26. Mer - Fixing it for you

Some of Colt’s teammates invited us out to a restaurant to celebrate, but when Colt turned them down, I was kind of relieved. For one, I was completely exhausted, but also… I couldn’t wait to fall asleep tonight with just him.

On our drive back through the rainy city, Colt cranked up the heat and played soft music. Lucy fell asleep in minutes and even my eyes were starting to feel heavy. Colt reached across the console and intertwined our fingers to hold my hand, and I don’t think I’d ever felt such peace on a drive home before.

My mind drifted to tonight… to what would happen once it was just the two of us. For two people who had such a deep connection, we’d never actually slept together. We’d always danced that line, but we were so young when we separated. I always wanted to wait until after my Olympic run, and he never pushed. But now… Now I wanted to be with him, which was kind of shocking for me to admit because I’d never felt that way with anyone else. Sex had been something I did in the past because the other person wanted it and I felt like I should, but I always ended up regretting it. I was never able to fully relax with anyone else, and deep down, I think I knew that I needed a strong emotional connection to be able to actually enjoy it.

When we made it to his house, he pulled in the garage, then unbuckled and rounded his truck for Lucy. She stayed mostly asleep as he lifted her, a tiny frown etched on her face from moving around. I trailed him as he carried her inside the house and then up the steps. Watching him hold his daughter and look down at her with such love filled me with more pride for him than when he skated out onto that ice tonight. Because being a dad was another dream of his that he accomplished, maybe an even bigger dream than his hockey aspirations.

When he entered her bedroom, I waited for him out in the hallway and tried to talk myself up for courage. You’re going to spend the night with him. You’re going to spend the whole night with Colt. You’re going to sleep with Colt. My body went a little shaky at the thought. My brain was caught between excited anticipation and jittery nerves, and I couldn't quite tell which feeling was winning out.

As soon as Colt tip-toed out and gently closed the door, he turned and gave me a lopsided grin.

“Hi.” His shoulders sagged with exhaustion from the day.

“Hi,” I said with my own small smile.

Walking closer, his calloused hand went to the side of my face and then his lips were on mine. This kiss was slower, more relaxed than our past ones. He slowly walked us back toward his bedroom. I caught his lower lip between my teeth and pulled back, and that seemed to snap something in him. He groaned into the kiss, and suddenly we weren’t moving fast enough. Thinking the same thing, he dipped to pick me up and my legs automatically wrapped around him.

He tried to kick his door shut behind us, but stumbled a bit, making me break the kiss and giggle against his neck.

“You think me breaking my toe is funny, Bennett?” he asked while shutting his door quietly.

“Kinda,” I giggled. “Big tough man, brought down by a toe.” Smoothing my hand up the back of his hair, I gave him a mock-pout.

He struggled to keep a straight face. In a quick move, he whirled around and dumped me on his bed, making me laugh more. But when he leaned over me and grabbed my wrists and pushed my hands above my head while his mouth found my neck, my laughter died in my throat.

“Not so giggly anymore, eh?” he growled in my ear with a chuckle before playfully nipping it.

Letting go of my wrists to trail his hands down my body, I struggled to grasp his shirt. I wanted it off. I wanted to feel his skin. A second later, he pulled back to yank his shirt over his head, exposing his muscles, making my mouth go dry.

He was back overtop of me in an instant. His hand came between us to drag my leggings down. His gaze dipped to my legs as he slowly exposed them. “Fucking beautiful,” he murmured.

But as soon as my pants were gone, nerves crashed into my body again, making me lose focus on Colt. We were still kissing, but my mind was going crazy. Because while I wanted so much more with him, what if he didn’t like more with me? A million tiny what-ifs bombarded my brain. What if I was bad at this? What if we didn’t have good chemistry? What if I ruined this?

Colt pulled back, a dazed look in his eye. His hand gently squeezed my hip. “What’s wrong?”

Swallowing hard, I shook my head slightly. “Nothing,” I whispered, trying to pull him into another kiss.

His forehead creased. “You’re stressed. Why?”

“I’m n–”

His thumb lightly swiped across the side of my neck. He gave me a gentle grin, as if saying, don’t lie.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath to clear my head. My throat burned with all the words I couldn’t seem to push out.

In an instant, his hands were gone from my body and he was rolling off the bed. Without his body covering mine, I was suddenly freezing, and I wanted to cry out. Yes, I was nervous, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want this.

I flew up on my elbows. “Wait, where are you going?”

“One sec,” he whispered, moving quietly to his door wearing only his tight boxers.

For the next minute, I buried myself under his covers and tried a deep breathing exercise, but I couldn't seem to ease my anxiety. And now frustration was eating at me because my head was ruining everything. Why couldn’t I just be normal about this? All of my hopes and desires were being smothered by a whirling mixture of nerves and desperation.

Iryna had been right all those years ago. I had major head problems.

When Colt came back to the room, he proudly held up a plastic baggie with ice in it, then placed it against neck. “Don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

The gesture was so sweet that it completely broke me. This was Colt . He knew me better than anyone else in this world. I was safe with him. “I just can’t stop thinking. I’m just… nervous.”

He casually laid on his side to face me. “About this?” He motioned between us. “About me?” he asked hesitantly, a flash of insecurity appearing in his warm brown eyes.

“No.” Everything tumbled out of me then. “ I’m just all in my head right now and freaking myself out. Like what am I doing with my hands? What am I doing with my mouth? Are you enjoying this? Should I be moving this way? Or that way? What if you hate this and it ruins everything? My brain’s getting in my way. And I've never really enjoyed…” sex .

He frowned, clearing thinking I was crazy.

“Ugh,” I flung an arm over my eyes. Helplessness filled my chest and I felt like I was shrinking on the spot. “I shouldn’t have told you all that. This is the opposite of sexy.”

“No, Mer, relax,” he said with a light laugh, trying to tug my arm free from my eyes. “I’m glad you told me.”

“Don’t laugh,” I warned with a glare. I could feel tears stinging the back of my eyes, making me feel even more mortified. “I’m being serious.”

He pushed himself further up against his headboard. “Sorry, it’s just… This reminds me so much of our first kiss,” he said with a gentle grin.

My mind drifted back to Centre Ice, back to the day I let out a strangled noise and backed away from him because I was too nervous to kiss him at first. I covered my face to smother my own pathetic laugh. “Oh my God, you’re right.”

“And you’re the same Mer I’ve always wanted, so don’t worry. I know your brain, babe,” he said with a laugh.

I gave him a deadpan look, but a smile tugged at my lips, and I felt my body finally start to relax.

He raked a hand through his hair. “I’m relieved. I thought you were having second thoughts about me. And now that I know the issue,” he cocked his head to the side as he stared down at me, “I can fix the problem.”

My eyebrows tugged together. “What? How are you going to–”

He pulled down the covers and his hand went to the bottom of my shirt. “Can I?”

Biting my lip, I nodded.

He pulled my shirt up, but instead of tugging my arms out, he looped the sleeves around in a weird knot and tied it to the bed frame.

“Colt,” I squealed with a laugh.

“Shh,” he warned, amusement on his face.

“What are you doing?” I whispered.

“I’m fixing it for you.” A shy grin pulled at his lips. “You’re not gonna enjoy this if you’re overthinking. And now you can’t overthink because you can’t move.” He trailed his fingers down my chest, between my boobs, down to my belly button, making my whole body shiver. “All you can do is lay back and enjoy it while I erase everything else. Wanna let me?”

Yes. Yes, I really did want to let him. “But… What about you?”

“Oh, don’t worry about me, sweetheart. I'm enjoying this.” He swiped his thumb across the center of my boob, making me gasp. “No overthinking, Mer. Just feel.” His hand smoothed down my body, making goosebumps erupt all over my skin. “What do you say?”

“Yes,” I breathed out.

A wicked grin spread on his face as he moved over top of me. His hand easily smoothed under me to squeeze my butt. “Alright, tell me to stop and I’ll stop immediately. We don’t have to do anything tonight. It’s all up to you, alright?”

I nodded hurriedly as he kissed down my neck, sucking in, biting me, making me gasp, then smoothing my skin with more kisses.

“Are you… giving me… a hickey right now?” I rasped out, too wound up with pleasure to focus.

“Want me to stop?” he murmured against my skin.

No.

He grinned and continued kissing down my neck while his calloused hands pulled back my bra and immediately found exactly where I needed him. He pinched me, making my hips buck against the mattress.

“Colt,” I breathed out, feeling my body hum with pleasure.

“So fucking beautiful, Mer.” He settled lower, trailing kisses down my stomach, on the inside of my thigh, while drawing an organism out of me with his fingers.

The wave of pleasure made me feel looser, more confident, and I was filled with a mixture of lust and love for him.

As soon as he pulled my shirt free, I rolled around so I was on top of him, my thighs on either side of his waist. My boobs brushed against his chest as I kissed him, and his hands wandered between us, continuing to tune my body.

“You want to?” I asked breathlessly.

“Fuck, babe.” His eyebrows flew up. “Yeah, do you?”

This was a long time coming. He was the only guy I ever wanted to be with. My hand went to his left side, to his tattoo, and I nodded.

But once he lined up against my entrance, my body went taut with tension, and he noticed. Pausing, his thumb stroked my cheek. “Look at me, baby,” he gently ordered.

My eyes locked with his.

“Do you want to do this?” he asked again.

Closing my eyes, I nodded.

“I need words, baby,” he rasped in a low commanding voice.

“Yes, Colt, I do.”

His eyes softened. “It’s me and you, Mer. From now on. Always. We’re perfect together. Nothing will ever change that, I promise,” he swore before kissing me full on the mouth again.

Those words, his mouth on mine, were exactly what I needed to fully relax, and I felt him completely fill me. We both stilled for a second as I welcomed the intense mixture of pleasure and pain that swept through me.

“Fuck,” he breathed out, his eyes darting across my face. “You with me?”

I nodded hurriedly.

“Can I move?”

“Yes,” I rasped, grasping his back, my body suddenly needing friction.

“Can’t believe we’re doing this,” he said in awe as he eased out a fraction and then pushed fully in again, making me whimper. His hands moved around my body, making me feel on edge of explosion as he rocked into me, slow and steady. His eyes darted all over me, like he wanted to memorize the moment. “I’ve wanted this for so long.”

I just nodded because I couldn’t get the words out.

He looped his elbow under my knee and the angle let him in even further, making me cry out.

“You feel so good, baby,” his low voice rumbled. “So fucking good.”

The way he moved, the way he spoke, made spasms go off in my lower stomach.

“Fuck,” he swore. “Mer, I'm gonna… can I…? Faster?” he asked, like he couldn’t form full sentences.

“Yes.” I nodded hurriedly.

He slammed into me, making pleasure shoot through my entire body.

“Don’t stop.”

He didn’t until we both came apart.