Chapter 15

15

ELODIE

" Y our son. Wow," I say. "That's … unbelievable."

"Tell me about it," he says.

Mam has made herself scarce, giving Ethan and me some time to process everything that just happened. We're sitting in the breakfast nook Mam and I had been sitting enjoying lunch just minutes ago, staring at the untouched glasses of iced tea in front of us. Shellshocked isn't even the right word to use. It doesn't even come close to accurately describing what I'm feeling right now. And judging by the look on Ethan's face, he's feeling much the same way I am. It feels like the entire world has been turned upside down.

"I had no idea he was your son," I say.

"And I had no idea he was the abusive boyfriend you talked about."

I finally raise my gaze to Ethan's and feel a stitch in my heart. It's a pain unlike anything I've ever felt before because I know what needs to be done, but I don't want to do it. The mere thought of it tears a gaping hole through my heart and soul.

"What did he say to you?" I ask.

"Nothing important. He just vented a lot of anger he's been carrying around since childhood," Ethan tells me. "I told him to back off and leave you alone. For good."

With my hands cupped around the cool glass of tea, I look down at the table. Telling Ben to do anything is pretty useless. He's going to do what he wants. He always does what he wants. And Ethan isn't going to be around to protect me forever. Eventually, I'm going back to LA, and what then? He may have convinced Ben to back off for the moment, but when I get back home, I have no doubt he's not going to listen to what his father had to say.

Worse for me, he's going to be angry. I've always been somewhat afraid of Ben, simply because the threat of physical violence has always hung in the air between us. He never laid a hand on me, but I watched him punch holes in walls and smash things to pieces. I spent the last year making excuses and downplaying his temper. And to be fair, I never felt entirely unsafe. He never directed that violence and anger directly at me.

But what happened earlier today made me feel unsafe. I saw a different version of Ben. A scarier version. A version of him I really believed might cross that line and put his hands on me. If Ethan hadn't shown up when he did, I really didn't know what was going to happen. I was absolutely terrified and didn't know what Ben was going to do. All I knew was that I wasn't going anywhere with him, and whether I got hurt or not, I was going to fight him with every ounce of strength in me.

Thank God Ethan showed up.

Raising my gaze to his again, I feel a hard jolt tear through my heart as I search his warm eyes. My throat is dry, and my palms are damp. My mind spins wildly as I try to form the words sitting in my throat. My brain tells me this needs to be done, but my heart screams at me to stop as it searches for a way to avoid it.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"What are you thinking?"

My vision blurs as I lower my gaze to the table again, no longer able to meet his eyes.

"I think not having a relationship with you is the reason Ben is the way he is. Just some of the things he said while we were together made me think that not having a father figure in his life hurt him for a long time," I say.

"That's his choice. It's always been his choice," he replies. "He's the one who cut off contact with me. And like I told you before, he hates me so much, he even changed his last name. This has always been Ben's decision."

"That doesn't mean it hasn't affected him."

"I'm sure it has. It's affected me too," he says. "But I did all I could. I can't force a relationship he doesn't want on him. And unlike him, I refuse to try."

"He needs you, Ethan."

"He doesn't want me."

"But you're his father."

He leans back in his chair and looks at me for a moment. "What are you actually trying to say, Elodie?"

My heart leaps into my throat, making it difficult to get my words out. Making it difficult to even breathe. I swallow hard and tug on the end of my hair, searching for my courage amidst the wreckage inside of me. Taking a deep breath, I raise my eyes to him.

"I'm saying I think we need to stop seeing each other," I say. "I think you need to focus on repairing your relationship with your son."

He shakes his head. "I told you, he doesn't want a relationship with me."

"But you need to be his father and keep trying. Deep down, he does want you. He does need you. And he needs to know you're there for him when he's ready to admit it."

Ethan reaches for my hand, but I pull back from him and instantly regret it. Seeing the look of pain on his face as he sits back in his chair feels like a knife blade through my heart.

"Elodie—"

"Ethan, we knew this was just a temporary thing between us. We both knew eventually, I'd have to go back to LA," I tell him.

"That doesn't mean it has to be the end of our story."

"Ethan, I… we shouldn't make this harder than it needs to be. You should try to work on your relationship with Ben. Your son is more important than I am. And like I said, we both knew our time together was limited."

He shakes his head again, his face a mask of frustration and pain that tears at my heartstrings. Worse, I know the longer I sit here, the easier it's going to be for Ethan to talk me out of this. Or rather, the easier it's going to be for me to talk myself out of this.

"I don't want to be an impediment to you trying to repair your relationship with your son," I tell him, my heart breaking a little more with every word I utter. "Please, Ethan. Let's not make this more difficult than it needs to be."

I get to my feet and look down at him. I lay a hand against his cheek, and he leans into it, his face reflecting all the torment churning inside my soul. Turning away from Ethan, I walk away as the tears begin rolling down my face, my heart reduced to nothing but a pile of rubble.