Chapter 16

*Janie*

"It didn't work; nothing is working. Now all anyone can talk about is how brave she is, and that fucking documentary made it look as if Ryder and I were in the wrong." I wiped my runny nose with the back of my hand and looked around the kitchen island through puffy eyes.

"I don't remember her mentioning you."

"Isn't it obvious, Nicole? If she's mentioning her breakup with Ryder, then, of course, she's talking about me. Don't you think so, Noel?" Of course, she was talking about me, you bitch. I'm his wife; I'm the one who took him away; I won.

Why is my life going to shit? And why are these two bitches just standing here acting like the same old same old? I bet they're happy about all this. I bet this was part of their plan. I know that fucking Noel wants to screw my husband, or is it, Nicole? Or maybe both.

I looked back and forth between the two of them as my pulse started racing, and my head felt as if it was about to explode. I've tried everything to get Elena Gianni out of the way, and even though she was no longer in our lives, somehow, it still felt like I was living under her shadow.

No matter where I go in this town or anywhere around the world where my husband is known, which means basically everywhere in the free world, I have to endure her name being called. I'm tired of people acting as if I'd committed some grave sin by marrying the love of my life. I'm tired of everyone looking down on me, scorning me, all for that bitch that never deserved my Ryder.

Why am I not good enough? Why won't they accept me? Other people in this town have broken relationships, so why is everyone acting as if Ryder marrying me and not her is a crime? I'm sick of it, sick of the looks, the heckles, and the damn paparazzi never getting my name right.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be loved and accepted because I was more suitable than she ever was. I'm blonde and beautiful, and I come from a well-known family who's been in this town for decades, while she's a nobody who just got lucky.

Why wouldn't my own people accept me? Why are they always siding with her and her angel act? And why does everyone still compare us? Almost five years later and she's still on everyone's lips, and no matter how hard I try to bring her down, it never works.

Some of the best people in the business have orchestrated smear campaigns that would've brought down greater people than her, so why was she still standing? Why can't I beat her? If something doesn't give way soon, I'm going to lose my mind. And, of course, Ryder's not here, not that he would've been of any help if he was.

I have to calm down and get my mind together, but it's getting harder to do because nothing I try seems to come out right. We've hounded her for all these years, and nothing came of it. I only found out a lot later after that first year that she was no longer reading anything on social media, and since she was no longer leaving her house, there was no other way to get to her and believe me, I tried.

There was no one going in and out of her home except family and very few friends, and after a while, even that had slowed down. When she got sick soon after, I was hoping she'd die, that would've been the end to all my problems, but instead, I got to see my husband grieving for her. Even as drugged up as he was, the man that never seemed to be aware of his surroundings somehow knew that she was in danger.

I'll never forget having to explain to everyone why he was acting so strange, but only I know that he cried out for her in the night, almost every night, and still does. I'm the one who has to deal with his outbursts when the drugs are wearing off, and I can't get another dose in him fast enough.

Those are the times I see death in his eyes, the times when I know if he was in his right mind, he'd kill us all. And it's all for that bitch. She must've put some kind of spell on him to make him want her and only her. But no, that can't be right because if all it took was a spell, then mine would've worked.

"This is all your mother's fault." I knew my mistake as soon as I said those words. The room felt as if the temperature had dropped fifteen degrees, and the looks in both their eyes as they turned to look at me sent shivers down my spine. Sometimes it was hard to remember that we were all about the same age because these two always seemed older at times like this. Almost as if they knew things I didn't.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to say that." My voice shook a little, which I tried hard to control, along with my shaking hands which I clasped in front of me, looking suitably contrite.

"You'd better not repeat that. Don't ever let mom hear you say that. Next time we won't be so understanding. You knew the deal when you signed up. Just deal with it and stop being a sniveling little bitch." Noel ordered.

"Yeah, I thought people from New York were supposed to be tough?" Nicole chimed in.

"What do you expect from someone as poor as she is?" They laughed together at my expense, and I had to bite my tongue to shred to keep from making another faux pas.

I hate it when they remind me of how much richer they are than me. Or that even though my family was able to afford private school for me when I was growing up, it was nowhere near the caliber of theirs. Or that though we spent summers in the same city, they lived in a much nicer side of town than my family could afford.

But things were supposed to be different now. I'd married one of the richest men in the world in my age group, thankfully, or daddy would've probably sold me off to some old geezer just so he could live the life he'd always dreamt of. No one seems to understand my part in this; everyone's just out for themselves.

But I'm the only one suffering. I used to think that dad had done all of this for me. He'd moved mountains to get me what I wanted. Those times I almost gave up because Ryder was always with her or some other imbecile when they were on a break, and everyone kept crooning about how in love they were; I thought I would die.

But my dad was always there to help me stay the course. And the more he worked behind the scenes, the more I saw my dream within my reach, but no matter how or what I tried, she was always there, standing in my way.

So what if we had to use drugs to get him to come around? Dad, Mary, and even Matt had promised me that once things were settled, we could get him off the drugs, and he and I would have the fairytale like he once had with her. But it's been so long, and it hasn't happened yet. How long must I wait?

"Why isn't anything working anymore? What happened to all the promises you guys made?" I'd come to appreciate those three years when Elena was in hiding though it was a two-edged sword. On the one hand, I didn't have to see her stupid face, but on the other, I got to see my husband pine for the sight of her each and every damn day. For that torture alone, I deserve everything I want to have for my own.

"Hey, we did our part; it's not our fault that you're stupid." I'm getting so sick and tired of these two; this whole family, in fact, talking shit about me and acting like they're better than me. My husband is as rich as both of them, and yet, here I am, begging them for scraps.

Again I had to bite my tongue, but I didn't know how much longer I could take this. I hate the fact that I have to do this with them, that their money and clout in this town have such a hold on me and my life. I hate even more their part in my marriage and wish I could go back to the beginning and do everything differently.

But how? Nothing I tried before they offered to help was getting me anywhere. Even at my best and his highest, Ryder could never see past that bitch to see that I was better for him. She's not even one of us. How could he prefer her over me? It's just not fair. My eye started to twitch as my blood pressure rose. I think it's time for another pill, but I'll be damned if I'm going to take it in front of these two.

I know better than to show any weakness in front of anyone from the Hohtun family, but it was getting harder to keep the mask in place whenever they were around. "I think I need to take a nap." Neither of them made a move to leave, and I bit my cheek this time to hide my displeasure.

"Why are you so tired? Isn't your husband on tour? Besides, we don't have time for one of your naps; we've got work to do." Noel looked at her sister with that ‘I have a secret' look that they always share and gave me the willies. What the hell do they know?

I so wish I could tell them to get the hell out of my house, but if I did that, everything would be over. Then again, maybe not. No, better not risk it. I'm sure that monster would figure out a way to harm me and still get what she wants if I was rude to her bitch daughters. Though I'm still not sure what that is.

I refuse to believe that my dad paid her or had enough to pay her off for a job this big. There was no way that, with all her millions, she needed the few thousand he could afford. It's times like this I wish I had someone to talk to, someone I could trust. But it's only now that I've come to realize that those people don't exist.

I never really had any friends. Even the people I knew in high school, who I thought were my BFFs, wanted nothing to do with me. Not that they ever did, but because of that Elena person, they'd all turned their backs on me. It's like the whole damn country had been hypnotized by her. What the hell is so great about teenage love anyway? It's not like the shit was going to last forever. Some adult romances don't make it that long.

I got so carried away in my thoughts that I almost forgot those two were here until Noel started to talk. I never understood how as the youngest, she was the one who always seemed to be in control of the situation. I guess what the tabloids say is true; she is Mary's favorite. And the pampered princess baby.

"So, this is what we're going to do. You see these?" Noel turned her phone screen towards me, and I immediately felt better.

"Oh, those are good. Are those real?" On the screen were pictures of Elena looking less than appealing. "I've got to get Ryder to see these somehow." Just that quick, I felt renewed energy, and what happened in the next few hours only helped to make me feel a thousand times better.

"That's all for tonight; we've got some work from Matt and Mom to take care of. Mom's going to get the ball rolling on this, but this is just the beginning. Here, why don't you do a line of this? It's really good stuff, pure."

I looked at the lines of coke she cut on the glass tabletop and realized that I'd been so caught up in this mess that I hadn't had a hit in days. I make it a point never to get high unless I'm in my happy place because things can get out of hand otherwise. I don't count the pills I take to help me get through the day as drugs because, well, they're prescribed, duh.

"What do Matt and Mary want me to do?"

"It's easy. We know Elena has a weak-ass mind; we're just going to give her a little nudge over the edge." I was starting to feel even better. Anything that had to do with hurting her makes my day.