Chapter 13

"Okay, fellas, do the overhaul on the house," I call out. "Keep your eyes peeled for spot fires and for possible collapses. Watch each other's backs."

I open a bottle of water and take a long swallow as white smoke continues to rise from the remnants of the burned-out house. We'll have to wait for an official determination from the fire investigation department, but it looks to me like a grease fire in the kitchen that got out of hand and spread fast. Now a family of four is going to have to find a new place to live and replace everything they own. It's a total loss.

Laughter off to my right draws my attention, and I see a couple of my firefighters horsing around. I grit my teeth and my body heats up with anger as I watch them fucking around.

"Ramirez, Taylor, stop fucking off and do your goddamn jobs!" I shout. "Let's go. Mop up or you're going to be walking back to the fucking house!"

Looking startled, Ramirez and Taylor jump to follow my orders. Watching them through narrowed eyes, I take another swig of water and throw the empty bottle to the ground.

"Wow. I've seen somebody eat angrily before, but I've never seen somebody drink angrily."

I turn to find Darnell standing there with a cheesy grin on his face. "I'm not in the mood."

"Obviously," he replies. "You haven't been in the mood for a few days."

"Stow it."

I turn and stalk back to the truck, just trying to get away from Darnell. It doesn't help. He follows me over. So, I try to ignore him by picking up some of the tools and putting them back into the storage compartments. He stands where he is, arms crossed over his chest, leaning against the side of the truck. With a sigh, I finally turn to him.

"What do you want?" I ask.

"Aside from a million dollars, I kind of want to know what crawled up your ass."

"Nothing."

"Yeah, it looks it."

"What do you want from me, man?"

"I want to know why you've been biting people's heads off the last couple of shifts," he says. "You've been a real asshole. So, what gives?"

"Like I said, nothing."

"We both know that's a load of horse shit."

"Fine, let me try it this way, it's none of your fucking business."

Darnell's chuckle is a low rumble. "That's fine. You can snap at me all you want. I've known you long enough to not take it personally. But the other guys—especially the younger guys—don't know you as well as I do and they will take it personally," he says. "You're obviously going through some shit, but unless you want to get a reputation as an asshole and maybe have Captain Ray come down on your ass for it, then you need to clear your head, bro."

"They were fucking off and not doing their job," I object. "If Cap wants to come down on me for getting them to do their goddamn jobs, so be it."

"Come on, man. It's not that you're keeping them on task. It's how you're keeping them on task. Acting like an asshole and putting the fear of God into them is the wrong way. I know you know that, bro."

I sigh and pull my helmet off then run my hand through my hair as I look at the scene around us. My guys are busy with the overhaul and are working like a well-tuned machine. As they always do. The performance of my team has always been above reproach, and I've never run my squad like a drill sergeant before. My team is loose. We do good work, but we have a good time. I've always believed in working hard but playing harder.

But I've been harder than usual on my guys lately. I've been walking around in a daze most of the time, brittle and angry the rest of it. Harlow breaking things off the way she did has hit me harder than I expected. It's not the first relationship I've had that went to shit, but none of the others had this kind of impact on me.

Harlow walking away from me has left a ragged hole in my heart. It racked me with a pain I've never felt before. It's the dark flip side of feeling as much as Harlow has made me feel for her.

"Come on, man. What's going on with you?" Darnell presses.

I sigh and look around the site, searching for something to distract myself with. Darnell steps closer to me, refusing to let me get out of this without talking to him. He could be an annoyingly persistent little shit like that.

"It's Harlow," I finally admit. "She broke things off with me."

"What? Seriously?"

I nod. "Yeah. A few days ago."

"Shit, man. No wonder you're wound up so tight."

"Yeah."

"What happened?"

I take a deep breath and let it, looking around to make sure nobody else is within earshot. Nobody else is around, but I pitch my voice low anyway as I tell Darnell what happened—starting with Micah walking in on us to Harlow telling me she doesn't want to be the wedge that comes between us.

"Shit, man," Darnell says when I'm finished with my story. "Your life is like a real-life Jerry Springer episode."

He laughs but I just glare at him and shake my head. "I knew I shouldn't have said a fucking word about it?—"

"Bro, bro, relax. I'm screwin' with you."

"Yeah, maybe you missed it, but I'm not really in the fucking mood."

"I'm sorry, man. I don't mean to make light of the situation."

"Kind of seems like you did."

"Just trying to keep things light, my man."

"Like I said, not in the mood," I growl.

"Okay, okay. Fair enough. I'm sorry," he replies. "I've just never seen you get so bent about a woman before. This is like a first."

"Tell me about it."

"So? What are you going to do about it?"

"There's nothing I can do. She made her decision."

"And you're good with that?"

"Do I look like I'm good with it?"

Darnell pulls his helmet off and tucks it under his arm. He purses his lips and looks around, a thoughtful expression on his face. He takes a beat and turns back to me.

"You want to know one of the things I admire most about you?" he asks.

"What's that?"

"The fact that you never give up. That you never let somebody else determine your fate," he says. "I've known you for what, twenty years now?"

"About that."

"In all that time, I've never seen you give up. On anything," he says. "It can be annoying as shit sometimes, but I admire it. I respect it. You never walk away from anything without throwing your one hundred percent at it. You leave it all out there on the field, and only when you've exhausted every ounce of energy you can and see that you can't take it any further than you have will you walk away."

His words echo through my head. It's true. I don't give up. I don't feel right unless I throw everything I have at the wall and exhaust every avenue open to me. But as I consider his words, I have to realize some things are beyond my control. Some things can't be bent the way I want them to bend just by the force of my will.

"This … this just feels different," I say with a shake of my head.

"She said she's breaking things off not because she wants to but because she doesn't want to be an impediment to your relationship with Micah. Right?"

"That's what she said."

"Then make her believe she's not an impediment," Darnell says. "Make her see that your relationship with her is separate and apart from your relationship with Micah."

"I don't think she sees it that way."

"That's on you to make her see, brother."

I shake my head again. "I don't know how."

"Do you want to be with her?"

"I do," I say without hesitation.

"Then go and get her. Change her mind," he says. "After all, like you just told me, she's not splitting up because she wants to."

I lean back against the truck and think about his words. As I do, an image of Harlow's face floats through my mind, and I'm struck again by those beautiful cerulean eyes. And I'm struck once again by the Harlow-shaped hole in my heart. Her absence has been painful for me. I'm not used to being torn up about losing somebody, and I don't like the feelings rampaging through me.

Darnell is right. If I want to plug that hole in my heart and stem this tide of black emotions coursing through my veins, I have to fight for her. I have to get her back. I need to make her understand that this situation with Micah has nothing to do with her. I need to make Harlow understand that she's mine.

"Yeah," I say. "You're right."

"You going to go get her back?"

I nod. "Yeah. I am."

"Good boy. One favor, though."

"What's that?"

"Do it soon," he says. "You're an unbearable asshole without her."

"Copy that," I say with a laugh. "Thanks, brother."

He claps me on the shoulder. "Anytime, man. Now, go get her."