Chapter 12

*Janie*

"Is that what Mary said to do? A smear campaign?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"But how? That idiot is so squeaky clean that there's nothing to say that would put her in a bad light. Believe me; I've looked."

"So find something or make it up."

"Making it up is easy, but what if Ryder sees it?"

"How will he? Aren't you still controlling his social media accounts?"

"Yes, I am. Look, maybe up until a week ago, I would've agreed with you, but I don't know. Lately, he's been acting kinda strange, and it all started when she released that first single. Now I don't know anymore. Everything seems to be getting away from me."

"Stop whining. I'm getting sick of your attitude. This is what you said you wanted. We did a lot to get here. Now, think of something. I refuse to believe that I raised a daughter who can't figure out how to get her own husband in her bed. It's been three and a half years. The guy was a fucking dog before you got married now he's a saint?"

"How do you know about that? That we haven't slept together since we got married, I mean." How embarrassing to have that thrown in my face and by my own father, no less.

"How do you think? You didn't expect me to leave it all up to you, did you? Did you forget what's at stake here? He's worth almost half a billion dollars. I won't let you mess this up for me, as you've done everything else. The only thing you've got going for you is your sick obsession with him, now make it worth something."

"Dad, I can't believe you're saying this to me." Talk about kicking me while I'm down. Sure, I used to be obsessed with Ryder in the past, but after all these years, I've grown to truly love him. So what if I had to do some underhanded things to get close to him? Wouldn't anyone in my position do the same?

"What, you want me to lie? You and I both know that that Elena person has got you beat hands down. You're my daughter, and I hate saying this to you, but the truth is, you haven't offered much of anything to society. And look at her. One song, and she's got you panicking. Why is that? It's because deep down, you know that she's better than you. Why else do you think you had to go to so much trouble just to get him to even look at you?"

"What do you mean? I'm a model, and everyone knows me since I'm on all the major runways." My chest felt tight as his words hit their mark.

"Pssh, even that was bought for you. Get used to it, kid. You're a major disappointment; now, don't let me down again. Mary said she'd send her girls to give you a hand. Just do as they say and get us past this mess."

"I don't really want to see them right now."

"Too bad, this is the bed you made. Now lay in it. And whatever you do, do not let him out of your sight. The last thing we need is for those two to run into each other. The tabloids would be all over it, and we don't need to get back on that merry-go-round again."

He hung up the phone before I could reply, leaving me in a near panic. I guess it was unavoidable that Nicole and Noel would learn about all this, but I wish I didn't have to work with them. I'm getting tired of having to smile and put on an act each time they're around.

Tired of having to pretend like I was not terrified of them sleeping with my man again. I hate them almost as much as I hate Elena, and the only reason I even allow them to cross my door is because their mother pretty much owns me.

I'd had to use her help to land Ryder, or heaven knows he'd still be with Elena. It was known far and wide that if you wanted to get anywhere in this town these days, you needed to get in with that family. It seemed like a good idea at the time to use them to get close to him and so I'd had to find my way into their inner circle somehow, which I'd done way back when. Little did I know that they were after the same thing I was, Ryder.

At least we all shared a common hate for Elena but for different reasons. I'm not even sure I know why they hate her so much, but I know that for me, it's because the man I love with all my heart is still hung up on her.

Why isn't anything working out the way I'd planned? She hasn't even looked at him in all this time, and he's still thinking about her. It was easier to entice him into my bed when they were a couple, and he was running around with me behind her back, though he was usually strung out on drugs and out of his mind most of the time. People say he only did that to hurt her, but I know better; I know he was in love with me.

But now it's like I'm fighting a living ghost. She's always between us, and it's about time I accept that. I've tried to come up with a million excuses for his behavior and his seeming lack of interest in me, but I think that deep down inside, I always knew that it was her. It's always fucking her.

Screw this; I'm not about to let her win.

***

*Elena*

"Oh snap, did you see this?" I walked into the kitchen just in time to overhear Rachel talking to someone on the phone. "This is bad. I can't let her see this; she'll freak."

"Let who see what?" She jumped as if I'd goosed her and almost dropped the phone.

"Let me call you back." She hung up while still looking at me, and I could feel my breath becoming choppy already.

"I didn't know you were down here. Can I get you something? Some ice cream, maybe?"

"No, I'm not hungry, now stop stalling and tell me what's going on."

"It's nothing, really. You pay me to take care of this stuff; I'll take care of it." Since she looked close to tears, I decided to drop it, but I had a sick feeling in my stomach.

I grabbed myself a bottle of overpriced water and took a sip, but even that was too much to get past the lump in my throat. "I've still got some work to do; I guess I'll catch you later." I held up the bottle of water as if that's what I'd come down for in the first place when the reality was that I'd been starving before I overheard her conversation. But the tone of her voice had killed my appetite immediately.

My head spun as I made my way up the stairs, and all I could think was that I hoped this wasn't going to be a repeat of the last time. Back then, before I gave up torturing myself, there were days when the gossip was so bad I'd been on bed rest for a time.

Being jilted the way I had been was hard enough, but all the speculation that followed had been just as damaging. There were tons of people on my side, but I knew from years of being in the spotlight that it only takes one bad review to spoil the good of all the positive ones.

There had been things written about me that boggled my mind, things I never did. But in this day of photoshopping and digital maneuvering, I was at a loss as to how to defend myself. Back then, I was too weak anyway, too hurt and confused to do much of anything.

It was my friends who had taken up the gauntlet and pushed back, but in the end, I was still the one with an egg on my face because everyone still thought that I must've done something to cause the rift between Ryder and me. And, of course, everyone knew by then that he had chosen her and not me.

It had hurt like a son of a bitch when everyone had sided with her and him, but then again, what did I expect? She was friends with the new Hollywood royalty, the ‘it' girls, who pretty much ran everything in this town, and I was the odd man out. I never learned how to play the game the way they did and never wanted to, but hey, it's whatever.

Because they held the spotlight, she and her friends, it was easy for everyone to take their side, to believe their lies, and pile on me. My image had been so tarnished that had I not known better, I would've believed their lies. But what can they be up to this time? What more could they possibly have to say?

I walked into my room like a zombie. My eyes landed on the bed, and I was tempted to crawl in and pull the covers over my head. But something—I'm not sure what—maybe it was the fact that I'd spent the last few weeks writing down my thoughts and trying to find my way back to the old happy me that stopped me from giving in to that urge.

I sat on the edge of the bed and did something I hadn't done in almost four years. I opened my phone and went on social media. Not my own accounts, of course, but it wasn't hard to find what I was looking for. I just typed in my name.

So many things popped up, even things I'd missed throughout the years while I was hiding away. There were a million pictures of the happy couple, some of them together and some while they were out with their friends.

It was as if everyone had forgotten about me after a while, or maybe it had been easy since I'd taken myself out of the picture for so long. Maybe they had even started to believe the lies since I never tried to defend myself, and now, she reigned supreme.

I held my breath as I read through the worst of it, struggling hard not to let it get to me. And then I came to the latest gossip and saw what Rachel was so worried about. How did they know so much about my medical history?

How had they known so much about the things I'd shared with Ryder when we were together? Things we'd shared in confidence. Even for him, this was a new low, and it was like him telling me all over again that he didn't love me.

Of all the things that I'd seen about myself, that hit me the hardest for some reason. After all that he'd done to me, I never expected that he would betray me on this level. Of course, everyone knew I had a breakdown, but they all wrote it off as my response to the situation at the time.

But here it was in black and white, the fact that I had a certifiable mental illness, the fact that I used to cut myself. I read the comments, and they were horrific. People were laughing and making fun of something that had almost destroyed me when I was at my lowest. The funny thing is, it had been years since I did that to myself. Not even when he left me, I didn't go back to that because I had sought help for it.

But now, that was there in black and white for all the world to see, along with my other illnesses, which I was now struggling to come to terms with. The urge to run away and hide grew stronger, but instead, I found myself picking up my journal that I had put under my pillow for safekeeping, turning the pages to the first blank one, and starting to write.

I wrote for hours nonstop, not paying attention to anything else but the words that were pouring out of me. I didn't hold back, didn't keep anything to myself, just let it all out. When I was done, I knew who to call.

Since they had started this war, for once, I was not going to back down. Instead, I will make all of those people eat their words.