Chapter 31

Saul and Philip rode to Netherfield Park not long after Elizabeth arrived at Longbourn. It was a chance for them to spend time with those they used to believe were their family by blood. Thanks to Belle, Andrew, and their new daughter being in residence, Saul would have a chance to see his eldest sister to whom he had always been close.

Philip’s main concern was to see for himself that his Carrington mother was well and not overset with sadness due to the double blow of discovering he was not her son and that the babe born of her body had not survived. It was not a question he would ever ask his adoptive parents, but he did wonder about what the midwife would have done if Gregory Carrington had survived. Would she have placed both Saul and him with Aunt Rose? While he recognised that the speculation was pointless, it did not stop him contemplating the question from time to time. The unasked query was if Mrs. Brown would have ended the life of one of them if there had not been a need for two Bennet babes.

Morbid thoughts like that were chased from his consciousness as he and his brother arrived at Netherfield Park to a large welcoming party awaiting them in the drive just below the wide stone steps leading up to the veranda.

As soon as Saul’s boots touched the ground, he was pulled into a hug by Belle who had tears in her eyes. “Nothing will ever change the fact you are my little brother, regardless of your family name,” she said next to Saul’s ear.

“And you will ever be my much older sister,” Saul averred so only Belle could hear him.

At the same time Philip was pulled into Emily’s arms. Jamey, who had arrived from Lucas Lodge a few minutes before the twins’ arrival, had stood back seeing that he had been in the area for more than a sennight and had seen Philip almost daily since his return to the neighbourhood.

The Darcys and Fitzwilliams waited in the background so as to allow the other two families to greet their adoptive sons. Once hugs and greetings had been dispensed, Elaine suggested they move indoors.

It was a balm to Cilla’s aching soul to be on Philip’s arm as they made their way into the house. Best of all, the young man she would always consider a son, looked contented. Neither he nor Saul had ever been extroverted, something Cilla now knew was inherited from their birth father, but a mother always knew when her son was happy, and she could tell Philip was. Cilla was grateful she had been able to move past her momentary resentment during the time she had spent with Paul at Holder Heights.

Once she, Paul, and Jamey left Woburn Abbey allowing her sister time to know her daughter, and then Jamey left them at the turn off to Hadlock on his horse which had been led behind the coach, Cilla’s thoughts had gone to a dark place; she had silently asked God why her.

It could not be fair that Rose had a daughter to replace the loss of Saul and all she had was a grave to visit when they were in Meryton. For the first few days they had been back at Holder Heights, Cilla had been in a depression as she tried to make sense of what had occurred and her double loss. As much as she loved her sister, she felt unreasonable resentment. Here she was never having known Gregory while Rose was at home with her daughter.

Holder knew his wife well enough to leave her be until she was ready to speak to him. After wallowing for three days, she finally had been prepared for the discussion, and Cilla could hear the conversation in her head as if it had been held minutes ago.

“Why Paul, why us, what have we done to displease God to cause Him to take our babe from us?” Cilla had wailed. “And by a quirk of bad luck by Rose’s daughter seeing the birthmark on Saul’s arm, Philip is gone as well.”

“Cilla, my darling, beloved wife, I do not doubt you are feeling an immeasurable pain. I too feel the sorrow and disappointment, but as I am not a mother, I will never be able to feel what you do,” Paul had averred as he pulled Cilla into a hug. “Let me address Philip’s situation first. Yes, we know he is no longer our son in the legal sense of the word; however, the Bennets have assured us, more than once, that they will never deny us contact with him. As far as the bad luck, as you called it, of Lizzy seeing the birthmark, I believe that was the hand of God correcting a great wrong.

“How would you have felt had it been one of our children who was stolen from you and handed to another? Do not forget, in the Bennets’ case, two sons were taken from them. Even without the entail on Longbourn, there is no reason to think with all the clues which had been seen that without the birthmarks the same conclusions would not have been reached. You and I both know you would have acted just like the Bennets have had the roles been reversed.

“Lastly, no, I do not think God was punishing us. We mere mortals could never comprehend God’s plan. I believe for some reason which only He knows, He wanted Gregory with Him right after his birth. That belief does not mitigate the sadness, but as I said, I do not believe it occurred because we are being punished.”

Cilla had cried, sobbed, and wailed on her husband’s shoulder and he had sat and rubbed her back until her tears had tapered off and eventually ceased. He handed her one of his large handkerchiefs and she dried her eyes and blew her nose.

“What you said makes sense to me. I suppose I knew that all along, but I needed to find a logical reason for something which has no logic.” Cilla paused as she dried her eyes again. “Paul, I feel such guilt, I had begun to resent Rose because she did not lose her child and I did. Will she ever forgive me?”

“If you ever tell her, I am sure she will understand your feelings. Unless you choose to, there is no reason to share with your sister. However, the bond you three share would be strong enough for her to hear what you wanted to say. Do not forget even though she has Lizzy with her, she too lost a son. Yes, it is not the same, we lost two, one we never knew about until recently, but the fact is, it is as great a change for Rose and Bedford as it is for us.”

“I was being selfish, was I not?”

“No Cilla, not selfish, you are grieving, which is the most natural thing in the world. Quite frankly after the way you remained stoic in Hertfordshire and at Woburn Abbey, I had no doubt you would need to vent your emotions as you have now. I too mourn the loss of both sons, but I did not hide my emotions as well as you did until we reached our home.”

“You are the best of men, Paul Carrington,” Cilla had stated and then kissed her husband. She had remained snuggled up in his arms for quite a while before she was ready to resume her normal duties and life.

Cilla was snapped out of her reverie by Philip. “Mother, where did you go?” Philip enquired.

“Sorry Philip I was not being attentive as I was deep in thought. It is good to see you looking so well,” Cilla averred. She looked up and noted how Paul was watching her intently. She was certain he was aware where her mind had gone at that moment.

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~

As planned, those residing at Longbourn joined the Netherfield Park party for dinner the next evening. The group included the Gardiners who had arrived that morning, the Philipses, and George Wickham. The two older Gardiner children—Peter was twelve and Lilly would be ten in November—were with their parents, the younger two remained in the nursery at Longbourn.

Jamey would have preferred the Lucases be invited, well one Lucas in particular, but he understood it was to be a family dinner. As the total number of diners was more than even the formal dining parlour could accommodate, tables had been set up in the ballroom.

William waited until Elizabeth had greeted her parents and the rest of her family before he arrived at her side. “It is good to see you again Elizabeth,” William stated, “I have been sharpening my chess playing skills against Saul and Philip in your absence.” He paused almost getting lost in her shining emerald-green eyes. “I assume you know about the ball on Tuesday upcoming?”

“I do,” Elizabeth responded. “What of it?” She arched an eyebrow.

“Do I ask too much to request the first and your supper sets?” William asked hopefully.

“Did I not already grant you two sets at balls we attend in common? I thought you had a better memory than that,” Elizabeth challenged playfully.

“Impertinent teasing woman!” William shot back with a grin. “If you remember Lady Elizabeth, my request was for balls in London after the one your parents are planning for you. As such, I needed to make the request of you to partner me at the ball to be held at this estate.”

“You Sir have the right of it,” Elizabeth owned archly. “That being said, I will be happy to dance the first and supper sets with you.”

“I happen to know Mother had a pianoforte moved into the ballroom for tonight. If someone plays music to dance to, will you grant me a dance…or three?” William requested with a dimple revealing smile of anticipation.

“In the event there is dancing, I will commit to at least one with you,” Elizabeth smiled as she blushed.

The truth was she could think of few other things she wanted to do other than dance with William again. Since the two sets when they had partnered one another at the assembly, Elizabeth had been hoping to repeat the experience with him. He was a very graceful dance partner who exuded confidence and strength. As she looked up at him through her long eyelashes, Elizabeth felt a sense of pleasure at his overt interest in her. She could only hope, that as he had intimated to her during their ride at Windsor Castle, his feelings for her were in fact more than friendship. In the interim, she had come to realise he was the only, and the best man for her.

Anne was sitting with Rose, and both were watching the interplay between their children. The former leaned over towards the latter. “If Lizzy returns his regard, William is fully cognisant that you would prefer she not leave you so soon after being restored to you,” Anne said in sotto voce.

“Sedgewick and I have discussed this—even before we noted William’s interest, if Lizzy returns a man’s sentiments, and he is interested in her and not her dowry and connections, we will not stand in her way, no matter how much we would like her to spend a year or two with us prior to marriage,” Rose replied softly. “If her choice is William, we will welcome him as a son, with wide open arms, having known him since before he was in leading strings. Also, it would be rather hypocritical to tell her she is too young to marry as she is close to the age when all of us ladies married.” As she too married when she was eighteen, Anne nodded her head in agreement.

Fanny came and sat on the settee next to the two friends. “I had an idea William was interested in Lizzy soon after his first meeting her,” Fanny related. “I suppose it was inevitable seeing how many years they had been playing chess against one another via the post.”

“He is very fortunate he caught himself at the assembly where they met,” Anne opined. “If Lizzy is like her mother and aunts, she is quick to anger and has a fiery temper when provoked.”

“Yes, that is my…” Fanny took Rose’s hand closest to her, “…that is our Lizzy. Woe betide anyone who attempts to hurt someone she loves.”

“Very much like my sisters and me,” Rose admitted. “We can accept much hurt aimed at ourselves, but nothing directed at one who is dear to us.” Rose turned to Elizabeth’s adopted mother, “You and Thomas raised a good, compassionate, and generous young lady. It was our second day at the Abbey when Lizzy insisted she accompany me on tenant visits. Just like my granddaughter, Julia, cannot get enough of Lizzy’s stories; when it is known that ‘Lady Lizzy’ is accompanying me on my visits, the children of the house we are to call on, and those from neighbouring cottages, wait for her at the gate and when she agrees to tell them a story they clap and whoop for joy.”

“It is very pleasing that Lizzy is adjusting so well. It has been harder on us, especially my mother,” Fanny revealed. “Lizzy was always one of Grandmama Beth’s favourites and I am sure Mother misses Lizzy more than she is willing to let on.”

“If Lizzy and William marry, they will not live far from Hertfordshire for most of the year, as he is living at, and managing, Rivington in Surrey,” Anne told. “With the bond between her and all the Bennets, I am positive she will see you as often as she is able. It was only a few weeks away from all of you now, and from what Rose told me, she could not wait to be at Longbourn again.”

“And we understand it is not that she does not want to be with us, she just misses those she lived with for over eighteen years,” Rose assured Fanny. “Saul and Philip seem to have adjusted admirably.”

“They are doing well,” Fanny confirmed. “During the day they are with Thomas, and sometimes, some of the other men, learning all about the estates which will be theirs one day.”

“Are they keen to return to Cambridge after the wedding?” Anne enquired.

“So it seems,” Fanny smiled. “They have both told Thomas they do not want to miss much time at school so they will be able to beat some of his chess records.”

Nichols announced dinner so everyone began drifting towards the ballroom. The three ladies who had been chatting smiled as they watched William offer one arm to Elizabeth and the other one to Beth Bennet.

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~

Elizabeth fully approved that she was seated next to William on one side, with Mary and Mr. Wickham on the other, and opposite Jane and Richard.

“Were the Hursts not here when we made our way to the Abbey?” Elizabeth asked Jane as they waited for the soup course to be served.

“Yes, but they departed a few days later for Winsdale, the Hurst estate in Surrey,” Jane averred. “They felt the family needed time together and with Mother Elaine taking over the duties of mistress, there was nothing keeping them here. Before you ask, yes, they will attend the engagement ball and the wedding. They will arrive on Monday.”

“Winsdale is less than ten miles from Rivington,” William related.

“Richard pointed out that Rivington is closer to Rosings Park than Longbourn and Netherfield Park are to one another,” Jane observed. “We did not have time to stop there when we toured Richard’s estate.”

“In the letter after your visit, you told me it is a very well-situated estate with a comfortable manor house, decorated along the lines of Fitzwilliam House,” Elizabeth recalled. “If you invite me, I am sure I would love to come see you in your new home, Janey.” Elizabeth teased knowing full well she would be welcome any time she chose to visit.

The rest of the dinner passed very pleasantly for all attending. After the meal, before any separation of the sexes, Lady Anne Darcy sat at the pianoforte and played lively music so those who desired to, could dance. The younger married couples, Jane and Richard, and Elizabeth and William all took the opportunity to do so.