Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

MACI

" S orry about Dad," Kayla says as she sets up her sewing machine in the living room.

I'm on the couch, laptop open on my knees, reading a journal article for an upcoming essay about shading styles. "Sorry for what?" I ask, innocently, like I haven't seen him naked and wasn't just living in awkward land during breakfast. It's like he was angry at me for being here. Maybe he'd prefer some alone time with his daughter? Or perhaps he's embarrassed that I've seen all of him.

"You don't have to be nice," Kayla says. "He's all business, business, business. It's hard for him to take an interest sometimes."

"It's fine," I tell her. "I understand. It's not like he needs to be friends with your friends or anything like that."

Kayla nods as she starts taking swathes of fabric from a large suitcase. "He's going through a lot. He might hide it well, but his business means the world to him. Well, more accurately, the employees who might lose their jobs."

"Yeah, he seems like he cares," I say in the most this isn't a big deal voice I can muster considering the circumstances. All those thoughts I had before—those little whispers at the edge of my mind about Lukas and a possible crush—are impossible to push down now since I've seen him naked. Then my leg brushed against his, and the heat burned between us.

"Are you okay?" Kayla looks up from a big red piece of fabric. "It's not weird, Dad being here, is it?"

"What? No? Why would it be weird?"

My defense is probably harmed by two things. The first is how quickly and over-the-top I respond, acting too suspiciously. The second is that I phrase no as a question.

Kayla frowns. "It's nothing."

"No, go on."

Now, my best-friend instincts are working against me. I can tell something's on her mind. Even if I should let it stay in her mind, I'll just torture myself. I'll imagine she's somehow guessed what I'm thinking about her dad. It's better to get it out there, whatever it is.

"I just don't want to go on and on about Dad, that's all."

It takes me a moment to realize what she's driving at. When I do, a weird sort of relief touches me. It's tinged with sadness, sure, shaded with pain, but it's better than the alternative. "Kay, just because life decided to take my dad too soon, it doesn't mean you can't talk about yours. That's like saying I'm never allowed to talk about Mom. Don't beat yourself up."

"I'd just never want to hurt you," she says.

"You never have ," I tell her.

But I could hurt you , I almost add. I could tell you all the thoughts going through my head . I could tell her that, even now, as we're talking, I'm remembering the sun glistening off her dad's naked body. I'm thinking about his soft, big manhood turning hard. Instead of leaping back into the water in this oh-so-inappropriate fantasy, he turns and spots me. He starts stroking himself, fueling his passion, his hunger.

"Get in here with me," he growls. "But first, take off your clothes. It's not fair, me being the only one naked."

"Maci?" Kayla says, jolting me from my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"I asked how the research is going?"

I look at my laptop. It's facing away from her. She can't see the screen. I've been sitting here for thirty minutes, and I'm still on page one. The words seem to shimmer and change shape, becoming an outline of Lukas.

"Yeah, good," I tell her.

Later, Kayla and I are playing Scrabble in the living room. I haven't seen Lukas all day. I could finally work on the essay and put up some defenses in my mind again. However, they crumble when he walks by us, heading for the kitchen. Why does this place have such a fricking open plan?

He's changed into faded blue jeans and a baggy T-shirt that hides his muscles. Maybe he's doing it on purpose, tired of me ogling him. My heart picks up its pace as he walks by.

"Got time for a game, Dad?" Kayla calls over.

I squeeze my hand into a fist to relieve some tension. Being close to him is agonizing. It's like just seeing him ignites a whole slideshow of inappropriateness in my mind. As he pours a glass of water from the kitchen, he replies, "Uh…"

"Oh, come on . It'll only take twenty minutes. Then you can get back to saving your company." When he still hesitates, Kayla goes on, "Remember what you're always saying about recharging your mental units. You said it's like directing an army. The units need leave, time to recover, or they won't be able to fight as well."

"Maybe that was me using a bunch of fancy talk to justify slacking off," he says in a dark tone.

Kayla flinches. "Oh, uh, okay."

Lukas walks into the living room, looking down at his daughter. His features soften as much as a man like Lukas' features can . "I'm sorry, Kayla. Yeah, I'll play a game."

"You don't have to."

He sits on the couch next to his daughter, both of them opposite me, which is how it will always be. Even if, somehow, Lukas wanted me as badly as I wanted him, he'd never let it show. He'd never betray his daughter.

We clear the board and start again. Lukas stares down at the board with a glint in his eyes, seeming intense, like this is a board meeting rather than a board game. Kayla gets the first word— love .

"Well, isn't that nice," she says, smiling. "Dad, you go."

He sighs. "I've only got one decent option here."

"Okay, so what's the issue?"

"It's inappropriate," he says.

She laughs. "Dad, I know you're busy a lot, but you do know I'm twenty, not twelve, right? Anyway, I know you. If it's a choice between winning and feeling awkward, you'll pick winning."

He shrugs, placing the letters down. I watch them one by one, anxiety twisting through my gut. Is he mocking me somehow? But how would he know?

Virgin .

"That's a high scorer," Kayla says, laughing, "and nowhere near as inappropriate as I thought it would be."

I swallow, trying to keep my expression impassive—no big deal. It's not like Lukas even knows or cares how many sexual partners I've had.

Staring down at my letters, I can't believe it when I see it. It's like fate is playing tricks on us at this point. Not only will this be my highest-scoring word, but I also want to get him back, which is pretty nuts, considering he didn't choose his word out of spite.

Oh, well, here we go.

Naked .

I look up, forcing myself to meet his eyes. He stares at me for a moment. Is it my imagination, or is the corner of his lip twitching like he's almost smiling?

"Jeez, you two," Kayla giggles.

"Just playing the letters how they're dealt," I say. No, I lie . That's not what I'm just doing. I wanted to have a not-so-subtle dig at her dad, too. I've never lied to Kayla before. It leaves a bitter feeling deep inside me.

Thankfully, the rest of the game goes on without any steamy words, but I can't get those first two out of my head: naked and virgin. There's a lot we could do with that.

When the game ends and Lukas returns to work, Kayla leans over and whispers, "I need to tell you something."

So do I , but I'm not going to, ever. "What's up?"

"Don't tell Dad, but this trip isn't just about getting away from the city. I may or may not have a sort of boyfriend in Silverbrook. I wanted to let you know, so if you can't find me later, that's why. Are you mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" I say, my heart beating even faster, even harder.

Kayla, you can't leave us alone. Don't do that. Anything could happen .

"I should've told you before," she says.

"Don't worry about it," I tell her. "Seriously. It's no big deal."

I'll never be able to get angry at my friend for withholding stuff from me. I'll never be able to get mad at her for anything , not after seeing her dad naked and wanting to see him again.