was still in pieces. I guess I'm a good actress after all because I'd fooled my best friend.

"Forget that. My assistant just brought this to my attention."

"What is it?"

"Not only is Ryder making a movie with the Saunders studio, but he released a new single less than an hour ago, and it's going nuts. But that's not why I'm here. That MengeLiNi person has struck again; take a look."

‘What A-list popstar was duped into marrying the daughter of a not very well-known actor, who's broke and looking for a handout from his much younger son-in-law to keep his home out of foreclosure?' This incendiary message was followed by screenshots of a bank statement that no one but the people involved should've had access to.

"Are you shitting me? What the hell is going on?"

"Beats me, girl, but you should read the comments. People are coming out of the woodwork, and there are receipts. I always knew there was something wrong with that whole family, but this?"

"I wonder what they mean by duped."

We both gave each other an open-mouth stare of surprise that both carried just a hint of inner glee. I don't mean to, nor do I want to be this mean even in thought, but I'd be lying if I said that every little tidbit that exposes a little bit more of Janie and her ilk's underbelly didn't tickle the hell out of me. I guess it stems from the fact that I still have no answers as to why I'd been left at the altar in humiliation and why she'd been the one the man of my heart had chosen.

I'm only human, after all, and though it was never in me to wish them ill, I can't lie and say that this wasn't just a tad bit satisfying. Now I'll be peeled to the online gossip rags for the next few days looking for information since this person seemed to know a lot.

"First Mary and her spawn, and now this. I have a feeling you're about to get some of those answers you've always been after, little chicklet." She seemed way too happy about that prospect.

***

*Janie*

"Who the hell have you been talking to, you little fool?"

"What? No one."

"So how did they know that I asked you to get money from him to pay off the mortgage?"

"I don't know, okay, I don't know anything. I have no idea how they know all this stuff."

The person I'd come to think of as a little bitch had somehow infiltrated everyone and everything, which should be impossible since no one knew of my affiliations with some of the people they'd gone after.

In the last week or so, they'd systematically exposed things that no one but those involved should know about, things said and done in private and away from prying eyes and ears. I've secretly had my team looking for the mole among us with no luck, and so had Mary, Scott, and Matt.

The frightening thing about all this is that there was never any warning about where she'd hit next, she just seemed to be all over the place, but there was a pattern for anyone who was looking close enough.

The heat was never off of any one of us for too long, so there was no peace, and now everyone was at each other's throats, and there was more than enough blame to go around. I've never felt so alone in my life with no one to turn to since everyone who was supposed to be on my side was now side-eyeing me and each other. The little bitch had turned us against each other, and no one knew where or who she was.

Always before, in the past, Mary was the one taxed with quelling the situation. She'd usually just have one of her daughters do something to take the spotlight off of whatever was going on, but now even they were coming under heat, and the little bitch was vicious.

She never posted anything without proof, and since we had no idea where she was getting her information, we couldn't stop her or head her off at the pass.

I tried turning to Ryder for shelter, but he's been avoiding me since he returned, always in that stupid studio, and those men he'd brought home with him acted more like guard dogs than coaches, never letting me get too close to him.

Even at night, when he retired to his bedroom, which was clear across the house from mine, they were standing like sentinels or somewhere lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce as soon as I got too close. I tried bringing it up to Ryder once, but all he'd said was to deal with it and carry on with his day.

Now my dad was yelling at me with fear in his voice, and his fear made me feel even more afraid than I had, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I live in constant fear of what she'd post next, what new bit of information she'd expose to the public that made them look at me like some kind of monster who'd trapped Ryder, who'd taken him from his one true love.

Things that had been put to bed in that first year after our wedding were now up for review again, and people were going through our entire history with a fine-tooth comb.

This was my biggest fear come to pass, something I thought we were long past and were in the clear of ever facing again. Every interview I'd ever done was being brought up again and held up to the light, and I was not looking good. Now, the masses were turning against me and acting as if I were holding Ryder, hostage. They were treating me like the other woman, me, his wife, and it was driving me crazy.

I hate reading the stupid comments that put the two of them together, the ones that paint Elena as some kind of saint who'd been done wrong by the wicked witch. I could've dealt with it all if Ryder was by my side, but I'm afraid that now that he was no longer under the influence, something else I had failed at and had to hear about from Scott and Mary, I was losing there as well.

I'd tried getting the drugs into him any way I knew how but to no avail. Those two men have been watching everything he puts in his mouth as if expecting me to poison him or something. They claim he's on a strict diet because of the part he'd been hired to play, and I guess that's true, but they won't even allow him to drink the coffee I try to bring him in the morning.

"Dad, I have enough to deal with here alone. Okay, I don't need you yelling at me on top of it." That's another thing. Ryder had forbidden entrance to anyone to the house, including Nicole and Noel, who were the only ones I trusted to help me get to him.

I even thought that with their skills, they might've been able to get those two men away from Ryder, but they've proven to be immune to female flattery because they barely even look at me long enough to know I exist, and I've tried.

It's the first time I haven't been able to get my way when it comes to the male sex. It wouldn't be the first time I'd had to use my wiles on one of Ryder's men to get what I wanted, but these two didn't seem even a little bit interested.

"Don't tell me about your problems. I did everything to get you where you are; now you get me what I want or else."

"Or else what, Dad?" Are you going to tell the world what you did? I didn't voice that last part out loud, but I'm sure he got the message.

I hung up in his ear for the first time and got a great sense of satisfaction doing it. So much so that it led me to think that maybe it was time I stood up for myself. Maybe it was time I started fighting for what I wanted, and what I want more than anything else in this world is to be Mrs. Ryder Sumner. No one, not Mary Hudson, Scott, Matt, or some little bitch hiding behind the scenes, was going to take that away from me.

It's high time I let someone else know that as well. High time that Ryder started acknowledging the fact that I am his wife, not her. And if he doesn't start acting like it, maybe I'll just have to do something about it.