35. Mer - Misunderstanding Mothers

His eyes slammed shut as he paced my apartment. Halfway through telling my side of the story, he needed to get up and move because the frustration was eating at him. “I’m so fucking sorry, baby.” He held his jaw. “I would’ve been there. You know I would’ve been there.”

Breathing hard, I nodded.

He came to kneel in front of me and he kissed my forehead. “You believe me, right? Please tell me you believe me.”

“I do.” That’s what was hard about it. We lost so much time, and it wasn’t our fault.

“So it was a misunderstanding? You weren’t with Andy after?” he asked.

I shook my head slowly. “I was never with Andy, and it wasn’t all a misunderstanding, Colt.” I paused. “It was your mother.”

He rubbed his temples, his face etched with confusion. “She probably didn’t realize you were talking about Andy, not me. She knew we had a fight, so she assumed…”

I worried my bottom lip, not knowing if I should push this or not. Because he always made excuses for his mother.

“I’ll tell you one thing, I wish the two of us were more social media back then,” he said with a snort. “Never would’ve thought I’d say that, but we would’ve had multiple ways of contacting each other.” He rubbed his jaw. “I still don’t get that part. I never blocked you.”

“You sure you didn’t forget? Maybe you were mad?”

“No,” he shook his head, “I don’t think so. I mean, phones were shit back then. I had one of those stupid sidekicks that always broke.”

“Maybe your mom…” I trailed off. “Weren’t you on a family plan back then?”

“Why would my mom purposefully do that?”

“Because she hated me. She still does,” I said under my breath.

“No, she’s just… she’s just complicated.”

“She’s not very nice to Lucy either,” I murmured.

He sucked in his top lip. “I know. We’re working on it. You’re right, thinking of the past hurts.”

I stood and held him, leaning my head against his chest. His hand came up to hold the back of my head, like he’d done hundreds of times in the past, and I never wanted to let go.

“It was my fault,” I whispered the confession I’d thought long and hard about over the years. “I let Andy twist my head up that whole year. We had a solid relationship. I was the one to let the cracks in.”

“No, it’s not your fault, Mer. You were a kid.”

My eyes burned. He had no clue how much I needed to hear him say that. I fell into him and let him hold me. His words released me of so much guilt I’d been carrying around.

“I’m the one who should’ve said screw it to hockey and stayed there with you. Maybe none of it would’ve happened.”

I held him tighter, cherishing the way I could hear his steady heartbeat. “No, you can’t say that.”

“I think it,” he choked out, smoothing a hand down my hair. “I think about it every time you grab your knee in pain. I think… Fuck.” He rubbed his eyes. “I think I should’ve reported him, done something, anything to stop you from skating with him.”

“You couldn’t have done anything.” I leaned my chin against his chest to look up at his face. “Here’s how we have to think of it– You saved me, Colt.” I went to my tiptoes to press a kiss to his jaw. “I don’t think I ever thanked you for making that phone call. It was the right call. I needed help and I knew that the very next day.”

His eyes closed and he nodded. His shoulders sagged, almost like a weight had been lifted from him.

“You had to run after your dreams, alright? I wanted that for you, too. And I had to survive and find myself again.”

He nodded and smoothed my hair behind my ears. “I think we’re both done now, right?”

“Right,” I whispered.

He held my jaw and kissed me slowly, lovingly, and then his arms were around my back and under my knees, picking me up.

I broke the kiss and pulled back. “Wait, Colt, your shoulder.”

“Don’t care,” he said tightly as he stalked to the door.

“Where are we going?” I didn’t care all that much because our talk left me feeling drained and I didn’t want to fight him on anything. I just wanted to be with him.

“Leaving,” he grunted.

“But…” My eyes darted over my apartment. “I need my clothes.”

He didn’t break his stride. “I’ll get you new ones.”

“Colt,” I laughed against his chest. “You can’t just buy me new clothes, go back.”

“No can do,” he said with a lopsided grin. “I’m too cold in here and I can’t be away from you right now, not when I just got you back. Also,” his eyebrows went up, “I was telling the truth about Piper and Kappy being together back at my house. Hopefully JP is running interference.”

I grimaced. “You’re right. Maybe we should hurry. I want to thank Kappy before he leaves.”

He arched a curious eyebrow.

“He kept you there,” I explained. “The black eye was maybe uncalled for though.” I smoothed a thumb under his eye with a laugh.

He grinned. “I bet he’d love to hear that.”